Does anyone know anything about the LPN profession?

[Toby'sFriend]

also (no judge in his/her right mind would give custody of children to someone with untreated Bipolar Disorder (Thom) if I went to court and fought for custody.) I would also have child support coming in (and if he ever wanted to see his children again, I would make him pay it.)

Have you actually talked to a lawyer who has advised you on this? I'm very confused Honeywolfe. You yourself have given custody to Thom and have arranged your own life so that you are unable to properly care for your children right now. But somehow you think a judge shouldn't and/or wouldn't give custody to a man with a steady job and a place for his kids to live?

I'm also confused as to how you are paying child support yourself right now. With student loans?

 

[honeywolf7]

Tobysfriend, with student aid. I know that the judge wouldn't give custody to him. I didn't fight Thom on it and now I've decided to because I DO want what's best for my kids. But I don't think that if I give up everything to go for a career in the healthcare field WITHOUT first knowing that I like that field or at least don't hate it, that it would be best for the kids. If I'm in a field that I hate, I'm going to be depressed. Living with a depressed mother can't be good for children. True, spending time with them would be an outlet for my stress (spending time with them always considerably reduces my stress) but I still don't think I'd be happy if I absolutely HATED my job.

 

[gepetto]

Why wouldn't a judge give a bi-polar person custody? It sounds like Thom has a job, driver's license and a home. Isn't he providing sole support for your children? It sounds like even with his problems he is currently the more stable parent.

As for making him pay child support.....that takes an attorney, a lot of time and even more money. How many women do you hear about that never child support?

CNA jobs only pay $10-12/hour. It would be very hard to support a child and go to school on that amount of money.

I'm still not understanding why you want a psych degree "just to have it".

 

[honeywolf7]

Because Bipolar Disorder is a very serious mental illness. If he got treatment for it, the judge MIGHT give him custody. When he refuses to admit that he has a problem even though he's been diagnosed twice and refuses to get treatment, then I don't think a judge is going to give him custody. Also, the home he has is his father's house and he's being stupid enough to pay $500/month rent with no written agreement between himself and his father. Even though I do give him child support, he is having a hard time making ends meet because he keeps wasting his money. I want my psych degree so that I have options IF I don't enjoy the healthcare field (and don't feel stuck in a job that I might hate after I get into it.) As for child support, simple....His choice will be to either support the kids or get out of their lives altogether. If he's not willing to help support the kids, then he's not a decent father, anyway.

 

[ryanpatricksmom]

I think Psychology may be a good idea here, but not necessarily as a career path.

It may be time to seek professional help with these types of decisions...don't you think?

 

[wvjules]

At 26, you still don't know what you want to be when you grow up? No offense, but I think you're getting too old to do career sampling/changing every other month or so.

If YOU gave custody of your kids to someone with bi-polar disorder, why don't think a judge would?

As for child support and visitation, here the two are completely separate issues. If my ex doesn't pay support I don't have a right to withhold his child from him. The only thing it does is use the kids as a bargaining chip.

It sounds to me like Thom has been a good father to those kids. He's involved in school, he works, he can drive them places, etc.

I think what you should do is continue being the responsibility-free college student until you get your degree in whatever it is you want it in these days. Then, after you're done and have a stable job and a home, you can try for custody.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I know that the judge wouldn't give custody to him. I didn't fight Thom on it and now I've decided to because I DO want what's best for my kids.

Honeywolfe, I have volunteered with an agency where I act as a child advocate in the court system. I can tell you that I honestly think that if you get a job, a home, a drivers liscense and take care of some other issues, you would have an excellent chance of a more even child custody arangement.

But I really have to say that you are going to have a really hard time convincing anybody in the court system to completely undo this arrangement that you yourself have set up and agreed to because now all the sudden you "want what's best for your kids." Just because you say it's best for your kids, doesn't make it so. A couple of months ago you were fighting just as vigorously with everybody here and saying that "Thom is a wonderful parent, the kids are best off with him." The fact that you didn't get invited to a party really doesn't change that.

For the alimony and child support issues, you need to consult a professional.

 

[honeywolf7]

I agree that seeking a counselor to discuss my career path is a good idea. However, I have talked to someone who knows me very well (my mom's best friend, who also happens to be a counselor) and she thinks that what I am thinking of doing is a good idea. She agrees that at least finishing a college degree in something would give me options if I didn't like the healthcare field...in fact, it was actually her idea. Her husband is an eye doctor and she says that this particular field is NOT for everybody. So, I'm not speaking totally on my own....I do have a professional opinion as well. She does think that I should get some type of job while I finish my degree, however and switch to going just part-time.

