Does this sound awkward?

[lovetoscrap]

Bear with me here.

We were invited to spend Christmas with my Uncle (mom's brother) and Aunt (his wife) this year. We have never spent Christmas with my side of the family so my mom and I talked and decided to go ahead and take them up on the offer and all travel to NJ and spend our first Christmas together since I got married. Most all of my Aunt's family live near them to they have a lot of Christmas traditions with her family--but I didn't realize just how many. This is the first time we have been invited to spend the holidays with them.

I am trying to figure out things and what will go on and I sent her some questions by email. In her answers she tells me that we will be going to her mother's house for brunch and then her family will be doing a Secret Santa gift exchange on Christmas Day, but she figured it would be too much to ask for us to be included. So I guess we are just going to watch everyone else exchange gifts????? It is already going to be strange spending most of Christmas with a bunch of people we don't know, but to also watch them open gifts?

We have also been told that due to the economy they don't want to exchange Christmas gifts under the tree. I could never show up empty handed so I am taking a little something for everyone, as is my mother.

I am starting to regret this decision to go. It is starting to sound like it will be very uncomfortable and a holiday spent with mostly strangers. I love and get along fine with my Uncle and Aunt and cousins but am feeling like we are going to be "third wheels" dragged along to all of her family. I know if I invited others into my home I would go out of my way to make them included and compromise some of my usual things to make my guests feel comfortable.

Am I wrong to be feeling like this is going to be a very awkward Christmas?

 

[ajk912]

I would probably try to find a way to back out. I wouldn't like that situation, either.

 

[Cantw8]

long post, you're sexy Pop Daddy's not around so I'm filling in Ohh yeah..and Hey

 

[Rora]

Honestly, I feel like it would be awkward. There's nothing wrong with being concerned about it.

I don't really have any advice to give you except to share a and tell you that I'm hoping for the best. I hope we're both wrong- that it isn't awkward but instead really fun and you have a great Christmas!

 

[Mom2Nick]

It does sound like it may be an uncomfortable day - just make the best of it though and see what happens.

We are staying home this year. We used to go to DH's Aunts house - but that got too uncomfortable. She's remarried so his whole side is there - they have their whole traditions and do their thing - and we're in another room exchanging gifts with the inlaws. We're the only ones with little kids so we're in one room at the kid table eating with them - all teh other adults are in the dining room.

We just decided that although we love them very much and we do enjoy ourselves there - we want a Christmas that is OURS - not theirs with us in it - kwim?

You however - are stuck - lol!! You cannot accept then decide not to go - so go and make the best of iit and hopefully you'll be surprised.

 

[hiwaygal]

long post, you're sexy Pop Daddy's not around so I'm filling in Ohh yeah..and Hey

Scrappy - yeah, that sounds kind of awkward to me too. I would probably cancel 'cause I just prefer "smaller" groups. But, you will have lots of other family there and maybe it won't be so bad. Maybe you all can go see a movie or something on Christmas Day while they're doing the "Secret Santa" thing. Or maybe just make sure the girls have something "extra" to open during that time.

 

[minniecarousel]

We have an "open house" type Christmas. Anyone is welcome, usually an in-laws family member, or a steady boy or girl friend. A few of us get "stocking stuffers" for them. I have never found it awkward, but then, I'm always on the hosting end of it. I'd hate to see you miss out on a different type of Christmas just because of the gift thing.

 

[Bluestars]

Maybe they are trying to make you feel more comfortable by not asking you to buy gifts. In their attempt to make it an easy trip for you, they are unknowingly causing you stress. It doesn't sound like it is their intention. Maybe you can have your mom let them know you would love to participate in the Secret Santa and anything else they are planning.

I can see how this seems uncomfortable. I'm always a bit uncomfortable in different situations too. I have a feeling that when you go you will feel more comfortable and have a good time.

 

[phorsenuf]

Yeah, I'd feel real awkward in that situation. Maybe you could write her back and let her know that you all would love to participate in the secret santa exchange (is this like a yankee swap?) and that its no imposition at all, well unless it is of course. If she still insists on not having you participate then I'd probably feel like they are purposely excluding me. At that point I think I would feel way too uncomfortable to attend and stay home. Maybe you could give them some off the wall excuse, like your daughter has whooping cough or something. Wouldn't want to infect them all now would ya?

