eating with your child

[aprilgail2]

Is this really the norm? Never heard of going to eat with you child at lunch. And the only time I took them out for lunch would be if they have an appointment then. And that is very rare. All appointments are made after school.

s.

Its not the norm aroudn here- depends where you are from I guess...

I'm guessing there are parents that do it, you just don't hear about it. There will always be parents that think it's cool to surprise their child at school just as there will always be parents who it wouldn't occur to or who are against it.

NO one does it here...if you happen to be up at the school in the office for any reason and your child is in the cafeteria for lunch you can not even poke your head in to say hello. No parents are allowed past the office unless its for some special class thing and then the teacher will leave your name and you have to sign in and get a visitors pass, but you are not allowed in the cafeteria, the bathrooms or anyplace else you could be alone with other peoples children without close supervision.

 

[allison443]

Our school doesn't serve breakfast, and meeting your kid in the cafeteria for lunch isn't done around here. I have never heard of it before.

Even if someone asked, I don't think our school would allow random unscheduled adults to just show up at lunchtime, walk through the school to get to the cafeteria, etc.

The school does have parent volunteers, including parents who volunteer to supervise lunch/recess, but all volunteers are fingerprinted/background checked.

 

[Sleepy]

My son's school had an end of the year lunch for the parents to come eat with the kids. It was fun. It was also an opportunity for the kids to walk around and get the yearbooks signed.

The school district I went to in Washington allowed the parents to sign the kids out of school for the lunch period. It must have been close to an hour long lunch each day because when my mom signed us out of school we went to a local pizza place. Those were the best surprises! Far better than having mom come eat in the cafeteria. Oh, it was impossible for the parents to eat in the cafeteria with us because there was no cafeteria. We took our trays back to our classroom and ate there. It was the only school district I have seen that did this. I wonder if they still have no cafeteria.

 

[Lady V]

I go every other week. They ask me to come and so I do! I love it!!! They are only in
3rd and 4th grade though. Iv'e been doing it since Kin. I enjoy it-they have a special table for kids who have 'visitors' at lunch and your children can pick 2 friends to come with them so it's a fun way to really know thier friends as well. I figure someday they will stop asking so I'm enjoying it while it's here! and we can bring in anything we like.

 

[Robinrs]

When we ate with the kids we ate the school lunch. No one brought in outside food--I am not even sure we could. The school lunch food was actually pretty good-it was all homemade on site.

I was thinking about this thread last night. My son's elementary school was VERY acceptive of adults and I loved going there. Sometimes I'd bring my boss who was his godmother! We were just reminiscing about how much we LOVED that place!

The cafeteria had a line for you to get the food, mostly outside of the serving area. As soon as they saw a parent one of the servers would chime out "ADULT PLATE!" and they'd be prepared to serve a "grown up". You were able to pick and choose your entree and side dish, then there was a SALAD bar and a choice of juice, milk or water. All this for $1.50!! The food was homemade by real "Momma" types who took pride in their food.

Man, I miss those days!

 

[robinb]

I just asked my 5th grader if she would want me to eat lunch at school with her and she said she would be embarrassed to have me come and eat with her. She says that it would be OK if you asked your kids and they said "yes".

 

[stego]

Started way back when in kindergarten. That continued on into the elementary school years; once a week...like clockwork. Noticed after some time a lot of the kids were just playing with their food. What was our son doing the other 4 days of the week?

So we started packing his lunch. In the elementary schools the ladies at the front desk knew what day it was because I was fairly regular. They had a couple of benches in the alcove by the front desk. My coming to have lunch with my son was highly encouraged.

The middle school years: a designated table in the cafeteria. My son quickly had a group he had lunch with reguarly. I wouldn't call the boys geeks or nerds but they had their own clique. After a little while, we had lunch at the front bench by the office; and on nice days outside at the picnic tables. In his last year, the ladies all knew I was coming and it was OK.

Now it's high school and we're almost done with his first year. Took some time to allow him to settle in but he never indicated he wanted me to come. I soon realized I wanted to do it for me. I needed that time with him; to see all the kids; to let the school staff know I was there for him. Parents are not allowed at all in the cafeteria so I have to sign him out. They have one bench outside for 2600+ students. On cold days, we sit in the car. I sincerely thought about writing a note to the principal but I don't want to be the exception (the rules don't apply).

Honestly, I could care less how often other dads/moms/grandparents/second cousins come up to the school. What's important to me is my relationship with my son. Each year, the teachers change but what has been constant has been my presence and that is important to ME.

