DS is miserable today... his birthday.

[cepmom]

Marseeya ~
I am so sorry you and your son are having a tough time. I hope that he gets the help he needs soon. I don't have any first hand experience with bipolar disorder, but I have had my fair share of teen trouble...it sucks and breaks your heart when you know that sometimes their behavior is out of their own control. I feel for him too...I can't imagine not feeling in control of my feelings, emotions etc. Is he taking his meds?

 

[VanniGirl]

No words of wisdom here, just .

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

Just my opinion, but I don't think being bipolar is an excuse to be rude and disrespectful.

Wow, you must be some kind of therapist or something right?

To the OP -- my father is bipolar, as is my nephew, and I've seen medication change their lives. It takes time though, to get it right. I know first hand how hard this is. I used to think about my dad when he first started showing symptoms, you aren't my dad; who are you? It was like some alien had taken him over. Horrible I wish the best for you and I'm just here to say there is a light at the end of the tunnel. My nephew is just like every other kid these days.I understand your heartbreak. I think you do have to, on one hand, treat him like other kids and discipline him. But on the other hand, try to remember that it's more horrible for him that it even is for you. Just remember that it isn't personal, though, it's the disease, not the kid.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

With respect, you haven't spent much time around a bipolar person, have you? This behavior is hallmark bipolar. Unfortunately.
.

LOL!! You don't know how hilarious that statement is. I have a BA in psychology and have been around quite a few bipolars, both treated and untreated. And if you read my comment, I was responding to the person I quoted.

 

[Bashful2]

I agree that being bipolar does not excuse rudeness and disrespect as long as the disorder is being properly treated. However, when DD was not on the appropriate meds, she just couldn't control her outbursts and couldn't do anything else to help herself.

Once she was being effectively treated, we let her know in no uncertain terms that she was not going to use her disorder as an excuse for bad behavior. She finally realized that and, except for normal teenage moodiness, is doing great. However, if she forgets to take her meds, even for one day, we can see a difference in her behavior and it takes her a couple of days to get back on track.

As far as the OP's son, I would get him the gift I had originally planned. With dinner, I would see how he is when he gets home from school. If he is in a better mood, I would take him out. If not, I'd just have a regular dinner. For your birthday, just keep your regular plans. If he's interested in participating, great. If not, leave him home (as long as he's not the type to hurt himself physically).

I would also keep calling the new psychiatrist's office to see if they had any cancellations or could get him in earlier. He sounds like he is in deperate need of help.

I'm so sorry your going through all of this. A year ago, I was feeling much the way you are now. Please don't give up hope.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

As far as the OP's son, I would get him the gift I had originally planned. With dinner, I would see how he is when he gets home from school. If he is in a better mood, I would take him out. If not, I'd just have a regular dinner. For your birthday, just keep your regular plans. If he's interested in participating, great. If not, leave him home (as long as he's not the type to hurt himself physically).

I agree.

 

[UrsulasMyHero]

Best of Luck to you. It is difficult. My best friend is going thru much the same with her now 13 year old son. It doesn't help that they are BOTH bi polar, that gets to be one cranky household.

May you have a blessed new year dawning, and may your son find the help he needs.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I know your ongoing saga but I really have to say this...

If you know he hates all the birthday stuff why do you continue to bug him with it?
It just doesn't make sense to me.

In my family we do not make a such a "big deal" with birthdays either. If my kid said that they didn't want to do anything I would not turn it into a power struggle.

I know he is bipolar and you are having serious issues but why do you bug him about his birthday?
Ask yourself if it is more about you than him? YOU want to celebrate, he does not.
KWIM?

I mean no disrespect to you, I know you are going through a rough time with him.

 

[cstraub]

First off my heart goes out to you.....

It's frustrating that people will except the fact that if your heart is not working right you have to take meds or you could have a heart attack. We would never expect someone to be in control of their own heart or heart attack. We have no control over what our hearts are doing at any given moment.

Now if your brain is not working properly you may have to take meds so that you don't have violent outburts or whatever wide range of things that could happen. Again we have no comtrol over what our brains are doing at any given moment.

