Do You Think It's Incredibly Rude To Bring Uninvited Siblings To Bday Parties?

[Mskanga]

I never ask , simply I take the sibling with me and pay her way separate. My kids know very clear that if it's a common friend and they are both invited fine, but if it's a classmate and only one is invited, the other one will stay home with dad and if dad is not around , she will come with me but be totally separate from the party. They can play together if it's a place like Chuck E Cheese , but the food part is paid by me and no goodie bag is expected .

 

[sha_lyn]

Sorry, Sha-Lyn, I was with you up until the present thing.

Infact, we always put on the invitation "Gifts not expected, but if you choose to buy ***** something, please keep it under $5". I know what it is like to be invited to 15+ kid's parties a year. I don't want parents going broke over a birthday party. We have received some cute Dollar Store gifts. Some mom's spend more than $5, but really, my children have NO idea.

I understand what you are saying, and normally the price wouldn't bother me. It was the fact that they both showed up with younger siblings (both of them girls and DS had requested a boys only party), left without asking and seemed to put more thought into what they were going to do while I was watching their kids, than they did into buying presents. Also we were very tight on $$ that yr and DS had a choice, a party or a present from us. He picked the party. .

I always spend $15-20 per gift per child. If both of my kids are invited to a party we either buiy one expensive gift, or 2 less expensive ones. I've never been invited to a child's party where girfts were not expected.

 

[magicfan]

I know two people who won't let any one of their kids do anything with someone else unless all the siblings are invited. One has 4 kids, one has 3. Unfortunately, I have declined to invite those two families on a couple occasions just because of that reason. One of the mothers never comes, and her kids are a real handful, to say the least, and I don't feel like babysitting them. For example, at one party at our house, two of the siblings were outside tearing up my backyard (all the toys, sandbox, etc... on our porch and yard) while the party was going on inside the house. They refused to participate in the party fun ( had kareoke and a magician). The other person I know who is like this, she just doesn't know how to say no because she doesn't want any of her kids to feel "left out". I feel that each child deserves to have their own friends, fun, etc... which doesn't always include all their siblings. That's how life is, and if we don't teach them that now, they will be in for a rude awakening when they grow up.

When I have had a party at a big public place and the invited guests were too young to be dropped off, the parents I know would bring the younger sibling (but it was usually a baby or toddler) and sit at another table. They didn't expect anything out of me. I always buy extra food for the parents and surprise guests, though.

 

[clutter]

Here's my story... it wasn't the sibs/unexpected guests at our party that affected us: Sunday, my dd had her party at a lasertag place. We'd reserved for 21 kids, but fortunately only 15 showed. I say fortunately because the OTHER party at our time ended up with way more than they'd reserved for. (Of course, it could have been just plain inconsideration, not siblings...) The first time we played laser tag, one girl couldn't play because there wasn't enough equipment; one of the too many kids from the other party had taken hers. Fortunately, she decided she didn't want to play. Then the equipment for another girl broke, there were no replacements. Fortunately, she decided not to play, too. Had they wanted to play, they could not have because of this other party. Ontop of that, they ended up being short staffed because there were so many people at this other party. Grrrrr.

My dd enjoyed the party, but I didn't, nor did the mother of the poor girl that didn't want to play. (Who fortunately stuck around and was a wonderful help, since they were short staffed.)

 

[Chicago526]

No kids of my own, but here's my two cents!

I would never just "show up" with siblings in tow. I would expect parents of the kids my child invited to show the same curtesey. If the parents truely needed to bring the siblings, then I would expect a call from the parents to ask first, and I would do the same (although I'd try my darndest not to need to bring additional kids).

To bring extra kids without checking with the host first, to me, is the height of rude.

Of course, as several posters here stated, in their circle of friends, this is common practice. If it's an understood "rule" within the group, that's differant. But it doesn't sound like that was the case for the OP and many other posters here.

 

[tw1nsmom]

I would never bring a sibling uninvited to a party, and my children are twins! I did get upset at my son not being invited to one party though. DD was invited to a little girl's party at her preschool (DD&DS were in the same class...it was supposed to integrated). I assumed that the birthday girl only invited the little girls in her class, or just a few close friends. I was fine with DS not being invited in that case. However, when we got to the party we realized that the mother had invited all the children in the class except for those who were integrated with special needs. There may have been issues with the preschool not giving my son and his friends names out with the class list, but this mother knew very well that the class was integrated and that DS was in it. I didn't say anything, but left as soon as I could.

 

[blowinbubbles]

Wow. . . I had no idea that I was such a rude person!

I have brought my younger son to parties that my older son was invited to. However, I always paid when necessary and kept my younger son entertained. When the kids were younger, I didn't have to luxury of my h being around or willing to watch one of my kids, nor did I have access to funds to pay for a sitter.

I guess I looked at it from the way I felt about this situation. If my son invited some friends to his party, and if they couldn't come because their mom didn't have a sitter, then I would rather have both kids come as opposed to none, for my son's sake!

And the funny thing is, I'm the queen of worrying about appearing rude, and lookie I've been doing it all this time!

 

[ladycollector]

Yes I think it's rude to bring uninvited sibling to Bday parties. I would never do that unless I called the hostess/host and let them know, plus pay for the child's expenses.

