Elderly and drinking

[beaucoup]

Here visiting relative. They drink a lot. Cocktails all day at home. And then out at the lodges at night to socialize. I'm just not used to seeing all this alcohol consumed. You can see how it effects them by evening. One member even brought a cocktail from home in the car for the ride to the lodge. OMG!

And they drive. And we had to be in the car with them. I'm not liking this at all. I asked DH to drive us all home.

If you thought elderly had trouble seeing, walking or driving at night, you should see impaired elderly. Shaking my head.

This has been going on each day & we've been here a few days now. I'm so ready to go home.

Being in that car with a driver who had been drinking goes against all my values. Their car is much too large for me to drive. Or I would have!

I don't know how to say anything without starting arguements or offending them about their drinking. Personally, I thinking they have a problem.

Maybe I'm just a stick in the mud, but I can go out and have fun without it involving alcohol. I had fun at their lodge and I didn't have to drink to do it.

 

[PaulaSB12]

The only part that would be troublesome to me is the driving after drinking, apart from that I really don't think you should be saying anything at all. Are you saying that only young people should drink? That anyone who enjoys a drink in a place where you don't is an alchololic?

 

[kaytieeldr]

To be honest, your concern with their drinking seems to be mostly your own disapproval of the action, and only a little bit the overall effect drinking is having on them. This is what they do. Don't make waves.

On the other hand, I do have a suggestion for the driving issue. Compliment the car. Say you've always wanted to drive one, then offer to chauffeur them while you're visiting. You want to do it to thank them for their hospitality.

Yes, it means you'll have to learn to drive a 'too big' car - or park far from everything. It means you can't criticize anybody's actions. It means you'll have to be careful driving. But the alternative is apparently to ride in a car with a driver who may have had too much to drink.

 

[becpee]

If their drinking is impairing their driving in any way I wouldn't be getting a lift with them, I would be worried about being in an accident and them hurting anybody.

Even if they didn't seem impaired but they had consumed alot I wouldn't be going with them.

But thats just me....

 

[hambirg]

To be honest, your concern with their drinking seems to be mostly your own disapproval of the action, and only a little bit the overall effect drinking is having on them. This is what they do. Don't make waves.

On the other hand, I do have a suggestion for the driving issue. Compliment the car. Say you've always wanted to drive one, then offer to chauffeur them while you're visiting. You want to do it to thank them for their hospitality.

Yes, it means you'll have to learn to drive a 'too big' car - or park far from everything. It means you can't criticize anybody's actions. It means you'll have to be careful driving. But the alternative is apparently to ride in a car with a driver who may have had too much to drink.

This!

My ex is German. . .trust me. . .any preconceived notions are based on social norms. In Bavaria, you are a non-drinker if you don't have a beer with your breakfast sausage. I think that they are adults by now and are well able to make their own decisions. . .just because they are not yours. . not really your business. BUT. . absolutely offer to drive. .and what the heck is "too big" to drive? I would be way less afraid to drive a car that was bigger than normal than to drive with somebody that is impaired. So which is it?

 

[cm8]

Here visiting relative. They drink a lot. Cocktails all day at home. And then out at the lodges at night to socialize. I'm just not used to seeing all this alcohol consumed. You can see how it effects them by evening. One member even brought a cocktail from home in the car for the ride to the lodge. OMG!

And they drive. And we had to be in the car with them. I'm not liking this at all. I asked DH to drive us all home.

If you thought elderly had trouble seeing, walking or driving at night, you should see impaired elderly. Shaking my head.

This has been going on each day & we've been here a few days now. I'm so ready to go home.

Being in that car with a driver who had been drinking goes against all my values. Their car is much too large for me to drive. Or I would have!

I don't know how to say anything without starting arguements or offending them about their drinking. Personally, I thinking they have a problem.

Maybe I'm just a stick in the mud, but I can go out and have fun without it involving alcohol. I had fun at their lodge and I didn't have to drink to do it.

I would still have driven the car, my safety is still a priority to myself and family. I would not have gotten into any car with a driver I considered to be impaired. I would have driven them home or called for someone else to. I would never risk my life. I hope that you voiced your concerns about them drinking and driving.

 

[bgirldeb]

I think you are underestimating your ability to drive a larger car. They all work pretty much the same, and I'm sure you would do better at the wheel than an impaired elderly person.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Drinking and driving is wrong at any age.

As we age, our bodies function less efficiently. Drinking alcohol effects the liver, and with consistent drinking over time, the liver starts to function less efficiently. That in turn causes a situation where less alcohol is needed to impair a person. You'll hear families say, "heck, s/he used to drink so much more!" However, it takes less alcohol to become impaired than it once did once the liver is compromised.

So, on two fronts, I would bring up the drinking and driving and I would discuss the physiological complications that could be in effect right now. The best person to discuss this with initially is usually the doctor of record for the person(s) for whom you have concern.

If you are not comfortable with that, then suggest it to someone who is. But under no circumstances for any reason ever get in the car with someone at the wheel who is impaired. It's worth a family fight to call a cab, or to even let the impaired driver know that you will call the police if they attempt to drive off.

You will be saving someone's life.

 

[goofyernmost]

Here visiting relative. They drink a lot. Cocktails all day at home. And then out at the lodges at night to socialize. I'm just not used to seeing all this alcohol consumed. You can see how it effects them by evening. One member even brought a cocktail from home in the car for the ride to the lodge. OMG!

And they drive. And we had to be in the car with them. I'm not liking this at all. I asked DH to drive us all home.

