Does anyone have any experience with planning a 50th wedding anniversary party?

[Kteacher]

We have just started to plan inlaws 50th for next summer. MIL has already told us she wants a big party, with a ballpark figure of 300 She also has hinted she wants us to send them on a cruise. I'm figuring by the time we pay for the rental of the facility, the food per head, favors, a cake, invitations and postage we are looking at close to $10,000.00 MIL has got it set in her mind that this huge party is what she wants. I suggested a Sunday brunch, as the cost would probably be lower than a dinner. It is just my DH and his brother, so it looks like it will cost us a minimum of 5,000.00 each. Is this what people usually do for 50th parties? I know I'm going to have to just keep quiet and pay up whatever gets decided to keep the peace, but it still seems like an awful lot of money to spend. A potluck is out of the question just because of the large number of people she wants invited, and it has already been agreed that we will not be asking people for donations to defray the expense of the party. Yikes!!!!! looks like I'll be taking on some extra shifts this holiday season!!!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Good Grief!!! Here is some extra PD thrown your way! Well I suppose if you are going to make it a blow out at least enjoy yourself. 50th parties I attended were large as well but it was during lunch due to the fact of guests attendance. (Older folks driving in for the occasion)
Of course you have to have the Slide Show and a few of the "blown up" pics of the bride and groom. Guest book.
Are you having music too? I suppose you can find out their songs played at their wedding and have them dance to their song.
Think reception and you will be fine.

Good Luck!

 

[tiggerlover]

I am sorry to say this, but your MIL sounds overbearing and selfish. A 50th anniversary party is by no means a right, it is something people who love you chose to do.

My sisters and I started planning our parents anniversary party 3 years in advance in order to not put a strain on anyones budget. There are three of us and we opened a joint bank account and each sister deposited a set amount of money each month for 3 years to pay for the party. In total I think we spend about $3,000 and then we bought a gift from all of us. We made our own invitations on the computer on special card stock, we rented out a small hall that is part of a restaurant and we invited about 75 people. The food was catered, there was a limited open bar, we bought a wedding cake and we bought all of the decorations, including disposible cameras, which gave them a lot of memories.

Personally I feel someone (almost) demanding a huge party and a cruise is selfish. I would discuss it with your DH and his brother and decide on something smaller and affordable....$10,000 is a lot of money for a party and gift. I would invite less people, still throw a nice party with the trimmings and perhaps contribute to their cruise fund, but I certainly wouldn't spend $5,000.

I am curious, what does your DH and his brother think?

Good luck.

 

[ByTheSea]

Yikes is right!

My parents didn't quite make it to 50, but we had a 45th. Of course, they didn't want any big deal so we had it at a siblings home, we made the food, sent out invitations to family and friends and had an open house type event.

An Aunt and Uncle who have money to spare rented an Island in Tahiti for 2 weeks and took their immediate family (children and grandchildren, alas, no nieces or nephews) on a vacation there to celebrate their 50th, but they picked up the tab.

Seems to me, if your inlaws want a big to-do, on the level of a wedding, then perhaps they should be involved in the planning (and financing) of such an event (as they would if they were planning their own wedding.) But that's JMHO of course.

 

[amid chaos]

WOW, that seems very excessive, especially when they are telling you want they want and you are paying.

I would have to tell my parents that it's the cruise or the party, but I couldn't afford both.

 

[Kteacher]

thanks for all the advice. I mentioned reducing the size of the party as this would reduce the cost as well as give us more options for venues (there are a limited # of facilities in the area that can accomodate 300). I was told by BIL that this would upset MIL, and she would make everyone's lives miserable over it, so in his mind it is worth it to spend the money to keep her happy. I still think it's an awful lot of money for her to expect us to spend, especially when she is very aware of what we can afford, as well as the fact that both families will be sending kids to college soon. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated!!!

 

[JohnTBap]

Reality is reality, you know? How about having FIL talk to her.

