Does a wedding join two people or two families?

[Kae]

I am very close with both of my BIL's families. My MIL comes to all holiday things with my family & most time my Bil's families are there too. That being said we did not have kids at our wedding.

 

[sk!mom]

I agree that it's great if you all get along and live close enough for everyone to get together for special occasions. There were no ill feelings between our families. They just lived far apart and DH's parent's retired and stayed close to home so we saw then when we traveled to them.

We are friends with DD19's boyfriend's parents. So I can see that families can be friends but I still think the wedding is about joining couples.

 

[Kellykins1218]

For us, the wedding joins the couple but the marriage joins the families.

 

[design_mom]

I read that thread and I think the poster who voiced that said that in her family/culture, etc. that a wedding was not just a joining of two people but also two families. She also didn't say that all family *should* be inviting to a wedding but that this was what was done in her family so she could understand why some people might get in a snit if their children weren't not invited. It's all about expectations in your culture. Now, maybe there was another poster who was more adamant than what I read and was more strict about it as you posted. By I digress.

To answer your question, I think that a wedding is between two people. In my own experience, rarely do two extended families "join" and become one.

That was me, and you've summarized it pretty well. I also went on record to say that I think the hosts have the right to invite whomever they want... I would just be surprised if kids weren't invited to wedding of a family member, because it's how it's always been done [in my family], and it's part of the reason that I do know all my extended family members. I certainly wouldn't make a scene if someone bucked tradition though.

And maybe "joining" wasn't the best use of terms (someone else used it before I did). I certainly didn't mean it in a Godfather sort of way, nor even in a "we're all going to be best friends from this day forward" way*. But, like them or not and no matter how often you see them, you're connected to those people now...so it is kind of nice to at least know who everybody is when they're mentioned.

But, I think a wedding does both... connects two people, but it also connects their families (whether they're invited to wedding/reception or not).

*My extended family does seem to get along pretty well though.

For us, the wedding joins the couple but the marriage joins the families.

I like this.

 

[TLSnell1981]

For us, the wedding joins the couple but the marriage joins the families.

I agree. Great response.

 

[brooke789]

Definitely 2 people. We've (only) been married 11 years. Our parents saw each other once before we were married. Long story on the wedding and didn't see each other there (hurricane wedding cancelled is short). I think they both came to our house for Thanksgiving one year and I know they were both at the hospital when our twins were born 5 years ago, but they haven't seen each other since. My ILs will ask about my Mom but my family doesn't ask about them, etc.

 

[nene0182]

I come from a very small family while my DH comes from a large family. Since we've been married, his family has definitely accepted mine like we have always been there. Actually, my In laws moved to FL (from North Dakota) in 2011 and. last year my parents went to visit them and ended up buying a house 5 minutes away. They get together at least once a month now with day trips to dIsney, golfing or dinner. They even went out to dinner last night to celebrate my mothers birthday. It's crazy how close they've become when they didn't even know each other prior to our wedding in 2010.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My mother became friends with my MIL so I say a bit of both for us.

 

[nugov2]

Two families, but I don't feel that means kids need to be at a wedding. Our reception was adult only. My family is close to my in laws (even my brother and his wife invite my in laws to everything and the same with my SIL family. We even have all vacationed together ). I like it that way and am thankful we are blessed with good relationships even though we are all very different.

 

[powellrj]

Our families didn't know each other before we got married, but after we got married we joined 2 families. In-laws even started going to church with my parents. After all of our grandparents died, both families celebrated all of the holidays and things the kids did together.

Now our oldest DS is married and we spend all of the holidays with DDILs family. What is unusual is that her mother died a few years ago and we still get together with her step-father and his girlfriend!

 

[Wendy31]

For us, the wedding joins the couple but the marriage joins the families.

I agree w/ this, & I think that's a nice way to put it. Even if the 2 families live states (or countries) away from each other, their children's marriage has connected the 2 families in some way... maybe not as close (or as often or as friendly or as whatever) as some families, but still there is a connection whereas before the marriage that brought the families together there wasn't.

That was me, and you've summarized it pretty well. I also went on record to say that I think the hosts have the right to invite whomever they want... I would just be surprised if kids weren't invited to wedding of a family member, because it's how it's always been done [in my family], and it's part of the reason that I do know all my extended family members. I certainly wouldn't make a scene if someone bucked tradition though.

And maybe "joining" wasn't the best use of terms (someone else used it before I did). I certainly didn't mean it in a Godfather sort of way, nor even in a "we're all going to be best friends from this day forward" way*. But, like them or not and no matter how often you see them, you're connected to those people now...so it is kind of nice to at least know who everybody is when they're mentioned.

