Do your kids pay rent?

[descovy]

Second, we were more willing to live cheaply. My first apartment was two bedrooms shared by four girls (yes, we hated it, but it's what we could afford); I don't know any college students who live that way today. The answer is obvious: Get married. If he's not worth marrying, he's not worth living with either.[/QUOTE]

You hit the nail on the head! Good grief, it's one thing to be 16-17 in the care of your parents... who for the last 20+ years have been on their own working "up to" all they have now. Enjoy the nice home, vacations, perks, etc... that your parents worked all this time for!

But 18, 19, 20 years old, you are not supposed to be living such a lifestyle. You should be starting out. Whether that be sharing a dorm room at college, living in a "not nice apartment" eating peanut butter sandwiches and potatoes for dinner. (if that's all your own paycheck can afford) Work your way up the ladder... you don't get to start life with a Ford Mustang, cute apartment, pottery barn furniture, and eating out/movies every weekend!

Best thing is to teach kids to be independant, givers (not takers) of society. And to live within your means no matter how meager. Work hard, and you too will work your way up to the nicer things in life.

But that isn't how you get to start out!

 

[gk90]

I can understand the bind that CTdiznymom is in--and why the option of telling the daughters to move out is a difficult one, with rents as high as they are in the Northeast it's hard for young people to make it on their own. But even if they don't pay rent they really should be taking responsibility in terms of contributing to bills and doing their own ironing and laundry. CTdiznymom, find some ways for things to change so that you don't feel like the maid!

I have such an opposite dilemma!
I'm out of school and want to move out with my DBF, but my parents won't let me! They are absolutely against me cohabiting. And even if I wanted a place on my own, they don't think the rent would be worth it.
Throughout university, I paid for my own tuition (with the help of student loans), my own rent (my school was in another town), and all my other expenses, my parents never paid a cent.
I've now found a really good job and am making enough to support myself. How can I convince my parents to let me go? My parents are very traditional Chinese and believe that a daughter moves out only after she is married.

It's not just strict traditional parents who would have a problem: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/13/AR2009081304118.html
YukiPhnx, you may be one of the exceptions but as the article in the link says, too many cohabiting relationships don't work out that well--unfortunately I've seen some of them.

 

[eliza61]

We have twin 26yr old. girls who have moved back home since graduating college. One is a full time teacher and gets paid pretty well. The other is finishing her masters at a local University and works full time in the school system aiding Special Needs students but makes a meager wage. It gives her the flexibility to takes her classes. I'm a sahm so I shop for & cook all meals, wash/iron everyones clothes, clean etc. They pay for anything related to their car, and their personal bills. They of course buy their own clothes and personal items. My question is, do your kids pay rent? What other things do your older kids who live home do? My DH says I should stop doing their laundry, but if I didn't the washer/dryer would be going 24/7 and the water bill would be $$$. I'm feeling like the maid, and frankly they are not very appreciative (but that's another dilema). Whew.....felt good to vent a little

Yes. Even my 19 year old college student kicks into the family buget. I wanted him to learn that every one has to contribute some thing. Since he makes only 100 bucks a week, he only kicks in 50 bucks a month.

Oh, time for the maid to retire. At 26 they should be cooking for you and doing your laundry.

 

[disykat]

You hit the nail on the head! Good grief, it's one thing to be 16-17 in the care of your parents... who for the last 20+ years have been on their own working "up to" all they have now. Enjoy the nice home, vacations, perks, etc... that your parents worked all this time for!

But 18, 19, 20 years old, you are not supposed to be living such a lifestyle. You should be starting out. Whether that be sharing a dorm room at college, living in a "not nice apartment" eating peanut butter sandwiches and potatoes for dinner. (if that's all your own paycheck can afford) Work your way up the ladder... you don't get to start life with a Ford Mustang, cute apartment, pottery barn furniture, and eating out/movies every weekend!

Best thing is to teach kids to be independant, givers (not takers) of society. And to live within your means no matter how meager. Work hard, and you too will work your way up to the nicer things in life.

But that isn't how you get to start out!

