Engagement issues already....

[Julie's Haircut]

The MIL has a very valid point. She has friends and family who will definitely look askance when they're invited to two weddings so close together. And since OP's daughter's wedding is second, she's going to be the Bad Guy, not the groom.

 

[cluvsdisney]

I think it's close also. I don't think they need to be in separate years, but more than 2 months apart. It's lot of expense to put on the family in a short time span, especially if they have family who will have to travel to the weddings.

 

[Dinohood]

Op I know the grooms family does not pay for the wedding that is on the brides side but for your daughters soon to be mother in law as a point since they have the same family that means uncle bob as to go two weddings two months apart would seem crazy.

 

[anniemae]

Op I know the grooms family does not pay for the wedding that is on the brides side but for your daughters soon to be mother in law as a point since they have the same family that means uncle bob as to go two weddings two months apart would seem crazy.

That is what I was thinking. For the MIL, that's two weddings to pay for (If MIL is paying a portion, which is common these days), two bridal gifts, two shower gifts, two dresses etc. It is a lot to ask and many could not swing it financially.

 

[pryncess527]

If the future in-laws were financially responsible for two daughters getting married, I might be more inclined to see her point. But since the majority of the wedding expenses are on the brides family, she should not be so demanding.

Op I know the grooms family does not pay for the wedding that is on the brides side but for your daughters soon to be mother in law as a point since they have the same family that means uncle bob as to go two weddings two months apart would seem crazy.

That's kind of an assumption though -- do we know the groom's family is not planning on paying for any part of the wedding? It used to be the brides family that paid, but IME, more and more parents from both sides are taking on part of that role, often with increasing help from the couple themselves. I can see how, even if they are sticking to traditional roles and just paying for the Rehearsal Dinner, it could be tough for them to have them so close.

 

[Bluestars]

That is what I was thinking. For the MIL, that's two weddings to pay for (If MIL is paying a portion, which is common these days), two bridal gifts, two shower gifts, two dresses etc. It is a lot to ask and many could not swing it financially.

This seems like something the groom needs to discuss with his own family. Since the groom seems on board with the date, his mother's arguments must not have convinced him to change it to a more convenient time for her.

 

[Dinohood]

ok true my parents paid for my bothers wedding three years ago and i'm kind of still mad because he was engage for three years. But yes money is the big thing here and I think that has what got the soon to be mother in law worked up about.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

I can understand the moms point. Two months apart is too close IMO, it feels like it's back to back. I would push it out a bit more, maybe not into 2018, but maybe April or May. Also, as others have said, it's a lot financially for people. Why rush? They are so young, a few more months wont matter.

Is MIL putting $$ towards the weddings? If so, she may not be able to afford both.

That is what I was thinking - it could be a financial burden on the mother that maybe her son isn't considering. I myself would not want my 2 kids getting married that close together.

 

[jevs]

OP tell the future MIL that your daughter and her boyfriend have decided to elope in Vegas.

That should nip her dramatics in the bud.

Congratulations to y'all by the way.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Since when does the grooms mother get to make that kind of decision and put off a wedding for that long?
So what, there are two weddings in the family.
The whole 'financial thing' gets me too. You work within your limitations and celebrate the marriage of the happy couple.
In this case, it sounds like the daughter is getting the lions share of attention and resources while the son is getting 'put off'.
Seriously, one sibling gets 'a year'?????
The happy couple is supposed to NOT get married until 2018 because there might be some perceived 'inconvenience'.
I've seen this kind of thing before.
My DH's cousin dealt with this kind of thing with his mother and sister.

They avoid speaking about the wedding around her at all. Fiancé says she can just be difficult, and she's always been that way, but he handles her. Yesterday they officially set the day and put down a deposit on the venue. She hasn't been told yet.

OP, if what you said was right, and the groom is happily moving forward with plans... and resisting the ploys from his parents... Your daughter has found a keeper!!!!!

And, ohhhh..... Congratulations!

 

[jevs]

Lets hope the OP's daughter and future husband don't have twins.

Two babies at the same time would send the future MIL over the edge..

 

[Wishing on a star]

Jevs, you are cracking me up!!!!!

