Doreen's New Way of Life (comments are welcome)

[Auntmeme]

Thanks for the walk info. I'm checking my calendar and really hope to make it. We were just in Doylestown last week, I now know where starbucks is.

Looks like you are doing great, keep it up to go down!

Did you reserve a room for the walk? did Erin? and are your families going? I didn't get the info but emailed Kamy twice, still waiting to hear.

Have a great Thursday

 

[DoeWDW]

I'm feeling better this afternoon - a little less stressed. I think not worrying about my carb counts is helping. I had my apple with peanut butter for breakfast, a 2g protein bar for lunch and trail mix (22g) for a snack. I haven't had nearly enough water though - will have to work on that this evening.

Time for me to head home. I have planned a relaxing evening of laundry, playing & walking with my puppy, and catching up on some reading. Cross your fingers and hope no major crises appear!

 

[Strings]

Hi Doreen,
I'm glad you are feeling less stressed. I hope you can rest over the weekend. I think it is awesome that you and Eroin are organizing a get together walk.

Take care of yourself,
Beth

 

[lulu201]

It's Friday, Doreen! It's Friday!

You made it through the work week, and while your weekend is going to be busy, at least it's not work-busy, you know what I mean?

Here's some and some for your day.

Lots of love,
Erin

 

[Strings]

Hey Doe,

I just wanted to pop in and say hi. I know you can make it through today. IT"S FRIDAY! I hope you have a good weekend.

Beth

 

[DoeWDW]

WARNING: This journal entry will be long and tedious. I'm using it primarily for myself, although anyone else is welcome to read it. I'm feeling way overwhelmed and I'm trying to "write" myself through it. You've been warned.

I'm so fatigued and I feel so overwhelmed with everything at work that I can't focus on any one thing and get it done. My mind is racing, my breathing is shallow, my heart is beating too fast - is this what an anxiety attack feels like??? Beth, I keep remembering your reminder to do deep breathing exercises, and I'm trying. I just have to get myself calmed down enough to get some of this stuff done so I can feel better. Any ideas???

I'm already taking Effexor (anti-depressant). The stress at work is (hopefully) a temporary thing but it will stay this way well into August. Then I think it will get better, unless the powers that be shove another project my way.

At home I'm not getting anything done - very little cooking or cleaning. I crash when I walk in the door. I want to escape into something mindless like a good book or a computer game.

This has happened to me before but I didn't recognize it. I eventually felt so bad that my body and mind shut down and I stayed in bed for a few days. Then everything was worse because I still had all the same tasks to do but less time to do them. Home isn't a problem - the family will help. Work seems to be the reason for the anxiety. My workload should be manageable and a few years ago, these same tasks would not have bothered me.

I'm sorry to dump all this here. I just need to get it out somewhere. I just have to hang in there until vacation (only 51 days until I'm with Mickey for 2 weeks!).

I know I need to break things out into baby steps and small tasks. I've been wanting to do that for the past 2 days but every time I start, I get another anxiety attack where I can't think. I'm going to try again right now for just 5 minutes. After 5 minutes, I'll be back here to check my sanity.

EDIT:
After 5 minutes I have 7 pieces of paper, each with a major area that I have to work on. Then on each paper, I've written the next steps that need to be taken, along with any deadlines that are imminent. I feel better.

I think limiting myself to 5 minutes really helps me. Anything more seems overwhelming but I can do almost anything for 5 minutes, right?

OK, what's the next step? I'll take each sheet and give each task a time estimate - how long will it take me to do this?

I'll be back in another 5 - 10 minutes.

EDIT:
I've got time estimates on each task. Next I'll set some loose priorities for what needs to get done now and what can wait.

First I'm going to take a 5 minute walk to clear my head. I've worked hard to get to this point and I deserve a quick break. Then I can come back with some fresh perspective.

I'll be back in about 20-30 minutes. I'm starting to feel a little more in control.

 

[Strings]

Doe,

I sent you a PM. I'll check in before I leave. I'm thinking about you.
Beth

 

[septbride2002]

Oh Doe I'm sending lots and lots of and and your way. I think you are doing great with taking 5 minutes to just make list. I find list to be very helpful. I tend to make one every morning when I get into work - I ususally write them down by priority and then I just make my way down the list. It helps me to be more focused on what needs to be done instead of getting invovled in the little things.

Question (from the business student in me) is there anyone you can delegate some task to? I know you are a department head (or something similiar) are you taking on to much yourself that you could delegate to someone else?

