Do your kids pay rent?

[MrsPete]

Mrs.Pete, No disrespect meant but IMO it is best to "test drive the car"; I would never get married without living with someone first. Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances - we don't know the whole story.

And I, on the other hand, would never entwine my life in such a substantial manner without the legal and emotional commitment of marriage. The majority of people I know personally who've believed in the "test driving" concept have ended up breaking up -- some before marriage, some after -- but the "test" doesn't seem to make any difference in the long run. Statistics have born that out for quite some time now.

I work with 18 & 19 year old girls. All their lives they have been given coach pocket books, latest cell phones and designer jeans . . . Then these same young ladies grow up and we expect them to not want million dollar weddings and million dollar starter homes.. . . Sorry, this problem of entitlement didn't just appear out of thin air. We created these little monsters and now we act surprised becasue the don't know the meaning of budget.

I work with high school seniors, and I see it too. Kids who have more of everything than they should have -- except expectations. You're right that parents have created this entitlement monster, and the kids just don't have a clue.

That's why my husband and I purposefully decided to give our kids significantly LESS than we could afford to give them. Don't feel badly for them -- they have everything they need and more -- but they don't have nearly as much as their friends.

You forgot to mention the milk crate bookcases and the mattress on the floor because we couldn't afford a bed frame. Yep, we had those when we first started out.

Oh, how could I have forgotten those things! Actually, I had milk crates with unfinished plywood boards for my "dresser".

 

[MrsPete]

If you're over 18 there is no question of your parents "letting" you move out.

If you want to move out, move out. If you want to stay home, stay home, but own that decision as an adult. You can't blame your parents for it since your parents have absolutely no power to make you stay home against your will.

While you're absolutely right, we all understand perfectly that these things are easier said than done. If her parents believe strongly in their side of the argument, it's hard for her to be respectful to them. maintain a good relationship with them, AND do what she wants.

She should seriously consider WHY her parents are so against her moving in with her boyfriend. IF their reasons are good (too young, he doesn't have a good job, they have concerns about his character . . . anything like that), then she should consider whether they're right. Also, if she does give their concerns serious consideration, they're more likely to accept her decision (even if it's not what they want) because they'll know that she's thought it through.

Remember that sometimes the people who love you most are the ones who'll say, "Hey, you're making a mistake", while your fairweather friends will say, "Do whatever feels good and let tomorrow take care of itself."

 

[Forevryoung]

To the PP who said something about the kids saving money while living at home, I know of very few for whom this has been a reality. IMHO, if my child could show me that they were saving a substantial percentage of their income towards a deposit for a home or apartment or whatever, I might reconsider the rent idea.

This surprises me. I spend 1/4 of my salary on taxes, 1/4 on health care, 1/4 on living expenses (bills, entertainment, food, car), and 1/4 goes to savings.

I wish I could reduce the taxes and health care but that's impossible

I'd easily spend more than 1/4 of my current salary on an apartment, utilities, and additional food costs (even splitting a 2 bedroom) which would essentially leave me in the negative every month no matter how frugal my lifestyle was.

 

[toddlers_mom]

26 here and still at home. I don't pay rent, although I used to. I do buy all of the groceries for the house, pay my bills, clean the house, do my laundry, etc.

Actually, I try to cook for my dad and do his laundry but he won't let me!

I'm kind of stuck here until I graduate from nursing school. Rent in Indianapolis is, well, odd. I could get a 2 bedroom apartment for $400 a month, but it would be in the worst part of town. My dad would rather my son and I stay than do that. There's no median...its either super cheap, but filthy or super expensive and out of the budget!

My son is only 3, but I think my decision would rest on what his situation was. Either way, he would be expected to do his share around the house though.

 

[DISdreamin']

This surprises me. I spend 1/4 of my salary on taxes, 1/4 on health care, 1/4 on living expenses (bills, entertainment, food, car), and 1/4 goes to savings.

I wish I could reduce the taxes and health care but that's impossible

I'd easily spend more than 1/4 of my current salary on an apartment, utilities, and additional food costs (even splitting a 2 bedroom) which would essentially leave me in the negative every month no matter how frugal my lifestyle was.

If my child were doing what you are, no rent. Just save, save, save.

 

[ltl engine]

One of my friends from work always complained about having to pay rent at home then on her wedding day her parents gave her the best gift--all of her rent money back! The family did not need the extra money to make bills but her parents wanted to teach the kids about responsibility. Every month they would deposit the rent money into an account and each child gets the money and any interest it had earned for their wedding present. Quite handy for newlyweds and a great surprise.

