Do you think grandparents are financially obligated to support your children?

[HM]

I only know of one family that expects the grandparents to help them with their kids. The grandparents pay for their private school and their club dues. Not sure if there are other things they help with. I was flabbergasted when I found this out.

Now, I am even more flabbergasted that anyone would think that it 'an obligation' for the grandparents to pay for anything. They did their child rearing. The parents are responsible for all aspects of bringing up their kids financially.

 

[DMickey28]

I don't believe a Grandparent that doesn't provoide toys and ice cream to their grandkids is crappy. I think that the fact that my father drives 4 hours at least once a week to see my kids, and that he is here for every concert, sporting event to show his support, and holiday or day off from school to spend time with the kids is way more important than him bringing toys and ice cream when he came. He does not buy any toys for my kids, never has, not even for Christmas or birthdays. He is a great grandfather and my kids love him and know they are lucky to have him. They know he loves them and they don't need him to give a toy to show/prove it.

See, that's support and love to me. My mom watches DS for us when we need/want to go away for a weekend. She feeds him very well, is very aware of feeding him healthy food. She brings him PJ's or a teddy bear, she made him his baby blanket. She just plays on the floor with him for hours doing whatever he wants. She tries to talk to him on the phone (he's only 2.5). She shows her love in very caring, thoughtful ways.

My MIL brings him chocolate, lets him eat it before bed, bought a used/expired/too small carseat so that she can take him in her car to her work to show him off, buys him all the latest toys that he wants and will take him outside to sled WHEN she goes outside to smoke. I have always felt that she sees him as a brag tool for her friends and someone to spoil but that the LOVE doesn't run deep ... I feel like my mom really cares for his well-being ...

This could also be that since we now living within an hour of her, my MIL drives me nuts sometimes. I always thought we got along great but then I realized it was because we always lived 1500+ miles away!!!

 

[FireDancer]

The only person obligated to support a child are the parents or legal guardian. Other people may chose to help but the key word there is choice. No one, including the tax payer, should be paying the expense of your children other than you.

 

[beavismom]

I think it depends on the situation. If the grandparent insists that little Joe or Susie is in a certain activity or private school then they can pay for it. Otherwise, it is all up to the parent.

This kind of thing actually caused a huge rift in my family. I have a niece from a half brother who is just a couple of years younger than me. When she was preparing to go to college she wrote a letter to my parents asking how much money she could count on them for. My parents couldn't even pay for my college and the guilt over that was still very fresh so this letter really had a negative impact on them. It was pretty much the end of the relationship with that part of the family.

 

[Kae]

I am lucky because both sets of grandparents are very involued in our kids life's. Do they pay for they things not really. But the funny thing is when they publish book rental fee for the school in the paper DH's dad sends me a check for the amount, I have never asked he just does. Which is very nice.

Kae

 

[MIGrandma]

Wow, there are actually people out there who think their parents should help pay for the expenses of their children? I can't even imagine!!

DH and I did not even think about his or my parents helping with the expenses to raise our two children. We raised them on our own, and we expect our children to raise theirs that way too.

Now I'm not saying we wouldn't help out in case of an emergency, like if they lost their home to a fire we would buy clothes and toys for the kids, or if they lost their jobs and had very little income we would help with groceries, etc. until they got back on their feet. But to pay for day-to-day things just because we are "expected" to do so? Nope.

When our DS was newly divorced I did buy his two children some school clothes, but it was my idea and my choice to do so. He was appreciative, but he never expected me to do that.

 

[Mad4Mickey]

Do you or anyone you know think it is expected of grandparents to pay for the grandchildren's clothing, daycare, extracurricular activities, etc simply because the grandparents no longer have these expenses of their own?

I never even considered this an obligation until recently when it was brought to my attention. I have met quite a few people who have made angry comments about their parents because, "The kids are so expensive and mom and dad refuse to pay for anything". How many people really think this way?

We do buy my Granddaughter a ton of her clothes because I WANT to not because my DD and her DH expect it . They buy her lots of clothes but I am hooked on Gymboree and that is just not in thier budget : ) We do pay for alot of extras for the baby like Baby Gym class ect. BUT if they expected it uhhhh NO it would not be happening. It is that sense of entitlement that dives me nuts.
We did get them started in a house but it took almost 2 years of me begging them to let me give them the house before they even thought about it. They are both so grateful about everything we do for them .

My DD In Laws also buy tons for the baby and we all take our turn babysitting the baby so she does not have to be in a day care center. We all have our nights where we are allowed to pick her up and have her till bedtime. It is all very scheduled because we would be on top of one another trying to take our turns LOL

 

[NYPDwife]

I had the children. They're my responsibility and no one else's, even my parents.

