Does anyone value marriage anymore?

[Justanopinion]

I'm still happily married after 16 years. Very happy. The majority of people I know are happily married. It doesn't seem that uncommon. In our neighborhood of about 65 houses, I think we've seen 3 marriages fall apart in the 4 years we've lived there.

As for me, I wouldn't divorce my wife just because she cheated on me. I vowed to stay with her until "death do us part." I would, however, take the kids to visit her grave every week.

Both DH and I have these same feelings.

Heck, does anybody even marry anymore? I swear every younger couple I know have children together, but never marry.

I see so many young people especially jump into having a baby and not caring whether they get married or not. So sad. I have a friend now. Her BF is legally married to someone else, just hasn't bothered to get a divorce and they have a baby due in 5 weeks.

I also have a friend, who recently cheated on her husband and is now pregnant with the BF's kid. She hasn't left her husband yet but is working on it and has already said she will live with the new guy but won't marry him

I think the problem is how much people value the church, when I married my DH we both took our vows seriously, if down the road something happen that I would want to divorce him I would have to think long and hard about it. Marriage is not easy (especially with kids), but we work on it everyday.

ITA! If more people would bring church back into their lives not only would marriage be looked at differently but I think kids would be more well behaved.
JMHO

DH and I have been through some very rough times in the last two years. We try not to go to bed angry at each other, we may not be totally happy with the other person but we try not to be angry, and we agree that we are still open to more conversation.
BIL and his wife have been married 6 months longer than us, will be 10 years this year and they no longer sleep in the same bed. He has a bedroom upstairs, she has the master downstairs. I believe they are only staying together now to co parent. With their work schedules, neither could do it without the other.

I think DH and I put more effort into resolving conflicts. We make it a priority to work things out as soon as possible. I don't think most couples try anymore, they give up too easily.

 

[mrs_hower726]

I love my husband and I like to think that we will be married until death do us part.

However, if I found out that he ever cheated, that's a dealbreaker for me and divorce would be only option. There would be too many trust issues and it would be evident that he doesn't respect me as a person.

 

[MeghansMommy]

I'm still happily married after 16 years. Very happy. The majority of people I know are happily married. It doesn't seem that uncommon. In our neighborhood of about 65 houses, I think we've seen 3 marriages fall apart in the 4 years we've lived there.

As for me, I wouldn't divorce my wife just because she cheated on me. I vowed to stay with her until "death do us part." I would, however, take the kids to visit her grave every week.

ROFL!!!!

 

[wvjules]

In these marriage threads there are usually a fair amount of people that say marriage is hard or marriages are hard work. Shouldn't marriages be easy and fun?

 

[apirateslifeforme]

I'm divorced and I value marriage. But there are only so many years of being lied to, having your bank account repeatedly wiped out, being called names, getting smacked around every day (and worse) that one person can take. When your 4th marriage counselor in 8 years tells you that it's time to give up, it's time to listen.

As far as the church...I thought about that. But I think God will forgive me for my divorce, all things considered.

 

[wvjules]

ITA! If more people would bring church back into their lives not only would marriage be looked at differently but I think kids would be more well behaved.
JMHO

So those that don't attend church give up on marriage easily and have unruly kids?

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

In these marriage threads there are usually a fair amount of people that say marriage is hard or marriages are hard work. Shouldn't marriages be easy and fun?

I agree with this! Going out and having fun with my DH is one of the reasons I married him. He's my best friend, closest confidante, and partner in crime. Yes, we argue sometimes, but those arguments are few compared to the great times we've had.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

ITA! If more people would bring church back into their lives not only would marriage be looked at differently but I think kids would be more well behaved.
JMHO

.

I've seen plenty of avid church goers get divorced or live in terrible marriages for fear of the sin assosciated with divorce. God gives us the wonderful opportunity to find a mate to spend the rest of our days one earth with. He also gives us the common sense to know when something isn't working, too.

 

[princesspiglet]

ITA! If more people would bring church back into their lives not only would marriage be looked at differently but I think kids would be more well behaved.
JMHO

I'm calling bull on this. My DH and I are not Christians and do not attend church. We are going on year 15 and are still very much in-love and our marriage is rock solid. Church has nothing to do with that. Our DD6 is a joy to be with and is very well-behaved. Again, the church has nothing to do with that. It's the type of people WE are and the way WE raise our child that has to due with our success.

My grandparents were very religious and yet they raised 3 kids (out of 8) who ended up in prison and spent the last 15 years of their married life in seperate bedrooms- so your theory is debunked.

 

[Camicar]

I'll be honest with you. I think marriage is overrated as a means to happiness. If I had to do it over again, I doubt I'd marry. I look back on our nearly 30 years together and in hindsight I see a LOT of sacrifices that I made for the good of my marriage and/or my family that has resulted in everyone being happy BUT me.

