Do you think parents sometimes go overboard with rules?

[5lilfish]

You are not a bad mom for this ..I do the same things to my dd..just the day before yesterday we got into it b/c she wanted to walk up and down the streets ..LOL (we live in a very small town, not one stop light) but still I don't think so...she tried to say that all her friends do and don't know why she can't even their parents said I was being too hard...

I don't want her kidnapped or anything please it happens even in small towns...what is she thinking????
..

How old is your DD? What kind of street are you talking about? You don't have to answer, of course. I was just wondering...

Jess

 

[LuvOrlando]

I think normal parenting = normal kids. If a kid looks around and sees he/she has too many rules compared to friends that kid will eventually recognize it for being about domination and will distrust everything he/she has been taught. If a kid looks around and sees he/she has no-one to answer to while friends do have rules they need to obey he/she may eventually feel he/she is un-cared for and look to others for structure, which can be good or bad depending on where they find it. Neither extreme is healthy and kids intuitively know this.

Overall, I get many of my personal cues from my kids friends parents as long as they sit in a comfortable range for me. I think that if parent looks around and sees his/her way is waaayyy off track with the people around them then that parent should do a reality check because it's been my experience that where there is smoke there is fire.

Some recent examples for me bending with the parents around me: letting my kids get cell phones for texting, letting my DD10 get skinny jeans to go into her boots, letting my DS12 go to SKI/Snowboarding club with his school, letting DS12 go to high school basketball games alone with friends, letting DD10 get her hair razored.

I think it's all about picking battles and since I want to raise 2 self-confident adults I need to give them a little room to make their own mistakes while I'm still close enough to catch them when they fall KWIM. I choose to bend.

 

[cheermom1]

How old is your DD? What kind of street are you talking about? You don't have to answer, of course. I was just wondering...

Jess

No problem I don't mind ..she wants to walk all over our town..we have one major high way that goes through our town that goes to OK. (we live in AR. boarding OK.) ...umm I don't know how to describe it really but to say small town vibe..however we had two teen girls murdered near us a year or so ago and he ran to Ok. ..does that make since...she wants to be able to cross the major high way as well and go to a park...all this by herself...now I have said that she can go for 30 min. at a time IF she is with a group...I want her to check in...now here is where it get funny ..she never seems to have any friends who can go????? uuumm that got me thinking...I told her that if her friends got to go walking why are they never available to go???

 

[5lilfish]

No problem I don't mind ..she wants to walk all over our town..we have one major high way that goes through our town that goes to OK. (we live in AR. boarding OK.) ...umm I don't know how to describe it really but to say small town vibe..however we had two teen girls murdered near us a year or so ago and he ran to Ok. ..does that make since...she wants to be able to cross the major high way as well and go to a park...all this by herself...now I have said that she can go for 30 min. at a time IF she is with a group...I want her to check in...now here is where it get funny ..she never seems to have any friends who can go????? uuumm that got me thinking...I told her that if her friends got to go walking why are they never available to go???

Ok..thanks. I am in line with that. My oldest 3 kids are 12, 11 and 10. I let the oldest, our DS, ride his bike around the block. We're in a subdivision in an extremely safe town. There is no real through traffic and he takes a phone. I let my 2 DD's (the 11 yr old and 10 yr old) go around the block together or with a friend. I will let then ride alone if it's to a specific, close destination (friend's house. They take a cell and call when they get there). The oldest 2 can walk home from school together (or with friends). It's about half a mile...1 intersection to cross (only part that makes me nervous). I wouldn't let them just roam the town. I am considering letting them ride to the playground together (never alone) this summer. The playground is at our elementary school and is about 3/4 of a mile...a straight run down a side street. There is a craft/game station staffed by older teens (or early 20's)...with background checks done by the town. They do not provide supervision but they do allow for drop-offs. While they are not babysitters, they certainly would be there if there was a problem....thus the kids would never be completely alone at the park.

jess

 

[cheermom1]

Ok..thanks. I am in line with that. My oldest 3 kids are 12, 11 and 10. I let the oldest, our DS, ride his bike around the block. We're in a subdivision in an extremely safe town. There is no real through traffic and he takes a phone. I let my 2 DD's (the 11 yr old and 10 yr old) go around the block together or with a friend. I will let then ride alone if it's to a specific, close destination (friend's house. They take a cell and call when they get there). The oldest 2 can walk home from school together (or with friends). It's about half a mile...1 intersection to cross (only part that makes me nervous). I wouldn't let them just roam the town. I am considering letting them ride to the playground together (never alone) this summer. The playground is at our elementary school and is about 3/4 of a mile...a straight run down a side street. There is a craft/game station staffed by older teens (or early 20's)...with background checks done by the town. They do not provide supervision but they do allow for drop-offs. While they are not babysitters, they certainly would be there if there was a problem....thus the kids would never be completely alone at the park.

