Does your child go to college but live at home?

[WowLookAtThat]

Honestly, I'm shocked at the amount of kids (in this thread) who still live with their parents and go to college.

And we wonder why kids don't ever want to grow up?

Living with us as a college student is not an option. You go to college, you live there. I'm not interested in having a 13th grader living in my house.

My best friend in college lived off campus (I went to UW-RF and she lived in Stillwater) and commuted every day.

She missed SO much and she hated it. After the first year, she finally moved to campus and LOVED it.

Living at home and going to college is just like high school. You miss out on so much.

Actually, on second thought, after being around the Dis for a while, I'm not shocked at all the kids that still live at home and go to college.

I suppose I should feel like I cheated myself because I didn't share a room in college. I didn't want or need a "dorm experience" I needed to go to college and I did...on my own dime. My parents did not have to provide me with a college fund so I worked my way through school. I did live with my dad's side but I also put in for rent, did my chores and cooked my own meals (I came home at different times so it would have been unfair to expect a plate for me.) Not only that but I had the added responsibility of helping my grandma whenever she needed it as well as babysitting my nephews. I moved out when I was done with school because I got a better paying job. The assumption that a college student living at home is lazy and cheated isn't even a valid point. I had a lot more responsibility and learned to take care of myself and others.
It also wasn't logical for me to live in a dorm because my house was closer to the campus than some dorms were.

Your best friend may be limited in the "dorm experience" in your opinion but its a pretty safe bet you didn't have her experiences as well.

I must weep because I never grew up.

 

[MIGrandma]

Honestly, I'm shocked at the amount of kids (in this thread) who still live with their parents and go to college.

And we wonder why kids don't ever want to grow up?

Living with us as a college student is not an option. You go to college, you live there. I'm not interested in having a 13th grader living in my house.

My best friend in college lived off campus (I went to UW-RF and she lived in Stillwater) and commuted every day.

She missed SO much and she hated it. After the first year, she finally moved to campus and LOVED it.

Living at home and going to college is just like high school. You miss out on so much.

Actually, on second thought, after being around the Dis for a while, I'm not shocked at all the kids that still live at home and go to college.

Our DD went to college about 45-minutes from home. She started out living there but at Christmas she moved back home and commuted the rest of the time.

Dorm life did not appeal to her, she wasn't happy. Why should she be forced to live there and be unhappy?

She commuted every day to school, and held down a part-time job (waitressing) and worked for the school newspaper as she was studying journalism.

Fast forward to today and she is 33 years old and has been married for 11 years, the mother of a 6-year old son and 2-year old daughter and she works full time as a zone supervisor. She "grew up" just fine.

So if your child wants to live at home and commute to college you won't let them? Wow. That's pretty harsh.

 

[LisaR]

All of my nieces/nephews have all attended in the last 4 years (with one currently in school and one graduating high school this year) and she has no plans to live at home.

Have "times" really changed that much in the last four years?

Apparently not in your family. I can't figure out how four years is going to make or break a person. There is a lifetime to live. There are plenty of people that live at home that grow up to become productive, responsible adults and plenty of people that go away to college and never grow up. You honestly can't see that? Is it really only black and white to you?

 

[CurlyGirl]

Honestly, I'm shocked at the amount of kids (in this thread) who still live with their parents and go to college.

And we wonder why kids don't ever want to grow up?

Living with us as a college student is not an option. You go to college, you live there. I'm not interested in having a 13th grader living in my house.

My best friend in college lived off campus (I went to UW-RF and she lived in Stillwater) and commuted every day.

She missed SO much and she hated it. After the first year, she finally moved to campus and LOVED it.

Living at home and going to college is just like high school. You miss out on so much.

Actually, on second thought, after being around the Dis for a while, I'm not shocked at all the kids that still live at home and go to college.

Did it EVER dawn on you that living at home might be the difference between someone going to college and not going to college?

