Elementary Schoolers and texting/messaging?

[MommyMK]

I have a DD who is in 4th grade, will be 10 next month. She's struggling a little in school with friendships and part of the problem seems to be that many of these kids communicate with each other outside of school through texting or messaging. This is not just her saying "everyone" has a phone, etc., I'm in her school frequently and I hear the kids talking about it myself.

She just received her first "device", a kindle fire for Christmas and I have no desire for her to keep up with the joneses in this regard, but I would like to figure out a way for her to be able to communicate with her friends. Many of these kids have their own ipads, macbooks, ipods, phones, etc. and while her own ipad or macbook won't be happening a phone or ipod isn't entirely out of the question, though I was really hoping to hold off till middle school for that, but maybe I am behind the times?

I've spent hours now trying to find a free texting app to work on her kindle fire with no luck. Any advice? What age did your child get a phone? How do your 4th/5th/6th graders keep in touch with their friends?

 

[aprilgail]

My daughter is in 11th grade and way back when she was in grade school the majority of kids got their cell phones in 5th grade- sure a few had it before and a few had it after but the bulk got it either in 5th grade or for 5th grade graduation. Of course that was 6 years ago and times change, my friends kid now has a cell phone and she is in 1st grade- I asked her "are you the only first grader with a cell phone" and she said yes (as I expected LOL). I know plenty of free texting apps for I-touch or iphone but not familiar with any other type of device.

 

[mjkacmom]

All of my kids had iPods at that age (used them more than their kindle fires). Texting is how kids communicate these days, they no longer call each other. My oldest is 19, and kids get started earlier and earlier (my youngest are in middle school). A friend of mine held out until 7th grade for an iPhone, but her DD did have an ipad.

 

[sam_gordon]

My 4th grader got an ipod for Christmas 2014. I know she uses it to text/message with her friends. I do think you are behind the times thinking you can wait until middle school (not necessarily a phone, but an ipod or ipad).

My oldest DD (17) got her phone after her 5th grade year. She was staying home alone at that point and we didn't have free long distance on the house phone. DW & I work in the next county over so it would require LD.
My DS (12) has a hand me down iphone 4 from oldest DD, but there's no voice capability on it. I'm guessing he'll probably get a phone for his birthday in October.

 

[Hrhpd]

With the phasing out of landlines, personal devices have become the norm for communication these days. DS is in college now and the text messaging to set up things with friends was going strong when he was in middle school with it starting to reach down into elementary school. Now that more than 50% of households no longer have a landline, ie a single family phone number, messaging has boomed.

I remember some pretty contentious threads from back then where parents were adamant that their child was not going to get a personal device until they started driving. They expected other kids to stop and call their child to include them instead of being included in a group text. That just doesn't happen anymore. You want to go to the movies with some friends? You send out a group text arranging it.

I have a fire and a paperwhite kindle, but they are the last devices I would go to for any kind of internet/texting/apps. They are great for reading books, I much prefer my phone or tablet for messaging.

The electronic age is our new reality. I would just research different devices and pick one that you can live with.

 

[Neesy228]

I agree with PP, my DD turns 10 in July and she has an iPad that she uses to text her core group of friends. I was hesitant to get her into it, so I do understand the discomfort, but it's "just kids these days"

My oldest DS15 started texting friends at 13, my middle DS at 11, and now my DD at 9. Oy.

The pace of technology is a little scary sometimes, but I believe you should give your DD a means to communicate with her friends before she feels even more out of the loop.

 

[MommyMK]

So at this stage of the game then, what would you do? Phone or iPod? Can you limit internet access on an iPod? The idea of my very young, very naive 4th grader having unrestricted internet access in her pocket is a little beyond my comfort zone.

 

[Jaime4004]

My oldest got a cell phone in 5th grade, but started texting on her ipod probably a year or two before that. My two younger ones (now in 5th and 2nd) have ipods and ipad minis (no phones, they aren't into them) and they do text and facetime their friends all the time. It is a good way to for them to keep in touch with their friends. We don't have a landline and it does drive me a little crazy when their friends call my cell phone

 

[cijay]

but I would like to figure out a way for her to be able to communicate with her friends... How do your 4th/5th/6th graders keep in touch with their friends?

That's for her to figure out. She will learn who her friends are.

 

[Jaime4004]

So at this stage of the game then, what would you do? Phone or iPod? Can you limit internet access on an iPod? The idea of my very young, very naive 4th grader having unrestricted internet access in her pocket is a little beyond my comfort zone.

If there isn't a reason she needs a phone yet, i'd go for ipod or ipad mini. Mostly because it's an unnecessary expense if they are not needing the phone part yet. Though thinking long term, it might be better to get the iphone and use it as a ipod instead of having both eventually? My two younger kids actually use our old iphones as ipods (they are not connected to verizon like we are, so can only use the internet on wifi).

 

[cabanafrau]

So at this stage of the game then, what would you do? Phone or iPod? Can you limit internet access on an iPod? The idea of my very young, very naive 4th grader having unrestricted internet access in her pocket is a little beyond my comfort zone.

Phone or iPad, not iPod.

Opening it up to texting doesn't mean you have to let her free on the web, they are different things.

While I completely understand where you're coming from with young and naive, consider working with your child to learn about the technologies, the dangers, understanding the boundaries and the reasons for them. It's easy to get caught up in seeing them as young, naive and innocent and then suddenly having their peers seemingly light years ahead in terms of awareness of what's out there and how to navigate when your child is unaware, unprepared and potentially vulnerable for shaming or peer coaching in a direction that's unhealthy. IMO I always felt it best to arm my kids with knowledge myself so they weren't vulnerable to whatever nonsense they were exposed to when I'm not there.

