Do you think grandparents are financially obligated to support your children?

[bumbershoot]

Do you or anyone you know think it is expected of grandparents to pay for the grandchildren's clothing, daycare, extracurricular activities, etc simply because the grandparents no longer have these expenses of their own?

Sure, why not?

Alas, the grands don't feel the same way.





(totally kidding, don't expect anyone to pay anything for DS and have never even brought it up with the existing grands)

 

[bumbershoot]

I will be the lone dissenter who says that yes, Grandparents are obligated to help in some way.

I don't understand this mentality of "Our little nuclear family is an island. We don't need anything from anyone. And when our youngest turns 18, that's the end of our responsibilities.".

Raising the next generation is hard and effects multiple generations. Grandparents are not just kindly observers from afar... they could be an integral part of the support structure that will benefit their children and grandchildren.

Love is more than a feeling. It's an action and it doesn't have term limits.

The problem with this feeling that being on your own is bad, etc is...what happens if all the grands go away?

I joked in my last post, but really, the one grandparent my son would have had who would have probably moved here to be around my son, who would have moved heaven and earth to help us with all sorts of things...died. Before I even met DH.

What do I have left? Crazy father who promised a visit last summer (never showed up), bizarre MIL. FIL was generous and kind, but he stole from his own wife to have the money to be generous, and then he died.

We're not on our own by choice. My MIL watched our son once...she had some random visitor come by who freaked out DS. He won't stay with her again, though he loves visiting her, b/c he's weirded out by the person that came by. We've watched MIL hit her beloved granddaughters, and that's with us around...because of that, DS was 4 when we left him with her, so we would know if she had hit him (and would have ended any relationship with her if she had, which she knows). My father, who knows what he would teach DS? He was a weird parent to all 5 of his kids, and when we visited them when DS was 3, he used the most vile words about his wife, in front of DS, until I made him shush. etc etc.

If I had expected or planned to rely on family for help...I would have been sorely disappointed. I did have wonderful expectations of my mom as a grandma...


But then we've been surprised from the most unlikely people...my blissfully childfree brother and sister in law! They won't watch DS until he's 10 or so, but they've been lovely and generous gift-giving people towards him. And are always up for us to visit them. I would NEVER have expected that! SIL has told us that she plans to pay for DS's college education (and her sister's daughter's as well), even. Astonishing.

 

[Minnie]

Obligated - No

Some of us are just very very fortunate While I have a great job now it definitely wasn't always the case. It can take a while to turn the lemons life gives you into lemonade During the lemon time in my life my parents were unbelievably helpful in so many ways. I wouldn't be where I am without what my parents did for me. I'll never forget who was there when I needed them the most

 

[C.Ann]

Obligation? Absolutely not.. If one wants to, I see no problem with that.. I often pay for things for my DGD and DD's IL's pay for quite a bit of DGD's things.. It's never been "expected" though and the world wouldn't come to an end if it all stopped tomorrow..

 

[sunnyday123]

Heck no! My dad is actually our nanny and I pay him.

However, my brother and his wife do expect both sets of parents to help them support their lifestyle. It really annoys me.

Is your brother my brother?? Mine lives with my Father, and pays no bills, buys no food, and doesn't help out around the house. At. All. You should see the 42 in flat screen hanging in his room though.

He has actually said to me that our parents should pay for stuff, he has 3 kids and no money. I am embarrassed to be realted to him sometimes. ( Most of the time really )