 

[snuggles]

We did a nice party with lots of people..probably near that many, for much less. Of course we didnt have a meal. We had a wedding cake, little cucumber sandwiches, mints, nuts, sausage balls, and a few other things. Punch was just a fruit punch and we used the church fellowship hall for the party. This was for my MIL and FIL.
My Mom and Dads was much smaller. (I am an only child) We did a lot of the food ourselves and the ladies of the town helped too. We had the cake professionally made, which was the biggest expense. The invitations were made on my computer using a good card stock.
If paying that much is going to put a big stress on your budget you may have to sit mil down and tell her so. Sometimes our parents dont realize that we are not made of money! Good luck and I hope the party is a success.

 

[lisajl]

KTeacher,

That is an awful lot of money. My in laws are having a 50th anniversary party next July. Luckily, they are in the wedding business and will get their invitations at cost. That is not the only thing. They have a friend who is a caterer (sp)? and he is giving us the food at cost. He is not charging us labor.
My sister in law works for United so we can send them on a cruise for about $400 after her discount. There are four kids, so that won't be too expensive for us.

I understand your in laws want for a party, but my gosh!, to expect your families to pay for it is a little difficult to swallow.

Yes, it is wonderful that they have been together for 50 years, but don't put a strain on the kids budget just cause you want a party.

Good luck with your plans...I hope you all can get everything worked out.

Lisajl

 

[skuttle]

My grandparents 50th was a couple of years ago and we had a big party! My grandma and her sister got married together (not to each other ), so we had my grandma's family and then my grandma's sister's family...both are HUGE!! The party was mostly family, along w/ some of there friends.

We rented a reception hall, a caterer and a band (my grandma's sister's son has a band that plays at all the weddings in the area so they played). We even had a wedding cake and a backdrop and photographer to take pictures. The photographer didn't charge us much either because he's the brother of my cousin's husband. Our families use the same caterer for everything, so I think she also helped us out.

We also had them renew their vows. All the grandchildren (there's about 15 of us) were the "wedding party". We walked down the "aisle" holding candles and stood along the "aisle". Then the children walked in and then the grandparents. And then they renewed their vows! It was really nice.

At the sign-in table, we had little notecards for people to write messsages/memories to the grandparents. We also had a nice display w/ tons of pictures throughout the years.

Everyone had LOTS of fun!! Not sure about the cost...but there were 7 children to split it between so that made a big difference.

 

[TigH]

My inlaws celebrated their 50th anniversary in 2000. They held the party at the Tampa Airport Marriott. While my BIL put up most of the money for the party (we gave him what we could afford to contribute), my inlaws paid for a brunch the following morning. My BIL got them the presidential suite in the hotel as a surprise. All the kids (3 boys, one girl) chipped in to give the folks an Alaskan cruise.

There were about 50 - 60 people at the party. It was held in a private reception room and the meal was a buffet. Each guest paid for their own airfare and hotel room.

I don't know how much my BIL spent on the party, but he retired at 47 after a very profitable career, so we were fortuante that he was so generous. I couldn't imagine anyone asking us to throw a party for them with a list of specifics and a price tag involved!

Good luck whatever you decide to do. I think your MIL is being very unreasonable. It's almost like she is asking you to pay for a second wedding.

 

[Disney Doll]

Your MIL sounds like she's been self-centered,overbearing ,a and selfish based on your BIL's statement. Sounds like she's pulled stuff like this before, pouting and carrying on when she doesn't get her way.

I'd tell her party or cruise, not both. I'd do brunch...it's generally less expensive and is very nice, and there's no way there'd be 300 people there!!!!! Of course, your DH and DBIL should be the ones telling her this, since she's their mother!

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

HOLY SMOKES! I am counting my lucky stars!

My parents wanted a small family gathering with snacks and memories.

I think the cruise is EXCESSIVE. Why EXPECT such a gift???

I say do what you can afford and they can take it or leave it. They have reached a very special milestone in their lives, but that does not give them the right to sink their kids all into debt!

 

[Kteacher]

Thanks for all the great input- I do think someone has to tactfully tell MIL that we love her, but financially we are not able to do what she is asking for. I've told my BIL we need to give her a list of options we comfortable with , and tell us to choose ONE

 

[tar heel]

. . . but then I'm lucky every day to have the in-laws I have.

