do you talk to your teens about making out? or what?

[Liberty Belle]

Easy, girls get pregnant, boys don't. Yes, it is a double standard but in reality, if a girl gets pregnant most of the responsibility for decision making and upbringing if that is the case falls to the girl and her family.

We have 3 teenagers. Our oldest is very private and doesn't like to talk about "stuff" much. We have talked to him about being responsible and respectful but not specifically about "making out". Our other two really haven't "dated". They have had boyfriends/girlfriends but mostly they sit by each other at lunch type deal. I have talked to all of the kids about being respectful but we have talked more with DD about saying no and not being pressured and that if a boy won't go out with you because you won't do what he wants he isn't worth going out with. We have talked to the boys about not pressuring girls too.

We will be talking to DS17 more in depth this summer as he leaves for college too.

And that's what terrifies me. If I had a daughter and she got pregnant, most likely we'd get to see the baby a lot, if not live with the child. If my son had a child with a teen, there's a chance we would not be a big, or any, part of that child's life.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

My DD14 freaks me out daily, because she's so stinkin' beautiful. Her, um, sorta "friend who's a boy" (heh) is VERY protective of her, and he's an awesome, sweet, smart, amazing kid... but just the thought of it...

I'm right there with you.........drop dead gorgeous and this is the first boy I think she likes "in that way"........I am freaking out. IN A BIG WAY!

 

[marcyinPA]

My DH works part time as event security for a well-known university . He just worked a sorority formal this past Saturday night. You need to worry about your boys AND your girls. Believe me. He was telling me about some couples who had disappeared into the halls of the facility the formal was held at. He followed them because they typically run off to the restrooms to, um...well, you know. Well, they didn't go to the rest rooms. When he found them, they were in the locker room (they were at a country club), and when he went in and flicked on the lights, they (four couples) were in the shower, behind the curtain lined up against the walls, and they were NOT just making out. The sad part is, that when he told them to get out of there, they didn't care that security caught them! In fact, he heard a girl tell her guy to keep *beeping* her! My DH was appalled! These girls are crying that their guy doesn't respect them, but they are in a shower of a country club having group sex! WTH?? They don't respect themselves! If only mommy and daddy knew what their sweethearts are doing on a Saturday night...

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

My DH works part time as event security for a well-known university . He just worked a sorority formal this past Saturday night. You need to worry about your boys AND your girls. Believe me. He was telling me about some couples who had disappeared into the halls of the facility the formal was held at. He followed them because they typically run off to the restrooms to, um...well, you know. Well, they didn't go to the rest rooms. When he found them, they were in the locker room (they were at a country club), and when he went in and flicked on the lights, they (four couples) were in the shower, behind the curtain lined up against the walls, and they were NOT just making out. The sad part is, that when he told them to get out of there, they didn't care that security caught them! In fact, he heard a girl tell her guy to keep *beeping* her! My DH was appalled! These girls are crying that their guy doesn't respect them, but they are in a shower of a country club having group sex! WTH?? They don't respect themselves! If only mommy and daddy knew what their sweethearts are doing on a Saturday night...

seems like they could have been charged with something......indecent exposure or something....

 

[SandrA9810]

Seemed like my family never thought I would grow up...

In middle school, I think 6th grade health class, my mom was the only one that refused to let me take the sex ed portion of the class.
In ninth grade, I had very very little understanding of anything that was going on in the sex ed class.

Then that following summer... I kinda got a personal lesson in it from a more experienced guy (that I knew for a very long time)... (no sex though, that didn't happen until 19). He was like "you like this guy don't you? but you've never done anything before have you?" I was like "nothing at all". So he decided he'd "show me how".

But never once did any one in my family ever have a serious discussion with me about it. I mean I heard things I probably shouldn't have heard from my older sister. But I was still clueless about it all.


I read all these parenting help topics... like the cool hang out house, or having talks with kids about adult subjects like money or relationships. And it kinda makes me jealous I didn't have a good parent like that. Looking back, they seemed more about filling my wants than my needs in life.

