Do you think men and women can be "just friends"? Update: Page 7

[SC Minnie]

Listen to you intuition. Something is up here.

'Men and women can't be friends-- sex always gets in the way. '

 

[helenabear]

Yes they can... I've had more than my share in my life and there was never an underlying or unspoken thing on either side. Not all men want to jump all women and vice versa. Since my DH came along, I have not wanted another man in that way... ever!

However, I'd be a bit concerned about that one. My DH was friends with a girl and red flags went up for me. He blunt out asked her after I made a few commnets about why does she do certain things... and I was right. She wanted him to be smore than friends... knowing full well he was married

So, I might gently bring it up. I wasn't acusatory of my husband and he listened. He's no longer friends with her.

 

[NCDisneyMom]

I do believe that men and women can be friends. I have one male friend that I do go hang out with (sometimes in groups, sometimes alone). I've been married for 9 years, and my dh is fine with it. Of course, he always knows where I am when I am with him...there are no secrets. I think it helps, too, that my friend is gay...dh knows nothing is going to happen there!

But, we are very good friends with another couple. Sometimes I will hang out with the husband, and sometimes dh will hang out with the wife. But again, it's all about honesty...we know where the other one is, who they are with, and we trust each other. It helps that we trust our friends, too.

So, while I do believe men and women can be just friends, I don't get that feeling at all in regards to your bf. It definitely seems like there's more going on there, especially with the attitude change, and the lying about where he's going. Good luck to you!!!

 

[BeNJeNWaFFLe]

I believe men and women can be just friends. My best friend (other than DBF) is a guy. And there are definitely no underlying feelings there. DBF and him are actually friends.

Unfortunaly, the situation you described does not sound like they are just friends. It sounds like they are dating. The fact that BF has changed his attitude and lies, makes me believe there is more going on than what he wants you to believe. I'm sorry you have to go through this. to you. Talk with him, don't accuse him, and hopefully everything will work out for the best.

 

[snowball22]

Listen to your heart!!! This discussion is not about men being friends with women. This discussion is about your boyfriend cheating on you. Your young and smart. Dump this guy before he destroys your heart completely. You deserve better. Your heart already knows the truth. Good luck!!

 

[Disney Doll]

Yes, I do believe a man and a a woman can be just friends. I also believe that in cases where one or the other or both of them are in a relationship, or married, that being friends has a certain amount of responsibility attached to it. By that I mean, each person involved in the friendship has to have respect for the other relationships that are also involved/impacted by their friendship.

I have men whom I consider friends. They are wonderful guys, I would do my utmost to help them if they needed it, when we are together, we have lots of fun, we have shared some sorrows(deaths of parents) and joys (births of children). They are like family members, in many ways. Most of them are friends with my DH too, some were his friends first, some were my friends first. But the bottom line is that people who are involved in committed relationships know where the line is as far as friend vs. "more" behavior is, and they don't cross it. I would not "secretly" meet these men, I would not "secretly" call them, I would not "secretly" do anything that I felt might undermine their relationship with their spouse/GF. And they would behave the same.

Your BF & this woman have crossed the line of appropriate behavior. She is married and he is in a long-term relationship. You are both young, you have been tied to each other for quite some time. Perhaps he is wondering what he's been "missing"? I am not impressed with his pursuit of a married woman, just as I am not impressed with her allowing the pursuit. Of course he's snapping at you...you're not her, she's new, different, exciting...the unknown. He's conflicted about his feelings, so he's taking it out on you.

My advice would be to have a heart to heart talk, and let him go. Both he and you need to experience other relationships at this point. If your relationship is meant to be, it will be. I know that sounds cliche, but I have seen it happen enough in my 43 years to know it to be true.

I wish you the best, and strength to do what needs to be done.

 

[gharrer]

In Harry Met Sally, Billy Crystal says men and women really can't be friends because the sex part gets in the way. I think he is probably right most of the time. Beware

 

[Keggy]

I think that there are women and men out there that can be just friends - not all of them...

It sounds to me like your boyfriend is cheating on you. He is having a relationship with this woman. You need to speak with him soon...

Good Luck

kelly

 

[Danauk]

Like many others here I believe men and women can just be friends, but I agree that your situation does seem suspicious. You are right to bring this up with your bf and find out exactly what is going on.

