Does your childs grade school....

[tasha99]

The school can't tell you who you can invite--that would be ridiculous. They can, however, set guidelines for when they will let invitations be passed out in school. I think all or none is not only reasonable, it's only good manners. I can't imagine passing out invitations to just some kids at school. I wouldn't want my kids to grow up thinking that's okay, either.

Of course, we have and go to parties that aren't for everyone all the time. Those invitations come in the mail or by phone call.

 

[PolyndianPrincessJes]

We absolutely need to teach our children that the world does not revolve around them, that they won't get invited to every party and sometimes life is tough. That doesn't mean we are exempt from teaching them manners and social graces. Putting their peers' feelings before their parents' convenience is a great opportunity to do that.

 

[Tinijocaro]

Is because I think it's a dumb policy an okay answer?

Seriously, I probably could just mail most of them. The school won't give out addresses, but I know most of the parents of the children we invite.

I think it's just the old "special snowflake" mentallity rearing it head again. Someone's precious angel might be scarred for life if he/she is excluded from ANYTHING....seriously people. It might actually build some character.

I also failed to note that I always send a note to the teacher w/ the invites saying that I completely understand the policy but I think it's bunk....and it's completely okay w/ me if they send them right back home to me to deal with in some other way. Never had a problem. Guess most teachers think it's unnecessary too

May I also add that my children never hand out invites.....the teacher always does it discreetly.

Would you hand out invites at a party only to a special few? It is considered poor manners to do that. An adult would feel slighted, how can you expect a child to feel? The kids who recieve the invites are almost certain to talk about and say "Suzy, did you get an invite to Mary's party?" Maybe your child will keep mum but will the ones who were invited?

This "special snowflake" talk is silly. Sometimes it just comes down to manners. Either you have them or you don't.

 

[3jsmommy]

I was friends with my sons second grade teacher.
She was telling me on one of the field trips how one girl in the class had invited all the girls (sans two) to her "spa party" the day before.
Which explained why all but two girls in the class had braids in their hair.
I was like, that is a beastly thing to do to those two little girls. My friend said, that the mother of the Bday girl was indeed raising a little beast. She said one of the girls not invited kept asking the whole week if she could go, she said bday girl just kept saying no and talked about her party non stop.
Teaching a child to be thoughtful and empathetic shouldn't be the schools responsibility. The fact that parents are really just so clueless and self involved that they need the rule is sad!

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

Would you hand out invites at a party only to a special few? It is considered poor manners to do that. An adult would feel slighted, how can you expect a child to feel? The kids who recieve the invites are almost certain to talk about and say "Suzy, did you get an invite to Mary's party?" Maybe your child will keep mum but will the ones who were invited?

This "special snowflake" talk is silly. Sometimes it just comes down to manners. Either you have them or you don't.

Seriously?? this is the last I'm going to comment about this BUT you people act as if I asked the teacher to dance around the room waving the golden tickets. Geez. Discreetly put them in the bookbag or folder. Why does the whole world have to know what goes in everyone's bookbag??

And I guess I come from a whole school of special snowflakes with no manners because in all of my children's time at school I have NEVER recieved an invitation by mail, email, or phone call and have never been to a party that the whole class is invited to.

 

[Nancyg56]

Our school does have a policy that the whole class must be invited in order for the invites to go out via Thursday folder or agenda.

I, however, am a rebel and completely disregard this. I have always sent invites to school with my children to only the ones they invite.

I always have my children give the invites to the teacher and ask her to distribute them....no teacher has ever had a problem with it...they must be rebels too

This year I even had to contact the teacher on the day of a Friday sleepover because dd was sick....teacher was nice enough to track down all of the kids and tell them about the rescheduling!

I do tell my kids to be discreet and not to talk about their party with the whole class. It's just a fact of life...not every child is going to be friends with everyone.

I think that teaching a child that school rules do not apply if you think that the rules are silly is setting the scene for quite a discussion when your child has an opinion on silly school rules.

I cannot imagine asking a teacher to circumvent school policy in order to sartisfy my own need to make a statement regarding the policy that teacher is supposed to abide by.

To me, it has nothing to do with being a special snowflake. It has everything to do with manners. I think it's rude to hand out invitations in a group setting if you are not inviting everyone. I wouldn't do that with a group of adults, much less a group of young children. I certainly wouldn't leave it to the teacher to deal with the hurt feelings.

To me, someone that goes against a school policy is acting like the special snowflake. Special enough the the rules don't apply to them.

