Do your parents/IL's really know your kids?

[Justanopinion]

Inspired by a post on the report card thread. Just wondering how well your parents and/or in laws know your kids.

My mom knows my kids extremely well. Spent many summers with them. They were too old for day care but didn't want to leave them home alone to kill each other either. She did wonderful activities with them. She took them many places. Taught one of them his multiplication tables because his teacher didn't feel like it. My dad however, just paid for all their adventures. He spent some time with them but worked a lot.

My inlaws however rarely spent time with them. He would take one DS to car shows but not the other. He did things with them that he enjoyed not that they always enjoyed. He never really got to know them. Now that DS is 21 and needing help with his car, FIL is learning the true extent of DS's learning disabilities. He is amazed and in disbelief every time a new problem arises. We had tried to talk to him over the years but he always blew us off and said "he'll grow out of it". He's now realizes that he won't grow out of it.

So how well do your parents and inlaws know your kids?

 

[Stacerita]

My parents know my DD extremely well. They know what she likes, what she doesn't, what she is good at and what she isn't. They spend a lot of time with her and enjoy to do so. They know what electives she is taking, what clubs she is in, and what extra activities she does. They also know her fave band is and who her friends are.

My father was actually upset the other day because he thought my DD didn't want him to watch her football game. She just didn't want him to have to stand the whole time since there are no bleachers. Both were happy that in the end he went to it. They are very close. There are no inlaws to speak of and no other set of grandparents. So its a wonderful thing that my parents are so close with her.

 

[sdarwkcabemanmy]

My own parents don't know DS as well as my DILs know him. DMIIL babysat him from the time he was 3 mos old until he was about 2 years old and we still see them at least 2-3X/month. He's spent the night over there several times and calls them at least 3-4X/week.

 

[RadioNate]

My mom does. I also think my dad knows my DS very well...DD not so much.

My inlaws don't have a clue.

 

[mickeyboat]

My parents don't live near us, so they are not involved in the kids' everyday lives. They do not know them very well. MIL has passed away but FIL sees my kids every day and knows them very well, maybe too well. But I consider them very fortunate to have someone who loves them and dotes on them as much as FIL does.

Denae

 

[Camicar]

Sadly, the only grandparent who gave a crap -- my mother -- died when dd was five. My father couldn't be bothered to remember his only grandchild's name (although he could tell you every detail about the children of his favorite employee), so I can say with all certainty that he knew nothing about my dd before his death. My MIL was interested only in her oldest grandchild and FIL is interested only in himself. So, dd's grandparents know NOTHING about her. Nothing.

It's sad to me. My grandparents were all involved with us. And my maternal grandparents were my role models, my caregivers, my anchors. It's so hard for me to understand the mind set of not giving a crap about your own grandchildren. I hope I have the opportunity to be the kind of grandparents my maternal grandparents were.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

Totally clueless.

Despite many years spent trying to get them to understand what the kids like and don't like, they still haven't got a clue.

 

[joviroxx]

My parents know my kids REALLY well. My parents have a "grandkids" room in their house. They are at all games, school events, etc. They are very involved and am so grateful.

My MIL, not so much. She lives in her own little world and we all probably hear and see her only around holiday time.

 

[binny]

My mom does. My inlaws don't have a clue.

same here.

FIL tries but he doesnt live anywhere near us.

 

[HelenePA]

My mom died in Oct 2005, my dad died in May 2008. His parents live 5 miles away and haven't seen them since 2005. Didn't even come to the hospital to see their new grandson who was born a month ago. Hell they didn't even know I was pregnant until I was 20 weeks. They are clueless on what they are missing out on.

 

[genius118899]

I'm only 19, so I'll answer this from the grandchild's perspective... my mom's mom had a stroke when I was 8, and passed away 6 years later. Before the stroke, she knew all of us well. Sadly, after the stroke she was barely able to communicate. Also since then, my mom's dad has regressed and any change in his daily life is extremely upsetting to him. Thus, us visiting him is rare and he barely knows us (typically doesn't call on birthdays even though he knows them, etc.).

My dad's mom, on the other hand, knows us much better. She prides herself on not being a traditional granny (has asked if I need money for the pill and tells me not to tell my parents, who are much more conservative, lol). While she lives farther away and we see her less often, she calls much more frequently and knows what each of us are like.

 

[sdarwkcabemanmy]

I think my parents TRY..they do call at least once a week to see how he's doing and, before they buy him anything, ask if it will fit, if he'll like the color, etc. So they do try.

The only thing my MIL has to ask is "Will this fit him?" because he's such an oddball when it comes to clothes. Shirts have to be at least 1 size larger than he really needs because he's got a long torso and he needs a larger shirt to cover his belly. But he's kinda skinny and has no butt to speak of with really long legs, so we have to make sure the pants have an adjustable waist to keep them from falling off.

 

[momto2girls]

My kids' grandparents don't know them at all. They see them once every year or two. We are all fine with it. Not all families are built the same. I personally would not want my parents or inlaws to be very involved in my family.

 

[DMickey28]

My parents know DS very well despite living 1500 miles apart. My mom comes down or we go home every 2-3 months on average. My mom is 100% devoted to him when she is with him and spoils him with attention!!

My MIL does not know him as well because she just doesn't see him as much. She asks how "the baby" is when she calls. For some reason that bugs me!! My mom asks how "my pumpkin" is when she calls.

