Does everyone buy Christmas presents for their adult nieces and nephews?

[momx2]

Here's the deal.... This year and last year, me and DH did not buy for his brother's daughter she is 21 years old, not in school and working full time. She also lives 3 hours away with her mother. We only see her once a year, at Christmas. She does not buy presents for anyone. We buy for DH's brother and his younger son and his brother buys for us and our 2 young DDs.

Nothing was said, but we just received a phone call from DH's brother wanting to know why we didn't buy for his daughter. My DH told him she was an adult, etc. His brother hung up on him. If she was in school I would still buy for her or if we had a relationship. But I feel she is an adult now and don't buy for her because we have no connection. I feel bad for my DH. What do you guys think?

 

[Blueeyes101817]

In our family, we do a pollyanna instead of buying for everyone--but since we do the pollyanna, all the "kids" from 5-26 get 1 present from an uncle...for birthdays, we stop at 18

 

[AuntieM03]

My nephew is 21 but I can't imagine not buying him anything for Christmas. I don't have kids so I have always given quite a bit to my 2 nephews and 1 niece.

 

[MrsPete]

I wouldn't buy for the brother's son and NOT buy for his daughter. It's either all the kids in the family or none -- age wouldn't play into it.

 

[momx2]

I wouldn't buy for the brother's son and NOT buy for his daughter. It's either all the kids in the family or none -- age wouldn't play into it.

Thanks, that is something to think about. I hadn't thought of it that way. In my family we stopped getting gifts from my distant (relationship wise) aunts and uncles when we got to be adults. That also varied, were we in school, living at home or on our own. It just gets complicated.

 

[Becky2005]

I don't buy my older niece & nephews anything. We haven't in years. On the other hand, my sister doesn't buy for my kids either. None of us are offended or mad about it. It just evolved that way. She lives 1,000 miles away and almost never comes in for Christmas, so we don't see them very often and as of right now her kids are 22 & 18.

My brother's oldest son is 22 and it's a divorce situation, which we almost never see him either. Sometimes he will come to the big family Christmas (which will be happening this upcoming weekend) and sometimes he won't. If he comes, I do try to get him something because I don't see him very often but if he doesn't show up, I don't get him anything. I really don't even know what he likes, so basically it would be a small amount of cash I would end up giving him. For the extended family, we have tried to convince them to just draw names or something but they won't, so we got the policy of just buying for the kids under 18 & the aunts and/or doing family gifts for the cousins.

On the other hand, I buy for my brother's younger children who are 10 & 8 and they buy for my kids. We get together and exchange gifts in a smaller setting with my parents.

 

[mrsv98]

This year, by consensus, we only gave gifts to the youngset niece and nephew. The others are in college or out of college. But this was agreed upon by all the adults. We told the big "kids" they should do a grab bag among themselves if they wanted.

 

[Mysteria]

I don't have many atm. One adult Nephew and the rest not. I am not going to leave him out. So yes I still buy for them all. On the same note said Nephew had his first job this year and bought dh and I a gift though he knows he didn't have to. He's a good guy.

Myst

 

[phillybeth]

In my family, gifts froms aunts/uncles ends at 18- 21/22 if they are in college full time. In a family with over 14 kids, a line had to be drawn somewhere!

IMO, a 21 YO is more than old enough to understand that for adults, Christmas is a gift exchange. Your DH should ask his brother why his neice did not get a gift fform HIM!

 

[Beth76]

Well you gave a present to your nephew (he's a kid still) and also your BIL (who's an adult). So, yes, I think you should have bought a gift for your neice. Next year, maybe suggest the adults do a name exchange for gifts.

 

[HelenePA]

Gosh I go thru this same thing with my inlaws except my kids are 1,4,6... they got bday presents for the baby and not the "older" kids... it broke my heart.. I could not get one child a gift and not the other. It would have been nice for the 21yr old to get something small for everyone but I would NOT expect it.. that's too much money for a 21y/o.

 

[momx2]

Well you gave a present to your nephew (he's a kid still) and also your BIL (who's an adult). So, yes, I think you should have bought a gift for your neice. Next year, maybe suggest the adults do a name exchange for gifts.

I guess I agree with what Phillybeth said. She is an adult, not in school. She is working. I just feel like she shouldn't expect gifts when she buys nothing for anyone, ever. I buy for nephew because he is a kid and for BIL because he buys for us and our DDs, still kids. Believe me it would have been well worth the extra money not to have BIL mad at us. But he didn't say anything last year.