1st question - Not just NO but HELL NO

2nd question - Spoiled brats think this way.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

I don't think my son and his wife expect me to pay for things for their kids, but believe me I get a lot of pleasure out of being able to buy things for them and help out. I was a single mother when I was raising my kids, and couldn't afford to do much for them - got their clothes at thrift stores, etc. Our vacations were usually being invited to stay at a friend's cottage. I still don't have a lot of money but with my kids all grown up now (and the fourth has now graduated from university) I do have a little extra money and it is such a joy to be able to pay for Disney vacations, hockey, clothes, etc. for them. I still smile thinking about my granddaughter's delight when I gave her a special dress to wear to her birthday party, or when they talk about how much fun they had on our last Disney trip.

Teresa

 

[tazdev3225]

I do help out with my grandkids, as do their great-grandparents, but not because it is expected. We do it out of love and to give the kids experiences their parents cannot give them. All 3 of my kids work as do their partners but money is tight. They have never asked or expected this. We do it because we can and it is for the grandkids. Believe me my kids are all grateful.

 

[KandD]

I don't know anyone who expects financial help from grandparents but I do know a few people who expect babysitting from grandparents. I am sure many grandparents don't mind babysitting but it shouldn't be expected.

 

[minkydog]

In our culture, no, it is not expected that children or grandchildren will be supported by the grandparents. In America, the general feeling is that every man has the chance to make themselves into whatever they want. We have a strong independent streak, nationally speaking.

I left home at 17 and never looked back. I put myself through college, found work, arranged my own living and transportation things. I'm sure if my parents had had any idea how to do those things they would have helped. My grandparents were all faintly puzzled by their oldest grand-daughter going to college--this was the 70s and I was one of exactly 2 girls in my HS who even went to college. Being that independent, there is no way I would expect my folks to help raise my kids.

However, when you talk to people who were raised in other cultures, particularly from China, India, Africa,etc, it's different. Our nurse Samuel often comments about how different we look at things in America, that children don't want to care for parents and parents want to kick their kids out of the nest as soon as possible. In his country they have multiple generations living in one house and it *is* expected that grandparents will contribute to the upbringing of the grandchildren. Its' also expected that when familiy members age or become disabled that the family members will all gather round and help, even if it means moving home from another part of the country. It's a cultural thing.

 

[Rora]

If anyone expects other people to financially support their kids, they shouldn't have children, IMO.

My grandparents were always very generous- they bought me pretty much what ever I wanted, helped me pay for an apartment (I paid them back!), etc.

My parents never depended on them, however.

 

[LunchladyDoris]

No. My kid my responsibility. If my parents wanted to buy my child a toy or take it somewhere, fine but when it all comes down to it, it is not their responsibility to be financially responsible for my kid.

 

[minkydog]

If anyone expects other people to financially support their kids, they shouldn't have children, IMO.

You said a mouthfull right there. Isn't that part of a Michael Jackson song?
"...If you can't feed the baby, then don't have the baby..."(Billie Jean??)

 

[Nancyg56]

I don't think grandparents are obligated to help out but I do know that we will buy things or pay for activities for my DGD that her parents cannot afford to. They don't ask, never assume and have never tried to coerce us. They choose their priorities and if we want to add to them we do.

I used to keep DGD with me when she was younger and DD paid for me to watch her. I felt that she would pay daycare somewhere and I took very good care of my DGD. I was happy to use teh money to fiund fun things for all of us that I would not have been able to do.

 

[charming23]

I think it is awful to expect your parents to pay for your children. Did their parents pay for you?

My aunt is like this with her parents. Both she and my Uncle worked while my cousins were growing up and her parents pratically raised them and payed for them to go to private school until high school when my Aunt and Uncle were expected to pay and she whined about that for years.

Now my Grandfather did pay for me to take private music lessons not because my parents expected him to but because he offered since money was tight back then and he wanted me to able to get more training so I could get into the orchestra at school. It was his choice and I was greatful for every minute of those lessons (I also got into the orchestra that year).

 

[Mouse House Mama]

No. Never. We chose to have children. It is our responsibility to provide everything for them. If their grandparents want to do something for them that is very nice of them but it is in no way expected. The only thing I expect from the grandparents is that they treat my children well by spending time with them and nothing more. The rest is just icing.

 

[Becky2005]

What? Nope, I never expected my parents to pay for anything for my kids. If they OFFER, I'm not going to turn them down but I certainly never expected it.

It wasn't ever on my radar. Then again, we had to pay for our own college, etc...

My parents do help us out now & again on their own but I never ask them for money.

 

[dismom2]

No--not at all. People with this attitude are spoiled and have an entitlement mentality, for some reason. I do know somebody like this, but takes it a step further. She wants and EXPECTS everyone to help raise, and pay for her childrens' upbringing (including food, clothes, extracarricular activities), and gets upset when people don't, or she she feels they don't do enough for her family. She also constantly borrows money from family and outside of her family and never pays it back. She blows money on expensive household furnishings and other unnecessary luxuries.

Did I mention that she does not work?

Did I mention she has a couple websites asking for donations to help her family out?

My DH and I raise, and have always raised our children without help, and we didn't expect, want, or ask for any. Our children are our responsibility.