 

[GEM]

Yep. My son is in kindergarten and his school very much encourages this. They sent home lots of notes at the beginning of the year making sure parents knew they were welcome to come and have lunch with their child. We just stop at the office to sign in and get a visitor's badge first. We get to sit at special picnic tables at the back of the cafeteria, and there are always quite a few other parents there with their kids. We can eat the cafeteria food, bring food from home, or bring in something from a restaurant. (Honestly, I usually don't eat at all, because his lunch is at 10:30am and I'm just not at all ready for lunch then, but I do enjoy sitting with him and talking about his morning while he eats.) In fact, both of his grandmothers and my sister frequently drop by for lunch as well. It's really cool and I'm glad his school encourages it. They are very big on parental involvement, which I think is great. I read to his class for 30 minutes every Wednesday. My husband is part of a "Super Dads" group which does things in different classes all year long. And, you're invited to attend the Tuesday and Thursday special activities (art and PE) with your child. It's lots of fun!

 

[MariDisney]

I've never heard of this until this thread. My DD is in 5th grade and has never mentioned another parent coming in for lunch. I am going to ask her, but she is the kind of kid that tells me about her day in excrutiating detail so I'm sure it would have come up at some point if other people did it. I'm sure at this point I'd really cramp her style, so I don't see it happening.

 

[Robinrs]

Started way back when in kindergarten. That continued on into the elementary school years; once a week...like clockwork. Noticed after some time a lot of the kids were just playing with their food. What was our son doing the other 4 days of the week?

So we started packing his lunch. In the elementary schools the ladies at the front desk knew what day it was because I was fairly regular. They had a couple of benches in the alcove by the front desk. My coming to have lunch with my son was highly encouraged.

The middle school years: a designated table in the cafeteria. My son quickly had a group he had lunch with reguarly. I wouldn't call the boys geeks or nerds but they had their own clique. After a little while, we had lunch at the front bench by the office; and on nice days outside at the picnic tables. In his last year, the ladies all knew I was coming and it was OK.

Now it's high school and we're almost done with his first year. Took some time to allow him to settle in but he never indicated he wanted me to come. I soon realized I wanted to do it for me. I needed that time with him; to see all the kids; to let the school staff know I was there for him. Parents are not allowed at all in the cafeteria so I have to sign him out. They have one bench outside for 2600+ students. On cold days, we sit in the car. I sincerely thought about writing a note to the principal but I don't want to be the exception (the rules don't apply).

Honestly, I could care less how often other dads/moms/grandparents/second cousins come up to the school. What's important to me is my relationship with my son. Each year, the teachers change but what has been constant has been my presence and that is important to ME.

Wow, that is one of my favorite lines!!! I tell my son constantly his teachers will be in his past soon but SIEMPRE MAMA (Mama will always be there).

You're awesome!!

 

[disykat]

Honestly, I could care less how often other dads/moms/grandparents/second cousins come up to the school. What's important to me is my relationship with my son. Each year, the teachers change but what has been constant has been my presence and that is important to ME.

Everyone needs to do what works for them, but I have a different theory. I DO care how often other parents do things and keep myself in check to provide "normal" support for my child. Since I am involved in PTSA and band boosters, I might be there more than the average parent but I work hard to make sure I am not more visable than the average parent. I basically ask my child permission every time I'm going to be visible at their school. Otherwise I stick to things where I'm not seen by students.

 

[Sarah7401]

I eat with him a couple times a year when I am volunteering at the school for the book fair or Santa's Workshop or whatever. I think it should be a special thing and not a regular thing. Kids need to learn to be their own little people and function in the lunch room on their own.

I completely do not agree, though, with the parent bringing in McDonald's, Subway or anything else like that. It's just not fair to the other kids. If you want your child to have McDonald's or Subway for lunch, come get them and take them out.

 

[tinkermom23]

Last year DH was in 3rd grade and asked if I would eat lunch with him. I did only a couple times.

This year, DD3 & DS3 are in preschool we have to walk past the lunchroom/commons area while other kids are eating breakfast, then again while kids are eating lunch. They said they wanted to eat and looked like they were missing out. I asked in the office and they said it would be fine. So, the twins are done about same time DS10 is going to lunch and we eat together most every Monday.

One thing I like is that I get to know his friends a little better. They are very accepting and sometimes leave their table to come and sit with us. I hear them interact and see how my son interacts with them.

Something we have done a few times... DS10 earns personal size pizzas each month for the school reading program. A couple times a year I pick up a pizza and surprise him with it. I try to do this on days that the lunch is not one of his favorites.

 

[Robinrs]

Everyone needs to do what works for them, but I have a different theory. I DO care how often other parents do things and keep myself in check to provide "normal" support for my child. Since I am involved in PTSA and band boosters, I might be there more than the average parent but I work hard to make sure I am not more visable than the average parent. I basically ask my child permission every time I'm going to be visible at their school. Otherwise I stick to things where I'm not seen by students.