 

[MaumeeMom]

PARTIAL
And I, on the other hand, would never entwine my life in such a substantial manner without the legal and emotional commitment of marriage. The majority of people I know personally who've believed in the "test driving" concept have ended up breaking up -- some before marriage, some after -- but the "test" doesn't seem to make any difference in the long run. Statistics have born that out for quite some time now.

Not to derail the thread too much but for every statistic that you find that says it is bad I could find one that says it doesn't make a difference. Statistics can be massaged to make what ever point you want to make. Also, the internet is full of self published numbers and made up facts so whatever either of us finds would be suspect anyway. It is best to base our opinions on personal experience and knowledge. My experience was that it was a great thing.

In our case, we had the emotional commitment just not that little piece of paper. The legal was not an issue as we didn't have anything anyway - if we'd split the biggest fight would have been over who got the goldfish because that was about all we had.

 

[bethy]

Forget rent- at 26 it's time to MOVE OUT!

No kidding!

Letting them live in your home - especially rent free and with you doing their laundry is really doing them quite a disservice, IMO.

 

[TxRabbit]

I moved back home after graduating college. I helped my mom get her internet business established. I worked for her and in return she continued to pay for my bills (car insurance was my only bill). I didn't pay rent, groceries, utilities. Nothing. It was room and board in return for my labor.

She even paid me a small wage that fell under the tax law for what you can gift another person before that person has to pay taxes on that money.

Meanwhile, I was of an age that they were still able to claim me as a dependent (under 24?) and they did claim me, and they paid me what I would have gotten in a tax refund, had I gotten one because it was worth such a great deduction for them to claim me for as long as they could.

In this situation, I don't know what the law is regarding the ability to claim them living with you for any kind of tax break. Like claiming head of household, or having some other kind of dependents living with you that would help you out and give you some financial benefit from having them live with you. It might be worth talking to a tax attourney, just to see.

Nevertheless, I did my own laundry. I cleaned. I helped with food. Generally, I did the grocery shopping (with her credit card or with her) and generally continued to contribute to the running of the household. You should never feel like a maid in your own home. That means that something needs to change in the situation. They do have a certain responsibility to contribute to whatever house they live in to whatever means they are capable of.

I wonder if you have had any conversation with them about the topic to express how you feel. Sometimes kids get weird ideas like doing their laundry boosts your own self worth and gives you something to make yourself feel useful. Not to be harsh. I am a homemaker myself. I'm just saying. The young can get weird ideas in their head and you never know what they are thinking unless you actually have that conversation with them.

 

[nena]

Dear OP

At 25 I moved back home w/ my 1 year old son. Although my parents didnt ask for rent, I offered to pay rent. I also bought $50-$100 of groceries everyweek. Of course I did our laundry and cleaned our room. But I also helped w/ cooking dinner, washing dishes and cleaning up here and there.

But there did come a time when my mom sat me and my sister down and had a little chat with us. Basically she told us she needed more help and needed it to be consistent. We couldnt assume she would have dinner ready and we needed to wash dishes more often, because she too came home tired from work.
I felt very embarressed that I hadnt helped more and made it a point every day to make sure I helped with something!!

So I suggest talking w/ your daughters. In my oppinion the daughter w/ the full time job should be paying rent. The other daughter could pay for a utility bill. I see it as building financial resposibility and showing appreciation.
Good luck!!

 

[nena]

Mrs.Pete, No disrespect meant but IMO it is best to "test drive the car"; I would never get married without living with someone first. Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances - we don't know the whole story.

I completely agree! I have been married twice. I knew my first husband for 3years, got married and 6 months later knew I had made the biggest mistake of my life!!

I knew my second husband for 8 months, we got engaged and moved in together. This was our time to see if we could really live w/ each other. What were the little things about him that might annoy me and could I live w/ not sayinging anything about them? Would he actually still want to be w/ me after he found out who I truely was?

This was the smartest thing I ever did. A year later we were married and in June will celebrate our 9 year anniversary!!