 

[shortbun]

We've pretty much given DS the run down as to kissing, touching, respecting one's partner, heavy touching, respecting one's partner, disease, protection and all the common sex stuff including respecting one's partner...I think respect has a lot to do with staying out of trouble and yes, we've told him that HE needs to be respected too!!! Oh yeah, we've talked a lot about waiting, love, abstinence and becoming a parent as well.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I have only girls, and of course biology has made it tougher for them /us . . . I talk to them 'til I'm blue in the face, and I think they have a good understanding of just what a baby at a young age would mean to their lives. I really do think I've convinced my oldest (15) that sex during high school is a bad idea, and she understands birth control.

But the boys don't really have it easy either. I remember a poster that the home ec teacher across the hall from me had a poster on her door about boys and pregnancy. Aimmed at boys' wallets, this poster said something like this: Your decision to have unprotected sex just made some significant decisions. You owe the mother of your child X% of your paycheck for the next 18 years, even if

- you never see the child.
- she has complete custody of the child.
- the two of you break up.
- she begins to date someone else.
- you wanted her to have an abortion.
- she told you she was on the pill.
- you used a condom and it broke.
- she doesn't spend the money wisely.
- she doesn't spend the money on the child.
- she makes more money than you do.
- she marries someone else, and he makes more money than you do.
- she has a baby with someone else.
- you provide diapers, clothing or other items for the child.
- you have additional children, and you need the money for their needs.
- you lose your job.

The list went on, and it listed about 50 things that boys THINK will negate their parental responsibilities. It was a good poster, and I overheard more than one group of boys asking one another on the sly whether that stuff was really true.

IF I had a son, I'd make sure he understood that IF he ever got a girl pregnant, he would have NO say-so in what decision she made about the baby, AND -- let's say he's 18 years old -- he'd be paying for that child until he was almost 40, even if he never wanted it and never saw it.

Of course, it might not be as true as it sounds. I'm thinking about a student of mine -- not the sharpest knife in the drawer -- who told me right before graduation that she was pregnant, and she just didn't know what she was going to do because the father "couldn't help her out". She had no inkling that "helping her out" was not optional. She probably voluntarily passed up any help she had coming to her.

This is exactly why i wish a Birth Control Pill for males existed. If creating a pill for women revolutionized the world imagine how many unwanted children could be avoided if males could do it too? I have a 12 year old son with a wonderful future in front of him... I'd be the first in line for such a pill and I wouldn't care how much it cost.

 

[tink_n_pooh]

seems like they could have been charged with something......indecent exposure or something....

In the shower?

 

[johnsontrio]

My 2 are DD11 & DS12 and I speak with them about this sort of thing in a round about way. Such as, you know, there are certain girls who need a great deal of attention who will behave in ways that make them extremely popular with young boys for a few years and for those few years the good girls will get ignored. But then, something happens and all of a sudden the girls who were less fickle become more valuable. All I know is when DH and I got engaged 2 other guys I had dated briefly proposed so there must be something to saying no. As for my DS, I tell him to treat girls with respect whether they know they deserve it or not.

Now I don't know what making out means exactly to you. To me it strictly meant kissing and the only thing kids need to know is that certain STD's can be spread through kissing. So although I don't think kissing is taboo I think people need to be selective about who they go around kissing, its great but not worth Herpes.

Now if making out is more like the Meatloaf's "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" then a different conversation is probably needed. Just watching the song on You-Tube, love Meatloaf

Not that herpes is a walk in the park but it's not the disease to be most concerned about. HPV rates are on the rise and along with that are alarming increases in oral cancer rates. In fact, oral cancer rates are increasing at an alarming rate in demographics that were not thought to be those that develop oral cancers. Oral cancers once were prevalent in older male smokers and drinkers. Now the increases in oral cancer are seen in younger non-drinkers and non-smokers and is linked to HPV. It can be spread from kissing as well as other sexual activity. Early detection here is the key to a cure and late detection has horrific consequences. 5 year survival rates for advanced metastatic oral cancer is in the neighborhood of 25%. It is a very unforgiving disease.