 

[cgcw]

I think it's rude and inconsiderate of the siblings family to bring them along. I've been on the receiving end of including the siblings and it gets old after a while.

We had one party where a family brought along 3 siblings. At $12 a kid, that was an extra $36 just for those siblings to be included. And, then the parents stayed and "joined" us for pizza. A cheap evening out --- for them!!

I have taken my older DS to a party and then paid separately for my other DS. Then while my older DS attends the party, younger DS and I have fun playing and eating by ourselves.

 

[LadyFleur]

We had one party where a family brought along 3 siblings. At $12 a kid, that was an extra $36 just for those siblings to be included. And, then the parents stayed and "joined" us for pizza. A cheap evening out --- for them!!

attends the party, younger DS and I have fun playing and eating by ourselves.

I don't understand why , as the hostess, you felt the need to pay for the Party-crashers(??) I never did.

 

[buddy&wooz]

For my son's 7th birthday we invited his class and a few friends. One of his classmates (girl) has a twin brother, and the mom called and asked if the invite was for both of them, since the brother had been in my son's class the year before. Normally I wouldn't care so much, but her son had left two boys off his birthday party list last year... including my son! But I told her even though the invite was just for her daughter, her son was welcome to come.

Another dad just brought his daughter's older brother along. At first he stayed here with them (it was at my house) but when he realized all the other parents had left (different rant- they stay if it's at a place like a bowling alley but run as fast as they can if it's at a home!) he left both kids here - never said a word about the brother to me. Luckily I had extra goody bags (in case one of the ten kids who didn't RSVP showed up.)

So I spent a good portion of the party dealing with squabbling siblings .

I understand having to bring siblings along, but to expect them to be paid for, watched & entertained- that's rude.

 

[va32h]

I am surprised at the number of parents that stay with their child at the party. At what age (if any) would you be willing to leave your child at the party without you?

Is it a safety concern or do you just not want to have to drive all the way back to pick them up, or what?

I must admit, in our neighborhood, parents do not stay with their kids at parties, nor are they expected to. That's why the "no babysitter" reason for bringing siblings doesn't make much sense here.

We usually have 8 -10 guests at a party, and I feel quite comfortable managing a group of children that size. I've never had a parent feel compelled to stay at the party with me, although a couple have volunteered to do so.

 

[magicmouse2]

I wouldnt take a sibling. My youngest DD was invited to a party last year and her sister was debvastated that she couldnt go too.

 

[totalia]

I don't see why its such a big deal. Its a childrens birthday party. Its supposed to be fun with alot of people, invited or not.

 

[hentob]

I don't see why its such a big deal. Its a childrens birthday party. Its supposed to be fun with alot of people, invited or not.

I didn't know that.

 

[totalia]

You didn't have to be rude. I was asked what I thought and I said it.

Its assumed that if your going to invite kids, then all of them are invited where I'm from.

 

[cruisnfamily]

You didn't have to be rude. I was asked what I thought and I said it.

Its assumed that if your going to invite kids, then all of them are invited where I'm from.

Where are you from?

 

[Sandy V.]

Its supposed to be fun with alot of people, invited or not.

Invited or not? Maybe it ISN'T supposed to be a lot of people - maybe a SMALL party is the plan in the first place.

Most out-of-home birthday party places charge a "per head" rate. When you budget for a party, it can get tremendously expensive to add the "or not"'s.

Sure, it sounds all warm and fuzzy to have lots of kids around to celebrate Junior's birthday, but I don't know too many parents who can afford to add additional guests infinitum without feeling the financial pinch!

It's a glaring lack of respect for the birthday child and his/her family when others add additional guests without asking first or offering to pay.

 

[disneymom3]

Wow. . . I had no idea that I was such a rude person!

I have brought my younger son to parties that my older son was invited to. However, I always paid when necessary and kept my younger son entertained. When the kids were younger, I didn't have to luxury of my h being around or willing to watch one of my kids, nor did I have access to funds to pay for a sitter

But you are not being rude. What I think everyone is saying here is that the people who make them mad are the ones who either drop off a sibling or expect the host to pay for the siblings. You are not doing either of those so in a public type place that is certainly nothing to worry about.

I agree with the idea of extra children just randomly showing up and expecting to participate fully in the party being a totally awful situation. If I were asked and the party were at my house, I would say yes, but if it were out somewhere at a per child cost type place I would say they were not included in the count and could not attend the party.

The more the merrier is NOT always the case!

And don't get me started on people who don't RSVP and show up or those who say they are coming and then never show up!

 

[sha_lyn]

We had one party where a family brought along 3 siblings. At $12 a kid, that was an extra $36 just for those siblings to be included. And, then the parents stayed and "joined" us for pizza. A cheap evening out --- for them!!

In Dec the kids were invited to a bowling party for the son of very close friends of ours. We stayed and helped keep one of the lanes going. The party included pizza (1 piece per kid) or hotdogs for the kids. The grandfather offered to buy food for all of the adults. Several declided (including us but he followed DH to the counter and insisted on paying). Anyway when the kid's pizza came, the mother and father of one of the guest took 1/2 of the pizza. Luckily a couple of the kids couldn't or wouldn't eat what was offered and I had suggested to the hostess that she go ahead and order meals for those kids (since she was paying the same price per head for each kid) . Most of the kids that ordered pizza ended up with the extra hotdogs that were ordered.