Do You "Uninvite" Friends in Order to Punish Your Child?

[TwingleMum]

I guess I still don't get why people think that it is an unjustice punishment. This is the family's vacation house. Its not going anywhere. I'm sure if she behaves there will be other opportunities for her to bring her friend. Don't you think she'll think twice about misbehaving after this incident. Lesson learned.

 

[daisax]

I think it's interesting how people have worked this into a "vacation" that the OP's daughter is being deprived of. It's a weekend. One step up from an overnight. Sure, the kids are disappointed... but is the OP's daughter "punished?" It's something that they can (and probably will) do another time, not some once in a lifetime possibility that has been ripped from her.

One of life's little disappointments that is best put into perspective, and not made into something worth dropping friendships over (not that the OP would, but others have mentioned not accepting future invitations, etc.)

In life, friends and family will back out of plans because of finances or their own work or love life problems that come up. Bosses will cancel permission for time off, insist on overtime to complete projects that interfere with plans... sometimes things are beyond your control and you don't get to do what you had looked forward to doing. Hopefully, you get to do it a different time.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

So one of the lessons you've taught your kids is that it's unimportant how their behavior affects others.

On the contrary--it can and does teach how their behavior affects others.

It is very important--that when you don't do what you need to do TRUTHFULLy when you are supposed to do it, that it may not only affect you, but it does affect others. Which is why it is important to complete your work and not lie about it.

How many times has someone been stuck in teh work place and it affects "plans" of any kind. An understanding boss may let you go and not worry about it, but many times--that is not a reasonable outcome. And certainly if you lied to your boss about it, you could be fired. This is extreme of course, but it can and does happen.

So the child in question could learn one of two things--work before play OR screw work, my plans are more important.

I'd choose the first one.

 

[mjkacmom]

I guess I still don't get why people think that it is an unjustice punishment. This is the family's vacation house. Its not going anywhere. I'm sure if she behaves there will be other opportunities for her to bring her friend. Don't you think she'll think twice about misbehaving after this incident. Lesson learned.

I think she'd think twice if SHE had to stay home and miss out on the fun. However, her friend definitely is taking the brunt of the punishment - the OP's dd now has a weekend with nothing to do (maybe she turned down other plans), while her friend still gets to go away for the weekend. Some punishment.

 

[livie1205]

So one of the lessons you've taught your kids is that it's unimportant how their behavior affects others.

no cami...what I HAVE taught my kids is that their bad behavior DOES affect others.This was not a vacation it was time at their OTHER home,they showed their child that you can not lie and think you can still get what you want.I am sorry but this had NOTHING to do with ops dd and I am sure these parents were thinking about their own dd behavior when they did this.IF they had invited her on a trip like wdw and she had spent money and made plans for a vacation then YES they should let her go...

 

[TwingleMum]

I think she'd think twice if SHE had to stay home and miss out on the fun. However, her friend definitely is taking the brunt of the punishment - the OP's dd now has a weekend with nothing to do (maybe she turned down other plans), while her friend still gets to go away for the weekend. Some punishment.

Are you kidding? Do you remember being a young teen? Being deprived of a good friends company because you are being punished is a big deal. Siblings may be there but its not the same thing. And respectfully the OP's DD was not 'punished'. Disappointed - yes punished - no. She isn't going this one particular weekend. I'm sure she'll be invited again. She is free to do whatever she wants. But it was a great lesson for both girls to learn. Actions have consequences. You can be sure that the friend will know that when Mom says do this and X will happen. Mom means it. Kudos to Mom for being a parent and not a friend. These girls are on the brink of scarier choices ~ boys, cars, drinking and drugs. To be taught that lying won't be tolerated and actions have consequences is a great thing. Life isn't always fair and sometimes you have disappointments. Thats life.

 

[MushyMushy]

I think it's interesting how people have worked this into a "vacation" that the OP's daughter is being deprived of. It's a weekend. One step up from an overnight. Sure, the kids are disappointed... but is the OP's daughter "punished?" It's something that they can (and probably will) do another time, not some once in a lifetime possibility that has been ripped from her.