Another thing I need you to remember - this is work. This is not your life, it is not what is really important. Making yourself stress out about it isn't helping anyone that loves you and cares about you. It is just a job.

Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. PM me if you want to talk more. I'll be checking up on you later today. Just picture yourself wearing your Princess hat (which should make you smile) and work your way down the list - you will be okay!

~Amanda

 

[disneygoof]

Hi Doreen,

Hope you don't mind me responding.

When I was working full time, I used a system, the Franklin Planner system, to keep myself organized, but more importantly, stress free. The seminars are expensive, and day long, but it's worth it to make the time, and I was able to get work to pay for it by arguing it would increase my productivity, and it did.

The main thing is when you have big projects, break them down. Then once their broken down, categoize them by A must do today, B should do today, C could do today but can wait til tomorrow. Anything that doesn't need attention today, gets moved to tomorrow's calendar, that way you can forget about it, knowing that the calendar will bring it back for you tomorrow.

I still use it at home when the house, kids, schedules, and part-time work get overwhelming. And the part about pushing off til tomorrow what you truly don't need to think about today really helps with stress. They have software so you can keep the calendar on your computer as well.

Good luck with everything going on at work.

Take care,
Disneygoof

 

[DoeWDW]

Beth, Amanda, Goof, thanks so much! I've just spent 10 minutes walking outside, praying, singing (well, inside my head anyway ), drinking my water, stretching - I'm feeling more calm and centered. The worst of the anxiety is ebbing away. I think writing out my feelings here in my journal really helps and knowing that there are caring people out there who are praying for me, sending me good thoughts, etc - well, it makes a difference. It's like the grouphug smilie - I truly can "feel" the presence of good thoughts and vibes from all of you around me. I feel very blessed to have each and every one of you in my life.

Beth, I responded to you via PM.

Amanda, I don't have anyone to delegate to at the moment, although I have to interview someone via phone in 45 minutes who may be hired to help me in some areas. Thank you for reminding me that this is only my job, not my life. I do need to remember that!

Goof, I've actually taken the Franklin Planning course and found it very helpful. I do appreciate your reminder about prioritizing - I'd forgotten, since it's been quite a few years since I took the class. I used to carry the large planner book with me everywhere until my DH took pity on me and bought me a Palm IIIe. Prioritizing will be my next step, now that I'm thinking a little more clearly.

I'm ready to take 10 - 20 minutes and prioritize my tasks. Then, like Amanda does, I can just work the list. I'll keep the tasks in MS Outlook on my work PC and just go down the list, one by one. I can do this!!

I did have a quick chat with my boss and let him know how overwhelmed I was feeling, and he's such a great guy to work for - very supportive and understanding.

I'll be back! I sound like Ah-nold!!

 

[vald1977]

Hi Doe,
Anxiety stinks. I know from experience. I'm so proud of you for working through it. I know you can do it . Just remember we all here rooting for you . I'll be thinking of you and I'll check back later today to see how you're doing. Hang in there .

 

[DoeWDW]

OK I SAID I was going to prioritize and then I got wrapped up in the DIS! I LOVE to DIS!! I'm REALLY going to work now!! I'll be back around 11:30 with progress to report.

EDIT:
I've used Disneygoof's suggestion with the As, Bs and Cs. I've put the As at the top of my MS Outlook task list and I'm ready to get started! It didn't take as long as I thought it would to get things prioritized! I should be able to get through the As today and then can prioritize for Monday (getting to some of those Bs). I'll consider today a success if I can get through the As!!

I'm feeling better by the minute. Thanks to all who have encouraged me this morning. I spent the last two days at work just paralyzed and overwhelmed. I'm making much more progress today!

EDIT: 1 PM
It's after lunch now. Half the day is finished - YAY! I feel much more in control of things now - thanks to all who helped me get through my anxiety this morning. I'm glad to know that I can work through those horrible feelings when they hit, instead of being forever paralyzed by them. What a relief!! I still have lots to do but I'll make it.

I've finished 2 of my 3 A tasks. Now I'm off to do my 3rd A - the one I've been putting off. I'll be back!

 

[Auntmeme]

Looks like you were alittle stressed for a while. I'm so happy you were able to push through. I predict a great weekend for you - remember to put on your hat those troubles will soon blow away. Have a wonderful friday night and I'll check back tomorrow

 

[vald1977]

I'm happy to read your latest update, Doreen. The day is almost over and soon you get to go home for the weekend . Hope you have a great one !