Of course the real question is do you even want to go to begin with?

 

[Mom2Satan&Daisy]

Yeah, I'd feel real awkward in that situation. Maybe you could write her back and let her know that you all would love to participate in the secret santa exchange (is this like a yankee swap?) and that its no imposition at all, well unless it is of course. If she still insists on not having you participate then I'd probably feel like they are purposely excluding me. At that point I think I would feel way too uncomfortable to attend and stay home. Maybe you could give them some off the wall excuse, like your daughter has whooping cough or something. Wouldn't want to infect them all now would ya?

Of course the real question is do you even want to go to begin with?

That would be my deciding factor.

 

[lovetoscrap]

long post, you're sexy Pop Daddy's not around so I'm filling in Ohh yeah..and Hey

Thanks! Have you cut your sleeves off of all your shirts?

- and we're in another room exchanging gifts with the inlaws. We're the only ones with little kids so we're in one room at the kid table eating with them - all teh other adults are in the dining room.

.

That is what I am worried will happen.

Or maybe just make sure the girls have something "extra" to open during that time.

I will definitely make sure I have a little something for my girls so they don't feel left out.

Maybe they are trying to make you feel more comfortable by not asking you to buy gifts. In their attempt to make it an easy trip for you, they are unknowingly causing you stress. It doesn't sound like it is their intention. Maybe you can have your mom let them know you would love to participate in the Secret Santa and anything else they are planning.

I can see how this seems uncomfortable. I'm always a bit uncomfortable in different situations too. I have a feeling that when you go you will feel more comfortable and have a good time.

I think that she may be thinking this would be easier on us. And I will freely admit that I HATE change, and am a control freak. That is why I asked her to give me a rundown of what to expect. I knew we would be spending Christmas Eve with her entire family at their house but had no idea about Christmas day. We will be good guests and we will be okay. We are having Christmas AGAIN with DH's family when we get back with all of our usual traditions so we can make the best of it.

I am starting to think that maybe a Hotel room would be a very good option so we can have an escape. And I may feel a migraine coming on. .

I really can't back out on this because my mom already bought plane tickets on my promise to go, and this will be her first time to ever spend Christmas with her Grandchildren (my girls are 8 and 13) so she is really looking forward to that.

 

[lovetoscrap]

Of course the real question is do you even want to go to begin with?

I did actually. As I said I have never spent Christmas with my family since getting married. I knew they did a big party at their house on Christmas Eve but thought Christmas Day would be more laid back and not the huge extended family group again. I was looking forward to some quiet time with my mom and the kids.

I think I will just remember that we will be having our traditional Christmas when we get back and focus on this as not really Christmas. At least we have our own van so we can come and go if necessary.

 

[C.Ann]

It does sound rather awkward, but if you go with the hotel room, at any point you can leave if it feels really uncomfortable - and you can have a little Christmas (your style) in your hotel room..

Hope it works out for you!

 

[pfishgirl]

IMHO... yes, very awkward in deed
Did they expect you to say No and not come?

How can you NOT have a gift? Even I have extra gifts stored away for unexpected guests..

The dollar store has lovely items, toss them in a pretty basket and wa la a gift


Story: The 1st christmas, before DH & I were married.. DS was 9.. We went to Hubby's Grandparents house.. His Aunt, Uncle, 2 Cousins and their families were all there exchanging gifts.. Mind you 7, 2nd cousins were there, aged 2 - 7.. Now, I bought DVDs 2 per houshold for the kids and something extra for the 2 year old, plus home made cookies and candies for the adults..

Well, DS did not get a Thing!!! Neither did we, but that was expected.. I mean you knew my son who was 9 would be there and you couldn't get him anything?? Nope.. instead he sat and watched as all 7 of the other kids and 8 adults opened gifts.. I was soooo upset and so was DH.. I even went to the bathroom and cried a little.. Needless to say, we did NOT stay for the dinner and left early.. I felt so unwanted there that year..

