Does your childs grade school....

[mom of princessx2]

Our school does have a policy that the whole class must be invited in order for the invites to go out via Thursday folder or agenda.

I, however, am a rebel and completely disregard this. I have always sent invites to school with my children to only the ones they invite.

I always have my children give the invites to the teacher and ask her to distribute them....no teacher has ever had a problem with it...they must be rebels too

This year I even had to contact the teacher on the day of a Friday sleepover because dd was sick....teacher was nice enough to track down all of the kids and tell them about the rescheduling!

I do tell my kids to be discreet and not to talk about their party with the whole class. It's just a fact of life...not every child is going to be friends with everyone.

I am curious as to why you wouldn't just mail the invites instead of go against a school policy??

 

[descovy]

Thank goodness, my school does not require us to invite the whole class...

Are kids really that fragile to hear "Jimmy had a birthday" and be all crazy hurt because they couldn't go? I have 3 kids, 5,7,9 and none of them have ever bawled their eyes about about not being invited to a party.

I'm not even all that crazy about the whole "invite the class" kind of party. The thought of spending money on a generic gift for a kid we don't really know just to go to a random party, not my cup of tea.

The newest low was this fall, where some parent sent me an e-vite to "Jimmy's" party. My email was probably on some class list, I bet the parent doesn't even know our name. The e-vite says, "Come to Jimmy's party." Not only do I not have a clue who Jimmy is, but I don't even know which of my 3 kids he is trying to invite. Very impersonal, imo.

My oldest is turning 10 next month. She wants to do Bath Junkie for a party. Since her birthday is on a Tuesday (and both shoulder weekends we are busy) I agreed to pick her and 4 friends up after school (all my minivan and budget will allow) and take them for a 4pm party at Bath Junkie. She created the list.

**Just to add, I won't let my kids send invites to school. We invite friends. And if you're friends with someone (in my family, anyways) you know how to contact them by phone, address, etc... ***

The parameters were, someone who attends her school (has many good friends from church, dance, scouts, etc... that go to different schools)

child is free Tuesday after school (piano practice, dance, etc...)

child would actually enjoy this kind of party. For example, one of her very best, closest friends, is more of a tom-boy. She would rather die than make smelly soaps. (her mom and I are close friends, even her mom says don't invite her!) And at $25/pp might as well invite someone who would enjoy it!

Does my daughter have more than 4 friends? Yes. Will they still be her friends even if they don't go to her birthday? Yeah! Trust me she hasn't been invited to each and every friend's birthday either.

As I ask, are other people's children really so fragile? Even at a young age, it has never been a problem with my kids

 

[5lilfish]

So, the bully that terrorizes my child has to be invited or no one gets invited and my child gets no birthday party? That's ridiculous.

I understand and agree with you. You shouldn't have to invite a bully and you don't have to. You just can't send the invites in to be distributed in class. Turn it around. Do you want the mean kid (or bully) to bring in ivites for everyone except your child and pass them out in front of him/her?

We've never passed invites out at school....but I still would never allow my child to invite everyone or every girl (or boy) in class except 1 or 2. Unless there us an extremely good reason, that's just mean. It's one thing if you are inviting 4 kids in class out of 20. It's another to invite 18 or 19 out of 20.

Jess

 

[HsvTeacher]

Ask that you invite everyone in the class, or at least all the same sex, to a birthday party??? Ours does and I have mixed feelings.

Yes, but only if you are passing out the invitations at school. Trust me, if a few children don't get invitations and the others do, there are hurt feelings and tears. I have taught 1st, 2nd, and 3rd grades, and this has always been a problem.

If you want to only invite some of the children, then pass out the invitations away from school or mail them.

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

I am curious as to why you wouldn't just mail the invites instead of go against a school policy??

Is because I think it's a dumb policy an okay answer?

Seriously, I probably could just mail most of them. The school won't give out addresses, but I know most of the parents of the children we invite.

I think it's just the old "special snowflake" mentallity rearing it head again. Someone's precious angel might be scarred for life if he/she is excluded from ANYTHING....seriously people. It might actually build some character.

I also failed to note that I always send a note to the teacher w/ the invites saying that I completely understand the policy but I think it's bunk....and it's completely okay w/ me if they send them right back home to me to deal with in some other way. Never had a problem. Guess most teachers think it's unnecessary too

May I also add that my children never hand out invites.....the teacher always does it discreetly.