Frankly, even thru all the years of incredible nastiness with my ILs, I never questioned the value of my marriage, in part because dh and I got along very well and in part I am an optimistic person and think 'my circumstances will get better later, I'll have other opportunities to recoup my sacrifices later'. Then...you reach your middle span of years and you start to realize that 'later' is running out and that thanks to age discrimination you can't get back into your career or start a new one and most of your life's dreams will never be achieved and the major reason for that was your commitment to your marriage and making the other person happy.

I was didn't even realize that I had such hidden unhappinesss until two things happened over the span of 4 years which made me deeply re-examine my life. My life came up short. I'm not getting into the details on a message board (although some of you may remember my venting post from last summer...) but suffice to say, we have what to all appearances is a good and solid marriage. He's basically a good guy and I know he loves me. But....my happiness is not anyone's priority, my sacrifices and surrendering of dreams are just par for the course and taken for granted.

I look back and then I look around and I see SO many other people like me, who have made sacrifices, done the 'right' thing and get nothing REAL in return in their marriage and I have to wonder if this institution is worth valuing.

heard Will Smith say it best on a Barbara Walters special. Essentially, it was 'if divorce is an option, you'll get one'.

Yeah, fine words coming from a man who is in an open marriage. It's a matter of record that he and Jada removed the vows of fidelity from their marriage ceremony and do not believe monogamy is necessary to marriage. Well, then, staying married just got a LOT easier for them since they've removed infidelity and jealousy as a reason for divorce.

 

[Tiggernut_jadie]

I think the problem is how much people value the church, when I married my DH we both took our vows seriously, if down the road something happen that I would want to divorce him I would have to think long and hard about it. Marriage is not easy (especially with kids), but we work on it everyday.

ITA! If more people would bring church back into their lives not only would marriage be looked at differently but I think kids would be more well behaved.
JMHO

What ROT! DH and I are both athiests. We've been together for 23 years, married for 16 and have a GREAT marriage Thanks! Oh and our 8 year old DD is top in her class for everything, is a school 'buddy' (someone kids who get bullied can go to for support) and who we constantly get compliments about her good manners and behaviour from teachers and other parents. Perhaps I best tell her to give up now as she's doomed.

In answer to distal's comments - DH and I work at our marriage every day - but becasue we LOVE and RESPECT one another...not because we got married in a church!

So those that don't attend church give up on marriage easily and have unruly kids?

Obviously!

 

[Stacerita]

I value marriage. I value it enough to not want it for myself. At least in this point of my life. Too many take it for granted. Or to them its just something to do.

 

[disykat]

I think religion is a reason some people stay together. That is not the same as saying I think all people who aren't religious are going to divorce, nor does it mean religious people never divorce!

Why do people insist on twisting things around so they can be insulted?

 

[jordansmomma]

I see so many young people especially jump into having a baby and not caring whether they get married or not. So sad.
sometimes things are not jumped into, but sometimes accidents happen.

I also have a friend, who recently cheated on her husband and is now pregnant with the BF's kid. She hasn't left her husband yet but is working on it and has already said she will live with the new guy but won't marry him

I know I may get flamed for this...but having a child is not a reason to get married. Sometimes getting married because you are pregnant causes more stress & DIVORCE!!

ITA! If more people would bring church back into their lives not only would marriage be looked at differently but I think kids would be more well behaved.
JMHO

Honestly you are lucky this is a family board...or I would say what I really feel.
So you are trying to tell me that because I don't attend church that my kids are not well behaved?? Because what? Being a good Christian, LDS, or Catholic or whatnot makes for better & more well behaved children???
I am sorry but my friends that are pastors kids were far worse than I could have ever been....not all but SOME.

DH and I have been through some very rough times in the last two years. We try not to go to bed angry at each other, we may not be totally happy with the other person but we try not to be angry, and we agree that we are still open to more conversation.
BIL and his wife have been married 6 months longer than us, will be 10 years this year and they no longer sleep in the same bed. He has a bedroom upstairs, she has the master downstairs. I believe they are only staying together now to co parent. With their work schedules, neither could do it without the other.

Well if that works for them thats good.

I think DH and I put more effort into resolving conflicts. We make it a priority to work things out as soon as possible. I don't think most couples try anymore, they give up too easily.

Sometimes its not about giving up. Sometimes there is just so much one person can put themselves through. Marriage is a two-way street. Each party needs to give on both sides. Sometimes even when they both try their best, well your best isn't always enough.

I'll be honest with you. I think marriage is overrated as a means to happiness.
I agree with this!!!
If I had to do it over again, I doubt I'd marry. I look back on our nearly 30 years together and in hindsight I see a LOT of sacrifices that I made for the good of my marriage and/or my family that has resulted in everyone being happy BUT me.

Frankly, even thru all the years of incredible nastiness with my ILs, I never questioned the value of my marriage, in part because dh and I got along very well and in part I am an optimistic person and think 'my circumstances will get better later, I'll have other opportunities to recoup my sacrifices later'. Then...you reach your middle span of years and you start to realize that 'later' is running out and that thanks to age discrimination you can't get back into your career or start a new one and most of your life's dreams will never be achieved and the major reason for that was your commitment to your marriage and making the other person happy.