My DH and I are best friend with another couple, we see one another every week, go on holiday together every year etc. Sometimes my male best friend and I go out for the day together or out for a meal (we work in education and work for the same education authority so often have days off when our partners do not.) Equally our partners might do this also.
I guess we are comfortuble about our friendships as we trust one another with out question. In fact my best friend refers to me as wife number 2 (or the other wife without the fun bits!) and my DH calls my female best friend the same thing. They both say that if their wife isn't around to nag them about something then the 2nd wife is!

 

[chell]

Yes I do believe men and women can be "just friends" BUT that depends on the people involved. I do not believe it is true for all men and women.

In your case I agree with you that something more is going on. Sorry that you have to deal with this right now, especially since you must have so much going on at school finishing up your last year. It will not be easy but you do need to talk to him and don't let him squirm his way out either.

Remember that we are all here for you and to support you through this if your speculations are correct. We will let you vent and everything else. Take care and make sure it doesn't have a negative effect on your school work.

 

[LightBurnsBlue]

In Harry Met Sally, Billy Crystal says men and women really can't be friends because the sex part gets in the way. I think he is probably right most of the time. Beware

I told him the exact same thing yesterday! He laughed it off and said I was being silly.

I would have no problem if he was hanging out with another guy from work, or if he was hanging out with group of people from work, but I just can't see why two people, both in long-term relationships, are so interested in spending so much time together if one of them is not interested in the other. I am guessing that it is this woman, rather than my BF, that has the most interest because she has been the one buying things, initiating activities, and calling him (at least I think--at this point I'm not quite sure what to believe).

I have met this woman several times, and she has been nice to me. Yet, in light of the fact that is appears she has little regard for her husband or marriage (would you let your significant other go on weekend trips to stay with online friends of the opposite sex? perhaps she is not even telling her husband the truth about these trips?), I do not trust this woman.

When I talk to my BF, I am going to ask him how he would feel if I was suddenly spending a lot of time with an older, married man that always bought me lunches and coffee, and took me to a movie and dancing. It will be interesting to see his reaction to that...

 

[Feralpeg]

I absolutely believe men and women can be just friends, but that doesn't sound like the intent of your BF and his friend. Sorry.

 

[dis ms.]

I'm sorry to say this, but it sounds like your boyfriend got himself a new girlfriend...he just didn't bother to break things off with you before he did.

I do think that men and women can be friends. I have had several close guy friends. The problem is when and if someone starts to develop feelings. Both parties need to decide at that point what type of relationship they will have from that point: continue as friends, get involved, or dissolve the friendship so as not to cause problems with any existing relationships.

However innocent this may have started out, your boyfriend already seems to have one foot out the door. If I were you, I'd shove him the rest of the way out.

Good luck with this situation!

 

[FreshTressa]

HUGE issue in my relationship..

Most of my interests are male oriented and I meet lots of men doing them.

I know it is not appropriate, and I try to keep up barriers, but it is hard when I have so few femal friends and click so well with men.

 

[Sparx]

Based on what you described, it sounds like they are dating, not just "friends" hanging out. Whatever happens, listen to your inner voice.

ITA.

I am "just friends" with many guys. No romantic feelings and we hang out alot. But this isn't hanging out this is dating.

 

[RadioNate]

I absolutely believe men and women can be just friends, in fact my 2 best friends are males. Both are married and their wives and my DH are all cool with the situation.

I also will call and hang out with some other male friends, of course these are all guys who my DH is also friends with and I'm friends with their wives. One's wife works wih my DH so we often will call each other and ride together to games and sit with eachother. I emailed another male friend today about attending his Superbowl party even though my DH can't attend.

However in your situation the behavior change is a HUGE tip off. It also sounds like they are dating. While it is different with my 2 best make friends, I've known one 23 years and the other 18 years, I wouldn't go to a movie and dancing and purposely exclude my DH.

 

[DVC Jen]

Do I think men and women can be just friends? Yes.

Do I think your BF and this woman are just friends? No.

Sorry.

 

[GoofieRuthie]

I used to think they could but not now.......

 

[manchurianbrownbear]

I think men and women staying just friends is pretty difficult. There are women that I work with that I consider friends, but I wouldn’t go out with any of them unless it was as part of a group.

Several years ago, I started running over the lunch hour with a women I worked with at the time. I don’t believe this would have become anything “serious”, but DW was not comfortable with it. That was all I needed to hear. I don’t want DW to ever feel like she has “competition”. Hopefully your BF will feel the same way!

 

[Terri C]

I do think men and women can be friends. But I would trust your instincts with your BF and his "friend".

Terri