Email from Teacher

[keri125]

It wasn't the recommendation I was talking about, it was the idea of having a plumber or handy parent do the work for the band director that could cause issues.

Maybe its because I work in a field that has yearly training on appropriate gifts and what things need to be declared and what can't we accept and what kind of things aren't an issue at all that I think of things like this.

Same here. We are SCHOOLED in what is appropriate when interacting with clients/participants (I'm in the social work field) and when I was getting my teaching certification we were taught that if there is any sort of power differential involved, such as teacher/student, the teacher cannot solicit anything involving personal financial gain. Even when I buy Christmas gifts for my son's teachers, I buy books to be used in the classroom. Those that are saying they wouldn't have an issue and would do it for free, while being super sweet and absolutely coming from a great place, are the responses that make me cringe. Yes, she put in the line about paying a good rate, knowing, IMO, that someone would step up and offer to do it for free. Inappropriate. Different entirely from making sure children have coats or using a service that is already being provided, such as the busses. This is not solicitation; what she did, is. I agree with the others who have stated Facebook, Angie's List, etc are much more appropriate forums. I would wager this teacher is younger/less inexperienced? Seems like a newbie mistake to me.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Other.....

I am going with weird because this is not your usual email from the band director.

My dd was in band way back when and band groups do tend to be more of a "family" or "community".

 

[Acklander]

I'm going with perfectly fine. I'm from a very small town where everyone knows everyone and is willing to help. I remember when my water heater went out, after work that day I stopped at the local pub for a beer. I complained about my water heater to the bartender, a guy across the bar was planning on swapping his water heater from electric to gas so offered up his old one. A plumber who I had previously done taxes for offered to hook it up for me after hours for cheap in cash and a round was bought for all involved. It's just the way small town people do business. OP, if you don't live in a small town, I'd guess your band director is from a small town.

 

[Tinijocaro]

It wasn't the recommendation I was talking about, it was the idea of having a plumber or handy parent do the work for the band director that could cause issues.

This is how I feel too. Asking for a recommendation is one thing, asking a band parent to do it at a "decent rate" and to borrow a truck is a whole 'nother ballgame.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Even though she mentions a "decent rate" I think she's hoping for a freebie- and really, WHO is going to charge her? Nobody and she knows it.

Inappropriate use of the email addresses provided to her. She should have posted on FB or something like that.

Couple good points here. More I thought about it, the mass e-mail now published everyone's e-mail addy to everyone on he list. I wouldn't care for that.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I'm going with perfectly fine. I'm from a very small town where everyone knows everyone and is willing to help. I remember when my water heater went out, after work that day I stopped at the local pub for a beer. I complained about my water heater to the bartender, a guy across the bar was planning on swapping his water heater from electric to gas so offered up his old one. A plumber who I had previously done taxes for offered to hook it up for me after hours for cheap in cash and a round was bought for all involved. It's just the way small town people do business. OP, if you don't live in a small town, I'd guess your band director is from a small town.

This is my thought too. In our former town (only 50 miles away from our current town) this would never have been tolerated. In my new town, it's extremely small and rural. Everyone helps everyone else. DH has a very large truck with a plow. He has offered to plow our neighbors' driveway. One is elderly and she's grateful that DH will come and take care of it for her.
In our old neighborhood, my DSDs went to an elderly neighbor's house to shovel their walk for them (for free). They opened the door and yelled at the kids to get off their property. We had just moved in and the girls were only trying to be helpful. Different areas really do have different vibes.

 

[kamik86]

Couple good points here. More I thought about it, the mass e-mail now published everyone's e-mail addy to everyone on he list. I wouldn't care for that.

This would only be true if:
1) No other emails were sent that did this for legitimate band reasons or
2) the band director doesn't know how to use/didn't bother to use the BCC feature of email

 

[Shmily1]

I don't see it as her trying to get something for nothing or be inappropriate but that maybe she doesn't know a plumber and would prefer to be supportive of a student's parent's profession than to call some stranger. I would be fine with it and be grateful if I was a plumber or a spouse of one.

 

[daughtersrus]

This would only be true if:
1) No other emails were sent that did this for legitimate band reasons or
2) the band director doesn't know how to use/didn't bother to use the BCC feature of email

Funny you say this because a friend and I were just talking yesterday. She got a birthday invitation from another parent in her child's class via email. She had never given out her email address to anyone other than the teacher. Sure enough, when the teacher emails, the parents can see the email addresses for entire class.

 

[sam_gordon]

So when is it wrong to ask for help. She is not asking for someone to replace her hot water heater free of charge, just help in replacing it. I see no problem here. TDBIASWS.

I disagree. I think she IS looking for free help. Yes, she throws the line in about "or if you know somebody", but unless I'm reading it wrong, it's "can you do it or if you know somebody who's cheap", not that she'd pay a band parent for the help, but if no band parent could help, she'd pay someone.

 

[Kona65]

I disagree. I think she IS looking for free help. Yes, she throws the line in about "or if you know somebody", but unless I'm reading it wrong, it's "can you do it or if you know somebody who's cheap", not that she'd pay a band parent for the help, but if no band parent could help, she'd pay someone.

I guess you and I will just have to disagree. Where I come from, people aways expect people to ask for help when they need it. No one thinks they are trying to get something for free. We just like being good neighbors. Guess you missed this statement,(If you are, or you know of someone who could help me out and give me a decent rate, I would be forever grateful!) Unless your are a mind reader, I don't see anywhere she is asking for something free. TDBIASWS.