They specifically told us NOT to have a big party b/c none of us could afford it and they had already had their big party any way. (When my father-in-law retired, his medical practice had a big country club party.) Since we weren't supposed to have a big party, we had a LITTLE party. A perfectly orchestrated surprise party, too -- at least partly b/c they probably would not have agreed to the party or would have tried to pay for it. We invited just the people they are closest to -- about 40 people -- to an early summer evening picnic. We were really lucky in that my father in law was chairman of the board of trustees of a pretty little college in the mountains near their by-then year-round home. The college had a beautiful formal garden that events often were held in. We were lucky enough to be able to use it for free and also arranged the food through the caterer the college uses. We had a couple nice appetizers my sister-in-law and I made and wine followed by a simple picnic meal and then a beautiful cake. It was wonderful, lots of fun and cost about $600. They said they couldn't imagine a more perfect party, because the people there were people who meant so much to them.

The surprise part was really fun, too. We visited for the weekend, and while we were supposedly out at the park with the kids (me), helping his brother set up his computer (dh), we were actually working our tails off setting up tables and chairs, etc. We had a babystitter for the evening so the adults could go out to dinner. When we got in the car, my dh announced that he had lost his wallet and simply must go over to the college to see if he had left it in his brother's office that afternoon. My father-in-law grumbled that we were going to be late for our nonexistent reservation and would have to wait until after dinner, but my dh insisted that he just had to have it before dinner. Of course, we didn't make it any further than the garden!

 

[Chattyaholic]

I've noticed in our area people are having "card showers" more than big parties for 25th and 50th anniversaries. Sounds good to me! When DH and I had our 25th anniversary we told our kids "no party!" They had our picture put in the paper and asked for a card shower, plus they took us to a nice restaurant for dinner. That made us happier than a big party, just to be with our family for a nice dinner, it was great. We did have an open-house type party for my parents when they had their 25th, and Mom has already "hinted" that she hopes for a party for their 50th too in three more years. It won't be a big one though, and I'm sure they will help with the expenses (they did for their 25th party) as I'm an only child. When DH's parents celebrated their 25th they said "no party!" too, so we all took them to a nice restaurant for dinner and gave them new matching wedding bands. A big, expensive party is just not necessary, IMHO.

 

[KimRaye]

Kt, I agree with the couple others who have said, 'one or the other'. Even at that, divided among DH & DBIL, that's expensive enough.

I was (AM) lucky with my in-laws, they didn't request anything but, their kids (8 total) suggested a party. Inlaws agreed IF, everyone else made the arrangements. They also insisted on paying for it, they just didn't want the hassle of planning. (Pretty nice deal, huh?) Well, as luck would have it, I got stuck trying to find a small place, (they were only inviting about 75), which was harder than booking for 300, let me tell you. I found a place, vaguely knew the owners (thru my then-boss) and, the place took only a $50 deposit from my inlaws (normally it's 10%). Thankfully, only $50!! As, the place went belly-up one day, no notice to anyone!! Our party got cancelled of course but, inlaws only lost $50. Turned out that MIL's brother died the day of the scheduled party so, they would have lost a lot more had that restaurant stayed open and, planning & deposits had continued.

Just this past summer, we turned the anni. party into a 2-1/2 day family reunion which was lovely. We all intended to split the bills but, my FIL paid everyone back for everything!

Just some of the reasons you don't find me on the In-Law Vent threads!

Good luck with yours! I hope someone has the courage to stand up to your MIL! Sounds like it's overdue.

 

[CookieGVB]

We're in the process of planning our parents' 50th Anniv. this summer. My niece is also getting married this summer, so my sister is sweating about the costs already.

We're planning on inviting their friends from the area, along with our family. Should be much less than 100 people. They live in a retirement village that has a hall, so I'm pretty sure they won't charge us much. We're looking for catering services, but we're certainly not going overboard with that, either.

We're looking into sending them on a cruise to Nova Scotia, which is where they went on their honeymoon. Cruise should be less than $3,000; party might be $2,000 - this is being split among 4 children. Pretty sure we're not going for a band, etc. - we'll just bring a stereo system in and play an assortment of music...heavy on the big band music.

Any ideas for the party itself would be appreciated. Disposable cameras at each table sound like fun.