We talked last night.
I told him we need to talk about things, and he asked me if I had a "master plan?". There was no anger, and, just like everything else in our marriage, I am the one to make the final decision. He finds out I am not happy, and he wants to know "the" plan. He didn't try to defend himself against what I had said. I say it's over, so it's over.
He told me the letter did take him by surprise, he did not know I was unhappy. He did realize he never told me "I Love You" but said he is not the most romantic person in the world, and that I hate everything (chocolate, flowers, jewelry). So I guess in his mind, those are the only three things you can use to express your feelings for a woman, and since I don't care for any of them, he thought he was good.
He mentioned that I never told him the words. I said I used to say them, and said, "Yeah, way back in the beginning." Well, what do you want? i say it, and don't get a response, am I going to keep saying it, and feel rejected every time? I gave up. I did give him MANY sentimental cards over the years, that said what I didn't. I have received joke cards all these years. I mentioned the cards, and he said he has given me cards. I said JOKE cards. He reminded me he gave me a sentimental card ONCE....I told him after all these years of getting a joke card, and never being told how you feel about me, I wasn't sure if the card said how you truly feel, if you just gave it to me, because I hadn't gotten one in so many years.
We were not arguing, we were talking. I asked him if he was happy. After a silent pause..he said he was content. Well, to me, content is not happy. Content means he has settled. I asked him if he thought counseling might help us...another pause....and he said "I don't know." I waited for him to expand on that, but there was a few minutes of silence. A few times during the conversation, I was ready to tell him to forget it, we will just continue on like this, since he said he was content. But I couldn't do it. I need to start making myself happy, and not everyone around me. If he doesn't want to fight for the marriage, and is resigned to it being over, then maybe he can move from contentment to happiness himself.
So, the talks have started. Now that we have had the initial talk, talking from now on will be easier for me. Probably not from him, but he will answer questions I ask him...from what was discussed last night, he will probably be the one to move out. I do know this will be amicable. He is not angy, and I am just sad. There is no need for anything to get ugly.
Thank you to everyone who has supported me through this.
Wow. and your following statement are indicating that people that expect more than YOUR husbands gives are expecting too much.
ITA!!