 

[debbi801]

My college freshman lives at home and goes to college. And he is very grown up and mature for his age. He was accepted into one of the top 5 colleges for his desired field with a large merit scholarship. But it is a very pricy college and we're still paying a good amount/year. Adding in another almost $12,000 a year for room and board when the college is a 20 minute commute was just not fiscally responsible for us.

He works full time during summers (and will during winter break too) to pay for gas, insurance, etc. He has plenty of time for socializing at the school when he wants to, and is saving money at the same time. To me, it's a no brainer.

The idea that he would need to live at school in order to grow up is completely absurd as far as I'm concerned.

 

[NotUrsula]

There are always valid reasons for choosing one path or another, so I'd never say that it always wrong to stay home, but I personally think that leaving home is a good idea for the majority of kids, even if it does make them unhappy. In our culture part of growing up is leaving home.

I left home the day after HS graduation and never spent more than two consecutive weeks under my mother's roof thereafter. DH went to school locally; his Dad died when he was a freshman, and he ended up staying home until he finished undergrad, because being widowed sent his mom into a major depression and he felt bad about leaving her alone.

I loved college and remember it as one of the best times of my life even though I had to work my butt off and was as poor as a churchmouse. DH doesn't feel the same; he says that he never really felt like an adult until he moved out, and he thinks that he might have been braver about various choices that he made as a young man had he not stayed with his Mom.

DS has a mild case of Asperger's, and we have every intention of having him go away to school. DS is VERY fond of his comfort zone, and we feel very strongly that the only way that he will learn to really be independent and force him to spread his wings and fly on his own is to take away the option of living with us. Living in a dorm will be a good transition, and in fact we sent him away to a college camp this summer for a week as a first step (he's 14). If he doesn't start school right away for whatever reason we'll allow him a year of working f/t while living at home, but after that he will have to move out. His sister will be on the same plan when it is her turn; we don't have a double-standard in this regard.

 

[SaraJayne]

For those of you that said my post was a generalization, you're correct ~ it was.

While I could have worded my post a little less harshly, my basic feelings about going away to college are the same.

After high school graduation, my children have three options. They can move to college, get a full time job and find their own place or join the military.

That goes for both my son and daughter.

 

[MnMomtoboys]

For those of you that said my post was a generalization, you're correct ~ it was.

While I could have worded my post a little less harshly, my basic feelings about going away to college are the same.

After high school graduation, my children have three options. They can move to college, get a full time job and find their own place or join the military.

That goes for both my son and daughter.

Fine that is your opinion for your kids. Just because people choose to do it differently doesn't make it wrong.

 

[MIGrandma]

For those of you that said my post was a generalization, you're correct ~ it was.

While I could have worded my post a little less harshly, my basic feelings about going away to college are the same.

After high school graduation, my children have three options. They can move to college, get a full time job and find their own place or join the military.

That goes for both my son and daughter.

Just curious, how old are your children?

A person can always say what they would do in any given situation, but when said situation occurs they may do something completely different.

 

[Deb in IA]

Honestly, I'm shocked at the amount of kids (in this thread) who still live with their parents and go to college.

And we wonder why kids don't ever want to grow up?

Living with us as a college student is not an option. You go to college, you live there. I'm not interested in having a 13th grader living in my house.

My best friend in college lived off campus (I went to UW-RF and she lived in Stillwater) and commuted every day.

She missed SO much and she hated it. After the first year, she finally moved to campus and LOVED it.

Living at home and going to college is just like high school. You miss out on so much.

Actually, on second thought, after being around the Dis for a while, I'm not shocked at all the kids that still live at home and go to college.

My husband lived at home with his parents while he went to MEDICAL SCHOOL.

And he grew up just fine.

 

[WowLookAtThat]

For those of you that said my post was a generalization, you're correct ~ it was.

While I could have worded my post a little less harshly, my basic feelings about going away to college are the same.

