Do You Think It's Incredibly Rude To Bring Uninvited Siblings To Bday Parties?

[sha_lyn]

The yr DS turned 8 he had his party at a skating rink. I was 6 months PG with DD. Not only did I have 2 moms bring the younger sisters of 2 of the guest, but the moms left the the property without telling me. The boys were 2nd grade class mates of DS I had never met, so I had no idea if they had siblings or not. So there I was in charge of a 4 and 5 yr old that I did not know, and couldn't let them on the rink by themselves, and I could not go out there PG. Oh boy was I furious. Of course both these moms spent about 5 per gift for DS while it cost me $10 a kid for the party, and they each brought an uninvited kid.

 

[Rasta_Chik]

that is extremely rude! i have a sis and we respect eachother and understand we have our own friends, own plans and own parties to go to i would never do sumthing like that!

 

[Pugdog007]

Of course it's rude. And those that do it know it's rude too.

 

[ksjayhawks]

I guess I don't understand bringing the siblings to the parties either. I can understand having to bring them along to drop a child off/pick a child up, but why would they stay at the party? Could you not take them back home, to the park, to the mall, etc?

When my kids were having and going to parties, parents didn't stay. They dropped kids off, then picked them back up.

If a parent comes with siblings, the hosts should not pay for that child or worry about giving goodie bags to them. The party is for the birthday child and invited guests.

I guess I just don't understand this trend of taking kids everywhere and expecting that they will be welcomed with no questions asked.

 

[hentob]

The yr DS turned 8 he had his party at a skating rink. I was 6 months PG with DD. Not only did I have 2 moms bring the younger sisters of 2 of the guest, but the moms left the the property without telling me. The boys were 2nd grade class mates of DS I had never met, so I had no idea if they had siblings or not. So there I was in charge of a 4 and 5 yr old that I did not know, and couldn't let them on the rink by themselves, and I could not go out there PG. Oh boy was I furious. Of course both these moms spent about 5 per gift for DS while it cost me $10 a kid for the party, and they each brought an uninvited kid.

Sorry, Sha-Lyn, I was with you up until the present thing.

Infact, we always put on the invitation "Gifts not expected, but if you choose to buy ***** something, please keep it under $5". I know what it is like to be invited to 15+ kid's parties a year. I don't want parents going broke over a birthday party. We have received some cute Dollar Store gifts. Some mom's spend more than $5, but really, my children have NO idea.

They were VERY wrong to bring the additional guests and then leave the party, though. Very wrong.

 

[Talking Hands]

Where I live it is pretty much expected if it is a house party. invitations are given to families and not just to an individual child. Surprised me the first time my oldest was invited to a party. I had just finished doing a party (I was a clown/storyteller at the time) and was still in my storyteller costume when I went to drop her off at the party only to find that the entire family was expected to stay.
For a party held outside the home it would depend on whether it was a hall or an actual venue. Most of the time if the family has rented a hall they invite families. For Chuckie Cheese, Dandy Bear, and other party places it is just the kid unless specifically stated.

 

[summerrluvv]

Sorry, Sha-Lyn, I was with you up until the present thing.

Infact, we always put on the invitation "Gifts not expected, but if you choose to buy ***** something, please keep it under $5". I know what it is like to be invited to 15+ kid's parties a year. I don't want parents going broke over a birthday party. We have received some cute Dollar Store gifts. Some mom's spend more than $5, but really, my children have NO idea.

They were VERY wrong to bring the additional guests and then leave the party, though. Very wrong.

One of these years I want to do the book bday party where everyone brings a book and it gets donated to a children's hospital. DS got SOOOO many gifts at his last party. Some of them are still in the packaging.

 

[disney4us2002]

Grrr, party etiquette. I think it's incredibly rude to bring uninvited sibs, or to not RSVP and show up or RSVP and then not show up. My kids are not really into parties anymore and I can't say I'll miss them. Now they prefer to have 2 or 3 favorite friends come over and spend the night.

 

[hentob]

I have hosted several birthday parties and never expect the guests' parents to stay with them. If a child can go to school for a few hours, without their parents' presence, why can't they stay at a party for a few hours without them? .

