Don't know what to do with attitudey 6 year old - UPDATED!

[LadyTrampScamp&Angel]

Everyone is into the no spanking, lets put them in time out( dont get me wrong, it does work for some kids but not all.....) and that is why there are so many little kids killing other kids, taking guns to school, etc etc etc I could go on and on, when I was growing up it was rare to hear about these things, now its at least once a week and I live in "hick country"

Because they weren't spanked? That's a pretty simplistic theory. Why that happens probably has more to do with parental inattention and a more permissive society, along with a whole lot of other factors in the way our society has gone. How about that fact that these days both parents work in a majority of households, or that fact that there are more single parent familes these days? Ask some teachers about how many parents out there, for whatever reason, won't put in the time and effort their kids need. If you surveyed the problem kids I think you'd find most of them probably have been spanked. Spanking is a quick fix, behavior modification takes much more time and energy - and lots of patience. I'm not telling people not to spank their kids because that is up to the parent, just that it's my opinion that there are much better ways to discipline. The OP already said that a swat didn't have any effect on her DD. I could not in my heart ever strike my child hard enough to cause them lasting pain. As I said my DD will come back and apologize for her behavior within a few minutes because my indifference has a great effect on her and she wants to please me. So trying to give the OP some other options.

We hear about all the tragic things in the world more now because we have 24/7 news channels etc and nothing is taboo to talk about now. Maybe I'm older than some here but didn't have that when I was a child.

To the people who say there were grateful they were spanked as a child I find that interesting. I was spanked, my mother's favorite form of discipline. What it taught me was to not get caught. As I got older I learned to present whatever my mother wanted to see (well most of the time) and then do just as I pleased behind her back. I think that was more detrimental than if I could have honestly talked with my parents about things that they probably wouldn't have found pleasant. My mom's form of discipline caused a divide between us that has never healed, never will on my side, even though I know she loves me very much. As I got older, spanking also stopped working. It got to the point where I'd laugh at her and say "that didn't even hurt" which just infuriated her and I wanted that reaction. It caused rebellion. So my question is if you primarily use that form of discipline when your kids are small - what do you do when it suddenly stops working? I'd love to talk with you in 10 years.

Also I have never once ever in my life been struck by anyone other than my parents. It is not acceptable to me and that's what I want to teach my kids, especially DD. I would also bet she will never be in an abusive relationship, and DS will never be an abuser.

I find the comments about people that write child rearing books don't have kids interesting - that is a huge blanket statement! You need to read some better books, check the reader's ratings somewhere like amazon. I've got some great ones and most all have mentioned having kids!

Ok enough of my rant. To the OP, also I hope you find something that works for you.

 

[disneyfanintn]

When my DS7 gets mouthy or backs talks or just plain won't listen, he gets to run. We have about 3 acres and most of it is field. We have a tree about a football fields length from the house. Depending on how bad he is depends on how many times he runs to the tree and back. If we happen to be away from home andhe starts we find someplace close to us that he can run.

A few trips to the tree and back curbs the attitude quick! He normally don't mind running some, but that tree or even around the outside fence of a baseball field a few times really straightens him up.

We figured he would either get to be in really great physical shape or he would learn to control the mouth and attitude. It's worked.

 

[crazyforgoofy]

We figured he would either get to be in really great physical shape or he would learn to control the mouth and attitude. It's worked.

I love this! The US Marines use this technique. They call it "getting smarter or getting stronger".

 

[crazyforgoofy]

Because they weren't spanked? That's a pretty simplistic theory. Why that happens probably has more to do with parental inattention and a more permissive society, along with a whole lot of other factors in the way our society has gone. How about that fact that these days both parents work in a majority of households, or that fact that there are more single parent familes these days? Ask some teachers about how many parents out there, for whatever reason, won't put in the time and effort their kids need. If you surveyed the problem kids I think you'd find most of them probably have been spanked. Spanking is a quick fix, behavior modification takes much more time and energy - and lots of patience. I'm not telling people not to spank their kids because that is up to the parent, just that it's my opinion that there are much better ways to discipline. The OP already said that a swat didn't have any effect on her DD. I could not in my heart ever strike my child hard enough to cause them lasting pain. As I said my DD will come back and apologize for her behavior within a few minutes because my indifference has a great effect on her and she wants to please me. So trying to give the OP some other options.

We hear about all the tragic things in the world more now because we have 24/7 news channels etc and nothing is taboo to talk about now. Maybe I'm older than some here but didn't have that when I was a child.

To the people who say there were grateful they were spanked as a child I find that interesting. I was spanked, my mother's favorite form of discipline. What it taught me was to not get caught. As I got older I learned to present whatever my mother wanted to see (well most of the time) and then do just as I pleased behind her back. I think that was more detrimental than if I could have honestly talked with my parents about things that they probably wouldn't have found pleasant. My mom's form of discipline caused a divide between us that has never healed, never will on my side, even though I know she loves me very much. As I got older, spanking also stopped working. It got to the point where I'd laught at her and say "that didn't even hurt" which just infuriated her and I wanted that reaction. It caused rebellion. So my question is if you primarily use that form of discipline when your kids are small - what do you do when it suddenly stops working? I'd love to talk with you in 10 years.