 

[Donnainnj]

DH had to pay rent as soon as he started working at 16. It was $100 a month, and they saved and invested it for him. It was given back when we purchased our house. When my 16 year old got her summer job last year I told her she needed to save 50% of her check. The summer work she does now will go into car insurance payments, and extra expenses during college. If she moves back/stays home after school I will have the same rule I think. That way she will be saving for life, and will be used to living off less. That's the plan right now. (if it works well, we will do the same with younger DD and DS) The two older ones help with laundry. (12 and 16yrs old)
Donna

 

[countrygrl4]

My parents have a rule- If you are in school you don't have to pay rent. If you are not in school you have 6 months to find a job and then you have to pay rent unless there is some type of circumstance. If you are in a job search and they can tell and you are actively looking then you're okay. Right now if I was not in school I may not have to pay rent bc of the economy and my current doesn't pay much. I hope to find a regular job in my field of interest one of these days after graduation which is in MAY! So excited to be done with my undergraduate studies!

 

[bethy]

Wow, I just read through the rest of the thread. I know the responses are not an accurate reflection of the general population but I guess I didn't realize that it is so common for adults to live with their parents.

My DH and I are planning to significantly help our kids pay for college. But after that I don't ever expect them to move back into my house. I love them dearly but it wouldn't even occur to me that they would live at home at that point.

The exception would be dire straights - illness, disaster, etc. But I'm realizing I"m going to need to set up my expectations for them early that once they are done with college or at 4 years past high school graduation - whichever comes first - they are independent adults who need to spread their wings and provide for themselves.

I totally agree with the earlier poster who said that with independence comes empowerment. I want that for my kids.

 

[aceys_h0ney]

I saw something once on a reality show, a couple had their adult kids living with them rent free. The guy on the show (I think it was Clean House) suggested to the parents that they charge the kids rent and then save that money and give it back to the kids when they were out on their own. Seemed like a neat idea to me. I am a long way off from having to actually think about this though but I thought I would throw that out there.

 

[tennisfan]

I live at home, I pay rent & i'm saving for a deposit on a place of my own. I don't earn a great amount to get a decent mortgage. I also pay my own bills including my car. I do my own laundry ( have done since I was 11) I help around the house cleaning, cooking etc I also do the grocery shopping if i'm not working. My parents were good to me when I was at uni, I didn't have to pay to live at home but when I worked full time I started paying which is more then fair

 

[hentob]

I have such an opposite dilemma!

I'm out of school and want to move out with my DBF, but my parents won't let me! They are absolutely against me cohabiting. And even if I wanted a place on my own, they don't think the rent would be worth it.

Who is the "DH" you speak of here:



http://disboards.com/showthread.php?p=35245386

 

[HeatherC]

Enjoyed reading all the posts and agree with all of you.

Wanted to throw another thought out there though.

Do you think this is primarily an "American" thing? I mean the expectation that kids grow up, reach a certain age and should then move out?

I know that in other parts of the world families do live together and all contribute to the household in some way.

For some reason, I don't have a problem with someone moving back home to help out relatives who may be alone otherwise or are sickly...or for a temporary time during a major life transition, etc.. But I don't like the idea of my kids just "staying" home because it's easier. Nope..in that case, I'm booting them out the door.

 

[amylevan]

I moved home after college, and stayed until I got married at 23. My parents didn't charge me rent despite my good job/income, basically I think because I was engaged and they knew I'd be moving out soon! But I was responsible for ALL of my bills, cleaning my room and the bathroom I used, cooking dinner at least once a week and any other jobs around the house that arose. I was also actively saving, and was able to save enough for 10% down on our first house. (DH was renting an apartment and also living ultra-cheaply.)

My younger brother was a little different. He moved home after college, and my parents joked that he would still be living there if his girlfriend hadn't moved away to go to vetenariny school. They didn't charge him rent either, but they were starting to get nervous that he'd never leave.

FWIW, my mom continued to do our laundry while we lived there, simply because when she wants to do laundry, she didn't want to have our clothes in there in the way. But if I wanted something clean to wear, I had no right to ask her to do it, I did it myself. And if I was nearby when the laundry need switched or folded, I helped.

 

[blanq]

This is a great thread and it has been interesting reading all of the responses. This is something I have started to give some thought to, since DS is Junior in HS. His dad and I have talked and we think that if DS lives at home during college (he is talking about doing his first two years at a local Community College), then we will not charge him rent or any living expenses as long as he is in school FT. We anticipate he will have a car by then, and will need to hold down a job to pay for gas, insurance, clothing, etc. If he ever is living at home and not attending school, we would charge him rent. If at all possible, we would love it if DS could come out of college debt free. Both DHs and my parents could not help us with college at all, and we really struggled to pay off our student loans. We do have the resources to pay for his college, and figure if we can provide a home for him during college we will do so.