DS wants to pack an extra lunch......

[Good Ol Gal]

My ds11 has a new friend this year. He is a very nice 10yo. He came over to our house for the first time yesterday to play.

While here my ds asked him if he would like a snack (the kids usually have an afterschool snack). His friend says yes and they proceed to raid the pantry. They grab some food and off they go. A little while later, they're back for more.

Now my ds is NOT a very big eater. He's 11 and weighs maybe 65lbs..so it was kinda surprising that he wanted more food. I was kinda glad b/c getting him to eat is sometimes hard.

Anyway.... after his friend leaves ds comes to me and tells me that his friend was so amazed at our pantry. That we had so much food to choose from. (we are on a budget for food and I shop weekly and try to only buy what we will eat that week.)

He told ds that they don't have much food in their house and that he is always hungry. DS asks if it will be ok for me to pack him an extra lunch so he can give it to his friend.

I am torn. I don't know what to do really. I told ds that I am not sure if that would be appropriate. That his mom may get mad if we start doing that. I explained that I wouldn't feel comfortable with someone else making him a lunch b/c I would not know what was in it.

I told him that I am very proud of him being so compassionate and wanting to help his friend, but that we'd have to think of another solution. But I have no idea what it could be!

Now, I have not met his mother, have never talked to her, so I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate an out of the blue call telling here that he ds is hungry.

I know that the friend gets lunch at school everyday, but I told ds that he could share any of his lunch with his friend as long as he is not hungry himself.

Any other suggestions? Should I just leave it at that??

 

[Mermaid02]

I might throw in some extra every day and see what happens. Guidance should be called though. There is help for kids whose parents can't afford hot lunch.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

If the friend is truly low income, which it sounds like maybe he is (or maybe not--maybe his parents are using their money for other things...), he is likely getting free or reduced price meals. In that case, he is covered for lunch and possibly even breakfast. I would not allow your son to bring in a lunch for him. If they really can't afford food, there are programs to help with that, also. At the very least, I wouldn't do more without finding more about the family. It's different feeding the boy when he's over at your house--that I would do without hesitation.

 

[NMAmy]

I'd pack extra in his lunch and give him instructions to share it if his friend (or any child) is hungry or has forgotten their lunch. I always used to do that with dd when she was in grade school. There were some kids whose parents were pretty short of money and/or food right before payday. That way, dd could say, "Hey, I'm not going to eat this, do you want it?" It doesn't come across as charity that way.

DD was always very sensitive about other kids not having enough to eat.

 

[Good Ol Gal]

He is on the reduced lunch program already at school.... according to my ds he gets a hot lunch everyday.

 

[Stepharoonie!]

I might throw in some extra every day and see what happens. Guidance should be called though. There is help for kids whose parents can't afford hot lunch.

 

[mickeyboat]

I wonder if he is so interested in your pantry because you have different foods than he does at home, not because he is very hungry. I think I might send a little extra, but he should be getting free or reduced lunch if his family can't afford it, not depending on other children to share. Kudos to your son for being so compassionate.

We have a neighbor who has three kids. They love to play with my girls, even though they are a bit older, and spend a lot of time at our house. If the kids have a drink or a snack, they always share with their friends. But the little girl is starting to get on my nerves. The kids will invariably come in from outside and say Susie wants a water, Susie wants some chips. It's like she is telling the kids to go in and ask for her. I think I need to have a little talk with her or her mom, and tell her that I am not the neighborhood pantry!

Denae

 

[cheyita]

You mentioned your son's size and weight but not the other boy's. Maybe his parents are trying to control the amount of food - particularly junk - that their son eats because it is something he has already been struggling with?

I may be WAY off base, but it was just a thought that crossed my mind...

 

[snowy76]

I've seen kids who are on free or reduced who tossed the hot lunch. I know, you think if you're hungry enough you'll eat anything, but apparently not. I had one boy who threw his free lunch out daily. It was a way of acting out.
He thought I'd call dad in to deal with him (dad didn't live at home and the son wanted his attention desperately).

Then a colleague suggested something else. You know how if diet for a while you get used to not eating as much? Then if someone offers you pizza and chips, you go nuts and just crave more? You seem to want to eat more than you did before the diet?

My colleague suggested this boy maybe didn't eat lunch because if he did, he'd just want to eat more, and he knew he couldn't get it at home. So he chose to not eat at all, because he believed he functioned better that way.

FWIW, I've found free and reduced breakfast is paltry for a kid who doesn't generally get enough to eat, especially when they hit middle school age, or heaven forbid, a growth spurt. School lunch isn't much more satisfying. I've always had kids asking if they can get more, but laws dictate portions.

 

[Good Ol Gal]

You mentioned your son's size and weight but not the other boy's. Maybe his parents are trying to control the amount of food - particularly junk - that their son eats because it is something he has already been struggling with?