Great post! This is a hard thing for young kids to "get." I have two teens so we have lots of friends who have kids going off to college. Even college is SO different now. We had a cafeteria, now there are upscale coffee places around every corner. I just visited my old college and it is now surrounded by businesses obviously catering to students. No one I know spent money recreationally in college - the idea of spending money on a latte when you could get coffee and mix it with hot chocolate in the cafeteria would have been unthinkable!

 

[fatuhiva]

I paid rent from the moment I graduated college & got a full time job - $200 a month & it was a bargain. My kids will as well if they choose to live at home after college. I also helped around the house with various things. My mom, sister & I all did the laundry as needed. My sister & I did all the grocery shopping for years - basically from when we were able to drive until we moved out. Mom gave us a list & a signed check to pay for it. During the week we cooked some, but my mother probably did more than us. We were definately expected to contribute to the household with rent as well as household chores.

A friend of mine took 1/2 the money her daughter paid her in rent & put in a savings account without telling her. When she got married & moved out she gave it back to her daughter. I thought that was a nice idea.

 

[eliza61]

]



But 18, 19, 20 years old, you are not supposed to be living such a lifestyle. You should be starting out. Whether that be sharing a dorm room at college, living in a "not nice apartment" eating peanut butter sandwiches and potatoes for dinner. (if that's all your own paycheck can afford) Work your way up the ladder... you don't get to start life with a Ford Mustang, cute apartment, pottery barn furniture, and eating out/movies every weekend!

Best thing is to teach kids to be independant, givers (not takers) of society. And to live within your means no matter how meager. Work hard, and you too will work your way up to the nicer things in life.

But that isn't how you get to start out!

Do you know any teens who are actually taught this?

this is not what we teach our kids Descovy. I work with 18 & 19 year old girls. All their lives they have been given coach pocket books, latest cell phones and designer jeans. How many parents do you know who justify paying outrageous cell phone bills with the line "It's for emergencies" BULL!! I've got girls who routinely run up $200/month cell bills, that ain't from emergencies. How many teens drive around with nice girls and parents say "Well as long as he's doing well in school". When did simply graduating from H.S. mean you got a new car? When I was growing up, doing your best was the bare minimum you did to avoid getting killed by your parents.


Then these same young ladies grow up and we expect them to not want million dollar weddings and million dollar starter homes.
Why should they be expected to earn what they want? Most have charge cards before they leave h.s.

Sorry, this problem of entitlement didn't just appear out of thin air. We created these little monsters and now we act surprised becasue the don't know the meaning of budget.

 

[brymolmom]

You would think so, right? But my parents don't want me to get married yet =.= They still think it's too soon.

I agree - too soon. Just bite the bullet and find a place and explain it to the parents. They will be upset at first but if it's the best thing for you - you need to do it anyway.

And living together is a great way to get to know each other's 'quirks' before marriage.

 

[StephMK]

Absolutely my kids pay rent - at 6 & 8 it is time they started pulling their own weight around here

LOL, those darn child labor laws make things difficult!


Honestly, while you sound very loving & want to help your girls - give them the gift of independence & teach them to pull their weight. I imagine you took great care of them all these years but they really need to learn to take care of themselves. I can see giving them time to get on their feet but they can certainly do laundry & pitch in much more.

Independence is power. If they learn they can take care of themselves w/o help, they won't feel they have to depend on a bad spouse, bad job, whatever.

I lived w/my parents after school because I got pg right about when I was planning to move out. I did move when DD was 1.5 because I didn't think it was fair to my parents & I was ready to be on my own. On the flip side, DH lived w/his parents til we got married -he was 32 , and it has taken me YEARS to get him past that dependent, someone else will handle it attitude. The brunt of a lot of stuff still falls to me until I point it out.

My DD has been doing her laundry since she was 14. It doesn't take her much time & I hope that things like this will help her ease into living on her own when she goes to school. I also plan to have her start managing some of her expenses so she won't have the same money issues I did.

 

[Hannathy]

I'm sorry, unless they have you chained to a wall in the basement, it is your life. Your parents can have an opinion but you are the one to ultimately make the decisions about your life.

I lived with my DH for a few years before we were married and my parents weren't happy but it was my life and my choice. They eventually got over it.

Mrs.Pete, No disrespect meant but IMO it is best to "test drive the car"; I would never get married without living with someone first. Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances - we don't know the whole story.