 

[JessM]

I can honestly see where the MIL is coming from. Paying for a wedding before graduating seems like a lot for a young couple. And having 2 children get married in 2 months is crazy. I have 2 of my college roomates and another close friend getting married this year and it is a lot. Everyone has their own set of events.

Where I'm from traditional weddings where the Bride's family pays the whole thing are out the window. Most couples chip in as much as they can and then BOTH families help as much as they can. My 3 friends that are getting married this year have parents that are splitting the costs. So MIL might be worried about that as well. Either way she will likely be picking up 2 nice dresses to wear and needing to give 2 wedding gifts.

 

[rigs32]

I think the fact that the couple in the OP is not living together and truly waiting until after the wedding to start their life together is a big factor. They're paying double rent for every month their wedding is delayed. Very quickly, you end up with more money going to rent that you'd spend on the wedding. Why should they have to wait almost two years?

I think two weeks apart is very close, but two months? Really? Unless this involves expensive flights for immediately family, I don't see the issue. An invitation is not a summons if some family does not wish to make the trip twice.

 

[mjkacmom]

I see MIL's point, that's too close. The financial burden for them, plus close family (usually siblings are in the wedding party, showers, wedding gifts, travel...). My parents paid for our wedding, my IL's paid for the flowers and rehearsal dinner. Plus, we had many members of DH's family fly on and stay at hotels.

Why can't they wait until some time in 2018, just a few months later than planned, so things can settle down? I'd much rather get married after college, and be able to honeymoon instead of study.

ETA, when we got engaged, before we set a date, we consulted with our parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles, plus our future bridal party.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

The issue I see, besides the dates being very close together, is - a month before graduation? Really?? Holy Distraction, Batman! I would not be happy, as a parent, with that date, either! I'd prefer that he is free to concentrate on his schoolwork, and not have to worry about the stress of dealing with a wedding in his final semester. When I was in college, my father died unexpectedly in April of my junior year. It was really tough finishing my work that year. I also remember that last semester being very tough, as well, with a huge senior project and exams, etc. I remember even being afraid to look at my last grade posted because I was afraid to think of what I'd do if I hadn't passed. Point being, there's already so much stress in college, why knowingly add to it when waiting a few months - or even a few weeks if she also wants to say she's a 2017 bride - would take a lot of the pressure off and wouldn't partiularly matter much in the long run?

To answer your question about interference from in laws, mine were always really great about not interfering - until we were planning our wedding. They had some ideas that were different than ours, made them known, we discussed them, then we moved forward. Glad to say that in 36 years, that's about the only time they ever did that, so just because future MIL has some concerns now, it doesn't means she's necessarily going to be a horrid MIL.

 

[donac]

As someone who has been going to wedding like crazy this past year I can understand the MIL. But it is their wedding.

Since last Dec I my niece's wedding in Dec in state, a wedding in June in the midwest (jersey shore here), my son's wedding last weekend, a niece's wedding next month and my other son is getting married in April of next year.

I am weddinged out.

 

[kimblebee]

I won't say what happened with my wedding, just that if there's no drama or some unhappy family member(s), it's not a real wedding. LOL

I am glad they are doing what they want to do, as it's their day. I hope the bride to be finds joy in getting ready for the wedding.

There were 12 people at my wedding, including me and my husband and the officiant. It went off without a hitch..was it not a real wedding?

 

[Minnesota!]

Hmm. I got married about 4 months after my SIL/BIL. And they got married 2 weeks after what was supposed to be my other BIL/SIL wedding (that went by the wayside during the planning process, though..)..

It wasn't a big deal... but, looking back now, as a parent, I would not want to do "all the stuff" that comes with weddings in a 2 month time span.

If they were doing simple - JOP, BBQ, small number of guests, casual, it wouldn't be a big deal. But, to add in travel for those guests, nice clothes in 2 different seasons, gifts for showers, bachelorette parties, wedding gifts, etc. I can see how 2 months would tick me off as the mother of one of the marrying parties.

Can they move it up to like, March/April of 2017? Bigger gap, less $$ spent on rent, etc.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

One other thought, too, is that it's possible that future FIL isn't happy about the date for his son, either (I mean, who would be, a month before college graduation and two months after another child's wedding?), but that Mom is more vocal about it than Dad is? Maybe Dad is just keeping his thoughts to himself.