Also I have never once ever in my life been struck by anyone other than my parents. It is not acceptable to me and that's what I want to teach my kids, especially DD. I would also bet she will never be in an abusive relationship, and DS will never be an abuser.

I find the comments about people that write child rearing books don't have kids interesting - that is a huge blanket statement! You need to read some better books, check the reader's ratings somewhere like amazon. I've got some great ones and most all have mentioned having kids!

Ok enough of my rant. To the OP, also I hope you find something that works for you.

You are a wise person! Thanks for saying this.

 

[LadyTrampScamp&Angel]

I love that too disneyfanintn, that kind of thing will stay will a child much longer.

We have a friend whose kids are tweens and teens - boys. He has a pile of large rocks in his backyard. The purpose of those rocks are when one of the boys is being disciplined, they have to move the rocks from one place to another. Now we all know that moving heavy rocks is not fun, and it works for them!

 

[chobie]

You are a wise person! Thanks for saying this.

Yes, that was well said by LadyTrampScamp&Angel. I join you in the applause.

 

[LadyTrampScamp&Angel]

Thanks you guys. Just what I've learned from my own experiences. Hoping it might help someone else.

 

[phyllis1966]

Thanks LadyTrampScamp&Angel for taking the time to put into words almost exactly everything that was on my mind with the whole "it doesn't help unless it hurts" advice. I especially love the "experts usually don't have kids" and the "I was spanked and I'm better for it" defenses.

 

[anewvance]

UPDATE -

Well yesterday it got even worse. My grandmother has refused to take her anymore until we get this situation taken care of or at least better....

So today we had a talk. Apparently she is using the devil made me do it excuse. She is serious too! I told her that she has a brain, a conscience and a heart... all 3 things will BEAT the devil. She goes to a Catholic school and attends church twice a week, once at school and once on Sundays. I told her devil or no devil, she is a guest at her grandparents house and she WILL behave or she will not be going there, period!

We have come up with something she is going to try... when i see her not listening, doing what she needs to do, talking nasty... I will be giving her a special word between us. She will remember to stop, take a breath, count to 3 and think what would Jesus do? We are going to try it for 2 weeks... if it doesn't make any difference then we are going to have to get stricter, start taking away important things.

I am relieved though, that nothing is really bothering her... you wouldn't believe the sort of things i was thinking of. Someone bothering her, God forbid someone doing inappropriate things or whatnot.

My question though, is saying the devil made me do it odd or clever? Should I be worried? Does it sound like a child that needs to be talking to someone?

I have her writing a letter to her grandmother right now...

 

[ElizaB39]

In my house we call this Stage 5 Hunger! Talk about drops in blood sugar... that is what usually causes this type of behaviour in our house.

My girlfriend had this issue with her 5 yr old son, it turns out that he was very susceptible to changes in his blood sugar levels.

ONE of the things they do is make sure there is food always available to him.

Just some food for thought.

FYI I didn't read all the responses before I posted.

ETA: We NEVER use food for punishment, never, never, never.

 

[LisaNJ25]

What I have done with my DS is put a drop of vinegar on his tongue. The size drop I'm talking about is small. The size of a drop of food coloring for icing, cakes, an such. Or think of the size of a tear when you cry.

After I put it on his tongue, I tell him that this is what his nasty words/talking taste like. They sound yucky and they taste even yuckier.

It was needed only 2 times before his attitude changed. If he starts sounding ugly again I tell him that I still have the jar of vinegar. He stops very quickly.

Hmm I may have to try that with my 6yo who can get nasty also.

 

[nuke]

My son blamed every infraction on the devil for a while. He figured out pretty quickly that this excuse doesn't fly in our house. I guess they do listen in school.

 

[nuke]

Eliza, I just saw you post and I have to agree. When my son was smaller his mood was greatly affected by his hunger level. It's not as bad now that he's bigger but sometimes it's still an issue.

 

[Tiffann4k]

Because they weren't spanked? That's a pretty simplistic theory. Why that happens probably has more to do with parental inattention and a more permissive society, along with a whole lot of other factors in the way our society has gone.........

Spanking is a quick fix, behavior modification takes much more time and energy - and lots of patience.............



To the people who say there were grateful they were spanked as a child I find that interesting. I was spanked, my mother's favorite form of discipline. What it taught me was to not get caught. As I got older I learned to present whatever my mother wanted to see (well most of the time) and then do just as I pleased behind her back.......


So my question is if you primarily use that form of discipline when your kids are small - what do you do when it suddenly stops working? I'd love to talk with you in 10 years.

Also I have never once ever in my life been struck by anyone other than my parents. It is not acceptable to me and that's what I want to teach my kids, especially DD. I would also bet she will never be in an abusive relationship, and DS will never be an abuser.