Jess[/quote

 

[mom of princessx2]

Seriously?? this is the last I'm going to comment about this BUT you people act as if I asked the teacher to dance around the room waving the golden tickets. Geez. Discreetly put them in the bookbag or folder. Why does the whole world have to know what goes in everyone's bookbag??

And I guess I come from a whole school of special snowflakes with no manners because in all of my children's time at school I have NEVER recieved an invitation by mail, email, or phone call and have never been to a party that the whole class is invited to.

IMHO I don't think it is so much that, as the fact that you said it is your schools policy yet you don't agree that you have to follow it and you are asking the teacher to break a school policy as well. If everyone at your school does it anyhow, why not just have them change the policy and there is no harm on anyside.

 

[VillageMama]

If we give the invites out at school, then yes, all or all of one sex. If we mail them, we can invite whoever we want. Makes perfect sense to me-spares kids' feelings.

But does it? If there are ten girls in a classroom and you mail party invitations to five of them, don't you think those five girls are going to talk about it at school? Not that they would be trying to be mean, but just because they're excited.

It's going to get around that Susie is having a birthday party and that some classmates are invited and some are not, whether the invitations go out by Susie on the playground or if they are hand delivered by the CIA to each guest's house.

I honestly don't ever recall having hurt feelings that I wasn't invited to a classmate's party. If I wasn't invited, it was because we weren't close friends... and that's fine. My close friends did invite me, so it was all good.

 

[karenos]

At my DS and DD's elem. school, no party invitations can be handed out in school unless the entire class is invited. If this is not the case, they must be mailed home. Our PTA dues buy a school address/phone book for the entire town. As far as I know all families are listed (but you could opt out for privacy issues). It is very nice to have this handbook - I consult it more than the phonebook.

Also, students are asked not to talk about outside birthday parties at school so that feelings are not hurt.

karenos

 

[hentob]

It seems a bit presumptuous to send the invitations in and with a note giving the teacher your "permission" to send them back if she doesn't feel comfortable handing them out.

Just b/c the teacher doesn’t send them back doesn’t mean she agrees with what you are doing. Sometimes the school day is filled with such chaos, “crossing" a parent that doesn’t feel the need to follow the school’s etiquette rules isn’t worth the fight. Sometimes it is just easier to go along with “one of those" types of parents


How about asking the teacher before sending them in?

That would be the polite thing to do

Kids will get over not being invited. That doesn’t phase me. It is the blatant disrespect for the teacher that I find difficult to swallow. Why even put her on the spot?

 

[pigletgirl]

Is because I think it's a dumb policy an okay answer?

Seriously, I probably could just mail most of them. The school won't give out addresses, but I know most of the parents of the children we invite.

I think it's just the old "special snowflake" mentallity rearing it head again. Someone's precious angel might be scarred for life if he/she is excluded from ANYTHING....seriously people. It might actually build some character.

I also failed to note that I always send a note to the teacher w/ the invites saying that I completely understand the policy but I think it's bunk....and it's completely okay w/ me if they send them right back home to me to deal with in some other way. Never had a problem. Guess most teachers think it's unnecessary too

May I also add that my children never hand out invites.....the teacher always does it discreetly.

Discreet or not, kids are talkers and the part of the class that wasn't invited will know and will probably be visibly upset....

We had that same policy at my elementary school too. An all or nothing rule. Nothing bad ever really came of it!

 

[daisyduck123]

Just b/c the teacher doesn’t send them back doesn’t mean she agrees with what you are doing. Sometimes the school day is filled with such chaos, “crossing" a parent that doesn’t feel the need to follow the school’s etiquette rules isn’t worth the fight. Sometimes it is just easier to go along with “one of those" types of parents

This is exactly how the teacher feels. I've been teaching 1st grade for 20 years & this is exactly how I feel when a parent sends in b-day invites for only a select few...I do it, but think to myself, "C'mon, this mother knows our policy! "

 

[C.Ann]

The rule in DGD's elementary school was that if you handed out the invitations during school hours you had to invite everyone in the class.. However, at the beginning of each year she received a student directory - with all of the names, addresses, and phone numbers - and if the invitations were sent via the mail, she could invite whoever she wanted to..

She's in 6th grade now and I don't think that rule applies anymore..

 

[Mrs.Reese]

If a parent gave invitations to me to pass and it went against my school's policy, they would go right back in the backpack with a note reminding the parent of the school's policy. Rules are rules. You want them passed out, do it yourself. I'm not a party planner, coordinator or secretary. I'm a teacher. I'm there to teach reading, writing, math, science, social studies, handwriting. Call me a witch all you want but I can not find anything in my job description that lists that duty.