Well, at school, they are with a teacher who has had many years of college and hands on training on how to handle 20+ children at a time Most parents do not. So, I think staying with your child until he is at least 5 is almost expected by the hostess. At least around here it is.

Most of our birthday parties around here are held at a bowling alley (I bring a magazine and sit with my diet Coke in a booth, watching DS6 from afar), a McD's (I go into the resaurant section and drink (yep) my diet Coke, seeing if all is going well), or at the birthday child's house. There, I stay in the kitchen and do dishes, fill drinks, etc. The hostess is always very happy for that.

Next year it seems like the trend will be smaller parties. No more inviting the entire class. So, I would think the size of he party, plus the one year maturity rate, will cut down on parents attending.

 

[maci]

Well as far as the bringing a kid and dropping them, I think that is fine, in some cases. But not all, there are certain times that additional parental supervision is needed and appreciated by those throwing the party.

I know my son had a swimming party, I dont want to be responsible for 20 kids in a pool, or for that matter, I dont feel safe dropping my kid at build a bear in a busy mall, and expecting someone else to watch my child plus 10 -20 kids without help either.

I guess I am just crazy...b/c I seem to be in the miniority on this thread.

 

[va32h]

Well, at school, they are with a teacher who has had many years of college and hands on training on how to handle 20+ children at a time Most parents do not. So, I think staying with your child until he is at least 5 is almost expected by the hostess. At least around here it is.

Twenty children at a birthday party? For a child under 5? Wow. I have never invited more than seven or eight kids to a party. I don't think any of my kids even know 20 children well enough to invite to their party. All three of them combined! Maybe my kids are just antisocial....

I have had some pretty elaborate parties for my oldest daughter. Many times I needed additional adult help - which I provided in the way of aunts, grandparents, etc. I wouldn't even want the guests' parents to help - it would take up more of my time explaining to them what I needed done.

My son is having his 5th birthday party on the 22nd. I planned the party for the middle of the day, on a Friday - and one of the reasons I did so was to make sure older siblings would be in school and unable to attend. But because of the tender ages of the guests, and because a few of his invitees have little siblings, and his invitations will say " Moms, dads, and baby brothers and sisters welcome".

 

[browneyes]

Most of the kids I invite to my kids' bday parties are their relatives. If I don't invite one cousin in the family, I'd get an earful. However, one year my SO's SIL brought her nieces and nephew and was on the phone trying to wrangle up a few more people to invite.

 

[maci]

Yes most of our parties have about 20 kids, 10 or so from school, and some other friends, plus a few cousins.

I wouldn't even want the guests' parents to help

I wouldnt expect the guests to "help" with the party. Just supervise their own children.

 

[DISNEYFANRI]

I also stopped having kids partys a long time ago but just recently had the same conversation with my co-workers.

My opinion is that a "friend" party is just that - a party for your child's friends - should you have family friends where your child is friendly with all the kids then ok to include them in either friend or family party (we always did them seperate - "friend" party at roller rink - etc - family party at home.

Also - in my opinion if you are alone dropping off your child (no siblings) - offer to stay and help - I'm sure most moms would appreciate an extra pair of hands and eyes.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Twenty children at a birthday party? For a child under 5? Wow. I have never invited more than seven or eight kids to a party. I don't think any of my kids even know 20 children well enough to invite to their party. All three of them combined! Maybe my kids are just antisocial....

When my first child was turning 6yo (and I her brothers were 3yo and 3 months) we had her party at our house and invited 17 children, plus the birthday girl, my 3yo and and friend for him. We served pizza and cake and had a well known (for our area, at least at the time) magician. I figured that being a week night, some of the kids wouldn't be able to make it and we'd end up with 10-12 kids. Ha! I must have done too good a job on the invitations! Everyone came! And I knew what time the magician would be performing and made sure that the parents and any siblings and knew they were welcome to come back to watch the show. Those were my younger days! I did learn my lesson about inviting only as many kids as I want to show up. If a lot can't make it more can always be invited, but kids can't be uninvited.

At other parties, I've always been happy to help pour drinks, pass out pizza and cake, etc, etc. I don't wash dishes, but I do what I can to help out.

