Engagement: Do you like to be surprised or do you want some say?

[skuttle]

DH knew the kind of ring I wanted...he knew I wanted marquise shaped, not just a plain solitaire, and in gold. He picked out the actual ring himself. And I love it! It's perfect.

 

[browneyes]

I'd rather not be asked. I also am not a fan of surprises, so if he wanted me to say yes, surprising me would not give him the answer he might desire.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

I am never getting re-married.

If I ever were to reconsider that, I would not want to be surprised. I think it is a very serious thing and couples should spend a long, long time discussing it before a guy goes out and spends all that money on a ring.

 

[mrsv98]

Well, we did things in a convuluted way and I am not sure either one of us actually proposed! We were away for a weeked in Nov and at brunch, I jokingly said, "Well are we going to get married before the end of the century (it was 1997 and we had been together about 16 months and were living together) All of the sudden, DH said, "Well, let's get married in May" and I about fell off my chair! So we made all the arrangments and then, eventually, we went ring shopping. We picked out all our rings at once but only bought the engagement ring at that point. I love my ring, but the setting bugs me some times - my own fault, I picked it out - so I may have it reset someday.

Now, my DSis just got engaged. They have lived together for 5 years. He spent a long time finding "The Ring", going to one place for the setting and another for the diamond. DSis was floored and she loves her ring. And now we get to plan a wedding!

 

[stinkerbelle]

DH showed me maybe 6 pictures of rings...I pointed out which I liked and which I didn't.

December 8th, 2001 he gave me one that I had picked out from a picture.

It wouldn't have mattered to me what the ring looked like...as long as it was DH asking me to be his wife.

for you CKJ

 

[Saffron]

I don't know Mal, I never heard of that. But I guess they want some element of surprise for the engagement even though they know it's going to happen? Maybe it's about the ceremony of the event? Maybe they're both into tradition and want to have the tradional element of surprise, while at the same time they're being sure of what and when each other wants it? In other word, I have no idea. LOL!

The stories on this thread are beautiful though!

 

[BedKnobbery2]

Hey, just wanted to say...congrats to you and your fiance on your engagement, vettechick!

 

[minnieandmickeymouse]

I would loved to have been surprised with a ring, but that's not what we did.
I have been engaged two times, and both times, I picked out the ring. There was no down on one knee, and getting asked.

But I am very glad that I never married the first guy

 

[helenabear]

I picked my ring, it was totally mutual and totally expected. There was no hiding of the ring after it came, but he did still ask me to marry him in a rather traditonal way. However, I don't think there is a "right" or "wrong" way... as long as it is what the couple is happy with

 

[Mad4Mickey]

Here are my 2 cents for it is worth .
1st husband . Asked in front of all our friends no ring ( no money) I said yes . We married young had 2 kids when we were married for 10 yrs he bought me a 3 carat pear diamond ( not what I would choose)We stayed married 3 more years sad but it ended.

2nd DH bugged me to death , asked 5 times in 1 1/2 years, came to me on bended knee with my kids by his side and begged LOL .
Had a very nice simple ring 1 carat it is something I would have picked myself.. Loved it . We have been married 5 years

In between I was asked by a nice guy I dated for a bit and he did it at the Ball Park in Arlington in front of everyone that was there. He had a nice ring but I said NO . How bad was that ??

I liked all the rings , they knew me well and I guess they knew what I would wear. I loved the way the 2 husbands asked because I was in love with them ! You wont care what kind of ring or how you are asked if it is what you want in life .

 

[vettechick99]

Originally posted by BedKnobbery2
Hey, just wanted to say...congrats to you and your fiance on your engagement, vettechick!

thanks!!

 

[piglet too]

Originally posted by Mad4Mickey


In between I was asked by a nice guy I dated for a bit and he did it at the Ball Park in Arlington in front of everyone that was there. He had a nice ring but I said NO . How bad was that ??

Oh boy, how did that go over? Not only with him but the other people around??

 

[CBRorBust]

Well...

I think every woman should have some what of a say in their ring. After all they are going to be the ones wearing it for *hopefully* the rest of their lives.

That's not to say that the man should not have final say on what ring he choses to buy. But I think every couple should at least go ring shopping.

My Fiance and I have been together for 4 years. We have been to many jewelers. We both did our research on diamonds and metals before he purchased the ring. Having said that, my fiance knew exactly what he was looking for before he even bought it.

I knew what my ring would look like before he proposed to me, but I had no idea when he was going to buy it or when he was going to propose. That in itself was enough surprise for me!

And I know how ugly and hateful this is going to sound, but I am not a jewelry person to begin with, so if he would have gotten me a ring that I hated, I might have had a Carrie moment. Of course we all know that it's not the ring itself that is important, it is the symbol and sentiment of what it represents. So with that being said, I would have been happy with or without a ring, but thankfully I was fortunate enough to get the ring of my dreams.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Originally posted by Mad4Mickey
In between I was asked by a nice guy I dated for a bit and he did it at the Ball Park in Arlington in front of everyone that was there. He had a nice ring but I said NO . How bad was that ??

I've always wanted someone to do that when I've seen that at ball games!!!

 

[CBRorBust]

In between I was asked by a nice guy I dated for a bit and he did it at the Ball Park in Arlington in front of everyone that was there. He had a nice ring but I said NO . How bad was that ??

Oh my goodness! What happened?

 

[WDWLVR]

Originally posted by helenabear
I picked my ring, it was totally mutual and totally expected. There was no hiding of the ring after it came, but he did still ask me to marry him in a rather traditonal way. However, I don't think there is a "right" or "wrong" way... as long as it is what the couple is happy with

We were the same way. We went and picked it out together. He held on to it and at the right time (which happened to be when he took me to the skydeck of the Sears Tower (to be on top of the world) got down on one knee and asked. Of course he already knew what the answer would be.

Worked for us!

 

[Laura]

We had our rings custom made, all at the same time (engagement ring and wedding rings). When the rings were ready, the jewelers called my then-fiancé. He picked up my ring and gave it to me over dinner.

 

[mt2]

I am a Graduate Gemologist (GIA) and have worked in a few jewelry stores when DH and I were dating. I knew exactly what I wanted, a 1ct pear or oval shaped Burmese Ruby with a 1/5 ct diamond on each side. My cost on the Ruby would have been about $25K at that time. DH was just out of college and just laughed his head off. He didn't have a job and couldn't find one. this was the time Challenger blew up.

Years later (we dated for 6 before we got married), he surprised me with my diamond engagement ring. He had gone to an old colleague of mine to help him out. He had asked my parents for permission first and then proposed in front of his parents.

When he gave me the ring he told me to look at it. He gave me the papers that went with it and asked me to verify it was what he bought. LOL.

I have never gotten my Burmese ruby but that is OK. I got my Prince instead.

Happy Thoughts to all,

mt2


PS I have helped a few friends boyfriends pick out the engagement rings. My friends have all been happy with what they received.

 

[totalia]

Heh. Ours was a mutual decision. I don't even have an engagement ring. We will be buying nice wedding rings instead.

 

[loisg1]

DH totally surprised me when he popped the question. He picked out the ring on his own and had it in his pocket for days before he decided on the right moment. I still wear the same ring 31 years later.