Does anyone else think this should not be done in Middle School? (long)

[tkyes]

Feralpeg - we did that in highschool too. It was a computer dating match thing. It was so fun to see who you were matched up with!!!

 

[BeachCutie]

I understand where both parties are coming from. We never did this in middle school but in high school we do. Never hurt my feelings if I didn't get one from a boy I liked because my friends would always send them. Sending them to you're daughters school with your older daughter was a great idea. I just don't know if kids that young can hold a let down from someone that they like.

 

[always quiet]

I was talking to my DD about this (7th grade). A girl she knows who is not popular wanted to be seen getting a flower-gram so badly that she confided in my daughter that she actually sent one to herself and signed it "a secret admirer". Is there any doubt that feelings can be hurt, especially at this impressionable age (you know the age...when you tell them there is a hair out of place and they burst into tears!! )

 

[The Mystery Machine]

DD's middle school does heart-o-grams for .50 cents. Basically a heart with a note with a sucker attached to it.

She sent some to boys and girls.

 

[Melora]

I can just imagine being the kid who got nothing..and walking around with nothing in your hand.. Like a giant banner "Hey Im not popular!".

It can just add to the low self esteem of some kids.

In elementary school it is required that if you bring in valentines you have to give them to everyone. No names on them, just who they are from. I think thats the best idea.

 

[marlasmom]

i think it is just terrible. i just finished making valentine cupcakes with valentine m and m's on them for dgs - one for everybody.

 

[Tinkbell]

We did that in Middle School and High School too. There were times when I didn't receive any flowers, but I made it through just fine. I never shed a tear over it. We used the money raised for school functions.

 

[Flyfly_Eclipse]

My middle school did the same thing. I was one of those girls who never got a carnation...all three years. I guess I was kinda bummed...but, I'm over it now. They do this at my high school too. I won't be getting anything, but hey..that's okay...

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

I think these flowers should not be sent in middle school. Give-me-a-break, these kids should not be encouraged to date. I really feel for the kids who are left out. This is unnecessary suffering for them.

 

[Disney's Deluxe Princess]

Originally posted by luvflorida

Now my daughter is in 8th grade and I'm sighing with relief because the boy she has been "going out" with has some beautiful roses to give her tomorrow. I know it, but she doesn't.

I guess I don't understand. If you don't approve of the flowers in school thing, why do you support it? I guess it's only bad if your daughter doesn't receive any? I make sure my DD knows that sometimes you don't get what you want. It just makes you stronger in life. Middle school is not too young to learn this. Geez, I didn't get roses from a guy until after High School.

 

[C.Ann]

It amazes me how many people see this as "no big deal" - and proclaim, "I got over it.."

Do you have any idea how many school-age children attempt - or are successful at - committing suicide each year? And how many of those suicides are due to INCONSEQUENTIAL things that others shrug off as "Oh well" ??

This is not simply about receiving or not receiving a flower.. It's the message that comes with it - that is out there for all of their peers to see.. "No one likes you.." "You're ugly.." "You have no friends.." "You'll never get a date.." "Ha ha! I got 10 carnations and you didn't even get ONE!"

Kids are cruel enough without the ADULTS creating a platform such as this for that kind of cruelty..

If they insist on doing this, then the least they can do is to make sure EVERY child gets a flower - even if it's signed from "A Secret Admirer"..

To single children out at an age when a pimple could push them over the edge into holding a shotgun to their head is WRONG and the powers that be at these particular schools should be ashamed of themselves..

 

[Flyfly_Eclipse]

C.Ann - I do hope my post did not contribute to your reply. I was just being honest.

As to the suicide question. YES I know how easy it is for kids to feel suicidal in middle school. I had my moments...not enough where I'd actually plan it though. My best friend at the time, was a different story. She never did it...at least, she was never successful. It wasn't until I was a freshman in high school before I had heard her admit to me her dark secret.

However, it wasn't school that got her that way, (although it was for ME) it was her church youth group. Rejection is a normal part of life. She had to deal with it, either way...at school or out of school. For me, I got nasty comments told right to my face. That was worse than not receiving any flower. In addition, it wasn't the guys who made my life miserable in middle school. It was the other girls. I had a best friend who literally, one random day turned on me and would cuss me off and then ignore me.