But I also think what mrspete said made since about buying for them both no matter the age. But at that rate I'll be buying for both of them until their 30 because my DDs are 5 and 9. I just think their should be some responsibility at her age. This is the only time we see her and she barely speaks with us. Too late now I guess.

 

[momx2]

Gosh I go thru this same thing with my inlaws except my kids are 1,4,6... they got bday presents for the baby and not the "older" kids... it broke my heart.. I could not get one child a gift and not the other. It would have been nice for the 21yr old to get something small for everyone but I would NOT expect it.. that's too much money for a 21y/o.

That's just sad. They're still babies too.

 

[cotomom]

This year, I bought for my nephew but not my niece. They're both adults, live 3 states away, and never email or phone or reply to my correspondance. No Christmas card, present, or phone call ever from them. The difference of why I bought for one and not the other? Nephew came out to visit us and was here 3 days before Christmas.

If he hadn't been here in 'person'? No present for him either. Hope they see it the same way I do?

 

[Sinderelli]

We do it in our family a little differently. We buy for adults until they have children of their own. My 28 year old brother is not married, no children, so we buy for him. He buys for my two kids but not for me or DH (which is perfectly fine with me!) I think this is a fair way to exchange gifts. Once you have kids, you are out of the gift receiving circuit but your children benefit!

 

[inaminute]

I only buy for adult children if I'm purchasing gifts for everyone else in the family. I couldn't leave one out at Christmas.

With that being said, I don't usually buy individual gifts, except for kids under 18 (and only if our families are close the rest of the year). I prefer general gifts the entire family can enjoy.

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

This one could really go either way. I don't buy gifts for any of my nieces or nephews. They all live on the other side of the country. We only exchange gifts with the family members that live near us.

If I did exchange gifts with a family, I don't think I would stop getting one of the children a gift just because he/she reached a certain age. Since you have always exchanged gifts with the entire family, adults included, it would have been nice to get your niece a small gift card or something. That way she would still be included.

However, I can understand why you didn't. I guess it must have hurt BIL's feelings to not have his daughter included. He probably saw the exchange as one family exchanging gifts with another family.

 

[momx2]

We do it in our family a little differently. We buy for adults until they have children of their own. My 28 year old brother is not married, no children, so we buy for him. He buys for my two kids but not for me or DH (which is perfectly fine with me!) I think this is a fair way to exchange gifts. Once you have kids, you are out of the gift receiving circuit but your children benefit!

That's how my family does it. But not DH's family. I like it better that way. I have one aunt who was very close to me. She quit buying for me when I became an adult and out of school unless I bought for her. My DMom actually sat me down one day and told me I was old enough to buy my own gifts if I expected any from extended family. But my aunt now buys for my kids and I buy for her. It just works that way in my family. I did the same with DH's family and since BIL's daughter is the oldest, this was a first and it didn't work obviously. Should of just bought the gift.

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

no, we asked to do a draw a name thing a couple years back in the hopes to make it easier on the younger generation especially) - family is getting bigger/older - no one was interested. So, we stopped doing all three twenty-somethings at same time when youngest was old enough - they are very close in age though. If they were willing to reciprocate, it would be different. We do give them a card with a lottery ticket - so that they don't feel totally forgotten.

The oldest has a child now and we buy for the baby (even though thet don't gift us) because we have tried to get family to keep the emphasis on the kids.

We just feel that when they get to a certain age, are working, etc...they should be willing to give if they expect to receive.

 

[iggbees]

personally, i think it really depends on how close you are with this neice. i'm 23, work full time (want to go to grad school though), live 4 hours away from family, but still see them more than 5-6 times a year. this is because my family is very close to each other though. i love visiting with them. i never ask for anything for christmas and even started giving my younger cousins gifts this year, since i'm making a little bit of money. i am very fortunate to have a family who still gives me presents for holidays and who actually ask my mom what i want, but in my family it's just something that we do that is nice. we've always given presents for things.

if i never got to see my family and as not close to them, then i couldn't imagine them wanting to give me things. in fact i've even stopped getting gifts from my elderly aunts because they told me i'm in the working world now (i think it's just because i'm living in sin, being unmarried and living with my boyfriend, haha.).