Do your parents get along with your inlaws?

[RadioNate]

My mother HATES my inlaws. They are very different from her and because of that in her eyes they are rude, inconsiderate, ignorant people.

I get her side of things and do think they could be more inclusive of her BUT they aren't nearly as horrible as she likes to make them out to be.

I'm just SO sick of being in the middle. She makes me feel like a huge traitor if I don't get offended by every little thing they do (or in most cases don't do!)

Does anyone else have parents who dislike your spouses parents? How do you deal without being put in the middle?

- also, I won't be around much tomorrow so please forgive me if I don't reply right away...I swear I'm not abandoning the thread.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

My parents and my in-laws got along fine, although they didn't see each other all that often. Even though we all lived in the same city, my mother-in-law never wanted everyone to get together for events. She wanted us "all to herself" without my parents around. There was a little tension after our first son was born. My parents babysat him regularly but we didn't feel comfortable leaving him alone with my mother-in-law (my father-in-law passed away before our son was born). She had several strokes and was always dizzy. She needed two hands to get up out of a chair and she needed to hold on to something when she walked, especially up and down steps. We just didn't feel comfortable leaving a newborn alone with her but she thought it was her right to have him. She claimed that my parents were "hogging" all of the baby's time. We took him to her house frequently but it would always end up as a plea to let her babysit which got really old. She's been gone for 13 years so we don't have those issues anymore.

 

[Piecey]

Sorta, I guess.
My parents are pretty private. They probably have an opinion of my MIL that is less than favorable but I'll never know because they'll never tell me. My MIL could threaten me and my parents would tell me to give her a chance because it's the "right" thing to do. That is just how they are.

On the other hand, my MIL is outspoken about her opinion on everything. It's not hard to see that she doesn't like my parents for the same reasons she doesn't like me. The two of us come from completely different worlds and will never understand each other.
Unfortunately, I am nothing like my parents... but I'm not outspoken like my MIL. Sometimes I wish I were. She'd probably respect me more if I just told her to shove it after one of her snide comments to me.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

My parents get along with my inlaws fine, but they never see each other. I have the best parents in the world and I feel the same about my inlaws. I'm very lucky.

 

[JOCAmom]

My parents and in-laws are polite to each other if they are together for holidays and the such. Never happens much since they seem to plan their visits when the others are not around. But they would never be "friendly" if DH and I were not around.

 

[dislaney]

Mine get along well. They also hardly ever see each other.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Mine get along fine when they see each other--which has been perhaps 15times in the 14 years we have been married, mostly in the first couple of years. They live in different countries but would not likely see each other much anyway. They have very different socialcircles and my dad doesn't really have a social circle, he is very reclusive. I cannot imagine either of them ever complaining about the other to me. I am relaly lucky that I get along well with both my parents and my in laws.

 

[quasar4legs]

Ours get on fine and we spend lots of birthdays and all the holidays together. I would not consider them friends but they can certainly all be in the same room with no drama.

It must be difficult trying to keep everyone happy

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

My inlaws live 4 minutes away from my mother and her husband. My inlaws had a hard time accepting that my mother remarried 13 years after my father died. They truly loved my father. They are slowly coming around.

My MIL tries to compete with my mother for my children's affection. The problem is my mother doesn't care.

 

[sbsteel]

Ours have never met.

I have no reason to think they wouldn't get along. They come from different walks of life, but both have the same set of core values. Growing up, I never saw my dad's side interact with my mom's side; always completely seperate get togethers, holidays, visits, etc. I'm sure they'll meet at some point, but the timing hasn't been right just yet.

 

[kacaju]

both of our Fathers are gone. Our Mom's get along GREAT. They both grew up in Brooklyn (my MIL is older then my Mom) so many times when they are together, which is for just about every family event. they talk Brooklyn!

My SIL parents live in a different Country, she ALWAYS invites my MIL when they have a family party!!

 

[MerMom60_94]

Both sets of parents were very different in their lifestyles and attitudes but got along just fine. I love my MIL and she is a good person but admittedly I sometimes am confounded by her. If I vent to my mother, my mother will always stick up for her. For instance, my mother has always been a good saver and financially savvy and she is very decisive and independent. My MIL has no savings and apparently her children (unbeknownst to any of us) were factored in to her ability to get by financially. She also can't make simple decisions. If I vent to my mother she will explain to me a lot of people in her age group think this way, etc, etc, etc. Whenever I visit with my MIL, she always asks me how my mother is. There is clearly an understanding and mutual respect and caring with the Moms. Our fathers have both passed away, but while they were alive they got along just fine.

I feel for you. It must be very difficult if you are being put in the middle like that.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Thankfully all our parents get along. In fact our parents sometimes get together without us! We know that we are very lucky but it is a great model for us. Hopefully when our children are older and God willing starting out with their own families we will get along with their inlaws too. We certainly will try our best. We want their lives to be smooth sailing and we want to be a part of it. We never want to cause them any angst.

 

[PollyannaMom]

No, mine seem to get along fine. They live in different states, but they ask after each other when they talk to us, and send each other Christmas cards.


I do however, have a SIL and BIL who aren't currently speaking to each other. - We just see them seperately and avoid talking about one in front of the other. I agree that's awful to be in the middle.

 

[Jennasis]

My MIL hates my mom with a blinding passion and my mom tolerates my MIL for my sake. Both of them think the other one is manipulative, sneaky and occassionally diabolical.

 

[1stluvispooh]

My mom and in-laws are pleasant to each other but my mother looks down her noise at them like she does with most people. My mom has an issue that they live on a farm and well yes the air smells like a farm. My mom is also one of those people who thinks she should be the center of attention all the time. My in laws ignore this thankfully. It drives me nuts. They are seldom together

 

[MainStMandy]

Mine get along fairly well...our Dad's get alon GREAT and could probably hang out for hours together. Our mother's get along ok...I think they are both just quiet people and don't have as much in common, but they like each other.

 

[It's A Happy Day]

My father gets along very well with my in-laws....as a matter of fact my FIL will drive out of the way to go to the store my father works at just because my father works there.

My mother on the other hand is a whole 'nother story. I really thought my mother would be involved in my childrens lives ~ see them frequently, want to do things with them, stop by periodically, etc. She basically has no relationship with them and always makes comments on why she doesn't but my in-laws do....she works/my inlaws are retired is a favorite of hers. Basically lame excuses to make herself feel better about why there is no relationship. She is polite to my in-laws when at family functions but behind the scenes she comes across as being very jealous of them. Then again she's never been particularly fond of my husband either so maybe it's just an extension of that

 

[PaulaSue]

Yep, my mom and MIL are FB friends. All 4 of them go out together with out some times. We even have done Disney together (all 9 of us) 2 times and are going to the beach together this year.

I don't know if it makes a difference that we are both only children.

 

[TinkerbEllnor]

oh my, yes.

the only way they could be closer would be if they were 'swingers'.

My parents and DH's parents met through us. But they are now great friends. Their homes are about 6 hrs apart from each other, but both couples are snowbirds and are now living about 20 yards apart from each other every winter. They get together for dinner, shopping, crafts, swimming, walks practically every day.

Every once in a while, some minor tidbit of information gets back to my DH that I haven't told him yet. I would be talking to my parents, who then talked to DHs parents, who then talk to DH, all before DH has come home from work for the day to hear about the news from me.

yeah, they get along