We want to beleive that we are in control but we really are not. We are no more in control of our brains than our hearts. You could argue it is about taking care of yourself but what about those born with heart problems or brain problems?

I hope this makes sense. I talk better than I write.

Bottom line.........I feel sorry for your son. Until he gets on the right meds he will not feel "normal". People are so hung up on the word behavior when it comes to brain disorders. I'm sorry that more people do not understand the chemical's that make up the brain.

I would go ahead with the birthday and look at it this way. If your son had just had a heart attack would you be denying him a present because of it? This behavior is his heart attack. He has little if no contol over it. Would a 15 year really "choose" to be this miserable? Would anyone?

I wish you luck in getting him help.

 

[DisneyStar006]

Just my opinion, but I don't think being bipolar is an excuse to be rude and disrespectful.

Bipolar people just can't *see* that they are being rude and disrespectful, it is a part of the disease.

I live with someone who is bipolar too, I know how hurtful it can be

 

[Marseeya]

I know your ongoing saga but I really have to say this...

If you know he hates all the birthday stuff why do you continue to bug him with it?
It just doesn't make sense to me.

In my family we do not make a such a "big deal" with birthdays either. If my kid said that they didn't want to do anything I would not turn it into a power struggle.

I know he is bipolar and you are having serious issues but why do you bug him about his birthday?
Ask yourself if it is more about you than him? YOU want to celebrate, he does not.
KWIM?

I mean no disrespect to you, I know you are going through a rough time with him.

I totally hear where you're coming from, and you're making complete sense. The only thing is with my DS, if I didn't try to do something special with him, he'd turn it around that I don't care and I "never" do anything for him. He can be extremely irrational like that -- danged if I do, and danged if I don't. For the record, though, I don't think I was really bugging him about the dinner. We last talked about it last week, and then today I was asking him what time he wanted to go, which restaurant, and if he wanted to bring any friends. He kept giving me "whatever," which can mean any number of things and I need my crystal ball to figure it out. Apparently I was misinterpreting this morning's "whatever" to mean "okay," when he really meant, "get off my back." Just as an example of how perverse he can be... a couple of weeks ago, I wanted to take him to the store with me to get him some jeans and tee shirts. He didn't want to go and had a minor fit, so I told him fine, stay home. WRONG. He got mad at me when I got home and said I should have known that he really did want to go, and that I should have just made him.

Is it any wonder I'm ?

 

[AC7179]

Oh Marseeya, I'm so sorry.

I am struggling with a 12 year old right now with no psycholgical issues but BRATTINESS and it is hard. I can't imagine teen pain in the butt + psychological condition. Bless your heart.

As far as the teen pain in the butt part, I don't know. My child is also an A/B+ student in all pre-AP classes. Her teachers and adults in her life love her. It seems to be just us that she is gracing with the brattiness, so I feel your pain there. I love her unconditionally but I'm not really LIKING her anymore. I don't like to complain to other people because I love her regardless and I don't want others to think badly of her but she does the same kind of she is pleasant one minute and a terror the next. Last night it was because I wouldn't buy her an outfit at Target. It was ugly and not cheap. It's almost like she is back in the terrible twos again, with these fits she is throwing. I didn't ground her for last night's fit. I probably should have, but she has spent the last THREE weekend's in her room grounded for other fits. This was a minor one but she probably should have been punished. It's so hard. I don't judge you or your son, Marseeya. I just pray that it gets better soon!

 

[cepmom]

It's almost like she is back in the terrible twos again, with these fits she is throwing. QUOTE]

I hear ya!

A very wise person told me once, when they get to the teenage years, they may look like adults, but they need your attention/guidance more now than when they where two or three. Common sense dictates that as a child grows older, they also grow with maturity, but the teen years defy all reason . We have had the fits too and the wild mood swings...I have learned not to react to them and sort of take the attitude I took when she was two or three ~ if you are going to behave like that, go to your room and we'll talk when you are calm ~ instead of flipping out which I was famous for. Seems to work much better!