jess

Both my kids walk to and from school 4 blocks one way...they have bikes but don't like to ride them

I do let them go to the school play ground, the town square and a restaurant that has a pool table together or with friends but they have to check in too...every 30 mins. they have to call me (they have phones) but she don't like having to go places with her bro..(her friends are not available )

so it's not like she doesn't have any freedom, she just thinks she doesn't..

my only requirement is she HAS to be with friends or family...NOT alone...I guess she can't get past that one..

 

[golfgal]

Both my kids walk to and from school 4 blocks one way...they have bikes but don't like to ride them

I do let them go to the school play ground, the town square and a restaurant that has a pool table together or with friends but they have to check in too...every 30 mins. they have to call me (they have phones) but she don't like having to go places with her bro..(her friends are not available )

so it's not like she doesn't have any freedom, she just thinks she doesn't..

my only requirement is she HAS to be with friends or family...NOT alone...I guess she can't get past that one..

Well, that is just common sense. Our kids have a lot of freedom but if they are walking around town, they need to be with someone else. If they are walking a few blocks to a friend's house in our neighborhood that is different but if they want to walk to the store, they need to go with someone else. Well, DS17 can drive by himself to the store and around town .

 

[cheermom1]

Well, that is just common sense. Our kids have a lot of freedom but if they are walking around town, they need to be with someone else. If they are walking a few blocks to a friend's house in our neighborhood that is different but if they want to walk to the store, they need to go with someone else. Well, DS17 can drive by himself to the store and around town .

I tried to give her a car but she wouldn't be caught dead in it..her words is what I say...

I don't know what her deal is...on a side note I just had this happen ..dd wants to go to the school for a basketball game..ok no prob. how are you going to get there I ask..she sd so and so is taking me and bringing me back..now so n so is someone I don't really like for a bunch of reasons but the biggest is that so n so's has a parent that is on the sex offenders list...I tell dd that I am bot comfortable with that at all and offer to take her..dd wants her freedom and go with so n so...what to do???

 

[Mrs. Charming]

Ding, Ding, Ding--we have a winner!!! This is EXACTLY why kids need to start having some freedom early on. As a toddler, do you want the blue shirt or the red shirt but don't let him wear the yellow shirt because he throws a tantrum, to going to movies with friends as a tween to driving a car and being responsible enough to be home when you are supposed to be home.

Rules should be there for a REASON and if you don't have a good reason--and because I read it in a book that we should be doing this is NOT a good reason--then there shouldn't be a rule.

It is like all the cell phone rules people have--WHY? Why not let them figure out what a reasonable amount of use is? Of course someone that gets a new phone is going to use it ALL THE TIME for a week or so, then it gets old and they move on and settle into a good pattern that works for them.

Our kids have quite a bit of freedom but they also don't have an issue when we ask them not to do something-like text at the dinner table or when they are visiting with Grandma and Grandpa since they don't see them very often. It isn't a big deal to them then.

My sister's kids are not allowed to go downstairs in the morning before she or her DH get up and go down--why, I have NO idea. It is a foolish rule just to have a rule. Her kids are in 8th, 5th and 2nd grade. Oh, and they are not allowed to pick out their own clothes each day either-mom has to approve everything they wear--WHY so she doesn't look bad in front of her friends??

I think some people think the more rules they have the better parents they are and it is probably the opposite (to a point). Having reasonable rules makes you a good parent.

Amen!! I could NOT agree with you more.

 

[golfgal]

I tried to give her a car but she wouldn't be caught dead in it..her words is what I say...

I don't know what her deal is...on a side note I just had this happen ..dd wants to go to the school for a basketball game..ok no prob. how are you going to get there I ask..she sd so and so is taking me and bringing me back..now so n so is someone I don't really like for a bunch of reasons but the biggest is that so n so's has a parent that is on the sex offenders list...I tell dd that I am bot comfortable with that at all and offer to take her..dd wants her freedom and go with so n so...what to do???

I would show her the parent on the sex offender list and ask her if that is a good idea.

 

[cheermom1]

I would show her the parent on the sex offender list and ask her if that is a good idea.

she already knows...I didn't let her go ..she called another friend and they went..