Do you think "I'm going on a diet next week" is a valid excuse?

[Tigger&Belle]

interesting.

lol

 

[glasslipper]

I'd like to post an update and perhaps stop all the wild speculation about what I think, how i feel, what history exists between me and SIl and what it is I'm looking for and anything else I may have missed


First I'll start with: I did call SIL , we had a heart to heart and we both feel much better because there were a lot of unresolved and misunderstood feelings on both sides. We both said things in the heat of the moment that we regretted saying, and we both apologized.


I know I mentioned in an earlier post , that my SILs know my Mom well. We celebrate Holidays together, attend various family functions , go on shopping trips, luncheons, teas, etc., so it's not your typical in-laws situation. My Mom even helped hostess said SIL's dd's hs grad party.

I'll continue, having trouble with the dis logging me out

 

[glasslipper]

I never asked sil for an explanation, she offered that on her own, because whenever she holds parties, she always wants to know why someone can't attend! She does has a habit of missing important family events, not just mine.
I have supported her in her weight loss attempts. Just because I posted here that she attempts fad diets and wastes a lot of money, which is true, doesn't mean I haven't supported her. I know how difficult it is, as I said, I struggled with weight issues my whole life. As a teen and young adult I suffered with easting disorders , and throughout my adulthood with yo yo dieting, fad diets, wasted money, etc. I finally was able to lose the weight by changing my lifestyle: the types of foods I eat, exercise, and realizing it is a total way of thinking, not just a diet.
I finally got it, that all the fad diets don't work long term, because you need to change the way you approach weight loss and maintenance as a forever change, not a quick fix, which is what sil still does. She wants instant results(who doesn't), but it doesn't work that way.


This is annoying, I keep getting bumped off. I guess I am taking too long to post!

 

[Hrhpd]

I never asked sil for an explanation, she offered that on her own, because whenever she holds parties, she always wants to know why someone can't attend! She does has a habit of missing important family events, not just mine.
I have supported her in her weight loss attempts. Just because I posted here that she attempts fad diets and wastes a lot of money, which is true, doesn't mean I haven't supported her. I know how difficult it is, as I said, I struggled with weight issues my whole life. As a teen and young adult I suffered with easting disorders , and throughout my adulthood with yo yo dieting, fad diets, wasted money, etc. I finally was able to lose the weight by changing my lifestyle: the types of foods I eat, exercise, and realizing it is a total way of thinking, not just a diet.
I finally got it, that all the fad diets don't work long term, because you need to change the way you approach weight loss and maintenance as a forever change, not a quick fix, which is what sil still does. She wants instant results(who doesn't), but it doesn't work that way.


This is annoying, I keep getting bumped off. I guess I am taking too long to post!

I don't see how this is an important family event for your SIL. Your mother is no relation to her or her husband. It is an important family event for you, but not for her.

I have read many times just in the recent past how DILs should not feel obligated to attend an Inlaw function without their spouse. And they are actually the DIL.

Your husband's sister has no family obligation to attend your mother's party.

Your taking care of your husband's mother has no bearing on your SIL's decision. This was your husband's mother. You were related to her by marriage. Your SIL has no such connection to your mother, your mother is in no way family to your SIL.

When I read your original post, you said your mother only had you as family and very few friends. I can't help but surmise that you were inviting lots of people so your mom could have a bigger party. That is commendable, but you cannot get mad when somebody can't make it.

I sadly have to agree with the majority of posters here that despite how awful your SIL is the rest of the time, you were the one in the wrong this time. It was extremely rude to question her RSVP and to not let it go with several follow up emails.

 

[glasslipper]

When I originally posted, it was while my emotions were still raw and I was not thinking rationally. I realize my original response to sil came off as being rude, even though that wasn't my intention at all. I was hurt not because SIL said she couldn't attend, but because I felt she was blowing me off by saying she was dieting. I apologized and so did she. We both hurt the others feelings.

I also realize how difficult it is to have self control to resist temptation when dining out. When I began mine, there were bday parties, grad parties etc that I was invited to and attended. If I had once said I couldn't attend, because I was dieting, all my family would have thought I was nuts, sil included.

Contrary to how some of my post sounded, I do love my SIL, we are all more like sisters than in laws. I think because I was upset and hurt, much of what I said just came across the wrong way. Sil is the youngest of 5 siblings, so she has been spoiled and pampered, so she is selfish at times, but, she is also kind and caring. I never meant to make her sound like a one dimensional evil person, there are many aspects to everyone's personality, it's just what I had focused on at that time. I hope that makes sense.

