Domestic Abuse, resources & help??

[helpforafriend]

I post regularly but wanted to see if I could get some help for a friend. In order to protect those involved I'm not comfortable posting under my regular username.

I have a friend who is separated from her husband, there has been abuse and the last time he put her in the hospital. She went into a shelter and has pressed charges. He's skipped bail and the police haven't made much of an effort to find him. He also cleaned out their accounts and has stopped making any payments. She hasn't filed for divorce because there is only an emergency protective order and it expires soon. The police can't serve him with an order so she will be unprotected when it expires. Her lawyer suggested waiting to serve papers until the a better protective order is in place. There are 2 children involved, everyone is in counseling.

The part that bothers me is that she is without resources and I'm not sure how to help. She's been a SAHM and obviously that has to change but meantime bills are piling up, she hasn't worked in several years so finding a job isn't easy. I've let her know the kids are welcome to come to my house after or before school if needed so she doesn't have to worry right now about childcare. I feel like I can do small things but wondered if there are other resources she might could look into. The shelter has put her in touch with some agencies but they are swamped right don't even have appointments until the end of November.

Although we hear that in cases of domestic violence there isn't much help for the victims but until you know someone in the situation.

Anyone knows of some good resources I could pass along?

 

[newmousecateer]

There was an article about abuse in the Chicago Sun Times today. Apparently there is an organization for abused women and children called DARE. Try to find it on the web. If you cannot find it, PM me and I will call the Sun Times for you and get info.

 

[Serena]

I wish I could help. I had my sister move in, but that's not going to help you.

I know there are numbers in the phone book to call. I'm so sorry. I wish I knew more.

 

[Goofyposter]

abuse and the last time he put her in the hospital.

PM me his name & address....I'll...."enlighten" him!!


In the mean while....prayers and well wishes to you, and to her,
I wish I had some helpful info for you!

 

[newmousecateer]

PM me his name & address....I'll...."enlighten" him!!

I'm sure DH would go along to help out GP.

Totally, totally unacceptable for any woman or child to be abused.

 

[debster812]

Thank you so much for being such a good friend to your friend. Not posting under your real user name is a smart idea, you just never know. I went through something like this in college. I friend from HS had gotten pregnant and had the baby, and was living with the father. He slowly started belittling, and hitting her. She would not do anything. She got 'clumsy' all of a sudden. All it took was him to raise his hand once to the baby, and i got the call to 'please come get us', which I gladly did. She left him with the clothes on her back, a bag of stuff for the baby, porta crib, and car seat. Never looked back.

I will go through my old journals and see where we ended up taking her, and what kind of resources we got in touch with as far as assistance, housing, job training, etc.

Good Luck to you, and as much as you want to help her and the kids, please also keep yourself safe!

 

[LuvTigger]

I don't have any suggestions on the abuse, but did want to make a suggestion regarding finances, if she hasn't done anything about it already.

She should try to close all bank accounts that are joint with him, and also see if she can have her name removed from any joint credit card accounts ASAP. I know someone who is facing bankruptcy because her husband maxed out all their credit cards, but stopped paying, but she's still on the accounts and is therefore responsible. Also, it's best for HER to call the banks now and explain the situation, rather than waiting for them to call her. Usually banks are willing to work something out.

I hope things work out, she's lucky to have a friend like you.

 

[robinb]

Originally posted by Goofyposter
PM me his name & address....I'll...."enlighten" him!!


In the mean while....prayers and well wishes to you, and to her,
I wish I had some helpful info for you!

\

Damn, GoofyPoster! Am I glad I took you off of my ignore list . I like the way you think.

Helpforafriend, you are a very good friend.

 

[helpforafriend]

Thanks all.

From what I know he's already closed and emptyed all the accounts. Called the insurance and took her name off of the policies. She did have an account in her name and that's all she has left. She is in the house and there is a restraining order but he's still using the address. Even used it to bail out of jail although he isn't allowed near it. Our justice system at work.

I don't think she had much to do with the finances so she doesn't have all the information she needs to do other things.

Right now although she's given the police information that shows he's around locally they say they can't find him.

 

[Teejay32]

HAWC - Help for Abused Women and Children. 1-800-799-SAFE is the national number, and the website is www.hawc.org. I know they offer legal advice, maybe there's a local office in her area.

 

[Teejay32]

this may be better...same hotline # but has a section for resources by state. http://www.ndvh.org