But, I think a wedding does both... connects two people, but it also connects their families (whether they're invited to wedding/reception or not).

*My extended family does seem to get along pretty well though.


I like this.

(bolding mine) Exactly.

DH & I live in the same town as both my parents & his parents. DH has 3 brothers, & only one brother lives out of town/out of state. I have one sister, & she & her family also live in the same town as we do currently. (They did live out of state for a while, but have been "back home" for several years now.) Anyway, DH's parents & my parents see each other frequently at our kids' different events. Plus, both families (including aunts, uncles, & cousins) are together at birthday parties. We usually do separate holidays, but we've all been together before on 4th of July. And we have my parents & his parents over for Christmas Day. My parents & my sister & her family were invited to DH's brother's wedding & his niece's bridal shower, wedding, & baby shower. They've sat in hospital waiting rooms together, been to funeral homes, etc. I can't even remember the particular occasion now, but my sister-in-law (DH's brother's wife) was thanking my mom for something, & my mom replied, "We're family."

So, in our case, when DH & I married, our 2 families became connected as well & do have a "presence" in each other's lives.

That said, my parents do not have as strong of a connection w/ my sister's inlaws. My sisters' inlaws live out of state, & the only time my parents & my sister's parents-in-law are together is when her parents-in-law visit which is maybe every 1-2 years - and that is only if they are visiting for a grandchild's birthday. The last time my parents saw my sister's husband's siblings was probably at their wedding. My sister sees my inlaws more frequently & is probably closer to my inlaws than she is to her own inlaws. LOL! But, when my sister & her husband married, a connection between the 2 families was still formed.

Regarding weddings, in our families, children are always included, so it would be unusual to have a wedding & not invite the children. But I also think it's well within a bride & groom's rights to not invite children as well. And, just because they may not invite the children to a wedding, doesn't mean the families are any less "joined" or "connected."

 

[Minniesgal]

Always too people, sometimes two families

 

[sonnyjane]

For us, the wedding joins the couple but the marriage joins the families.

I don't disagree with this sentiment per se, it just doesn't apply to my marriage. DH and I didn't want wedding stress and had a private ceremony, just the two of us, so nobody met at the wedding. Because of geography, his family has never met my family in the 7 years since then. We don't have children, nor do we plan to, so quite honestly I can't imagine a scenario in which my family would ever meet his.

 

[Kitty 34]

Two people. Joining the families and have it work can be a bonus.

 

[HM]

For us, I'd say it's two people.

My parents and my husband's parents have probably been together with us twice since we wed.

We do things with one side or the other. The only time other than the wedding that we've had both sides together was Thanksgiving two years ago which also happened to be our 25th wedding anniversary. We invited both sides to join us that day.

 

[Andtototoo]

In our case, 2 people.

Our parents met once before the wedding festivities. It did not go well because my MIL was a witch, per usual. Then at the rehearsal dinner -- which my MIL offered to host and to which she insisted on inviting "her half" of the wedding -- she pitched a fit with the restaurant owner over the already deeply discounted price. A discounted price due to the fact that the owner was good friends with my father. My parents were upset and humiliated over her behavior. Our families never saw each other again after the wedding ended. So no, that wedding was not a joining of two families.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Definitely two people...
A marriage is between two people.

If families mix and blend and mesh, that is great!!!
That is a good thing.
(for us, that was definitely not happening)

But, a wedding/marriage joins two people.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Two people.

 

[shoney]

Two people.
I think it is similar to the saying "you can pick your friends, but not your family".
You can pick your spouse, but not your inlaws.

I am an only and my DH has one sibling. With such a small family, we celebrate all holiday/b-days together. So for us, it did combine 2 families, but I don't think that is the norm.

 

[Hrhpd]

A marriage is between two people. Families don't go to the courthouse together to get marriage licenses and only the wedding couple is named on the marriage license.

After that, depending on tradition and the cultural norms within your extended family, the blending of two families may or may not happen.

We live down the block from our son's girlfriend's parents. In 10 years, we have met them a couple of times. When they get married, we will remain cordial but there will never be a blending of families due to extreme differences in beliefs. My son rarely goes over there himself because they do not approve of him as he is not part of their religion. The only reason they have not married yet is that they will not give their approval (they have been joined at the hip for 10 years now, all through high school, college and now grad school.) They have decided to wait a bit longer until they are more established before she alienates her parents and gets married.