If you thought elderly had trouble seeing, walking or driving at night, you should see impaired elderly. Shaking my head.

This has been going on each day & we've been here a few days now. I'm so ready to go home.

Being in that car with a driver who had been drinking goes against all my values. Their car is much too large for me to drive. Or I would have!

I don't know how to say anything without starting arguements or offending them about their drinking. Personally, I thinking they have a problem.

Maybe I'm just a stick in the mud, but I can go out and have fun without it involving alcohol. I had fun at their lodge and I didn't have to drink to do it.

Too big? What exactly does that mean? How can a car be to big to drive if it can be successfully driven by an elderly person that has been drinking all day.

The rest of your argument is not really valid. If they want to drink that is their business. It is the driving while impaired that is the real problem. As someone stated if you are more afraid of driving a "big" car then riding with a driver that you feel is impaired, I'm not sure there is a real complaint here.

I don't mean to sound nasty, but it is hard to express without sounding negative. The very thing that you had control over, you didn't.

 

[walden]

Her DH drove them all home, I think.

That does sound an awful lot of alcohol to be consuming. The cocktail from home to drink in the car is over the top.

And they are driving impaired? How old are they? Have they always drunk a lot or is this new? Depression is quite common in seniors and sometimes they try to deal with it through alcohol -- the worst thing to do because alcohol is a depressant!

I'd try to talk to them about it, but carefully. Tell them you are concerned for them, that you will not go in the car with a driver who has had too much to drink, and that they could be endangering others. They will be angry and defensive, I expect, but you will have at least opened the conversation.

 

[suzanna1066@comcast.]

No way should they have been driving. Otherwise, what is the problem? I have a 91 yr old grandparent who thoroughly enjoys scotch and has 1-3 daily. This habit is 100% encouraged by the doctor.

 

[RitaE]

well - there is no way I'd have a Just Say No talk/lecture over alcohol with somebody I was visiting and I certainly wouldn't suggest they might be depressed or anything other sort of unsolicited mental health advice.

If it bothers you to drive in a car with them then don't do it. Tell your husband you want to drive in a different car or at the beginning of the evening say "Hey, why don't I be the designated driver tonight and you can all relax and enjoy yourself without worrying!"

And then get over your fear of the big car and do it.

They are adults, not your children. They can drink if they want to. Whether or not they can have fun like you do without alcohol really isn't your business.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

There is no way I'd step foot in that car.

 

[mickeysgal]

If they had been doing all that drinking, there is no way I'd be a passenger in that car. I'd be driving. If the senior can drive the "big car", then I can too. And I wouldn't care if it caused a family scene or not. Not only are you protecting their lives and your life, but the lives of other drivers on the road. If it goes against your moral view so much, I can't see how you let them drive.

 

[GeorgeG]

I live in what is probably the largest retirement community in the world and while a lot of people do drink, some, a lot, many do not. I think it has to do with how active people are. Many who are involved in a lot of activities don't drink as much as those who's only activities are socializing.

 

[luvsJack]

I think I would have just said, "sorry, Aunt Ann (or whatever relation) but one cocktail its too many to drive me around; scoot over". And I would have driven. Period. But, other than with me in the car; their drinking is their business.

I, too, am wondering how a car can be "too big" to drive?? I am a little nervous about driving cars other than my own but back in my first marriage when drinking and partying was the norm, I learned that in a pinch I could drive anything but a standard. It may be big but it steers, acelerates and brakes the same way as a smaller car.

 

[walden]

well - there is no way I'd have a Just Say No talk/lecture over alcohol with somebody I was visiting and I certainly wouldn't suggest they might be depressed or anything other sort of unsolicited mental health advice. . . .They are adults, not your children. They can drink if they want to. Whether or not they can have fun like you do without alcohol really isn't your business.

With respect, the OP mentioned relatives. Elderly relatives, who are certainly adult and can drink to excess if they want to. Certainly not children. But, yikes, some of us have had senior parents who have been depressed, who have drunk to excess, and who have potentially endangered others. That is our business!

My post to the OP was an alert on senior depression and alcoholism. Not a judgement. Nor unsolicited mental health advice. Just an alert as to possible issues.

There is a point at which you have to step in and confront serious issues in those you love and are related to. For their good and for good of the greater community.

Please consider that while you defend the right of anyone (adult or not) to have a few too many drinks and get behind the wheel. You might be responsible for death. Indirectly.

You might not want to have the discussion. You might be afraid to have the discussion. But then, you or your child might be on the road or in the car while your drunken relative is driving. Some other person or person's child might be on the road while your relative (the one that you hesitate to confront) mows them down.

'Nuff said.

 

[ilovepcot]

Their car is much too large for me to drive. Or I would have!

My daughter drives her grandmother's Escalade on occasion and is 4"8" tall and weighs 84 pounds. Are you smaller than she is?

 

[Handbag Lady]

1. What they do is their own business.
2. There is no way in hell I'd ever get in a car with someone who is drinking.


I think most people who know me know a friend was killed by a drunk driver when we were in Junior High. Yes, I STILL refer to this each and every time it has come up ergo I don't get in the car. I've paid for taxis when I've had a few drinkies, I've driven other people's cars, booked hotel room nearby... there are many solutions.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

I don't see how it could have bother you too much if you willingly got into their car after they had been drinking.

I will not drive after drinking and I will not let someone drive me after they have been drinking, PERIOD. If this means I have to walk, get a cab or drive a vehicle I am not comfortable driving, so be it. Much better than putting mine and my families lives in danger.

This is not something I will compromise on and the fact that you did disturbs me more than them drinking.