 

[gepetto]

What's wrong with Thom paying rent?

IF you got custody and Thom refused to pay support or payed very little support what will you do? I know said you will cut Thom out of their lives but how will you support you kids on a $10-12/hour CNA job?

 

[honeywolf7]

Jules, no I actually do know what I WANT to do...However, most of you have said that what I WANT to do is not the most sensible thing to do or the best thing for the kids. More than anything, I do want what's best for the kids....but I don't think that my being miserable is truly going to be best for the kids. That's why I at least want to leave myself an option if I find out that I don't enjoy a health care career.

 

[ryanpatricksmom]

Actually Honeywolf, a career counselor wasn't exactly what I had in mind. There seem to be alot of issues going on here, career indecision is merely a symptom. You need to get to the root of the problem.

 

[honeywolf7]

Gepetto, if it honestly came down to that I have a mom who would stand behind me as far as money goes (and more importantly, behind the kids.) There's no way she'd let us live on the streets or do without food, etc.

 

[wvjules]

hw, someone suggests that you work on getting an LPN, you agree and decided to try that. Later in the thread someone suggests CNA, okay, now that's the career choice of the day. Do you always do what strangers on the net tell you to do? I think you need to leave the kids with their responsible parent until YOU decide what it is you're really doing with your life. If you don't know what's best for you, how can you really believe you know what's best for your kids!?!?!?!?

rpm, I completely agree.

 

[honeywolf7]

Jules....I started the thread to find out more about the career (because I didn't know much about it.) Someone knowledgeable (who's in the field) said that I should try out being a CNA and see if I liked the healthcare field before I totally committed myself....That makes a lot of sense to me. I never said I was definitely going to be an LPN, but rather that I'd like to know more about it before I made a decision. The CNA training is easy to get, not expensive, and doesn't take long. It would give me a somewhat marketable skill and it would give me the chance to find out whether I liked nursing or not. That's why I said I would most likely at least do that part.
And if you knew Thom, you would NOT say that he's the responsible parent (considering that nobody in our lives-including his dad and stepmom-think so.)

 

[ChiTownZee]

Honeywolf -

Why are your kids living with a man who has a mental illness serious enough for him to lose custody over?

 

[ChiTownZee]

Originally posted by honeywolf7
................And if you knew Thom, you would NOT say that he's the responsible parent (considering that nobody in our lives-including his dad and stepmom-think so.)

Again, so WHY are your kids living with him?

 

[honeywolf7]

You know what, forget it....No matter what I say on these boards I'm always going to be attacked. I'm leaving and I'm not coming back. I told you guys I was scared for my life if I fought for custody and got less sympathy then you would give someone in your lives if this happened to them (or if it does someday, I'd be interested in seeing what you do say to them and exactly how long they keep you around in their lives.) How would you honestly feel if you were abused (emotionally mostly, but some physically) throughout your childhood and then abused (physically and emotionally throughout your marriage) and all anyone did was blame you? I think those of you who have driven me away from the boards should seriously do some thinking about that and about whether your parents, grandparents, or (if you believe in HIM) God would be proud of you for the way you've acted.

 

[emmy]

I think we are all having a little trouble following your story when it changes from one week to the next! Thom's not the better parent this week? Seems you were always saying it was better for him to have the kids when that suited your needs, now this week he is unstable and no one thinks he should have the kids?

I agree with others here who have suggested professional help- you really do need it for your sake and for those poor kids sake too!It is unfair for an adult to put kids in the middle of this kind of mess!

 

[becka]

I think what you see as an attack is really just confusion. You seem to change stories and opinions at the drop of a hat and it makes people feel frustrated because it is hard to help someone if you do not have a good understanding of the situation.

I hope you don't think I am attacking you. I am trying to make you look at things from perhaps a different perspective and challenging past decisions you have made. I really do hope that you are able to find a career that satisfies you but my primary concern here is for the welfare of your kids.

Sometimes in life doing what you want to do and doing what you should do are very different. Doing what you should do is not always fun but it is necessary. Your number #1 priority as a mother (if you choose to be a mom - just giving birth does not make you a mom) should be giving your kids a stable life - financially and emotionally. If you have to work a "menial" job that you do not enjoy for a few years to accomplish this then you may just need to suck it up and do it. This does not mean that you should not plan for better things in the future but you need to get a grip on the present before you worry about the future.

 

[becka]

oops....double post