I find the comments about people that write child rearing books don't have kids interesting - that is a huge blanket statement! You need to read some better books, check the reader's ratings somewhere like amazon. I've got some great ones and most all have mentioned having kids!

No, not necessarily because they werent spanked( sorry I didnt feel the need to write out a huge post explaining everything, I got off topic and didnt want to go any further Your right it has more to do with parents not paying attention or having better things to do than be a parent.

Spanking is not a quick fix in this household because they know there will be concequences for their actions, not just something taken away etc etc etc.

You are an acception to the rule then, when I was spanked I didnt learn to be "sneaky" I learned that whatever I did was not acceptable, not a way to get around it.


Make sure you look me up in 10 years than. It worked for my family growing up and it works for my children.


You keep refering to the "blanket statements" but yet you have made several in your post...interesting how its not okay for someone else to do it but you can.

As far as reading some better books I really dont need to read any parenting books. My ways and rules are set and they are working just fine for us...but I am sure you could recommend some books for others who need them.

Sorry to be so cheeky
Tiffany

 

[Tiffann4k]

Thanks LadyTrampScamp&Angel for taking the time to put into words almost exactly everything that was on my mind with the whole "it doesn't help unless it hurts" advice. I especially love the "experts usually don't have kids" and the "I was spanked and I'm better for it" defenses.

Well since I made most of those comments I figured I better reply....Those are not defenses, I spank my kids and am proud to say it. They very rarely need it because they are very well behaved, probably more so than the ones posting here with the holier than thou attitudes You do what works for your children and I will do what works for mine and will keep on smiling when I get the " wow your children are so behaved" or the " whats your secret" My secret is I am actually a mother and take the time to raise my children, which is more than I can say for some of you replying to this thread Some of the people here dont even really raise their children, the babysitter or daycare or school does and you spend a few hours a night with them.....I guess my kids would be super behaved ( and wouldnt need any spankings)if I was only with them a few hours a day as well.

Feel free to flame away, I wont be here to read, I have children to raise and cant sit in front of a computer all day dishing out advice

 

[momx2]

UPDATE -

Well yesterday it got even worse. My grandmother has refused to take her anymore until we get this situation taken care of or at least better....

So today we had a talk. Apparently she is using the devil made me do it excuse. She is serious too! I told her that she has a brain, a conscience and a heart... all 3 things will BEAT the devil. She goes to a Catholic school and attends church twice a week, once at school and once on Sundays. I told her devil or no devil, she is a guest at her grandparents house and she WILL behave or she will not be going there, period!

We have come up with something she is going to try... when i see her not listening, doing what she needs to do, talking nasty... I will be giving her a special word between us. She will remember to stop, take a breath, count to 3 and think what would Jesus do? We are going to try it for 2 weeks... if it doesn't make any difference then we are going to have to get stricter, start taking away important things.

I am relieved though, that nothing is really bothering her... you wouldn't believe the sort of things i was thinking of. Someone bothering her, God forbid someone doing inappropriate things or whatnot.

My question though, is saying the devil made me do it odd or clever? Should I be worried? Does it sound like a child that needs to be talking to someone?

I have her writing a letter to her grandmother right now...

OMG, that is the first time I've heard anyone else's child use the devil defense. My DD 8 (6 at the time) tried this for a year. She'd cry and say the devil was telling her head to bad things. It freaked me out. Then I realized she was probably just learning what her conscious was. Since "she" would never do anything bad, it had to be the devil.

She finally got over the devil thing, but she still has trouble controlling her mouth and attitude at times. I think some kids are just more predisposed to be this way. She has always been very strong willed. It is a struggle some days with her, she especially likes to tell her little sis what to do. She is very smart and is the leader of her class according to her teacher. I'm sure her personality will serve her well as adult and she'll go far in life, if I don't kill her before then.

 

[LadyTrampScamp&Angel]

Wow, I just found out how much I love the "ignore" feature!

Again, to the OP, I love that you had a talk with your DD and came up with a plan. Best of luck, it's all worth it!

 

[lw49033]

Well since I made most of those comments I figured I better reply....Those are not defenses, I spank my kids and am proud to say it.

You go girl!

 

[TCPluto]

Well since I made most of those comments I figured I better reply....Those are not defenses, I spank my kids and am proud to say it. They very rarely need it because they are very well behaved, probably more so than the ones posting here with the holier than thou attitudes You do what works for your children and I will do what works for mine and will keep on smiling when I get the " wow your children are so behaved" or the " whats your secret" My secret is I am actually a mother and take the time to raise my children, which is more than I can say for some of you replying to this thread Some of the people here dont even really raise their children, the babysitter or daycare or school does and you spend a few hours a night with them.....I guess my kids would be super behaved ( and wouldnt need any spankings)if I was only with them a few hours a day as well.

Feel free to flame away, I wont be here to read, I have children to raise and cant sit in front of a computer all day dishing out advice

I like your style! Keep up the good work too!