I was didn't even realize that I had such hidden unhappinesss until two things happened over the span of 4 years which made me deeply re-examine my life. My life came up short. I'm not getting into the details on a message board (although some of you may remember my venting post from last summer...) but suffice to say, we have what to all appearances is a good and solid marriage. He's basically a good guy and I know he loves me. But....my happiness is not anyone's priority, my sacrifices and surrendering of dreams are just par for the course and taken for granted.

I look back and then I look around and I see SO many other people like me, who have made sacrifices, done the 'right' thing and get nothing REAL in return in their marriage and I have to wonder if this institution is worth valuing.


Yeah, fine words coming from a man who is in an open marriage. It's a matter of record that he and Jada removed the vows of fidelity from their marriage ceremony and do not believe monogamy is necessary to marriage. Well, then, staying married just got a LOT easier for them since they've removed infidelity and jealousy as a reason for divorce.

Maybe that is why they always seem so happy??
Jealousy is an emotion that makes people act and do dumb things.

Does anyone get married these days and plan on spending the rest of their lives with their spouse? Or do they feel that if it doesn't work, they can just get divorced? All I hear on the news is this person is divorced and that person cheated. Now, one of my good friends who has been w/her DH for 15 years, just found out he cheated, and they're getting divorced. I mean, you think you know a person. I would never have thought that would happen to her. Anyone have any advice for her?

Edited to add....
I completely think she should divorce her DH...and she did value her marriage...it was her DH who did not. I just wanted to clarify that. I know in some situations, theres no choice...her DH put her in that position by not caring enough to begin with.

So...are you trying to say that if a person is not happy & has been cheated on that because they are married that they should just stay married? Because the other party who cheated surely valued the marriage right??
I don't think people get married with the idea that they will end up divorced in a few years. Things happen, people change and then sometimes bad stuff happens also.

Heck, does anybody even marry anymore? I swear every younger couple I know have children together, but never marry.

So does this make me a horrible person because I am unwed mother of 2 kids? Being married doesn't make you a family.
You are right though- everybody is too quick to divorce these days
If they can afford it.

I'm divorced and I value marriage. But there are only so many years of being lied to, having your bank account repeatedly wiped out, being called names, getting smacked around every day (and worse) that one person can take. When your 4th marriage counselor in 8 years tells you that it's time to give up, it's time to listen.

As far as the church...I thought about that. But I think God will forgive me for my divorce, all things considered.

Very good reasons to get divorced!!!

 

[Minnie824]

So...are you trying to say that if a person is not happy & has been cheated on that because they are married that they should just stay married? Because the other party who cheated surely valued the marriage right??
I don't think people get married with the idea that they will end up divorced in a few years. Things happen, people change and then sometimes bad stuff happens also.

Nope, not at all...I edited my post to try to explain...my friend is caught in a tough situation and I completely agree she should divorce her DH...there is no trusting him again. However, her DH did not value their marriage...my complaint is with him. There just seem to be a lot of people (like her DH) who don't care if they're married, go out and cheat, not caring whose lives they destroy.

 

[mjkacmom]

I've been married to DH for almost 14 years, and we've been together 20. I plan on being married to him for the rest of my life. There is not a single member of mine or DH's family, parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, who've been divorced. You get married for life (and in most cases, we don't rush into marriage - it takes time to know a person well enough to marry him or her).

 

[Angelhalo]

I just got married one year ago and I fully intend on staying married forever. I also believe that the word Divorce should never be spoken in the home about each other or else it automatically becomes a viable option. Never mention it, because it's not. You know except in DIRE cases like abuse. What kills me are the people who just don't get along, or have "fallen out" of love, etc etc. What about the vows that were made? I made my vows in front of my family and most importantly to God and I intend to keep them.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

You would never know it from these boards!!

We have women who have 4 children from 3 different men and no mention of marriage.

We have women who continue to have illegitimate babies.

We have women who want to be married so badly they have their wedding days planned out from start to finish - except no one talks about the marriage.

I have been married for 12 years - it is EASY for us. We love, laugh and talk. He has seen me at my best and worst and still adores me. We have not had any rough patches and do not foresee any.

 

[Mom2Nick]

So those that don't attend church give up on marriage easily and have unruly kids?

My grandparents have been married for 62 years. I am off to tell them that they would have more respect for each other, a longer marriage and well behaved children if only they took Church more seriously...

 

[wvjules]

You would never know it from these boards!!

We have women who have 4 children from 3 different men and no mention of marriage.

We have women who continue to have illegitimate babies.

We have women who want to be married so badly they have their wedding days planned out from start to finish - except no one talks about the marriage.

I have been married for 12 years - it is EASY for us. We love, laugh and talk. He has seen me at my best and worst and still adores me. We have not had any rough patches and do not foresee any.

Aren't all babies lgeitimate?