DS with Seperation Anxiety?

[sms]

My 7 year old son has always been very clingy. He hardly ever plays in another room by himself, he won't go to the bathroom by himself ( he's getting better at this), and he won't sleep by himself. At first I just thought he was scared but now another problem has come up. This morning I was sick and I wasn't able to take him to school. My aunt had to take him. He went crazy! He did not want to go if I didn't take him. He said he would be sad and cry all day if I didn't take him. We always have a certain thing we do and say when I drop him off. He said we wouldn't be able to do that!?!

He's fine while at school and he is fine while I'm at work. he will even stay with his Grandma without me. We have a great relationship but, He doesn't want me to date or go out. We always have a problem when I want to do someting without him! His father does not live with us. He sees him a couple of times a month. Also, my father passed away when he was 1.5 years old. Could this be the problem. Could it be seperation anxiety or does he just want to be a controlling 7 year old!? HELP! Any advice would be great!

 

[mjkacmom]

I would seek counselling - that is very extreme. My ds7 is the opposite - he can't understand why I can't leave him home alone! And I doubt he would use the bathroom if I was in it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Second the counseling. You need to get to the bottom of this and then start the both of you on a path to get him over his anxiety.

Find a good counselor thru your ped office or word of mouth with someone who works with kids with anxiety.

Think of it this way, your son would rather be normal. He is suffering living this way.

 

[Jennasis]

May I add a third to the counseling suggestion? This is extreme. Whether he intends to be controlling of you or not, he is. Needs to be nipped and quickly.

 

[RadioNate]

I'll be the 4th. Something is very wrong. I have a child a little older who is considered clingy and cautious but there is no way he would do some of these things.

 

[dislaney]

I agree. My dd was kind of clingy and possessive when she was a small child- but if it had been to this extent I would have gotten some counseling for her.

 

[Luvchefmic]

I have to be the 5th & agree with all of the above...something is surely not right here, please find a counselor through your pediatrician would be my best suggestion too,

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I think counseling is a great idea but I do have a question. What do you do when he starts crying? Do you melt and give in?

 

[blanq]

Counseling, for sure. A 7 year old, even one with separation anxiety, should be able to go to the bathroom by himself. He may have an anxiety disorder of some kind though. I am not trying to diagnose your child, but I think if I were in your situation I would want to have a professional take a look at the situation.

 

[N&B'smom]

Think of it this way, your son would rather be normal. He is suffering living this way.

So true, I can't imagine how it would be to be riddled with such anxiety. I feel badly for the little guy. I hope you get an appointment with a professional very soon and please keep us posted.

 

[KPeveler]

I would definitely seek counselling and speak to his pediatrician! This is very extreme and unsafe. Needing that level of control and ritual is not usual for a child that age.

 

[Robinrs]

Sounds more like fear of abandonment than separation anxiety. Try to find a counselor who deals with children. He's acting out in a way that shows a major underlying fear. Poor thing, I so agree with the PP who said he wants to fix this, but his young mind cannot do it alone.

Hugs to you...

 

[LuvOrlando]

I don't want to alarm you but someone, something, somewhere is making him feel unsafe. I don't know that I would brush it off that there is necessarily something wrong with him... but there is something wrong. They say you need to ask a child 30 times what is wrong before they will actually trust you are listening enough tell you. Start asking questions about the people around him. At least a few times a week I make it a point to get some quiet time alone with each of my kids and ask:

"How are you? What is going on with you? How are your friends? Who do you hang out with in school? Who do you eat lunch with? Are there any bullies around you? Does anyone bother you? Is anyone ever mean to you? Are you fighting with your friends or are there any friends who are fighting? Is there anything I should know about? Is there anything you want to talk to me about? What about the grown-ups around you, is everyone nice to you? Respectful?"

Most of the time my kids just go through the motions and answer no to it all. But a few times I've heard shocking details, like the time another 6th grade boy asked my DS if he wanted to 'play' together in a bathroom stall back in September. Also, the time my kids were at a friends for a playdate and the other boy announced a game of hide and seek only to suggest my DS hide in a closet while the kid held down my DD and tried to kiss her on the sofa. This boy and DD were in kindergarten and DS was in 1st grade at the time.
A good friend of mine is a School Psychologist & great Mom. One would think her kids would tell her everything. But, 2 months ago an 8th grade boy just walked up to her 6th grade son and punched him in the nose out of the blue. Her DS wasn't even the one who told her. Another kid told his Mom and the other Mom told her. When she asked her son he confirmed it. She said he said he didn't say anything because he didn't want to upset her. Mind you this kid is an All-Star baseball player and brilliant student with many friends... one would think self esteem & speaking out wouldn't be a problem. Truth is it is hard for anyone to find a voice when mistreated.


Yep, I'm glad I ask questions. I'm sure there is plenty they don't tell me but I think it's important that they know I am not only interested as their advocate but that I am aware the world is not perfect and can sometimes be confusing.

Ask questions.

 

[vettechick99]

What strikes me odd is that he's fine at school but not at home. If he's anxious, he would be anxious all the time, right? Or maybe he's not as "fine" at school as you think he is.

I wouldn't think Grandpa dying at 1.5 has anything to do with it. He wouldn't even remember that unless you talk about it a lot?

Hope you get it figured out!

 

[minkydog]

Yes, I agree with PPs. This is way over the top. He's way past the age of normal separation anxiety and it's controlling both your lives.

My sister's child has been like this all her life. She is 12 and my DSis and BIL have NO life-everything is about keeping the routine so DNiece won't have a meltdown. She takes medication for anxiety and attends a special class in school for kids who have emotional issues. Just recently she was correctly diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome(also called high functining autism by some.)

I'm not saying your child is autistic at all, just that there are many reasons for children to have anxiety. Not every child who exhibits extreme anxiety has been abused. Anxiety and depression runs in my family. Of my 4 sibs, 3 of us are on something for depression, anxiety or both. The good news is, a person can be taught to control their anxiety through therapy, and often, with meds. It's not something they can just power through(and I'm sure you know that.) You can't just "think" anxiety away. WHen he says he will feel sad and cry all day, he's probably right. Because the routine is wrong and that routine is what keeps all the anxiety in check. Without the routine he may truly feel like the world is ending. Have you ever had a panic attack? It will make you believe you are going to die RIGHT NOW!~

Poor kid. And poor mom. I would suggest that both of you get some therapy. When one person in the family is suffering from emotional problems, the whole family is suffering.