Everyone needs to do what works for them but you DO care how often other parents do things?

Why should you care? I agree, doing what's good for you and your child is a personal thing but I wouldn't care less what little Joey's Mom was doing. Or did I miss the point of your post?

And what is "normal"?

 

[Karibeth19]

We used to go all the time when DD was in elementary school, and all three of us loved it! DD loved having us bring her lunch, and DH and I loved spending the time with her. Another great benefit was that it gave us the opportunity to meet the other kids in her class. The cafeteria set up was long tables, and the kids all sat on one side of the table, and if parents came, we could sit on the other side, across from the kids. So, we got to interact with all the kids sitting around DD, and it was a great way to get to know them. DH is a really funny guy, and he knew how to entertain them and make them laugh. It got to the point where DD's friends looked forward to him joining her for lunch almost as much as she did! It was a positive experience all around and I really miss it! She's in middle school now, and it just isn't "cool"...
However, we did have to go up there during lunch once to sell tickets for a dance, and although DD seemed embarassed (DH actually stood up, waved his arms, and yelled, "Hey Bunny!!!! I'm here!!!") But, after they ate, she and a large group of her friends came up to the table and spent the rest of the lunch period talking to us. I love that we have such a great relationship with not only DD, but her friends as well, and I think spending time at her school plays a big part in that. I hope it will help her avoid trouble going into the teenage years!!!!!

 

[GEM]

I eat with him a couple times a year when I am volunteering at the school for the book fair or Santa's Workshop or whatever. I think it should be a special thing and not a regular thing. Kids need to learn to be their own little people and function in the lunch room on their own.

I completely do not agree, though, with the parent bringing in McDonald's, Subway or anything else like that. It's just not fair to the other kids. If you want your child to have McDonald's or Subway for lunch, come get them and take them out.

Eh.....life's not fair. At least that's what I always tell my son when he comes home and laments about all the other kids who bring gummies, twinkies, or whatever in their lunchboxes. Some kids get to eat tasty junk, some kids have more expensive clothes, some have all the latest gadgets, some kids have a mom who bring lunch from McDonald's one a week....and (as I remind him often)....some kids get to go to Disney World two or three times a year. Life is full of inequities. I'm trying to teach my son that it's best not to dwell on the small ones and to save your sense of injustice for the big ones....and somebody's mama bringing him chicken nuggets for lunch is definitely a small one.

 

[disykat]

Everyone needs to do what works for them but you DO care how often other parents do things?

Why should you care? I agree, doing what's good for you and your child is a personal thing but I wouldn't care less what little Joey's Mom was doing. Or did I miss the point of your post?

And what is "normal"?

LOL - I think you did miss the point of my post. Schools all have a different "norm" and I try to stick within it. Some parents don't care what the norm is and that's fine for them. Personally it is important to me that my kids aren't remembered as "the kid whose mom is always at school" OR "the kid whose mom never comes." Thus, I try to behave like the average mom at their school. In my case, I know I'm around more than average so I try to be as invisable as possible.

I think you're fooling yourself if you don't think kids or adults notice when a parent is behaving differently than most. I care about the "norm" because I don't want my child getting attention at their school for MY behavior. That's just the way I feel. Other parents might not feel like sticking to a "norm" is a good thing for their child, and that's their perogative.

 

[happygirl]

OP here. I went today. She loved it she was happy to show me off. LOL

 

[PollyannaMom]

I just asked my 5th grader if she would want me to eat lunch at school with her and she said she would be embarrassed to have me come and eat with her. She says that it would be OK if you asked your kids and they said "yes".

That's my DS as well. I stopped in the cafeteria once, because I got a mid-day sub call, to tell him to meet me in room ___ instead of taking the bus, and you'd have thought he didn't know me!

I really think it depends on the school, and what's "normal" there.

 

[pozey]

Even if someone asked, I don't think our school would allow random unscheduled adults to just show up at lunchtime, walk through the school to get to the cafeteria, etc.

I don't mean this to sound snippy or anything...but you do realize that most, if not ALL, of the people who say they eat lunch with their child at school have to check in with the office first, right?

I don't think people are saying they just show up and head to the cafeteria.

I have 2 children still in elementary school - one in 1st and one in 5th. I can eat lunch with them, but I have to go to the office first, check in, get a visitor badge, and then meet them in the cafeteria. And I can't just go wandering around the school.

My office is a good 20 minutes from my children's school, so I rarely eat lunch with them, but I do on occasion. They love it.


Oh....and HI KARI!!