 

[Amy&Dan]

My mother knew my kids very well. I don't think she knew them much less than I do. But she's gone now (as is my dad who died well before my kids were born) and sad to say my kids are left with some very sorry a$$ grandparents who for the most part couldn't care less. And my kids are well aware of that. The good news is that my husband's aunt is like a grandmother to them so they have that thank God.

I want to grow up and be just the kind of grandmother my mom was. She left me a great model to follow.

 

[java]

No to both. The inlaws are older and really have a bunch of grandchildren to know them through and through. But they are as involved as they can be for living 1000 miles away.

My mom- not so so much. In fact I don't think she knows their middle names and the 2 oldest are named after her parents! She is too busy with her own life to be bothered - so we don't bother her. I send photos and call but not much interest so I don't push.

My dad lives close but spends minimal amount of time with the kids. Too bad really because they would all enjoy it. But he is depressed and has a hard time being around people.

So sadly no all around.

 

[Camicar]

I personally would not want my parents or inlaws to be very involved in my family.

LOL -- I know how you feel. I do not want my ILs involved with my dd, anyway. I know what the reality is. But I still feel bad that my dd never had the opportunity to have a great grandparent relationships because it can be so wonderful and important.

It would be better if someone in our families had any interest in her. Although my BIL and his wife are listed as dd's guardians in case we should die, I shudder to think what my dd's life would be like if she were orphaned and were at the not-so-tender mercies of our families.

 

[Colleen27]

Both sets of grandparents know our kids very well.

My mom is almost as involved with my kids as she was wth my brother and I - she keeps the older two for weekends, takes them to movies, bowling, etc., vacations with us on a lot of our family trips, makes it to just about all their sporting events, and rarely goes a week without seeing or talking to them. She's not as involved with the youngest at this point because there's just not much she can do with a breastfeeding 3 month old, but she does babysit if DH & I are working together or just want an evening out. They're her only grandkids and while she hasn't retired yet, she's a govt employee with 40 years of service, which means she has a LOT of vacation time to take!

My inlaws aren't quite as involved in the day-to-day because they travel quite a bit and because they're splitting their time between 7 grandkids but they're still very close with the kids, make it to their events, and take them once a month or so to just spend the day or weekend hanging out, fishing (my FIL is a fishing charter capt), cooking, doing crafts, swimming, etc. They recently built a new house, and the kids have their own room there (under the stairs - it wasn't meant to be a room but when they were framing the house the kids liked hanging out under the stairs "like Harry Potter" so FIL modified the plans to make it a small room just for them LOL)

We're very blessed to have the family we have, and it is the closeness I had with my grandparents and I want my kids to have with theirs that keeps us here every time we start fantasizing about moving somewhere with better weather and a stronger economy.

 

[ksumn1]

My SM and DDad know my girls very well. My Mom babysat my oldest DD (10)from the age of 6 weeks until she was 3 1/2. She also watched my youngest DD (5) from the age of 4 months until she started Pre-K at age 4. She still gets them off the bus for me every afternoon and watches them when I have other stuff to do. She will also help me out when I go back to college in January. My Dad knows them pretty well but works out of town like DH so not as well as he would like. DH started working out of town in January of this year and is gone form Sunday night until Thursday evening. I'm so grateful that she helps so much. My Grandmother (Nanny) lives next door to my Mom and I (I live in her backyard) so she knows them really well. My PawPaw loves them and teases them but doesn't KNOW them very well. My MIL knows them pretty well but we don't see her but once a month. But she's our go to for sleepovers when DH and I go out for our Bdays, Anniversary etc. Her boyfriend doesn't know them as well but really gets a kick out of them and definately cares abou tthem alot. DH's grandmother passed away when my youngest was 6 months old but she was very loving as well.

I must say our family and my girls have been very blessed. Family is very important to all of us. My sister is living with my Mom along with her 6 month old son and I love him almost as much as my own. We really belive in the "it takes a village" approach when it comes to raising our kids!!

 

[janets]

Both of the grandfathers are gone; Dh's dad died before I met him and my daddy died when DS#1 was just over a year old.

We lived about 5 miles from MIL until DS#1 was 5 and DS#2 was 1. She saw them at least 2x per week (for quite a while she watched them both 1-2 days a week for us). Then we moved up north w/in 4 miles of my mom.

She watched DS#1 2 afternoons/week after kindy. She saw them several times a week. Then she watched DS#2 3 afternoons/week when he was in kindy.

Now that they are both in school full time, she picks them up just about every afternoon, gets them home and gets homework done, then will drive DS#1 to the things he has 2 days a week. We see her most Saturdays for the afternoon and dinner and sometimes on Sunday as well. So I guess 6-7 days a week means that she knows them well, sometimes better than I do. She's a terrific grandma.

Once we moved away from MIL, their relationship faltered. We live about an hour 15 from her so it's not a simple drive. DH simply doesn't call her. He doesn't seem to think about it at all. So 2 weeks will go by and finally she'll call us. She will talk to the boys if they are home but the boys never call her. Never think to call and tell her something interesting or exciting that has happened. Once in a blue moon, dh will think about it and tell them to call her, but she's really out of the loop with them and their on going life. As for gifts, most of the time it's a gift card since she has no idea what they like or what they are into so this is an easy way for her to deal with it. My mom knows the entire gift list and buys exactly what they want (and some stuff I'd rather she not!).

I'm sure the boys love MIL, but they don't have the relationship they have with my mom. I'm incredibly blessed to have her in my and their lives and don't know what I'd do without her.