T&B

 

[hentob]

Twenty children at a birthday party? For a child under 5? Wow. I have never invited more than seven or eight kids to a party. I don't think any of my kids even know 20 children well enough to invite to their party. All three of them combined! Maybe my kids are just antisocial....

If you invite the class (not alowed to pass out invites at school unless you invite everybody), plus some neighborhood friends, you can easily get 20. Five kids per bowling lane, 4 lanes Saw this at the last few bowling parties.

I have had some pretty elaborate parties for my oldest daughter. Many times I needed additional adult help - which I provided in the way of aunts, grandparents, etc. I wouldn't even want the guests' parents to help - it would take up more of my time explaining to them what I needed done.

If there is plenty of help or I don't get the "AGHH--I need help vibe", I just sit tight, pick up a fallen cheese curl or two, wipe up a spill. etc. at a house party. No explaining or detailed instructions needed.

 

[hentob]

However, one year my SO's SIL brought her nieces and nephew and was on the phone trying to wrangle up a few more people to invite.

Ugh! What is the matter with people?

 

[jajuan]

I just had a party for DS3 and three different parents asked if they could bring siblings. It was fine with me...the more the merrier. I did have extra party favors, but I wouldn't have felt bad if I ran out since they were extras kids I didn't plan on. I have 4 children and at times it is hard not to bring them to the parties. I always call and ask...I would even have the child sit out if they would interfere...but I don't want my other "invited" children to miss out. I would also offer to pay if that were the case.

 

[tinatark]

My boys are 19 mos apart, one school year apart... many of their friends are friends with both boys. That's where the line gets blurred - sometimes it's an individual invitation, sometimes *gasp* even if the invitation is for one or the other, I ask the parents if both can come. Of course, I always offer to pay if it's that type of party. One difference for us, though, is our boys are at a small school, have had this same group of friends since k4, so we're friendly enough with the parents that a lot of times it's understood that both will come. Sometimes it's very specific, a sleepover or otherwise limited # of guests type thing.

I always plan for extra kids. I don't mind extra kids. Invited or not, if they come and I don't have a treat bag, etc for them I would feel so bad for them! We usually end up with several treat bags left over - take them to DH's work - they always enjoy them!

 

[Dakota_Lynn]

My 13 year old daughter no longer wants to have birthday parties becuase of friends having to bring siblings with them. She had huge pool parties the years she turned 10, 11, and 12. She invited on average 10-12 kids to each party. I bought supplies for 10-12 kid plus 3 just in case. Oh hell, the plus three didn't even BEIGIN to cover all the rude fools who sent siblings. I would say that only two or three kids managed to get to her party with only themselves. The majority had between 1 and 4 siblings with them. I found that I actually HAD TO CHANGE DIAPERS at my pre-teen daughter's birthday party so her friends could enjoy the party without minding their baby siblings! The last party was the final straw. It rained and I had to bring the party inside. What should have been 12 kids in the house ended up being 25 kids! That is more than TWICE what we invited!

I had made up 15 goodie bags and found that I had to send my partner to the store during the party to get stuff to make another 10. Oh that was tons of fun because the contents of the new goodie bags were different from the contents of the first 15. There was, of course, more stuff in the first 15 because they were PLANNED a month in advance! So I had 10 little kids pitching fits because so and so had more stuff and they didn't have one of those or one of these and WAH! I was so sick of crying, screaming, and whining by the end of that three hours that I wanted to cry myself. Oh, I was so incredibly pissed off. Just thinking about it now makes my blood boil! My daughter's party was ruined because it was not a party, it was a giant daycare center that starred the 12 year olds baby sitting their siblings because I couldn't handle them all myself. I never saw ANY of the parents of these kids. The parents just sent them along with their 12 year old siblings without even asking.

The sad fact is that this doesn't just happen at birthday parties. When some of these kids come over just to play, they have their siblings with them. It seems that a lot of young girls are living like they had children of their own because the parents are too busy to take care of them all. It's just so sad to see their childhood end so early. One of my daughter's best friends wasn't allowed to sleep over unless her THREE younger siblings were also invited becuase she was responsible for baby sitting them until late at night. Unreal. Needless to say, that child doesn't regularly sleep over!

Anyway, my daughter has no desire for parties now. We started a new tradition last year. She picks two close friends and I take them to the water slide park to play all day.