I agree with this. I don't understand why you can't do what you want. If you are over 18 then get a backbone, grow a pair what ever saying you want to use and live your own life. If you aren't adult enough to stand up to your parents and move out then maybe they are right and you aren't mature enough.

I also agree with living with someone, I did and that was 30 yrs ago when it wasn't as accepted and while my folks weren't thrilled they also knew it was my life and the only thing they had control over was when we visited their house they could say separate rooms.

 

[MaumeeMom]

PARTIAL
But 18, 19, 20 years old, you are not supposed to be living such a lifestyle. You should be starting out. Whether that be sharing a dorm room at college, living in a "not nice apartment" eating peanut butter sandwiches and potatoes for dinner. (if that's all your own paycheck can afford) Work your way up the ladder... you don't get to start life with a Ford Mustang, cute apartment, pottery barn furniture, and eating out/movies every weekend!

You forgot to mention the milk crate bookcases and the mattress on the floor because we couldn't afford a bed frame. Yep, we had those when we first started out.

IPARTIAL
It's not just strict traditional parents who would have a problem: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/13/AR2009081304118.html
YukiPhnx, you may be one of the exceptions but as the article in the link says, too many cohabiting relationships don't work out that well--unfortunately I've seen some of them.

I've seen this before. All studies and statistics can be scued towards what you want them to say. From the article:

And a study Stanley co-authored in February found that of the 1,050 married people surveyed, almost 19 percent of those who lived together before getting engaged had at some point suggested divorce, compared with 10 percent for those who waited until marriage to live together.

This does not say that these relationships end in divorce but that at some point it was "Suggested". This does not say that these relationships are doomed. Also from the study:

Stanley's studies have shown there's almost no difference in marital satisfaction between couples who moved in together after they got engaged and those who did it after their wedding day.

AND
Couples who live together after making thoughtful decisions to commit their lives to one another have no higher risk for marital dissatisfaction, his research has found.

FWIW: All the couples that I know who lived together before marriage are still together and happy. The one couple that waited until marriage is currently separated and in counseling. I prefer to base my information on personal knowledge and experience - DH & I have been together 22 years, married 15 and still going strong.

 

[design_mom]

I lived at home during college. I did not pay rent, but I did my own laundry, etc. My mom did most of the cooking, but I was expected to help around the house as everyone in the family was (setting table, dishes, vacuuming, dusting, etc.) I also paid for my own car, insurance, text books, etc.

My parents deal was that as long as I was a full-time student, I was allowed to live at home rent-free. It was never specifically discussed and I got married two weeks after I graduated... but I assumed if I wanted to continue to live there when I was no longer a student, I would be paying rent.

 

[StephMK]

Do you know any teens who are actually taught this?

this is not what we teach our kids Descovy. I work with 18 & 19 year old girls. All their lives they have been given coach pocket books, latest cell phones and designer jeans. How many parents do you know who justify paying outrageous cell phone bills with the line "It's for emergencies" BULL!! I've got girls who routinely run up $200/month cell bills, that ain't from emergencies. How many teens drive around with nice girls and parents say "Well as long as he's doing well in school". When did simply graduating from H.S. mean you got a new car? When I was growing up, doing your best was the bare minimum you did to avoid getting killed by your parents.

Then these same young ladies grow up and we expect them to not want million dollar weddings and million dollar starter homes.
Why should they be expected to earn what they want? Most have charge cards before they leave h.s.

Sorry, this problem of entitlement didn't just appear out of thin air. We created these little monsters and now we act surprised becasue the don't know the meaning of budget.

I totally agree w/this! There were several times in college we pooled our remaining dollars for mac & cheese, tuna & Diet Coke. Those are some of my favorite memories, being broke & creative. We shared rooms, 2 girls in each.

We are trying hard to teach our kids to use their finances wisely & not get caught up in what they think they should have.

 

[MaumeeMom]

I totally agree w/this! There were several times in college we pooled our remaining dollars for mac & cheese, tuna & Diet Coke. Those are some of my favorite memories, being broke & creative. We shared rooms, 2 girls in each.

We are trying hard to teach our kids to use their finances wisely & not get caught up in what they think they should have.

To this day, I cannot eat mac & cheese or Raman Noodles. Ick. I lived off of these. No Diet Coke for me - we had to get the generic store brand. Remember when Generic stuff came in the black & white boxes? My cupboard was full of black & white.