After high school graduation, my children have three options. They can move to college, get a full time job and find their own place or join the military.

That goes for both my son and daughter.

I also have to ask would you expect your children to pay their way through college? For some there is not choice between having a dorm experience and living at home, for some students it is the choice of paying for college or just not going.

 

[Grimley]

For those of you that said my post was a generalization, you're correct ~ it was.

While I could have worded my post a little less harshly, my basic feelings about going away to college are the same.

After high school graduation, my children have three options. They can move to college, get a full time job and find their own place or join the military.

That goes for both my son and daughter.

Are they expected to pay their own way through college? Will they ever be welcomed back into your home, or do you believe that once they turn 18 they are on their own?

 

[quitesure]

sarajayne-thats their only three choices? they cant live at home under any circumstances? what if they end up flat broke? have trouble adjusting to college life? or get pregnant?

 

[LisaR]

For those of you that said my post was a generalization, you're correct ~ it was.

While I could have worded my post a little less harshly, my basic feelings about going away to college are the same.

After high school graduation, my children have three options. They can move to college, get a full time job and find their own place or join the military.

That goes for both my son and daughter.

Sounds like my MIL. She gave all three of her kids a suitcase for their 17th birthdays and said she expected them to use it by their 18th birthdays. Unfortunately for her, none of the three have a good relationship with her in the slightest. Hope it turns out better for you.

 

[SpecialK]

My oldest son will be 16 in a month, and I can't imagine telling him that in two years I expect him to be out of my house, one way or another.

We are currently in college discussions, and the money we would save by him attending the local communty college for his gen. ed. courses and transferring to the university after that would enable him to graduate college debt-free. The same would be true if he chose to attend the university from the get-go and live at home.

Maybe it's because I'm in a more urban area where the cost of living is higher, but the kids I see who are forced out of their homes after high school struggle mightily just to survive. My kids will always have a place here if they need it. I don't think that makes them unable to grow up; I think that makes them feel safe.

 

[Metsfan520]

For those of you that said my post was a generalization, you're correct ~ it was.

While I could have worded my post a little less harshly, my basic feelings about going away to college are the same.

After high school graduation, my children have three options. They can move to college, get a full time job and find their own place or join the military.

That goes for both my son and daughter.

I hope the economy is better when your kids get to that point.

 

[nmmom95]

My kids will always have a place here if they need it. I don't think that makes them unable to grow up; I think that makes them feel safe.

I agree.

 

[RitaE]

Well - that's interesting. We always told our kids that we would pay for their undergraduate degrees and they wouldn't have to take on student loan debt but if they wanted Graduate School they'd have to figure that out. So far that has held true but now my oldest is considering Graduate School and he talked to us. We told him that we could try to help in some ways but we still have 2 kids behind him and our own retirements that are a priority so we just can't keep paying the way we have. We've all just kind of agreed that saving the dorm fees from this last year is one thing we can do to help get him through the Masters degree if that's what he wants.

I see letting him live here as a way that I can help him out.

I'm just wondering SaraJayne, what you would do in my situation? Is there no wiggle room at all? Do they even get to come home for the summer? Would you tell your kid he couldn't live with you to get through school and force him into higher debt or something because that breaks your 3 rules?

 

[Desert Dwellers]

For those of you that said my post was a generalization, you're correct ~ it was.

While I could have worded my post a little less harshly, my basic feelings about going away to college are the same.

After high school graduation, my children have three options. They can move to college, get a full time job and find their own place or join the military.

That goes for both my son and daughter.

I did misinterpret your initial post. I thought you were being elitist, and bragging you had the funds to bankroll your kids' college education, regardless of the costs. Now I see it has little to do with education. You just want your kids out your darn house.

 

[beachcomber]

I did misinterpret your initial post. I thought you were being elitist, and bragging you had the funds to bankroll your kids's college education, regardless of the costs. Now I see it has little to do with education. You just want your kids out your darn house.

It does appear that way.