Ending a marriage (long overdue update #55)

[horseshowmom]

Thank you...I did talk to Dh today. We went for a drive, because with 3 kids running around, it is hard to talk.

He is leaving. He doesn't think counseling will help, he feels we will just end up seperated anyway. I explained to him a counselor will help us learn how to commicate better, and we should at least give it a try. He repeated that we will probably end up seperated anyway. This is his way of giving me my answer. He doesn't love me. Which is fine. Once we had this talk, I felt better immediately. The guilt was gone, because now I can move on knowing it is mutual. He even said the word mutual. I asked him if he was going to blame me, and he said "No, it's mutual." I told him I didn't want him out there telling everyone his wife threw him out, and he said he wouldn't do that. He doesn't want it to get ugly and nasty, he wants to stay friends. Of course. The kids need to see that we are friends.

The irony in all this? I think we will communicate much better seperated.

Thank you all. I did try the best way that I could. Even though it is not how some of you would have gone about doing it, it is how I deal with things.

Now I move on to the next chapter of my life.......

I'm sorry that things have to end this way, but at least you know now that you've done the best you could in your situation (no hanging doubts and what ifs). I wish you and your family the best for the future.

 

[Scurvy]

OP, glad to hear you have your definitive answer. Now you won't beat yourself up for not being sure how it all would have ended. I'm also glad to hear that your DH was honest enough with himself and you, to put an end to something that isn't making either one of you happy. All the best to you and your family as you start on this new journey.

I agree with all of this. OP, I'm really sorry things didn't work out better - I was really hoping you'd get a more fairytale-like happy ending. But I hope that this will be the start of your own happy ending. My thoughts will be with you as you start this new part of your life.

 

[mtemm]

I'm glad you two finally were able to talk. as someone who recently went thru a separation, I highly recommend individual counseling. I had a wonderful therapist who really helped me thru the tough parts, and even though our situations are drastically different, I still think it can be beneficial to help you moving forward.

good luck, and much happiness in your future.

 

[dairyou]

Thank you...I did talk to Dh today. We went for a drive, because with 3 kids running around, it is hard to talk.

He is leaving. He doesn't think counseling will help, he feels we will just end up seperated anyway. I explained to him a counselor will help us learn how to commicate better, and we should at least give it a try. He repeated that we will probably end up seperated anyway. This is his way of giving me my answer. He doesn't love me. Which is fine. Once we had this talk, I felt better immediately. The guilt was gone, because now I can move on knowing it is mutual. He even said the word mutual. I asked him if he was going to blame me, and he said "No, it's mutual." I told him I didn't want him out there telling everyone his wife threw him out, and he said he wouldn't do that. He doesn't want it to get ugly and nasty, he wants to stay friends. Of course. The kids need to see that we are friends.

The irony in all this? I think we will communicate much better seperated.

Thank you all. I did try the best way that I could. Even though it is not how some of you would have gone about doing it, it is how I deal with things.

Now I move on to the next chapter of my life.......

I'm glad you're able to move on now. I think the hardest part is waiting and waiting. Transition is very uncomfortable. Now you know where you stand and can move on and get a plan going.

I agree with Disney Doll. Get some counseling, it will probably help alot with the transition you're going through.

Can I ask a question? I see your sign in name as "renesmee". Is that from the Twighlight series? The only reason I ask is I've seen people read these books and expect life to be as romantic as these books betray. We all know it's fiction and life is not really that wonderful Marriage and relationships take alot of work.

Take good care of yourself. I'm so glad you're on the right track now!

 

[Disney Doll]

Thank you Disney Doll. You have given me a lot to think about. I have certainly learned my lesson. I am not sure how soon I will be looking for another realtionship, if I do at all. But I certainly am going to do my best not to make the same mistake twice.

You're welcome. Before I met DH I had a fairly serious boyfriend...serious like "What kind of house do you want to live in when we get married?". We dated for quite a while. Then he broke up with me. I can remember feeling devastated for weeks, and then a wise older colleague of mine said "So, now that you're done crying, what are you going to learn from this?". She actually sort of made me sit down and really think about the relationship, the good, the bad, the ugly. Not think about it in that "rose colored glasses" way that tends to happen when thinking about old flames where we forget the bad and the ugly. But really thinking about it...what did I like about the man? What did I not like? What sort of things caused us to fight? What parts of the relationship made me happy? What parts didn't? What were my "dealbreakers" in terms of behavior? It truly was almost a year of self-reflection, journalling, thinking and learning about myself and it was the a great year because I became "me".

Best of luck.

 

[Serena]

Thank you...I did talk to Dh today. We went for a drive, because with 3 kids running around, it is hard to talk.

He is leaving. He doesn't think counseling will help, he feels we will just end up seperated anyway. I explained to him a counselor will help us learn how to commicate better, and we should at least give it a try. He repeated that we will probably end up seperated anyway. This is his way of giving me my answer. He doesn't love me. Which is fine. Once we had this talk, I felt better immediately. The guilt was gone, because now I can move on knowing it is mutual. He even said the word mutual. I asked him if he was going to blame me, and he said "No, it's mutual." I told him I didn't want him out there telling everyone his wife threw him out, and he said he wouldn't do that. He doesn't want it to get ugly and nasty, he wants to stay friends. Of course. The kids need to see that we are friends.

The irony in all this? I think we will communicate much better seperated.

Thank you all. I did try the best way that I could. Even though it is not how some of you would have gone about doing it, it is how I deal with things.

Now I move on to the next chapter of my life.......

I'm sorry you are going through this, but you knew it was time.

This is the tone I was waiting for. You are comfortable in your decision now. You did all you could and you cannot save a marriage alone.

 

[BMNABrinx]

To the OP....I haven't read any of the posts here except for yours. I figured you know your own situation so what you said was all that matters. I have never been in a situation like you are dealing with so I can't pretend to understand. I am dealing with other family issues (a similiar situation with my parents) and it is painful. I just wanted to say to you that I think it takes alot of strength to grab the bull by the horns like you have. You have done what you feel is right for you and your children and that is what matters. Congratulations on finding the strength and courage to start a new life and may you have many great days ahead.