 

[KimR]

I think it's a ridiculous rule. What does it matter if the invitations are discreetly slipped into the child's folder by the teacher? It's so much easier to send them into school to be handed out than try to get everyone's contact info, at least with the younger children. I love the business card idea mentioned by a pp, though.

 

[5lilfish]

I think it's just the old "special snowflake" mentallity rearing it head again. Someone's precious angel might be scarred for life if he/she is excluded from ANYTHING....seriously people. It might actually build some character.
.

To me, it has nothing to do with being a special snowflake. It has everything to do with manners. I think it's rude to hand out invitations in a group setting if you are not inviting everyone. I wouldn't do that with a group of adults, much less a group of young children. I certainly wouldn't leave it to the teacher to deal with the hurt feelings.

To me, someone that goes against a school policy is acting like the special snowflake. Special enough the the rules don't apply to them.

Jess

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

If you want the convenience of sending the invites in to be distributed in class, you have to invite everyone. I totally agree with this. Nothing crueler than letting other kids know that they are being left out. It has nothing to do with "special snowflakes", it has to do with manners.

If you want to invite only a select few, then invitations must be made outside of the school. Seems fair. I see no reason for letting kids flaunt an invite in front of others who didn't get one. Parents who want to exclude should make their invites outside of school.

 

[skw444]

At our school, you are not allowed to send invites to be passed out at school. We are given a class list at the beginning of the year, and birthday invites are to be mailed home.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Well we get a school directory each year with every name, number, email, address of all students and teachers.

So all invites get mailed or emailed.

I cannot believe schools still had out invites - seems like they have no business doing that.

 

[Tinijocaro]

Ask that you invite everyone in the class, or at least all the same sex, to a birthday party??? Ours does and I have mixed feelings.

If we give the invites out at school, then yes, all or all of one sex. If we mail them, we can invite whoever we want. Makes perfect sense to me-spares kids' feelings.

 

[mjkacmom]

Well we get a school directory each year with every name, number, email, address of all students and teachers.

So all invites get mailed or emailed.

I cannot believe schools still had out invites - seems like they have no business doing that.

I don't think they hand them out - the patrols probably put them in the kids folders along with other handouts. We also have the policy that in order for them to go out in school, everyone (or all of the same sex) has to be invited.

By the older grades, the kids have established friendships, but in the early years, most kids think everyone is their friend, and would probably be hurt not to be invited. No need to have to make the teacher deal with that.

 

[Tinijocaro]

So, the bully that terrorizes my child has to be invited or no one gets invited and my child gets no birthday party? That's ridiculous.

No, you can still invite who you want, just don't do it through the school. Mail them to the kid's homes.

 

[PolyndianPrincessJes]

Is because I think it's a dumb policy an okay answer?

Seriously, I probably could just mail most of them. The school won't give out addresses, but I know most of the parents of the children we invite.

I think it's just the old "special snowflake" mentallity rearing it head again. Someone's precious angel might be scarred for life if he/she is excluded from ANYTHING....seriously people. It might actually build some character.

I also failed to note that I always send a note to the teacher w/ the invites saying that I completely understand the policy but I think it's bunk....and it's completely okay w/ me if they send them right back home to me to deal with in some other way. Never had a problem. Guess most teachers think it's unnecessary too

May I also add that my children never hand out invites.....the teacher always does it discreetly.

Another repercussion of that is a shift in classroom dynamics if the kids who didn't get invitations in their folders find out (and they always do!!). Do you (general you) really want to add something else to your teachers' already overflowing plates? As a teacher, I try my best to make DS's teachers' school lives as easy as possible.

To me, someone that goes against a school policy is acting like the special snowflake. Special enough the the rules don't apply to them.

Jess

We've only ever invited DS's friends to his parties, and I know all of their contact info (if not a mailing address, an email or a phone number), so it's never been an issue.

 

[okeydokey]

Is because I think it's a dumb policy an okay answer?

I think it's just the old "special snowflake" mentallity rearing it head again. Someone's precious angel might be scarred for life if he/she is excluded from ANYTHING....seriously people. It might actually build some character.

The same special snowflake mentality that says, I know it's a rule for everybody, but I am going to insist that an exception be made for my special snowflake?