Middle school sucks in general. Flowers had very little to do with it. But that's just MHO.

 

[Disney's Deluxe Princess]

Originally posted by C.Ann

Do you have any idea how many school-age children attempt - or are successful at - committing suicide each year? And how many of those suicides are due to INCONSEQUENTIAL things that others shrug off as "Oh well" ??

This is not simply about receiving or not receiving a flower.. It's the message that comes with it - that is out there for all of their peers to see.. "No one likes you.." "You're ugly.." "You have no friends.." "You'll never get a date.." "Ha ha! I got 10 carnations and you didn't even get ONE!"

I understand what you're saying, but where do you draw the line? There will always be unpopular kids in school. Should we force people to sit together in the cafeteria so that nobody eats alone? Should we cancel the dances because not everyone will get a date? Should we stop sleepovers because there are kids who will never be invited to one?

 

[C.Ann]

Originally posted by Flyfly_Eclipse
C.Ann - I do hope my post did not contribute to your reply. I was just being honest.

As to the suicide question. YES I know how easy it is for kids to feel suicidal in middle school. I had my moments...not enough where I'd actually plan it though. My best friend at the time, was a different story. She never did it...at least, she was never successful. It wasn't until I was a freshman in high school before I had heard her admit to me her dark secret.

However, it wasn't school that got her that way, (although it was for ME) it was her church youth group. Rejection is a normal part of life. She had to deal with it, either way...at school or out of school. For me, I got nasty comments told right to my face. That was worse than not receiving any flower. In addition, it wasn't the guys who made my life miserable in middle school. It was the other girls. I had a best friend who literally, one random day turned on me and would cuss me off and then ignore me.

Middle school sucks in general. Flowers had very little to do with it. But that's just MHO.

--------------------------------------------------------

No - it wasn't your particular post that got me going on this - just the "attitude" in general..

You are 100% correct in pointing out that there are always going to be all sorts of things that make children feel rejected, unloved, unattractive, unwanted, etc.. My point is why should the officials at these schools go out of their way to create this extra opportunity for cruelness and exclusion?

That doesn't make any sense to me - and never will..

 

[Disney's Deluxe Princess]

Originally posted by C.Ann
--------------------------------------------------------

My point is why should the officials at these schools go out of their way to create this extra opportunity for cruelness and exclusion?

My entire middle school experience was filled with cruelness and exclusion. Flower day meant nothing new to me. I knew I wasn't getting any so I didn't expect it. I knew someone in High School who commited suicide. She was one of the most popular girls in school. Her problems were at home. You just never know. Parents, friends and teachers need tobe aware of the warning signs of suicide.

 

[pjlla]

Without making myself out to be a pathetic, geeky, Valentine's Day martyr, here is my story.....

Picture this......Sixth grade (still in the elementary school where I lived), Valentine's day. Everyone has that little mailbox that you made in art class on your desk. Everyone gets up and puts valentine's in the boxes. You made a few really special ones for a boy you like and a girl that you are friends with, but you still have one for each kid in your class. It's time to open your box and read your valentine's cards. You open your box..... and it is totally empty. You try to make sure that no one notices. You try not to cry until you get home. When your mom opens the door at home after you get off the bus, you burst into tears and sob for an hour. Your poor, 11 year old feelings are crushed beyond repair. Not only do none of the boys "like" you, but the girls don't even like you either. No one even liked you enough to send you a "pity" valentine. No one's parents even cared enough to make sure that everyone in the class got a valentine from their child. You must be the most unliked kid in the whole school. Now carry these feelings with you for years!!!

Fast forward almost 30 years later. You are that kid and you still cry for that poor, pathetic child and her hurt feelings as you type her story. But you realize you were not so bad, not so geeky. You've grown up to become a wonderful, caring, loving wife and mother with lots of friends. And the memories of that day makes you a much more sensitive mom/wife/friend. But that doesn't mean you still aren't sad for that poor little 11 year old girl with the broken heart.