I may be WAY off base, but it was just a thought that crossed my mind...

The other boy is taller than my ds and is about average weight, not fat, not skinny.

Maybe our pantry was exotic to him. He choose a banana and applesauce so he's making good choices. Or maybe he doesn't get fresh fruit at home

 

[sharbear]

A couple of things. One I would also throw extra in your S's lunch and see if his friend wants to share. You did say that the kid did get a free or reduced lunch so he may be hungry.

But my D has some friends like this and none of their families were lacking money. One friend has a mother who, how shall I say this, has some food issues. Everything in their house is low fat and organic. There is never any junk food or snack food in the house. The mother is always commenting on her weight and her DD's weight (the DD is not fat at all). She severely restricts what her DD packs for lunch. My DD who is very skinny would never subsist on what is packed for lunch. This girl thinks our house is great. We have some junk food in the house and normal kid food. The girl had never been to McDonalds until last year (she's 16) and was freaking out about what she could eat there. BTW, she liked McD's.

My sister has a DD who is overweight and has a problem with eating too much. She has to restrict what she has in her house and what her DD eats. My neice goes to other houses and goes wild with her eating. She also sneaks food when her mother isn't looking. It's sad, she just doesn't have the reflexes to know when she is full and will just eat and eat.

I don't think that is what is going on with her S's friend but just some other ideas.

 

[janey99]

In my DS's school, kids are not allowed to share food with each other, in case someone has an allergy or sensitivity, I suppose.

I agree with the posters who said bring it to the attention of the school counselor or someone else who can explore the boy's home life and make sure he is being provided for.

How sad if he is going hungry!

 

[Evil Queen]

Maybe once in awhile you could throw in an extra pc. of fruit or fruit cup, your son could then offer it. I liked what the one pp said, "I really don't want this. Do you want it?"

I was thankful the other day to the kind friends of DS10's. His lunch bag was yucky so I had cleaned it well and wanted to let it air out. I just threw his lunch in a brown lunch bag. Of course the PB&J got crushed (as DS said "Looks like it exploded) to the point he couldn't get it out of the bag. His lunch table buddies offered a little something from all their lunches.

Also for the pp who felt like the neighborhood pantry. We are a one income family and I budget to a tee. A family that use to live on our street would always play in my house or yard. I didn't mind handing out drinks-it's hot here in S. Florida, but these kids would want a snack ALL the time. I finally told them, if you're hungry go home and grab something. You can come back when you're finished. Then I didn't feel guilty about giving my son a snack, while they weren't here.

I can't say that his family was any worse off then we were, but with all the adults that lived there (I think only 2 out of 5 worked daily), they could easily support the kids there. *And yes, all the adults were capable of working-just felt some jobs or bosses were beneath them*. Plus, they were bringing in bags of groceries daily, or fast food items.

 

[monsterkitty]

My first year of teaching we had a boy who would go from table to table at lunch asking for food. After a few days of seeing this, I asked him about it. He told me there was no food in his house and he was hungry. By law we had to call social services.

A few days later, we were informed that social services visited the boy's house. They opened up the fridge, cupboards, and panty. They were all packed with food, healthy food.

Turns out that the boy didn't like the healthy food, so he just said there was no food in his house. There was food, just not food he wanted to eat.

 

[va32h]

We had this same situation last year, when my son was in kindergarten and a little girl in his class consistently had nothing to eat for lunch.

There are plenty of people who make too much to qualify for free lunch programs, but are still in financial need.

Several times, teachers or lunch aides would buy this girl the school lunch, but she didn't always like it, and I didn't blame her. Some of the lunch choices looked very unappetizing. Just because a person is poor, doesn't mean they aren't allowed to have likes and dislikes in food.

Anyway, I had no problem packing my son an extra piece of fruit or cup of yogurt. He only eats a half sandwich, so I would send in two halves, just in case, or a larger portion of pretzels or crackers.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

In my DS's school, kids are not allowed to share food with each other, in case someone has an allergy or sensitivity, I suppose.

Our school does not allow lunch sharing either.

Before I jump to conclusions I might do some investigation.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Evil Queen, I had to put a stop to the neighbors eating me out of house and home, too. I don't mind feeding the friends if they have been invited over (sleeping over, etc), but when the neighbor kids are playing outside and want a snack, I can't go broke feeding them. I buy the big boxes of freezer pops and the kids are free to help themselves to those and I bought certain drinks. As long as I didn't find litter in the driveway the kids could have those things when playing basketball, etc. But one time I went out and they'd helped themselves to bottled water and the big Gatorades. That didn't go over well since we only use those when we are going somewhere (my son's baseball game, etc). I told them if they want water they can walk inside and help themselves from the water in the fridge door or they can go home and get a drink. These are kids who come from families who can all afford things as much or more than we can.