Does a wedding join two people or two families?

[sk!mom]

Reading one of the current wedding threads and this came up when someone said that all family (including children) should be invited to a wedding because a wedding joins two families not just two people.

DH and I have been married for 35 years. Our parents saw each other once after the wedding- when DH graduated college. There was no issue between them but they lived several states apart and had no intersection except for us.

Our wedding was joining the two of us.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I suppose it CAN be either.

Ours joined two people. Our parents do not dislike each other, but having nothing in common and live far apart.

My grandparents lived nearer to each other, but had nothing in common really and did not spend holiday together or make a point of seeing one another, and the aunts and uncles who all live within a couple hour radius now probably do not even know the names of the ones on the other side of my family, so for my parents it was also just two people.

Actually, for my in laws as well. When they throw a family get together it is nearly always for the "MiL maiden name" side or the "their last name" side.

So that is three couples from three different generations (big age gap between my parents and DH's) who grew up in three different parts of the US in which it was about the couple, not some big melding of families.

 

[gwynne]

A wedding joins two people.
This isn't sister wives....

We've been married 35 years. I'm crazy about him.

...And while sometimes the families are great buddies, other times distance, or differences just don't make them especially close. That has to be OK.

 

[indimom]

I think it can be either, depending on the families.
Since DH and I came from the same small community and remain there today (20 years this August), we effectively joined two families.
Every kids' birthday party, any holiday party hosted by DH and I, kids' concerts and sports events both sides of the family attend and they know each other fairly well.
Last summer, the three oldest cousins on MY side of the family graduated. Their parents hosted one graduation party for all three. And DH's parents attended and brought gifts for each one (although none of these kids are related to them in any way).

 

[minnie mum]

I suppose if the 2 families were close before the wedding, this might be the case. Historically, many marriages were arranged for the sole purpose of forging alliances between families. But in the modern day, with nuclear families often being separated by large distances, I don't think this "union of 2 families" really flies. It certainly doesn't apply in our family or with anyone I know. Certainly the couple become apart of each other's family, but that's as far as it goes.

 

[Christine]

Reading one of the current wedding threads and this came up when someone said that all family (including children) should be invited to a wedding because a wedding joins two families not just two people.

DH and I have been married for 35 years. Our parents saw each other once after the wedding- when DH graduated college. There was no issue between them but they lived several states apart and had no intersection except for us.

Our wedding was joining the two of us.

I read that thread and I think the poster who voiced that said that in her family/culture, etc. that a wedding was not just a joining of two people but also two families. She also didn't say that all family *should* be inviting to a wedding but that this was what was done in her family so she could understand why some people might get in a snit if their children weren't not invited. It's all about expectations in your culture. Now, maybe there was another poster who was more adamant than what I read and was more strict about it as you posted. By I digress.

To answer your question, I think that a wedding is between two people. In my own experience, rarely do two extended families "join" and become one.

 

[Dizlvr]

I don't think its an either or situation. For me and dh, our wedding joined the two of us not our two families. I do know of a few families that were joined by a wedding, but they were close friends before the wedding.

 

[NewRVLady]

I think ours saw each other only a handful of times-like Grandparents day at school

I dearly love my DIL's parents( who were both born in Italy). Each trip we take "up north" to visit, we get a true Italian Feast at her parent's house.

 

[Disneylover99]

Two people

It's a bonus when two families get along though.

 

[ELSA711]

Two people, two hearts

 

[BellsFam]

My wedding joined what we thought would be families, what we got was not what we expected!!!

My mom and step dad and dad and step mom do not care for my MIL and surprisingly while they barely spoke to one another while I was growing up now kind of vacation as couples together! They bonded after the birth of my daughter (I'm the only child, dd is only grand) and a mutual distaste for MIL...

Very random but hey I like it!

DH and I visit his side at other times!

 

[MickeySP]

Two people

It's a bonus when two families get along though.

j

This totally. My 1st marriage so did not join two families, mine was glad when he became my ex.

In my DS's case definitely joined 2 families. We even vacation together once a year.

 

[tvguy]

The primary bond is two people, but, especially if you have children, you are bringing together AT LEAST 2 families.
Our marriage really brought together 6 families. 2 on my side, my parents and my half brother and his wife and kids. 4 on My wifes side, Her mom and her husbands family, her dad and his wife's family.
Only people who did not interact were my MIL and her husband with my FIL and his wife.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

My parents & I are quite close to my BIL's parents, and his brother. We associate with his sister, but she lives out of the country, so we see her rarely. My side & my wife's side do not get together. My wife's side doesn't even get together with their own family. So, 2 very different experiences for my sister & I.

 

[Bluestars]

I think a wedding joins two people. My parents and my husband's parents have never met. They live in different states. My husband and I live across the country from all of them. If we all lived in the same city, I would imagine that we would have had lots of celebrations where everyone was invited, such as birthdays. Location is the reason we don't.

As far as weddings, everyone in my family has had a wedding that included children from all sides. I don't have a problem with adults only weddings though. Our family includes everyone, but we aren't as formal as a lot of people.

 

[bethy]

.

 

[bethy]

My response to the OP's question is that it depends on the people involved. Every single person and family is different. Also, I don't think it's an either/or proposition. There are many other options outside of those two scenarios. Plus relationships often evolve over time and things change and evolve.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Two people.

 

[bdcp]

Technically, two people, but that said, DH and my families are close and have been for the 34 years we've been married. Our parents have also gotten together without us over the years many times. Youngest DS got married two years ago and we are pretty tight with DDIL parents and they have been here for Christmas, Thanksgiving, 4th of July and just to have dinner when the kids are here. My parents are 70 miles from us, DH's are about 35 miles away. Youngest DS and DDIL live 7 miles away and oldest DS lives about 25 miles away. DDIL's parents are about 35 miles away also. Makes it easy to get together, but we are all family. DDIL calls us mom and dad and DDIL's parents adore DS. I also know both of my sister's husbands families and have socialized with them many times, just as both my sisters have with my in-laws I'm always amazed at people who spend no time with their in-laws or extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins-even though ours live pretty far away).

This past Christmas (Saturday after), we had 22 people for dinner including my sisters, BIL's nieces, nephews, parents, inlaws, 2DS and DDIL, DDIL's parents, brother and grandmother.

 

[scrapquitler]

Reading one of the current wedding threads and this came up when someone said that all family (including children) should be invited to a wedding because a wedding joins two families not just two people.

DH and I have been married for 35 years. Our parents saw each other once after the wedding- when DH graduated college. There was no issue between them but they lived several states apart and had no intersection except for us.

Our wedding was joining the two of us.

I think it can go either way, but I'd lean more toward "two people", at least for DH and I. My parents and my in-laws were friendly and polite, but they would never be friends or get together unless I had an event and invited them both. And the only time I've ever done that was for kids birthday parties for the family, which I mostly stopped doing once the kids got to be 6-7. And my husband was not a local guy, so they didn't have any kind of history of going to school together, knowing the same people, etc.

On the other hand, my brother's fiance's family were members of our church, members of an organization that my parents were active in, and friends with my parents before my brother ever got together with her, so they do participate in a lot of family events, so they are more in the "joining two family's" mode.