To make a long story short, I think the flowers are a terrible idea. And I would certainly not participate in the fundraiser. Those kids who shake it off when they get no flowers/valentine's still have feelings, no matter what they show at school and to the public in general (or even to their parents). And why are we encouraging our CHILDREN (not adults mind you) into relationships with the opposite sex at such a young age! Let them be kids for heaven's sake!!

Anyhow, I am climbing off my pathetic, geeky soapbox now. Hope I didn't offend anyone.......................P

 

[JenBlaze]

Originally posted by C.Ann
It amazes me how many people see this as "no big deal" - and proclaim, "I got over it.."

Do you have any idea how many school-age children attempt - or are successful at - committing suicide each year? And how many of those suicides are due to INCONSEQUENTIAL things that others shrug off as "Oh well" ??

This is not simply about receiving or not receiving a flower.. It's the message that comes with it - that is out there for all of their peers to see.. "No one likes you.." "You're ugly.." "You have no friends.." "You'll never get a date.." "Ha ha! I got 10 carnations and you didn't even get ONE!"

Kids are cruel enough without the ADULTS creating a platform such as this for that kind of cruelty..

If they insist on doing this, then the least they can do is to make sure EVERY child gets a flower - even if it's signed from "A Secret Admirer"..

To single children out at an age when a pimple could push them over the edge into holding a shotgun to their head is WRONG and the powers that be at these particular schools should be ashamed of themselves..

I agree with you 100%.

I was one of those unlucky kids who got picked on by everyone, no matter what school I was at (due to my mom's job, we moved a LOT). I can tell you without reservation that the kids in middle school are far more cruel than in elementary or high school.

It's a lot easier for a high school kid to shrug that off, or just to get mildly depressed over it. A middle schooler's different (gotta love those hormones), and is far more likely to take it as "nobody loves me, everyone hates me". What makes it worse is that the kids who get armloads of flowers usually won't hesitate to rub it in to the ones who don't have any.

Yes, they are going to have to deal with it in life; but there are a LOT of middle schoolers who aren't emotionally ready to deal with it. They're still kids.

I do have a question, out of curiosity. For the people who have answered that this is an OK practice - were you the type of kid who did or didn't get flowers?

 

[TimeforMe]

Awwwm pjlla Your post got me all choked up We've all been there at one time or another and you sound like a wonderful mom and friend.

You brought up many good points, though and I agree with you 100%.

And you're not geeky and pathetic.

 

[Gupsmom]

C. Ann

I don't have much of an opinion about the flowers. I guess I think I handled the years I didn't get one w/o a problem. As for the people that are saying it's encouraging dating in middle school. I'm not sure. There were a few kids I knew that were dating in middle school but for the most part, flowers were given to friends. Even the ones that were "dating" weren't very interested in showing it off...too much teasing.

As for the rejection causing suicide.....I think kids would be better off if we let them have a bit more rejection and at a younger age. Today's parenting experts tend to go so overboard with protecting self esteem that there actually doing just the opposite. They're setting kids up for a Huge fall. I think we've gone too far with trying to make it out like all kids are the same..no academic tracking, no contests, no score at games (always a tie) etc. I mean, I do understand that there is more to life than winning (and I have little tolerance for the parents that are overly competetive) but competition is going to be a natural part of life. So is disappointment. Instead of trying to protect kids from all of it, maybe we should be teaching them how to deal with it.

Again...I'm not saying I don't understand what you (and others) are saying about the floweres. I was anything but popular in middle school and sometimes it just plain sucked...but I think I learned to go my own way and not be so concerned about what others were doing/saying.

Jess

 

[Flyfly_Eclipse]

Now, if I may speak frankly, just because I didn't try to commit suicide over not getting a flower, and that I'm now over it (I didn't say I didn't care back then...never did I say that!) doesn't mean I was emotionally mature for my age. You see, I'm an oversensitive person. I still am. To this day, if something happens...I still question, "Am I liked? Do I still have any friends?"

Middle school was worse for me than majority of other kids, because I was dealing with a lot outside of school as well. Middle school was a time when I needed that companionship most of all. I didn't receive much of it...not from school at least.

I hate Valentine's Day anyway...it's just a lame excuse for females to get something from their hubby or boyfriend-at-the-time....