I was never looking for "validation", I was truly hurt over this incident, and actually was stressed , and worried sick the past few days.
As I said we talked at length and she admitted that yes, she was jealous of my success, but she also said she was also proud of me as well. I also made sure she knew I truly wish her well and success in her weight loss efforts and I am more than willing to help in any way I can.

 

[glasslipper]

I don't see how this is an important family event for your SIL. Your mother is no relation to her or her husband. It is an important family event for you, but not for her.

I have read many times just in the recent past how DILs should not feel obligated to attend an Inlaw function without their spouse. And they are actually the DIL.

Your husband's sister has no family obligation to attend your mother's party.

Your taking care of your husband's mother has no bearing on your SIL's decision. This was your husband's mother. You were related to her by marriage. Your SIL has no such connection to your mother, your mother is in no way family to your SIL.

When I read your original post, you said your mother only had you as family and very few friends. I can't help but surmise that you were inviting lots of people so your mom could have a bigger party. That is commendable, but you cannot get mad when somebody can't make it.

I sadly have to agree with the majority of posters here that despite how awful your SIL is the rest of the time, you were the one in the wrong this time. It was extremely rude to question her RSVP and to not let it go with several follow up emails.

All my MOm's own family members are deceased, and so are most of her friends. Myself and my children are her only blood relatives. I wasn't looking to just invite people to increase the guest list and I wasn't asking for anyone to bring a present. I didn't invite lots of people, just myself, my dd and my 3 SIL's. I can't control what you or anyone else thinks, or likes to think, or the storyline you'd like to spin. I'm sorry you picked the parts you liked and made them into what you think the situation is.

 

[Buckalew11]

I'm glad to see you all have talked things through and have a better understanding of everything.

I have a DSIL who I love dearly but she can drive me nuts too. I know I drive her nuts too, lol. She's been my SIL for 25 years.

Although my mom knows her well and we do Christmas together, Thanksgiving together (sometimes), parties for DD etc. together, I would not think she should feel any type of obligation to attend a party for my mom.
I really think it was an over reaction. It was a strange excuse but I'm sure if it was valid to her it was because she felt like she could not resist the temptations that would come with a party/dinner.

I'd move on and support her along the way and maybe share a favorite recipe (lowfat, low carb, whatever) along the way or a card of support.

I hope your mom's celebration is nice and that your SIL can reach her goals.

 

[glasslipper]

I'm glad to see you all have talked things through and have a better understanding of everything.

I have a DSIL who I love dearly but she can drive me nuts too. I know I drive her nuts too, lol. She's been my SIL for 25 years.

Although my mom knows her well and we do Christmas together, Thanksgiving together (sometimes), parties for DD etc. together, I would not think she should feel any type of obligation to attend a party for my mom.
I really think it was an over reaction. It was a strange excuse but I'm sure if it was valid to her it was because she felt like she could not resist the temptations that would come with a party/dinner.

I'd move on and support her along the way and maybe share a favorite recipe (lowfat, low carb, whatever) along the way or a card of support.

I hope your mom's celebration is nice and that your SIL can reach her goals.

Yes, it was an over reaction. Like I said , when I first posted, my emotions were in overdrive. I wasn't thinking clearly. There were also many underlying issues that had occurred previously between us that helped fuel the flames. We are both making extra effort to support each other. I appreciate your sentiments, thank you.

 

[Swan4Me]

I'm glad to see you all have talked things through and have a better understanding of everything.

I have a DSIL who I love dearly but she can drive me nuts too. I know I drive her nuts too, lol. She's been my SIL for 25 years.

Although my mom knows her well and we do Christmas together, Thanksgiving together (sometimes), parties for DD etc. together, I would not think she should feel any type of obligation to attend a party for my mom.
I really think it was an over reaction. It was a strange excuse but I'm sure if it was valid to her it was because she felt like she could not resist the temptations that would come with a party/dinner.

I'd move on and support her along the way and maybe share a favorite recipe (lowfat, low carb, whatever) along the way or a card of support.

I hope your mom's celebration is nice and that your SIL can reach her goals.

Agree completely-I had this sort of relationship with My Sil's mother & would not feel obligated to attend her Birthday celebration

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Yes, it was an over reaction. Like I said , when I first posted, my emotions were in overdrive. I wasn't thinking clearly. There were also many underlying issues that had occurred previously between us that helped fuel the flames. We are both making extra effort to support each other. I appreciate your sentiments, thank you.

 

[sparklynails23]

No, the OP was looking for validation. Many people said it was a good enough reason. Some people will do a lot of things including going to a non-blood members party. Oh and thanks for telling me the OP wasn't looking for healing. Good thing you are privy to what she is looking for. Interesting.

You're welcome.