 

[lizabu]

Even though she mentions a "decent rate" I think she's hoping for a freebie- and really, WHO is going to charge her? Nobody and she knows it.

Inappropriate use of the email addresses provided to her. She should have posted on FB or something like that.

I disagree. I think she IS looking for free help. Yes, she throws the line in about "or if you know somebody", but unless I'm reading it wrong, it's "can you do it or if you know somebody who's cheap", not that she'd pay a band parent for the help, but if no band parent could help, she'd pay someone.

This is how I saw it too. She knows no parent is going to charge her for their services. If she just wanted recommendations for good plumbers she would have said so and never threw in the bit about the price.

She's taking advantage of her position as these kids teacher to get something for free. Maybe a lot of teachers do it based on some of the responses here. It doesn't make it ok.

 

[deserrai]

I think it depends on where you are located.

9 months ago when I lived in N. Nevada where I had lived for 20 years I would have said inappropriate. Then last spring, we moved to a small town in Central Texas and I am learning a whole different sense of community. I like that these folks look out for each other, help each other and think nothing about asking for some help. I like that people help each other and don't have ulterior motives other than to lend a hand.

My answer would now be, absolutely nothing wrong with it.

This was kind of my line of thought. I wondered where this was...OP was in Texas, I think, so probably similar mentality to where I live. I don't think it is offensive. I'd try to find her some help.

 

[Stitchfans]

Not something I would do myself...but I don't see any harm in it. I guess you never know until you ask.

I agree. If I was on a tight budget, which I am I would feel more comfortable asking people from my church. I'd place an ad on the church bulletin in the back of the church or something like that.

 

[Kona65]

If you think about it, this is a very interesting conversation. Looks to be black or white in how you respond. Would be very interest to know what part of the country people are from, based on the answers given...Me, I'm from the South. People tend to be more friendly where I come from.TDBIASWS.

 

[mamacatnv]

This was kind of my line of thought. I wondered where this was...OP was in Texas, I think, so probably similar mentality to where I live. I don't think it is offensive. I'd try to find her some help.

It is really amazing to me, having experienced two very different geographical areas and how much location really does affect the way one thinks and behaves.

In this scenario, I can pretty much say that the teacher never for a minute had an ulterior motive to get something for nothing. I can also pretty much say that the entire band community already has everyone else's email, phone, address etc. Heck, if it is anything like the area where I am at, not only does everyone already know where you live, they know what you drive, what you wear, what you buy at the grocery store, how you treat your kids/spouse and whether or not your house/yard are kept up.

The idea that she is looking for a handout is the farthest thing from anyone's mind.
I know this thought process, it is the way my mind works and I am having a hard time assimilating into a very community oriented school/work environment.

Folks here look out for each other, folks help each other, they don't expect something in return, its just what they do. I have to work really hard to get rid of that suspicious nature I have, where every action is viewed as having some sort of motive instead of every action is to be kind and to help others with no other motive than to be kind and helpful, its just what we do.

 

[sam_gordon]

I guess you and I will just have to disagree. Where I come from, people aways expect people to ask for help when they need it. No one thinks they are trying to get something for free. We just like being good neighbors. Guess you missed this statement,(If you are, or you know of someone who could help me out and give me a decent rate, I would be forever grateful!) Unless your are a mind reader, I don't see anywhere she is asking for something free. TDBIASWS.

FWIW, I didn't miss the statement. It's just I read it differently than you do. I read it as "if you can't help, if you know a professional with a decent rate... ". To me, that implies if you CAN help, I don't have to pay you.

I do maintenance for my employer. I've had coworkers come up to me and ask for help or advice. I don't have a problem with that because we already have a relationship. According to the OP, they've never even met the band teacher. To me, that means there is no relationship. THAT'S what makes this inappropriate in my mind. I'm not offended by the email. I do think it's inappropriate and unprofessional though.

 

[luvsJack]

Don't have a child in band but from my experience with our choir director and parents, I wouldn't have a problem at all with the email.

 

[4greatboys]

I think it depends on where you are located.

9 months ago when I lived in N. Nevada where I had lived for 20 years I would have said inappropriate. Then last spring, we moved to a small town in Central Texas and I am learning a whole different sense of community. I like that these folks look out for each other, help each other and think nothing about asking for some help. I like that people help each other and don't have ulterior motives other than to lend a hand.

My answer would now be, absolutely nothing wrong with it.

I live in Texas and I totally agree with what you said on sense of community. I don't see anything wrong with the email. If you can help, great, if you know someone who can help, great and if not I certainly wouldn't be offended. I don't know about other bands but ours is very tight knit. Our band director is more than just a teacher and kids are more than just students.

 

[dominiondad]

I don't think it really matters if the teacher wanted the work for free or was willing to pay top dollar. The issue for me is that information that was collect in an official capacity is being used for personal business. As parents, we are effectively forced to provide contact information to the schools. Of course we want to be notified as school policy changes, schedules are made, concerns are raised or other anticipated communication is made school to parent. We possibly could refuse to provide the information, but would then likely miss out on information pertaining to the education and safety of our children. We did not provide the information so school employees could use it to accomplish their personal housework. If the school deems this appropriate, they should tell parents up front that their contact information is provided to staff for their personal, unofficial use. In my county, I beleive this would in fact be illegal since contact information is considered part of the student's official record and it's use is limited to offical business.
I also work for the government - federal law enforcement. I can assure you that if we ever used information we obtained through our official capacity to further personal goals, we would get the boot, and rightfully so.