 

[jrmasm]

Phone or iPad, not iPod.

Opening it up to texting doesn't mean you have to let her free on the web, they are different things.

While I completely understand where you're coming from with young and naive, consider working with your child to learn about the technologies, the dangers, understanding the boundaries and the reasons for them. It's easy to get caught up in seeing them as young, naive and innocent and then suddenly having their peers seemingly light years ahead in terms of awareness of what's out there and how to navigate when your child is unaware, unprepared and potentially vulnerable for shaming or peer coaching in a direction that's unhealthy. IMO I always felt it best to arm my kids with knowledge myself so they weren't vulnerable to whatever nonsense they were exposed to when I'm not there.

Funny, I was going to say Ipod because of the 3, that's what my dd uses most.

 

[Hrhpd]

So at this stage of the game then, what would you do? Phone or iPod? Can you limit internet access on an iPod? The idea of my very young, very naive 4th grader having unrestricted internet access in her pocket is a little beyond my comfort zone.

There are different text monitoring softwares that will send a copy of every text to the parent's device. I would hesitate to use it for older kids because of trust and privacy reasons, but I am a little more comfortable monitoring elementary school children since they are more naive. I know a few parents that use this one:

http://www.teensafe.com/

 

[brockash]

I have a DD who is in 4th grade, will be 10 next month. She's struggling a little in school with friendships and part of the problem seems to be that many of these kids communicate with each other outside of school through texting or messaging. This is not just her saying "everyone" has a phone, etc., I'm in her school frequently and I hear the kids talking about it myself.

She just received her first "device", a kindle fire for Christmas and I have no desire for her to keep up with the joneses in this regard, but I would like to figure out a way for her to be able to communicate with her friends. Many of these kids have their own ipads, macbooks, ipods, phones, etc. and while her own ipad or macbook won't be happening a phone or ipod isn't entirely out of the question, though I was really hoping to hold off till middle school for that, but maybe I am behind the times?

I've spent hours now trying to find a free texting app to work on her kindle fire with no luck. Any advice? What age did your child get a phone? How do your 4th/5th/6th graders keep in touch with their friends?

I think "kik" works on kindles. It's basically just like text messaging, but instead of using phone service it uses internet. Her other friends would need to install the free app on their phone/ipod/kindle etc., but honestly a lot of kids around here have it anyways.

 

[mombrontrent]

I have a 9 year old 4th grader, she had an iPod for quite a few years and then for her 8th birthday we bought her an iPod and now she also has an iPhone. She uses the iPad a lot more then the phone, when at home she uses the iPad and if she goes out than takes the phone. She uses it for messaging and Facetiming. She also watches a lot of Netflix on her iPad and plays some games.

Now my 13 year old DD is never without her phone. All things social happen in group chats, plans get made ect. She rarely uses it to actually talk but is constantly messaging, instagraming, snapchatting ect. She knows some people at school that are not allowed to socialize online and honestly they are left out of everything.

 

[VandVsmama]

Just because everybody else is doing doesn't mean that you should do it, too.

 

[sam_gordon]

Just because everybody else is doing doesn't mean that you should do it, too.

While I agree in principle, there is something to be said about being able to easily communicate with friends. When I was growing up, my friends were in my neighborhood. I could walk or ride my bike to their houses. Now, my kids friends are miles away. Group text is how they communicate. It's easy to say "Suzy doesn't need to text, she can use the phone", which is great for Suzy, but do you think Jane and Heather (who can text, facetime, email, etc) will pick up the phone to call Suzy?

 

[nugov2]

My dd started with an ipod/ipad in 3rd grade, though my ds who is in 3rd now has no interest in texting and neither do his friends yet. My dd got a phone at the end of 4th grade. She is at sports a lot and with 3 kids she can be left without my Dh or I there for a bit so I wanted her to have a way to contact us. Honestly I love her having a phone it is just as convenient for me and she loves it. I still am in control of the I tunes password so no uploading anything. No phone in the room at bedtime and some other rules, but she does really well with it. I may get at phone for your dd.

 

[Hrhpd]

Just because everybody else is doing doesn't mean that you should do it, too.

I agree that that is a great parenting strategy.....for a fad. Just because Johnny has the newest $150 sneakers does not mean you have to run out and get them.

The difference is that technology is not a fad. It is today's world of communication. If you choose not to buy in and not give your child the proper communication tools, then you have to own your decision and accept the consequences.

The OP said her child is missing out on friendships because common communication is now through texting. You cannot make a decision to not allow your child to text and then expect other children to make accommodations for your choices. They text each other to set things up just like in our times we picked up the phone to call friends. But, landlines are going the way of pay phones. If your child cannot receive a text they are going to be left out in many parts of the country and growing at a phenomenal rate. If a parent is ok with those consequences, then sure, don't do it just because everybody else is doing it.

 

[BrianL]

The thing is that "Text Messaging" or SMS is a specific aspect of a cell phone plan (using existing frequencies or some-such technical things). You can't just do it over Wi-Fi. You need some kind of account to access that. I saw some workarounds to use email to send texts, but it sounds like it wouldn't work too well.

You can get apps for IMing, but they typically only work through each other (think Yahoo! Messnger) and both users must have the software/app.