DS doesn't want to play baseball anymore

[AristocatFan]

I'm not sure if this is a WWYD, a vent or what. I'll start off with a little background. DS(16) has been an eat, sleep and breathe baseball kid since he was 4yrs old. We've done the travel, tournaments, all-stars, world series give up your whole summers to baseball for the past twelve years. This last school year he was the starting 3rd baseman for the Freshman and JV teams, which was a lot of ball between the two teams but he's always played a lot of ball. And he juggled it with band, another big commitment and still maintained a 4.0.

Well, I mentioned to him this week that I scheduled his sports physical and he casually tells me he doesn't want to play ball anymore. Talk about a blow from left-field. (lol, no pun intended)
He didn't want to discuss it so I let it go for a few days but was trying to figure out why. He was doing great. Just shocked by the whole thing.

Finally he tells me he still likes baseball, it's the schools program that he doesn't agree with. DS is a very positive kid and dislikes negativity. He explained how the coaches always stressed keeping grades up and good conduct on and off the field and so on if they want to see playing time. But he knew of kids that were failing more than one subject and still playing. I told him unfortunately high school sports have been that way for years and he should only worry about how/what he's doing. He then explains the sinker for him was the team had a kid that got in trouble and couldn't finish the season. The other kid was drunk at prom plus had the alcohol on him at the school. DS thought, based on the coaches lectures, this student would be off the team for good. Well, no. He'll be back next year and they even have had him a part of the big summer league showcases and stuff. DS just said he can't be a part of it. He wants to focus on band and academics.

I guess my problem is not knowing how to explain the coaches/schools actions by letting this other student continue. By the way, DS loves band too and last summer at marching band camp two students were caught smoking, parents were made to come get them that night (2.5 hr drive) and they were kicked out of band, not allowed to return.

Sorry this got long and thank you if you've read this much. It's just hard seeing him give up something that's been apart of our lives for so long.

 

[gator75]

I totally understand how you are feeling my son is 13 and has been playing since he was in t ball he played last summer but you could tell his heart wasn't in it . he never once last summer said he didn't want to play but he isn't the type that would. so this year i knew that he wouldn't be playing because he would have missed the first 2 weeks of the season i was hoping when we told him this he would be beyond shattered well.. it didn't happen he was very happy nas of right now i don't forsee him wanting to play next year. i felt bad and like your son he loves the game but his intrests are other right now. my son is in orchestra that does take up alot of his time and us as parents also have to let them venture their own lives to some degree. beleive me i understand your vent you have shelled out alot of time and money to let him play the sport he loves i went down the same road but now i'm over and iof my son is at peace with his choice ia'm as well.

 

[boyob13]

Well, if he feels really bad about the coach's choice and he has held a strong interest in baseball all these years, did you suggest talking to the coach? If it doesn't work out he obviously has something to fall back on that does follow their own rules. He just seems really reluctant about this.

 

[Carole]

Does he attend a public high school? Our county requires all student athletes maintain a certain grade point average each semester before they can play sports. Freshmen are required to have the average from their last semester at middle school. I saw many times students that couldn't finish a season because their grades went down during the semester.

I hope your son talks to the coach and decides to continue to play. Good luck!

 

[Chelley00]

Our oldest DS just announced he's not going to play basketball this year, his senior year, because he hates the coach. Granted, their coach is not the brightest, and definately plays his "favorites" more, but DS is one of their best defensive players and 3 point shooters. I think he's just burned out. He has a great GPA and just wants to focus on academics and getting a job to save for college. As much as I hate it and think he might regret not playing, it's ultimately his decision and I am going to respect it At least your DS does have other interests and wants to focus on grades and band and isn't quitting to be lazy or something. That's the way we are looking at it with our DS

 

[lovesmurfs]

I'm not sure if this is a WWYD, a vent or what. I'll start off with a little background. DS(16) has been an eat, sleep and breathe baseball kid since he was 4yrs old. We've done the travel, tournaments, all-stars, world series give up your whole summers to baseball for the past twelve years. This last school year he was the starting 3rd baseman for the Freshman and JV teams, which was a lot of ball between the two teams but he's always played a lot of ball. And he juggled it with band, another big commitment and still maintained a 4.0.

Well, I mentioned to him this week that I scheduled his sports physical and he casually tells me he doesn't want to play ball anymore. Talk about a blow from left-field. (lol, no pun intended)
He didn't want to discuss it so I let it go for a few days but was trying to figure out why. He was doing great. Just shocked by the whole thing.

