Ease My Aching Heart

[SnoWhiteRabbit]

Tough situation. You definitely should take a vacation with just your DH before having kids! That said, I would consider taking both DNs to Disney -- even if you shorten the trip a bit, and then maybe hit Las Vegas for a long weekend with your DH. Maybe he would like this plan too since he was originally interested in Las Vegas for the two of you. If that's not an option, then I definitely like the special Disney day in NYC - at the Disney store and maybe to see Lion King or Beauty and the BEast.

Good luck with whatever you decide -- and make sure you do get special time with your DH before you start your own family -- without feeling guilty!

 

[idofabric]

I think you are located in New Jersey? If so why not take one or both of your DN's to the new Disney Store in New York City? I have seen it on line(found it under the offical all incompassing Disney site). I think that the store has a Princess Tea, and some other special stuff you could all do. It would be cheaper( maybe...) then a trip to WDW, and special for you all since it would be a aunt/neice event. And if you are close enought you could go in and back in a day... Hope this helps!

 

[ExPirateShopGirl]

What a toughie....

First of all, the fellow above who mentioned your nieces need a positive female role model in their lives is correct. That doesn't mean you need to take them to WDW, no matter how much the one wants to return. Could simply be that was the last time she remembers her mother with the whole family and she seeks that comfort. By the same token, the other niece might be reminded of the same thing and be pushing away from it.

Keep your WDW date with your husband. He has probably spent the last year watching you give the majority of your time, emotion and attention to your sister's family, and in his own way is asking to have you back, even for this short vacation.

Your niece will probably not be happy at first, but honesty is important and you have to remember that she's already been through the biggest tragedy of her life already. This is just a trip to WDW (even as big as that is to a kid).

When you tell her that you and your husband are going, tell her you would like her to plan a trip where you take both the girls (just the three of you) and go a few months later for a few days (also before you have a baby).

You might want to suggest to their father that he take them someplace special for a weekend just the three of them, and let him show them just how much they mean to him, too.

Good luck and have faith!

 

[sk!mom]

I'm very sorry for your loss.

I would cancel WDW and go to Vegas with your DH. It seems that the major reason for not bringing them is DH's desire for a private vacation (very important to a marriage) and Vegas was his first choice anyway.
Could he be feeling a little left out with your neices needing you so much? It seems that he is probably trying to be understanding, due to the circumstances, but it sounds as if he needs time with just you.
I personally wouldn't be able to enjoy WDW knowing that I had disappointed my DN. Vegas is a great couples vacation!

 

[bengalbelle]

I don't have any advice for you, I'm sorry. That's such a tough situation to be in. I have a question, though. Won't the girls be in school in September? Wouldn't that ease the pressure of having to invite them? I think it's sweet of you to want to take them, but you and your husband deserve to have alone time and you shouldn't feel guilty about it. I LOVE the idea of taking the girls to NYC or somewhere else for the weekend.

 

[Tinkbell]

I wouldn't hide my trip from her. She might get the idea that you really didn't want her around. I'd explain that this trip was for adults only. Maybe you could ask her to help you with planning? Make her sort of your Disney "travel agent". A shorter "girls only" trip somewhere could benefit her more. I'm very sorry to hear about your sister.

 

[TupperMom7]

I would tell her about the trip - she will find out eventually anyway. I would tell her that you need a vacation alone with your husband before you start having children of your own. I would ask her what she would like you to bring her from WDW as a souvenier. I would tell her how much fun it will be when you someday go back to WDW with your children and bring her along too. That will give her something to look forward to, but also make her realize how long it will be until that might happen.
Is there a reason why her father cannot take her and her sister? Is it financial? If you and your husband were willing to take them, but just want a vacation alone, perhaps you could assist their father financially to take them? Sorry but I don't know the whole situation.
Good luck with this tough situation.

 

[bjakmom]

lovinwdw - I understand your dilemma - my sis lost her husband 1 1/2 yrs ago and my family situation has been very similar to yours. My br-in-law was a dear friend of mine who met my sis and fell in love - we live 10 min from each other and have helped each other raise our kids over the past 20-some years. I have watched their youngest DS (7) since he was only 6 wks old when they worked. My sis took her 3 boys to WDW that first summer to fulfill their promise that the family would go when little DNeph turned 6 (the older boys had been when they were younger, but he had never been) - he just loved it ! My other sis and I took him back in Dec. for MVMCP (and to give sis a break to prepare for the holidays) - the trip was so full of magic that we called it the "angel at our side tour" !
As much fun as those trips were, and as much healing as they have brought us, I know that balancing out my time with my own family/children/grchildren is very important. Becoming so much a part of someone else's family (and of course having him overnights and in the summers is a blessing to me, never a burden - sounds like you understand!) is a long term commitment. When we went back for my DSs 16th birthday, it was just our family and I wouldn't have wanted to try and hide that from him even if he felt a little hurt. He is having a hard time again and we just decided that he and I would make a quick trip for Star Wars Weekend if he didn't miss any more school - he is sooo excited (so am I!).
Give your DH and yourself some time alone (wherever you and he will be happiest) - you must be exhausted - I know I didn't sleep through the night for over a year. Stay honest with the girls - having trust in you will be crucial for them over the years. Just plan some fun things to do - doesn't have to be 'big' like WDW - they just want and need your love and attention. Now that I have been through such a loss, I am so reassured to know that I have wonderful sisters like you who will love and look after my children if I can't - I sometimes feel my br-in-law smiling down on us in the simplest moments - I hope the same for you - take good care of yourself first - the rest will work itself out! Sorry this is so long, but your post touched my heart - you are so loving and it is a tough situation to sort out - stay strong!