She said long weekend in a vacation home doing things she'd never get to do with her family. How is that not a special thing?

When I was growing up, I got to go to a friend's vacation home in South Carolina and it was a very big deal to us kids! How many people honestly have vacation homes in nice locations? That's not something we ever got to do again.

And sorry, but teens feel disappointments a lot more deeply than we adults do. I think quite a few people here are forgetting their own teen years. It was a very long time ago for me, but I still remember how intense the emotions were.

 

[DVCLiz]

It's probably time to put this one to bed, guys. It's so over for me and my daughter - she had a few minutes of feeling bummed and then we moved on. She's since had a "vacation" at the beach with her dad and now she's home again.

The "vacation" spot is a house at a lake, with boating and jetskis and waterskiing. It's probably a cross between going some place on a real vacation and bumming around the house on a Saturday afternoon. She missed some fun water sports we don't get to do (unless we are at Disney!!) but she didn't miss out on the greatest vacation opportunity of her life. Somewhere in between, I'd say.

I don't know whether her friend learned her lesson or not, but I'm pretty sure my daughter survived intact. So thanks for all the opinions!! And now, let's dicuss something really important - like reusing mugs or pool hopping!!!

 

[RadioFanatic]

Oh yes, it's been addressed. No, it's not okay to punish the child in a way that will inconvenience your own vacation. Don't be silly. It's far better to disappoint someone else's kid.

Sorry for the minor sarcasm, but I'm just blown away that so many people have this attitude. Don't get me wrong, I can see doing it for a very serious infraction, but for general brattiness and a clean room? No, I'd never do that to an innocent kid.

 

[RadioFanatic]

I think it's interesting how people have worked this into a "vacation" that the OP's daughter is being deprived of. It's a weekend. One step up from an overnight. Sure, the kids are disappointed... but is the OP's daughter "punished?" It's something that they can (and probably will) do another time, not some once in a lifetime possibility that has been ripped from her.

One of life's little disappointments that is best put into perspective, and not made into something worth dropping friendships over (not that the OP would, but others have mentioned not accepting future invitations, etc.)

In life, friends and family will back out of plans because of finances or their own work or love life problems that come up. Bosses will cancel permission for time off, insist on overtime to complete projects that interfere with plans... sometimes things are beyond your control and you don't get to do what you had looked forward to doing. Hopefully, you get to do it a different time.

but I think what a lot are missing is that the "punished" child really wasn't punished at all. She still had a great weekend - so great she even posted about it on Facebook or something. The one stuck not going, however, didn't get to have that fun.

 

[MushyMushy]

It's probably time to put this one to bed, guys. It's so over for me and my daughter - she had a few minutes of feeling bummed and then we moved on. She's since had a "vacation" at the beach with her dad and now she's home again.

The "vacation" spot is a house at a lake, with boating and jetskis and waterskiing. It's probably a cross between going some place on a real vacation and bumming around the house on a Saturday afternoon. She missed some fun water sports we don't get to do (unless we are at Disney!!) but she didn't miss out on the greatest vacation opportunity of her life. Somewhere in between, I'd say.

I don't know whether her friend learned her lesson or not, but I'm pretty sure my daughter survived intact. So thanks for all the opinions!! And now, let's dicuss something really important - like reusing mugs or pool hopping!!!

Sounds like you've got a great kid! Sorry you took any criticism in your thread. I think most of us got it that your DD was fine with it and that you were the one doing the venting and she wasn't sitting around whining about it.

 

[DVCLiz]

Sounds like you've got a great kid! Sorry you took any criticism in your thread. I think most of us got it that your DD was fine with it and that you were the one doing the venting and she wasn't sitting around whining about it.

Thanks - she is a great kid!!!

Oh, my gosh, it was so funny last night - I left this thread open and my older daughter came in to use my computer and check her Facebook account. She read this thread and she got so caught up in it - they were totally on my side of the issue, of course, and every time they read another of my posts they were like, "Yeah, Mom, that was the right thing to say!!"

My older daughter did say, "Mom, I see why you get so worked up on the DIS sometimes - this is great!"


I do love the DIS!