Nobody is telling you who to invite, just that you cannot use school personnel to do the inviting.

 

[Tink888]

While I agree that by grade 3 most kids have made their own groups of friends and should be allowed to invite who they want, I do think as parents we can find better ways of getting the invites out than going through the classroom. I've done it and it really isn't that hard. Most times, an email to the teacher will get you the list of names and addresses you need or in most cases we knew the kids and parents through play dates, etc.

In lower grades I think if you're going to go through the school than you should invite everyone. It's a great way to teach a child manners and grace by inviting everyone. I've found that most times not all the kids show up and when my kids have gotten an invite from a child they didn't know very well, we just politely declined the invitation.

So, the bully that terrorizes my child has to be invited or no one gets invited and my child gets no birthday party? That's ridiculous.

No, the bully doesn't need to be invited, the parent of the party child just needs to be a little more creative and do the extra leg work in tracking down addresses to get the invites out to the kids who are invited.

Thank goodness, my school does not require us to invite the whole class...

Are kids really that fragile to hear "Jimmy had a birthday" and be all crazy hurt because they couldn't go? I have 3 kids, 5,7,9 and none of them have ever bawled their eyes about about not being invited to a party.

I'm not even all that crazy about the whole "invite the class" kind of party. The thought of spending money on a generic gift for a kid we don't really know just to go to a random party, not my cup of tea.

The newest low was this fall, where some parent sent me an e-vite to "Jimmy's" party. My email was probably on some class list, I bet the parent doesn't even know our name. The e-vite says, "Come to Jimmy's party." Not only do I not have a clue who Jimmy is, but I don't even know which of my 3 kids he is trying to invite. Very impersonal, imo.

As I ask, are other people's children really so fragile? Even at a young age, it has never been a problem with my kids

No, kids aren't that fragile that they're not going to get over it but it does cause hurt feelings. When DS14 was in pre-school, one of the kids had a party and the Mom throwing it invited all but two kids from the class. She knew exactly who she was excluding and honestly, it was one of the cruelest things I've ever seen. Not only were all the kids running around at school talking about the party but so were the parents (all had assumed that EVERYONE had been invited). The mom wasn't discreet about it at all and it changed my opinion of her. I can't imagine how those kids felt and how a parent explains to a 4 year old that they're basically the only person not invited to a party no matter who mean, undesirable, whatever that the child might have been.

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

The same special snowflake mentality that says, I know it's a rule for everybody, but I am going to insist that an exception be made for my special snowflake?

Nobody is telling you who to invite, just that you cannot use school personnel to do the inviting.

Well, I really don't think that politely requesting that the teacher put them in bookbags and letting the teacher know that it's completely okay to not do that is insisting.....

The school personnel have every right to decline....I'm okay with that too. Although they never have....must not be causing too much strife in their classroom

 

[mickeyboat]

ncmickeyluvr - Just because you have not heard anything back from the teacher, does not men that she agrees with you about the policy.

Even if you aren't worried about hurting a child's feelings, don't you think it might make a teacher a little uncomfortable - fearing a child get his feelings hurt because the TEACHER was giving something to some kids and not others? You are putting her between a rock and a hard place.

And before you say that happens all the time with paperwork, a party invitation is different, and most kids know what they look like.

Our school's policy is no invites are passed out at school unless the entire class is invited. We have a school directory and everyone mails out invitations.

 

[JerseyJanice]

When my child was in grammar school, party invitations could not be given out at school (even by the child himself) unless the entire class was invited. We didn't even have the "same sex" rule--it was all or none, and I know for a fact it was a strictly enforced rule.

 

[starrzone]

Ask that you invite everyone in the class, or at least all the same sex, to a birthday party??? Ours does and I have mixed feelings.

I don't have kids, but I'll relate something that happened at my 9th birthday...

There was a girl, "Jan" in my class who had some impairments and had a classroom aide. There was another girl, "Audrey", who was mean to Jan. I was friends with Jan, played with her at recess, and had been to her house to play. My parents, to this day, love telling the story of how I refused to invite Audrey to my sleepover party because "She's mean to Jan and I don't want her in my house".

I guess my answer would be that I don't really agree with the policy of inviting ALL children of the same sex from the class, or even everybody in the class. If invitations aren't given out in class, then the school really has no business with what happens outside of school, do they???