 

[MinnieM3]

What a loss for all of you! I"m so sorry.

Maybe Vegas would be a good idea this time! It is a fabulous place to vacation and lots of great people-watching!

 

[Queenie]

I'm so sorry for you, losing a family member is so hard. If you do decide to go to WDW with your DH, maybe you could find out what your neices fave rides/restaurants etc were first. Then make a sign with a piece of card that says something like "*neice's name* - thinking of you!" and get DH or a CM to take pics of you outside her fave places so she knows you were thinking about her?

I hope you find something that will make everyone as happy as possible. There's no point going all the way to WDW and spending all that money if you're just going to spend the holiday feeling guilty or sad.

 

[lovinwdw]

I would really like to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers. It means so much that everyone is so nice. I will definately tell my DN that we are going and will try to plan a day or weekend trip into the city. (We took them there before Christmas to see the tree, we wanted to do something to keep their mind off of losing their mom). She was absolutely amazed by the city and how big the buildings were. She wanted to go into the Toys R Us, but the line was so long, and it was so cold, I told her we would come back when it was warmer. I will definately take them both to the Disney Store and Toys R Us.

All of your ideas really helped. Thank you so much. You are all so great!!

_________________________

Tracy

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I haven't read all the replies, so maybe I'm repeating something that has already been discussed.

Do you have the financial means to go alone with your husband (which is a lot of fun, BTW--my DH and I left our 4 kids at home this fall and we went and had a great time) and plan a not so distant trip with the neices (either one or both). Even if it's just you going back with the Disney crazy neice with a different trip planned for the neice who isn't so into Disney.

Hey, get an AP and plan two trips for the fall (spoken like one who likes to do that sort of thing. I bought an AP Feb 2004, went for a week then with my then 4yo, in the fall with my DH, in early Dec for almost 2 weeks with my now 5yo son, my sister, and my 81yo mother--her first trip, and in Jan with my 11yo.

It's very important for you to have this time with your DH and I wouldn't bring the girls on that particular trip. If it doesn't work to take a 2nd trip back to WDW is there a local theme park that you could go to for a couple days. I know, it's not the same, but could be fun.

T&B

 

[*Fantasia*]

If it were me in this situation, I would take the girls. You and your husband could plan another trip to a more adult place for another time. It sounds as if the girls could really use the trip. Invite your Brother in law too. That way you can still have some alone time with your husband while he has the girls.

I would say to take them both. You truly haven't seen Disney till you see it through kids eyes.

It would be a truly special wonderful thing if you could take them with you on your trip. They have been through a lot.

You will have the chance to do something special with your husband someday. Please think about taking them. You will have a great time.

I am sorry for your loss. I hope the children are fine. I say take a trip to Vegas with him alone and take the children to Disney. Everyone will be happy that way. No one is going to feel guilty and no one's feelings is going to get hurt.

 

[lovinwdw]

I don't have any advice for you, I'm sorry. That's such a tough situation to be in. I have a question, though. Won't the girls be in school in September? Wouldn't that ease the pressure of having to invite them? I think it's sweet of you to want to take them, but you and your husband deserve to have alone time and you shouldn't feel guilty about it. I LOVE the idea of taking the girls to NYC or somewhere else for the weekend.

You are right, the girls will be in school in September. Actually, the week we are going is their 2nd week back to school. By than my 12 year old DN will be in 7th grade, I know my BIL will not want them to miss school. I think that he may be planning a trip some time in 2006. I am going to try to go with them if I can.

 

[Tinker_]

Here is my advice-

Instead of letting your neice get wrapped up in your vacation with DH, have her plan a vaction for the family for a later date, maybe MArch or May of 06? Tell her that she can plan out everything she wants to do for the trip, and maybe her sister will get excited about it to. Instead of focusing her on the negative get her to look at the positive side. Bring her back brochures to look at for her to plan the next trip. Heck, let her on the Disboard teen site! This is coming from a person who always goes with DH alone, and are taking his 14 yr old brother this year. I am so glad we are taking him, but I will miss the alone time. Like you this will probably be our last trip before we have a DD or DS! So make is magical! You'll thank yourself late