 

[DoeWDW]

MeMe & Val, thanks for the kind words!

I've sent the last A task off to someone else for input. I've been spinning my wheels and it's sometimes hard for me to ask for help. Well, not today!! All my A tasks are off my desk for now - two are done and one is someone else's problem until he gets some answers for me.

I've got a few minutes left at work and I'm going to use them to look at the Bs. I'd like to lay out what I want to get done for the first hour or two on Monday morning, so I don't have to face these horrible anxiety feelings again.

Through all of this, I didn't binge! I'm very proud of myself for not running to the EVM to medicate myself with Peanut M&Ms!!! Actually I was feeling sick to my stomach with all the anxiety so I wasn't all that hungry for "real" food. I had my apple with peanut butter for breakfast and trail mix with extra cashews (28g) around 3 PM.

Thank you to all who've helped me successfully get through this anxiety and turn my day into a productive one. I truly do feel much better now. I'm heading home to enjoy my weekend!

 

[LAinSEA]

Doe: Gosh, what a week you're having! Don't forget your first priority is YOU!

You have so many responsibilities - work, home, church, volunteering - WOW - I'm overwhelmed just reading all about them. You manage them all so well. I hope those around you appreciate all the effort you go to everyday.

I think you've gotten some very good advice and given yourself some very good advice also. Now you need to give yourself permission not to be perfect and just manage what needs managing. No one will accuse you of not putting in your best effort. That which does not destroy us, makes us stronger. You are so strong. Now it's time to let those around you get some experience and become stronger too - DH and DD included!

Have a very good weekend - whether it is just spent relaxing or catching up on work or catching up around the house. Puppy's probably waiting for a good long walk.

take care,
Laurie

 

[lulu201]

Oh, my gosh, what a day you had yesterday. Bad and Good all at the same time. The goodness and strength of the wish really came through--it was powerful to read your journal entries and responses from yesterday and see what blessings came to you in the midst of a bad time.

I hope you don't mind me saying this, Doreen, but if you know that you're going to have a large work load through AUGUST, it's time to look around and to clear your plate a bit where you can. As Laurie said, you've got lots you're doing outside of work, too--maybe some of that can be tabled for now so that you can care for yourself?

Let me squeeze into the group hug you know we're all around you.

Enjoy your time this morning at K of P--
Erin

 

[myhandd]

I love MS Outlook! I just wanted to check in and say hey Doe.

I have arrived at another signoff after agonizing for a week!

So here goes!

The incredible shrinking one!

Dax

 

[DoeWDW]

Laurie, your words are very wise! I'm making more of an effort to let my DH and kids become stronger by handling more of their responsibilities. Thanks!

Erin, you're right! I thought things were going to let up within the next few weeks at work but now that I've been assigned a new project, it will probably be hectic into August. I think I will spend some time today looking at strategies to reduce the workload elsewhere. Thanks!

Dax - LOVE the new signoff!!

Friday night seems so long ago - can't even remember what I did! Yesterday DD and I were up early and spent hours with her best friend & friend's mom at King of Prussia. The agenda was bathing suit shopping for 2 14 yr. old girls. Hours later my DD had one bathing suit and one camisole. DD's friend had one pair of shorts. Through it all, we had a lot of fun and laughter and girl-time!

We got home just in time for the dinner theater at church. Dinner was delicious and the play - WOW!. They did a phenomenol job - including my DS (can't help a little brag )! Then we came home, DD packed a couple things and we ran her to her sleepover. I came home and crashed - boy, did I sleep good!!

Today, I'm helping during Sunday School. Then my parents are coming to see the play performance this afternoon. DS has the cast party afterward. I'm going to do NOTHING this evening! I'll have a few hours to recharge my batteries for the work week ahead.

Goals? Hmmm, I know I've HEARD of healthy living goals but I certainly have let them slide this weekend. I'll stop by the grocery store later to stock up on healthy food for the week ahead. I've gotta plan ahead to make things easier for myself this week. I also see a puppy walk in my future. I've been taking my meds faithfully and I DID get lots of walking in at the mall yesterday so I guess I'm not doing too bad.

I'm off into the day! I think it's gonna be a good one!!

 

[septbride2002]

Sounds like a busy weekend. DH and I have decided to shut the phone off tonight and just be lazy around the house and enjoying the quite. We've had a busy weekend as well.

I hope your batteries get all recharged for tomorrow!

~Amanda