Engagement: Do you like to be surprised or do you want some say?

[Maleficent13]

I read a lot of stories these days about women who pick out their own rings, and then their SO hides it from them and then proposes with it later. To me, I don't exactly see the point of that. If you already know it's going to happen, and picked your own ring, why make him go through the song and dance?

My opinion is, it should either be a complete surprise or a mutual decision. But if it is a mutual decision, then it seems kinda silly to make him get down on his knees and beg for it. But maybe it's just me. To each their own, of course.

 

[Bob Slydell]

My DW picked out her ring and I still managed to surprise her. How? Well, she thought she was picking out the ring for a future engagement months down the road. Instead, I went back the next day and ordered the ring (they custom made it). I proposed a couple weeks later.

 

[stitch79]

Well, my bf and I have gone ring shopping together, which I enjoyed and I would like to have a say in what my ring looks like. However, when and where the proposal will happen is completely up to him to plan and pull off, I don't want to know anything about it.

 

[Amberle3]

I would have liked to have had a say in my ring. It's a nice ring, and I like it, but it's not what I would have picked out. It's too tall for my tastes, and I have to keep taking it off because it gets caught in things. I can't wear it at night because it gets caught in the bedsheets.

He still did a good job considering he bought it all by himself.

 

[Saffron]

Hmmm. Interesting question.

First off, I agree with you, to each their own.

For me, I guess I want some say in my engagement ring. I want my next engagement ring to be a single pearl with a couple of small diamonds around it. But I don't want a honkin' huge pearl and I don't want a round pearl in a square setting etc. etc. So, with that in mind LOL! I would like to go together and get something we both like. I don't need a proposal on bended knee either. Proposal first, ring second, for me.

I'm too old for surprises.

 

[snoopy]

I think a ring is too big of an investment to make unless the guy knows the girl will say yes.

Our scenario was like Bob's. I picked out the ring I like for a marriage YEARS down the road, I had no idea that he was thinking MONTHS down the road, and was surprised when he asked me to marry him and gave me that ring. Actually shocked is more like it. I would have been fine with him selecting the ring himself as well, but he wanted to make sure I got something I liked.

 

[SC Minnie]

DH and I had not even talked about marriage when he proposed (we had been dating for a year). He had bought the ring a month before with no input from me. I would have liked to had some say but.... He picked out a solitaire and I told him I wanted a jacket to go with it and we picked that out together.

Several years ago when we moved I had taken my rings off while we painted the night be fore we moved. They were either lost or stolen. Our homeowners covered the replacement and I chose a ring that was almost identical.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Originally posted by snoopy
I would have been fine with him selecting the ring himself as well, but he wanted to make sure I got something I liked.

Not a chance I was going to drop that kind of cash and risk her not liking it!!

 

[Maleficent13]

Originally posted by Saffron
Proposal first, ring second, for me.

This would be okay too, for me. I don't have a problem with picking my own ring (although honestly I'm not at all picky and anything will do), but it just seems weird to me for a couple to go out, pick a ring, pay for it, have the guy take it home and put it in a drawer in order to bring it out later and propose. At this point, she KNOWS it's gonna happen. Why does he need to pretend to spring a proposal on her?

Seriously, an honest question that just perplexes me...

 

[monkeyboy]

Originally posted by Bob Slydell
Not a chance I was going to drop that kind of cash and risk her not liking it!!

What would DeBeer say?

 

[coliebird]

I was totally surprised. We were together for 5 years already so he knew my taste. My ring is simple and beautiful and I love it. I'm glad he chose to surprise me.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

My husband bought my diamond from a broker in NYC. He just asked what cut and carat weight would I prefer. He took it from there.

He proposed about a month after he got the mounted diamond from the broker. It was still a surprise since I had not seen the ring.

Lori

 

[Bob Slydell]

Originally posted by monkeyboy
What would DeBeer say?

 

[BedKnobbery2]

I agree--mutual or a surprise, although the scenarios mentioned here ("looking" at rings for a future engagement) seem like they worked out well! I think I would prefer the surprise, especially since I'm not picky about my jewelry (in fact, I never wear any, except for my father's latvian ring now and then.)

 

[jkovick]

I had no input at all in my engagement ring and really I wouldn't have had it any other way. It was a complete surprise when DH proposed! My ring is gorgeous and the fact that he spent the time and effort to try and find a design (the main stone was his Grandmother's) makes it all that much more sweet and romantic. I love that he had a vision for it.

 

[tkyes]

DH and I would occassionally stop in jewelery shops and I would show him rings that I liked. He knew the general style that I wanted, round cut, simple style, no baguettes, etc.

He went to numerous places and took many friends (girls and guys) as well as his Mom to help him make the final decision.

He did a wonderful job, I love my ring and love the fact that he considered my taste and spent a lot of time picking out just the right ring.

 

[vettechick99]

we are recently engaged and actually unofficial for about 8 months beyond that. he asked me last year to get married, i told him what i liked ring-wise, and then he surprised me months later - so then we were official and told people. I was expecting it, and would have preferred more of a surprise, but I'm just happy to be planning a wedding with the man I love. <---thats me cheesin' it!

And having the exact ring I wanted ain't too bad either. I'm gonna have it forever, right?

 

[ripleysmom]

DH surprised me. I have his mother's engagement ring which I will be giving to my son when he decides to get married someday.

 

[piglet too]

I did not get to pick mine, and had no idea when he was going to "ask" but I knew he was going to. Here is the story....

Well, my DH asked me to marry him one night when we (us and a group of friends) were out at the bars. He was drunk, so I kinda said yeah sure but thought nothing more of it. The next day he tells me he was serious, I still say yes, but am skeptical of his reasons. Sounds bad I know, but I had just told him that weekend that I was pregnant and we had only known each other for three months.

Anyways when my friends and I are back at our college, he asks my best friend to find out my ring size. He bought me a very nice ring, the best he as a college student could afford. The next time I went down to see him, he gave it to me. But then procedes to ask me not to wear it around the house as he does not want his friends to know yet. I still accept, and only wore it when I was not down at his school. Towards the end of the semester, about a month after getting the ring his friends find out so I "got" to wear it all the time. They gave him a hard time alright, but more for trying to hide it from them and for not letting me wear it. (They never did find out I was pregnant as I miscarried.) He has always told me that he planned to ask me at his graduation. He had planned out this whole thing, but when I got pregnant and then miscarried, he thought that just getting the ring would be enough. I have since taught him the errors of his ways.

A couple of years ago, I lost the diamond at work. He knows my taste in rings (we have been married for 10 years now) and someday when we can afford it he will surprise me with a new ring. He has also told me that he is going to make up for his stupidity from the first time. I have no desire to know what that ring will look like and I want to be surprised by it all.

 

[Fire14]

From the time my Dh and I got into a serious relationship. I'd drop hints on type of ring/size I wanted.
I even dragged him into more than one jewery store and showed him my ideal ring theme.

I never knew if or when he'd propose.

I got quite the surprise that Christmas celebration of 2001!!!! After asking me to make him copies of stephscope I wanted as a gift he went and got me a ring instead LOL. I never onc suspected a proposal was gonna happen, i even told my boss who kept asking if he'd popped question yet that I didn't think it would be anytime soon.