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I would probably try to find a way to back out. I wouldn't like that situation, either.

I agree. It doesn't sound like a fun time.

 

[java]

Come over to our house in nj instead. No awkwardness and we are inventing a holiday cocktail this year!(if you drink of course)

 

[teacups]

IMHO... yes, very awkward in deed
Did they expect you to say No and not come?

How can you NOT have a gift? Even I have extra gifts stored away for unexpected guests..

The dollar store has lovely items, toss them in a pretty basket and wa la a gift


Story: The 1st christmas, before DH & I were married.. DS was 9.. We went to Hubby's Grandparents house.. His Aunt, Uncle, 2 Cousins and their families were all there exchanging gifts.. Mind you 7, 2nd cousins were there, aged 2 - 7.. Now, I bought DVDs 2 per houshold for the kids and something extra for the 2 year old, plus home made cookies and candies for the adults..

Well, DS did not get a Thing!!! Neither did we, but that was expected.. I mean you knew my son who was 9 would be there and you couldn't get him anything?? Nope.. instead he sat and watched as all 7 of the other kids and 8 adults opened gifts.. I was soooo upset and so was DH.. I even went to the bathroom and cried a little.. Needless to say, we did NOT stay for the dinner and left early.. I felt so unwanted there that year..

OMG that is so sad.

 

[teacups]

OP, here's what I'd do...
pass the word that I want to really participate and it would be fun to buy gifts for the exchange. And if they still told me no... I would say it might be best for my family's christmas to spend it at home.

 

[lovetoscrap]

Come over to our house in nj instead. No awkwardness and we are inventing a holiday cocktail this year!(if you drink of course)

Sounds great! And I am thnking drinking may be the only way I get through this. . .

OP, here's what I'd do...
pass the word that I want to really participate and it would be fun to buy gifts for the exchange. And if they still told me no... I would say it might be best for my family's christmas to spend it at home.

I am waiting to talk to my mom and see what she thinks. It is her brother so I am going to let her deal with it. I have found a hotel that is affordable in the area so I am going to make reservations so we have an "out".

Apparently the Christmas Morning gift opening, brunch and their gift exchange all has to be done in time for us to be at some other event by 1:00. I wonder if we have to be up by 5am!!

I am going to make the best of this. I was just concerned that I was over reacting since I don't like change. DH says I usually take things too personal.

pfishgirl, that stinks! Your poor son. I will make sure to have a gift reserved for my girls so they don't feel left out. And I will also go and get something for my Aunt's mother for hosting us in her home. I just can't arrive empty handed.

 

[MeghansMommy]

Story: The 1st christmas, before DH & I were married.. DS was 9.. We went to Hubby's Grandparents house.. His Aunt, Uncle, 2 Cousins and their families were all there exchanging gifts.. Mind you 7, 2nd cousins were there, aged 2 - 7.. Now, I bought DVDs 2 per houshold for the kids and something extra for the 2 year old, plus home made cookies and candies for the adults..

Well, DS did not get a Thing!!! Neither did we, but that was expected.. I mean you knew my son who was 9 would be there and you couldn't get him anything?? Nope.. instead he sat and watched as all 7 of the other kids and 8 adults opened gifts.. I was soooo upset and so was DH.. I even went to the bathroom and cried a little.. Needless to say, we did NOT stay for the dinner and left early.. I felt so unwanted there that year..

Oh, this is so sad. We had something similar happen with our kids at a Christmas party with my husband's aunt's family except there were gifts for ONE of our children and not the other. All of the cousins got gifts too. It wasn't on purpose, but my DD's Godmother was there and she had a special gift for my DD and gave it to her. My son got nothing. I should have known that this was going to happen because we were going to do Christmas with the rest of the family on Christmas (this was a week before) and we were invited to come to this party even though we were going to see everyone again (except the little ones in Dh's aunt's family) in a few days. (Sorry for the run on sentence there). Anyway, I totally understand your feelings.

As to the OP - I agree with previous posters. Can you email your mom and ask her if you can participate in the Secret Santa too? Good luck!