 

[MaumeeMom]

We have twin 26yr old. girls who have moved back home since graduating college. One is a full time teacher and gets paid pretty well. The other is finishing her masters at a local University and works full time in the school system aiding Special Needs students but makes a meager wage. It gives her the flexibility to takes her classes. I'm a sahm so I shop for & cook all meals, wash/iron everyones clothes, clean etc. They pay for anything related to their car, and their personal bills. They of course buy their own clothes and personal items. My question is, do your kids pay rent? What other things do your older kids who live home do? My DH says I should stop doing their laundry, but if I didn't the washer/dryer would be going 24/7 and the water bill would be $$$. I'm feeling like the maid, and frankly they are not very appreciative (but that's another dilema). Whew.....felt good to vent a little

OP it sounds like your girls are at different stages in their lives. One makes a good wage and one doesn't and is still in school.

If you do decide to charge rent, you may want to look at a sliding scale like a small percentage of their salaries. Housework however is free for them to do and should be shared equally. Maybe since they are bringing in different incomes and you haven't ever charged rent just sit down with them and a list of chores and say "Let's split these up..."

At the vary least they can start helping out around the house to give you a break.

Good luck!

 

[bushdianee]

My parents charged us 1/4 of our take home pay once we were out of high school and working. I did it all through college. When I was finally finacially stable to move out my grandmother came to live with us and my parents' health started going downhill. So I never ended up moving out. Three years ago my DM and I bought a house together as my Dad had passed away and she can't live alone.

 

[Stacerita]

To this day, I cannot eat mac & cheese or Raman Noodles. Ick. I lived off of these. No Diet Coke for me - we had to get the generic store brand. Remember when Generic stuff came in the black & white boxes? My cupboard was full of black & white.

The generic stuff we bought in college was a blue stripe. So my stuff was all stocked with blue stripes. Even beer was blue stripe. And yes, we lived on mac and cheese (made without milk because that was too expensive) and ramen. I learned how to make ramen a million different ways back in those days.

 

[erin.w]

I am two years out of graduate school (26 y.o) and living with mom. Planning on moving in with my fiance in the spring. While living with her I pay her $50 a month, but I also make dinner for her and pay for those groceries. I pay all of my own car/insurance payments, credit card bills, cell phone bill, student loans and dog bills (food/vet bills).

 

[pearlieq]

I'm out of school and want to move out with my DBF, but my parents won't let me! They are absolutely against me cohabiting. And even if I wanted a place on my own, they don't think the rent would be worth it.

If you're over 18 there is no question of your parents "letting" you move out.

If you want to move out, move out. If you want to stay home, stay home, but own that decision as an adult. You can't blame your parents for it since your parents have absolutely no power to make you stay home against your will.

 

[Justsyd2]

To the OP, no. My kids are never charged rent. They are required to work, have a checking and savings account, a plan to get out on their own, pay their own bills, do their own laundry, and help around the house.

Personally, I've never understood charging someone rent when they could be saving that money so that they can move out. It seems like going in circles to me. Either they pay rent, or save money to leave, it's hard to do both.

I suggest giving them both a savings plan, assigning chores, and having them do their own laundry.

 

[DISdreamin']

I have a ways to go before it's an issue with my kids, but I plan on charging rent once they are done with college and employed, however PT it might be. As long as they are FT college students (undergrad, grad school, whatever) they are welcome to live here for free. After that, they will be charged a token rent, and they'll be expected to deal with their own insurance, cell phone, car, etc.. In this day and age, I'd say about $50 a week would feel right to me for rent. That isn't a lot of money as far as rent goes, but I don't want them getting the idea that they have all this excess income to blow on stuff. And also, it will lessen the sticker shock when they have to pay all their living expenses on their own.

To the PP who said something about the kids saving money while living at home, I know of very few for whom this has been a reality. IMHO, if my child could show me that they were saving a substantial percentage of their income towards a deposit for a home or apartment or whatever, I might reconsider the rent idea.

Oh, and BTW, I'd plan on banking the "rent" they paid (and no, I wouldn't tell them this was the plan) and handing it over when they got married or bought their first home. At some time where it would help them attain their financial goals, ya know?