 

[hentob]

I'm a teacher. I'm there to teach reading, writing, math, science, social studies, handwriting. Call me a witch all you want but I can not find anything in my job description that lists that duty.

I would never call you a witch!

You are not a personal assistant, nor a secretary It is not your job to sort through invites to see who gets one in the folder this week and who does not It is not your job to alert children to tell their parents that a party is cancelled (I can’t even imagine getting into the middle of that, or even being asked to do it ).

It is stressful enough being a teacher. I couldn’t imagine anyone sending a note asking you to break the rules (but if you won’t, she will “understand”) How very, very bold.

 

[DisneyKT]

If a parent gave invitations to me to pass and it went against my school's policy, they would go right back in the backpack with a note reminding the parent of the school's policy. Rules are rules. You want them passed out, do it yourself. I'm not a party planner, coordinator or secretary. I'm a teacher. I'm there to teach reading, writing, math, science, social studies, handwriting. Call me a witch all you want but I can not find anything in my job description that lists that duty.

You are right it isn't your job.
Plus when a parent does that they don't respect the school rules. This is why we do have so many special kids nowadays.

 

[dollarmite]

So far as I know, no Australian schools have this policy - thank heavens!

I think it's an utterly ridiculous idea - so far as I am concerened no school has a right to dictate who I invite to my home/party venue. Nor will I bullied into inviting someone who my child dislikes, or may even have been bullied by. Where is the incentive for the bulllies to start behaving if they know they'll be invited to all the fun things anyway?

Mailing invitations to only the one sex or selected few isn't really an option as we have very strict privacy laws here, that amongst other things, prohibit schools giving out other students' info.

In the lower grades at least, the invitations are generally given out amongst the parents, or discreetly placed into the child's schoolbag. I've yet to come across a situation where a huge bunch of kids is called togther with the birthday child handing out invitations - 'one for you, and you and you, but not for you, or you, but yes for you...'

I've been heavily involved with my childrens' school since they were in pre-school and, quite honestly, the parties are rarely talked about. On the occassion parties were mentioned the non invited child usually responded with a shrug. Of course, they may have been hurt, but chances are they will be invited a party at some point that the first child isn't.

So long as the people my children are close to invite them to their parties then anything else is a bonus. In return I always try and be fair. If my child wanted to invite 10 out of 12 boys in his class then that wouldn't be okay - we would include all 12, or scale back the original 10 (exception: if one or both of the left out boys bullied mine).

I only want my children to be invited because the host wants them there, not feels obliged to, or is forced to invite them.

ETA: Not everyone can afford to invite the entire class or all of one sex. Or maybe they don't do well with large groups of kids in a social setting. Should that child not have a party, espcially if they don't have the contact info in order to mail the invitations to a select few?

 

[aprilgail2]

They do this at DD’s school, and its VERY frustrating. This year, she wanted to have a Twilight theme slumber party for her 10th birthday. I was completely okay with that, BUT, our house is only 1500 sq. ft. and we could not possibly invite ALL of the kids in her class, especially the boys.

By the time they are 10 there is no need to send invites to school- if your child is friends with these children you could just mail it to their homes. Last time I sent them in for the entire class was kindergarten- after that I made it a point to know the address of each kid she was friendly enough with to want to invite to her partys.

To me, it has nothing to do with being a special snowflake. It has everything to do with manners. I think it's rude to hand out invitations in a group setting if you are not inviting everyone. I wouldn't do that with a group of adults, much less a group of young children. I certainly wouldn't leave it to the teacher to deal with the hurt feelings.

To me, someone that goes against a school policy is acting like the special snowflake. Special enough the the rules don't apply to them.

Jess

I agree- by doing that all you are doing is creating a monster that will think no rules apply to them!!!

 

[KirstenB]

If a parent gave invitations to me to pass and it went against my school's policy, they would go right back in the backpack with a note reminding the parent of the school's policy. Rules are rules. You want them passed out, do it yourself. I'm not a party planner, coordinator or secretary. I'm a teacher. I'm there to teach reading, writing, math, science, social studies, handwriting. Call me a witch all you want but I can not find anything in my job description that lists that duty.

I think I love you, and wish you taught my children!! Good for you. Asking the teacher to go against school rules puts them in a crappy position, and frankly, takes a lot of brass!!

 

[lillygator]

I didn't read the whole thread, but the "invite the whole class or nothing" is along the exact same lines all the special snowflakes need at soccer when everyone gets a trophy just for participating. No wonder children do not know how to lose graciously or realize not everyone is getting invited to every party.