Elementary school cliques

[poohs_hunny]

One example: last year she was invited to a party. The invitation said to "wear your HOTTEST SEXIEST outfit" . Ummm, hello! SHE DOESNT HAVE ANY SEXY OUTFITS! And why would a mother hold such a party in the first place?

WTH!!?? What exactly were these 8-year-olds going to do at this party? I teach third grade, and if I would have seen an invitation that said this, I would have been speechless!

 

[Lil_Tink]

Same thing happened to me in 4th grade. So I left those girls, with the other girls who were tired of it, and we went and played football with the boys. Best of luck, it will work out.

 

[unbroken chain]

First, that party invitation makes my skin crawl.

Second, I agree with finding an activity where your child has an interest. Or, look into qualification for gifted classes. Mine were in the gifted classes in elementary, and it's true, most of those gifted class kids were so fascinated with school and learning and could not possibly care less about clothes, etc. To a certain extent some of those gifted kids are kind of socially unaware (absent minded professors at age 9 or 10), which can sometimes be a good thing. Put another way, they connect over academics, instead of connecting over clothes or whatever.

 

[BrooklynnsMommy]

Another third-grade teacher here. (Brooklynn's MeMom - borrowing BrooklynnsMommy's posting privileges...keep saying I need to register, but just never do.) Some of the notes I have collected from my students to each other over the years have been heartbreaking. Eight and nine year old girls probably don't mean to be so cruel, but some of the things certain ones of them say and do are very hurtful. Some are "into" boys long before their time, and I hate to think about what their teenage years hold. It only takes one with a certain cuteness or charm (perceived by their peers anyway) to disrupt a sweet little group of girls and turn it into something ugly. I know it hurts you as a mom, and I do hope you have a teacher who is equally as hurt and concerned and will help deal with this. As a teacher, I appreciate the parents who send me their sweet little girls who love horses and dolls (and Disney, of course), as opposed to the ones who are growing up far too fast and are most likely headed for some rough years ahead. Tell your daughter she is fabulous for being who she is, because I just know she is!

 

[nicolemomof4cuties]

First, that party invitation makes my skin crawl.

Second, I agree with finding an activity where your child has an interest. Or, look into qualification for gifted classes. Mine were in the gifted classes in elementary, and it's true, most of those gifted class kids were so fascinated with school and learning and could not possibly care less about clothes, etc. To a certain extent some of those gifted kids are kind of socially unaware (absent minded professors at age 9 or 10), which can sometimes be a good thing. Put another way, they connect over academics, instead of connecting over clothes or whatever.

I agree with you on this my children are gifted and their friends and they are not interested in clothes and video games and such. Actually, my second grader and his friends are learning about the major body systems at school so they have been in a mad competition to learn the most about each organ in their free time. IE. the heart, the lung, the brain. Such as at dinner last night he said, " Do you know that if you did not have your _________ in your brain(I can't remember the term I run a daycare and had 8 children here) you would no be able to balance and that you would fall over. WTH!?? Meanwhile the General education kids his age were looking at him like he had three heads but he is pleasantly oblivious. Of course, they are all friends at our house Gen ed. or gifted. They all just say that he is mad smart and wicked nice to their parents. Being yourself doesn't mean your not cool because other people don't like the same things- it makes you unique. It makes you the tendsetter. I would tell your daughter that.

 

[agnes!]

There are really parties like that for 8 year old girls? What are the parents thinking?

I think its a shame that kids think they have to grow up so fast, when I was 8 even the "cool" girls still played Barbies and the fanciest gadgets they owned were transistor radios.

My son is only 5 and in kindergarten, and there are already things that he tries to hide from his friends. At home he is almost never without one of his stuffed animals, he even takes one in the car with him everywhere we go including school, but when he gets near school, the stuffed animal gets hidden so his friends don't see he is holding it. He is very concerned about only "liking" what others like, or at least only admitting to liking something if others agree.

I don't think you are any kind of prude for wanting your child to remain a child. I try to always reassure my child he is a wonderful person, and if someone doesn't like what he likes, that it doesn't matter, we don't all have to be alike. I wasn't a popular child and wasn't part of a clique, and I do realize it is hard, and don't want my child to struggle, but on the other hand I want him to grow up to be a strong individual with a good sense of self and capable of independent thinking. It is hard sometimes as a parent to know exactly what do do.

Wonderful post!

About the stuffed toy... When my DD was younger, I took a picture of her stuffed toy. She put the photo safely away in her backpack & just knowing she had a picture of her 'friend' while she was at school made her feel better (plus any busybodies wouldn't find it).

Btw I'm well, *well* into adulthood and *still* like Barbies & dolls.


Mary

 

[dreamcometrue]

my DD is going through the same! She is 7 now but when she was in Kindergarten, I sent her to school in playclothes, that she could get dirty, because they did a lot of arts, painting, playing outside back then! One day she came home, sad, and said that she isn't wearing "popular clothes". She did have nice clothes, don't get me wrong, I just thought it would be better for her to wear stuff she could get dirty and I wouldn't be upset about if it got ruined! Well, I did give in and let her wear her "popular clothes" because I remember being young and remembering how important it was to "fit in".

Fast forward to 2nd grade, which she is in now! Her friends have cell phones, got ipods for Christmas, etc. She really isn't into that. Could care less about having a cell phone. Instead, she still plays with dolls. She got the American Girl twins for Christmas, along with the stroller, and couldn't be happier! However, she does not want any of her friends see her play with them or any stuffed animals. She says they will think she's a baby

She does like nice clothes and we go get our nails done together, she gets cute designs put on them, but she also likes little kids stuff still. I think it's totally fine, and I keep telling her that, and I hate to see how embarrassed she gets when someone finds out that she still plays with dolls (GOD FORBID) I tell her I played with Barbies until I was 12!

 

[Skatermom23]

It is so sad and hard to watch. My DD is in 8th grade and believe me, it doesn't get any easier. In fact the problems just get bigger..

 

[sm4987]

Sad isn't it. My dd is 7 and her school is like that. It's even kinda harder because while I can't say that we are rich, we do live in a nice golf course community and are surrounded by nicer custom homes and such. Well a lot of the things that happen are based on how much do your parents do for you. The better they do, the more money they spend, the more the girls will like you. I am a cool mom and all, all the kids love me and like dd, she's just not "in." Horrible, but I've learned that even being a mom the adults are like that around here, so it's a growing lesson for us al!!!:

 

[poohs_hunny]

Fast forward to 2nd grade, which she is in now! Her friends have cell phones, got ipods for Christmas, etc. She really isn't into that. Could care less about having a cell phone. Instead, she still plays with dolls. She got the American Girl twins for Christmas, along with the stroller, and couldn't be happier! However, she does not want any of her friends see her play with them or any stuffed animals. She says they will think she's a baby

I find this to be so sad. These poor kids feel like they have to put on an act for their peers. It's NORMAL for a 7-year-old to be playing with dolls. I'd be willing to bet that at least some of those girls with their cell phones and i-Pods are playing with dolls at home, too.

 

[golfgal]

One example: last year she was invited to a party. The invitation said to "wear your HOTTEST SEXIEST outfit" . Ummm, hello! SHE DOESNT HAVE ANY SEXY OUTFITS! And why would a mother hold such a party in the first place? Really... Im NOT a prude at all... but compared to that I feel like one!

My DD's never been invited to a party like this

I am in SHOCK that a parent would have a party like this????? Your poor DD. She can move over by us, there are lots of nice girls around that don't want to go to sexy parties.