Finally he tells me he still likes baseball, it's the schools program that he doesn't agree with. DS is a very positive kid and dislikes negativity. He explained how the coaches always stressed keeping grades up and good conduct on and off the field and so on if they want to see playing time. But he knew of kids that were failing more than one subject and still playing. I told him unfortunately high school sports have been that way for years and he should only worry about how/what he's doing. He then explains the sinker for him was the team had a kid that got in trouble and couldn't finish the season. The other kid was drunk at prom plus had the alcohol on him at the school. DS thought, based on the coaches lectures, this student would be off the team for good. Well, no. He'll be back next year and they even have had him a part of the big summer league showcases and stuff. DS just said he can't be a part of it. He wants to focus on band and academics.

I guess my problem is not knowing how to explain the coaches/schools actions by letting this other student continue. By the way, DS loves band too and last summer at marching band camp two students were caught smoking, parents were made to come get them that night (2.5 hr drive) and they were kicked out of band, not allowed to return.

Sorry this got long and thank you if you've read this much. It's just hard seeing him give up something that's been apart of our lives for so long.

I really applaud your DS for his sense of right and wrong and for his ethics. I would support his decision, but ask him to write a letter to the principal explaining what you have (and including the band example), and copy the coach. Changes can't be made based on hearsay -- complaints and concerns need to be addressed in writing.

 

[AristocatFan]

Does he attend a public high school? Our county requires all student athletes maintain a certain grade point average each semester before they can play sports. Freshmen are required to have the average from their last semester at middle school. I saw many times students that couldn't finish a season because their grades went down during the semester.

I hope your son talks to the coach and decides to continue to play. Good luck!

Yes, it's a public high school and sadly they only require a 2.0 GPA to play. But if the student attends the "tutoring sessions" then they can continue to play.

As far as talking to the coach. DS hasn't told him yet and if he doesn't tell him why, I will. The coaches daughter is a friend of DD's so I'm sure I will be seeing him when school starts again.

 

[Acklander]

I remember one of my son's classmates was given a second chance back on the football team after a MAJOR screw up. From what I understand, the way the coach was looking at it was, if he booted the kid off the team forever, the kid would have probably dropped out of school and who knows where he would have ended up. The team was important to him, and was a motivation on his getting his act together and eventually graduating and heading on to college. The coach's compassion made a big difference in that kid's life. Maybe if your son could look at it as the coach giving someone a 2nd chance, that it would make it easier for him to continue playing for the team? I've never been a big fan of zero tolerance, especially at this age. Sometimes people screw up, it shouldn't be the end of the world.

 

[lovesmurfs]

As far as talking to the coach. DS hasn't told him yet and if he doesn't tell him why, I will.

I guess I wouldn't make this my fight, from a parent point of view. My thoughts are that DS is at the point that he should fight his own battles.

 

[shortbun]

I understand and support your son's opinions. If he were my son, I'd ask him to go ahead and get the physical while we discussed his choice, making sure it was made for the right reason and that he was not 'cutting off his nose to spite his face.' Perhaps a discussion with the athletic director would be in order. I'd also tell my son that children who make mistakes should have consequences but that they also often deserve another chance. 2.0 gpa is common for public schools to participate in extra activities. Not all great athletes are super smart and carrying a C average is ok, imho. Not completing work is another story, unless IEP's are in place...and that could be the case. This is private information and not the business of others. Make sure your son has considered these things and others before he quits something he otherwise loves. College scouts will be looking for kids dropping actitivies and might find his explanation a bit self-serving. I don't think he is wrong, just playing devils advocate.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

Whether you like South Park or not, you should watch the episode called "The Losing Edge" it's in season 9, episode 5. It's VERY funny, about baseball and I'm sure your DS can relate. There's nothing bad in it either.

You can go on to http://southparkstudios.com to watch it.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

Your son sounds like a neat kid. Could you encourage him to play with a local team, or something like that?

If not, the whole experience might make a great college essay.

 

[MichelleinMaine]

I guess I wouldn't make this my fight, from a parent point of view. My thoughts are that DS is at the point that he should fight his own battles.

While I agree parents need to step back and let kids "fight" things out on their own, I see this as a different situation.

Had the OP's son said "Mom, you need to go talk to Coach Smith because he's really mean and screwing things up for me, and I'm going to quit"- that's one thing. Instead it sounds like he's opted out of a system he doesn't believe in. (Good for him, though very sad. Most of my son's friends, who have been playing soccer since preschool, stopped when they hit the middle school. None of them could stand how the school program was run.)

It sounds like this coach is not playing by the rules established by the school system and that should be brought to the attention of the proper people in administration.

 

[AristocatFan]

Thanks for all the replies and support. I understand the second chance concept but this player also plays basketball and football. Plus his brother is a volunteer baseball coach, so it's pure politics. Which I know is a big part of our world, just hard when our kids have to experience it.

I also work in this school system. I know I will be asked why he isn't playing and I will just tell them he doesn't like the way the program is run. Simple as that and it's the truth. He doesn't want to play in college so it probably is time for him to move on.

I will add he is really excited that his high school band will be marching at WDW during spring break 2011!

 

[Pigeon]

Your son sounds like an amazing kid who has his priorities straight.

He may also be feeling a bit burned out, even if he doesn't express it that way.

 

[LuvOrlando]

12 years is an awful long career in any sport. My DS asked to quit Baseball & Soccer when he was 9 because he was put off by the attitudes of the coaches and players. I asked him to give it one more year and that last year was awful all around. I should have let him go when he first asked but I was worried about friendships etc, it was a mistake on my part and I learned my lesson. Anyway the following year he tried Football, Basketball and Lacrosse and has done really well in all of them. Now, at 12, he wants to give up Football and focus on Lacrosse and Basketball instead. When I explained this to other parents I pointed out that when we were kids may of us only played 4 years in High School so most of our kids have already been in a sport longer than that so getting burned out seems natural to me. I don't think criticizing the program is a good idea though because you'll either come off looking like your kid failed and you are making excuses or you'll insult the people who do like the program, it's a lose - lose IMO.

OP the truth of it is that an athlete is an athlete and will do well no matter what it is they set their minds to do. Instead of being upset can I suggest a change in gears and support your son in what must be a very hard change for him to make and help him select his new interests. You just have to face the parents and coaches while your son has to face his friends.

As an aside, Lacrosse seems to be a favorite of ex baseball players, it's the same season only much shorter and requires many of the same skills but with lots more action. Good luck

 

[minkydog]

DS just said he can't be a part of it. He wants to focus on band and academics.

I guess my problem is not knowing how to explain the coaches/schools actions by letting this other student continue. By the way, DS loves band too and last summer at marching band camp two students were caught smoking, parents were made to come get them that night (2.5 hr drive) and they were kicked out of band, not allowed to return.

Sorry this got long and thank you if you've read this much. It's just hard seeing him give up something that's been apart of our lives for so long.

I think your son is a man of good character. And I do understand what a loss it feels to you. I felt the same way when my DS23 decided to give up playing piano & trumpet after many successful years. What awas he thinking! I had a really hard time with that because he's so talented. But he hit 15 and that was it. When he went to HS he turned his back on marching band, got interested in chorus quite by accident and lo! and behold, found his niche. You could have knocked me over with a feather!

I'm not sure you have to say anything to the coaches. That really needs to come from your son. If asked, I would take the high road and say, his interests have changed and he wants to concentrate on band & academics. Any further info needs to come straight from him.

Try not to despair. Sometimes our teens really surprise us. If my son hadn't put his foot down I would have never known that he had a beautiful baritone voice. HE might not have found out that he can act and write. For many years, John didn't do anything instrumental. But when he went back to it, he picked up guitar and was immediately good at it. He started writing music for piano and guitar, too. I'm so glad that I just let him do what he wanted to do. There was no point in "making" him continue with his music--you can't make a teenager do what they don't want to do(I'm speaking generally here.) The teen years are when they need to try out different things, see who they are and what they're made of. I wouldn't write baseball off entirely. He may very well come back to it later, in college. Or he might decide to veer off in another direction altogether. Ya just never know~

 

[momz]

I've seen similar instances in the local high school here. It happenned to be the football team. But basically all the other stuff is very similar. It seems the rules only apply to some of the kids...or even most of the kids. But the exception (at least here) comes when the kid is very good on the team. The culture of the community is that the football title is more important than nurturing the kids to become responsibilty citizens.

The local high school was competing for the state championship when the star receiver (a senior aged 18) was caught having "intimate relations" with one of the freshman cheerleaders (aged 14)...in the coaches office no less. Turns out he had stolen the key from the coaches bag. Well, apparently, this behavior is seen as acceptable when the kid in question is the star... I'm just sayin'.

Another player, that I know very well, was quite distraught over this. He couldn't understand why there was no consequence to the player.

I'm left wondering why it's ok for the player to be that disrepectful of the girl. And why the girl thinks so little of herself to allow herself to be in that situation to begin with... This issues, to mean, seem much more important than the state football title...which they lost by-the-way.

 

[Disney Doll]

I really applaud your DS for his sense of right and wrong and for his ethics. I would support his decision, but ask him to write a letter to the principal explaining what you have (and including the band example), and copy the coach. Changes can't be made based on hearsay -- complaints and concerns need to be addressed in writing.

I agree with this.

 

[minniecarousel]

If your son didn't have band, I'd be concerned. I think he's given baseball a good run and he is able to make this decision. Our youngest son played sports year-round, both recreational leagues and HS. It all came to a screeching halt when he graduated from HS. Talk about withdrawal! DH & I wondered how we'd function - not going to his games. But now that he is 28 years old, we go and watch him and his wife play softball on the fields that he used to play Little League on!

High school sports politics is an ugly thing. I say, be glad that he wants to give it up!