Unfortunately our family has been affected by a late diagnosis of oral cancer in a younger person. I have talked with my teen DD to let her know of the link between kissing, HPV and oral cancer. She knows that making out is not a recreational sport.

 

[cruisnfamily]

I have only girls, and of course biology has made it tougher for them /us . . . I talk to them 'til I'm blue in the face, and I think they have a good understanding of just what a baby at a young age would mean to their lives. I really do think I've convinced my oldest (15) that sex during high school is a bad idea, and she understands birth control.

But the boys don't really have it easy either. I remember a poster that the home ec teacher across the hall from me had a poster on her door about boys and pregnancy. Aimmed at boys' wallets, this poster said something like this: Your decision to have unprotected sex just made some significant decisions. You owe the mother of your child X% of your paycheck for the next 18 years, even if

- you never see the child.
- she has complete custody of the child.
- the two of you break up.
- she begins to date someone else.
- you wanted her to have an abortion.
- she told you she was on the pill.
- you used a condom and it broke.
- she doesn't spend the money wisely.
- she doesn't spend the money on the child.
- she makes more money than you do.
- she marries someone else, and he makes more money than you do.
- she has a baby with someone else.
- you provide diapers, clothing or other items for the child.
- you have additional children, and you need the money for their needs.
- you lose your job.

The list went on, and it listed about 50 things that boys THINK will negate their parental responsibilities. It was a good poster, and I overheard more than one group of boys asking one another on the sly whether that stuff was really true.

IF I had a son, I'd make sure he understood that IF he ever got a girl pregnant, he would have NO say-so in what decision she made about the baby, AND -- let's say he's 18 years old -- he'd be paying for that child until he was almost 40, even if he never wanted it and never saw it.

Of course, it might not be as true as it sounds. I'm thinking about a student of mine -- not the sharpest knife in the drawer -- who told me right before graduation that she was pregnant, and she just didn't know what she was going to do because the father "couldn't help her out". She had no inkling that "helping her out" was not optional. She probably voluntarily passed up any help she had coming to her.

Anybody know how to google this in a way to find it in a pdf document? I'd love to have a copy of it! Also, if there's a girl version I'd love to see it too!

 

[mhsjax]

I love that chart. I have both boys and a girl. I have always said that I worry more about the boys than the girl. If your girl gets pregnant, while it would be terrible, you are in control and obviously it is your daughter's child. Boys, not so much. I have known several girls trap boys by getting pregnant, and some of those the boys are the child's father. The girl just wanted to get the boy back into her life. If anyone ever claimed my son was the father of their child, I would demand a paternity test, not because I think my boys wouldn't do it, but because as I have stated, girls can and do trap boys into this.

 

[starrzone]

Anybody know how to google this in a way to find it in a pdf document? I'd love to have a copy of it! Also, if there's a girl version I'd love to see it too!

I'd love to get a copy of this, too, if possible!

 

[torinsmom]

I don't know why you'd worry about one and not the other.

When you have a boy, you only have to worry about one p*nis. When you have a girl, you have to worry about ALL the p*nises! LOL

 

[marcyinPA]

When you have a boy, you only have to worry about one p*nis. When you have a girl, you have to worry about ALL the p*nises! LOL

My friend's DH has used this quote before! He has a daughter

 

[hereyago]

When you have a boy, you only have to worry about one p*nis. When you have a girl, you have to worry about ALL the p*nises! LOL

I almost spit my water all over the monitor, but it is very true.

 

[tasha99]

I know this is a crazy question. I've talked to both of my teens about the big topic........but now my DD has a bf for a bit and I know this sounds sexist but I never worried about my DS and his gf........now I am freaking out thinking my DD is going to be making out!!!!

Yes, the kids are growing up!!!!!

ok -- moms? amy book I should read? she is a great kid and he is a great guy. I'm just........freaking out!

Advice?

Worry about both, I say, because you don't want a son to get stuck with child support payments for most of his youth. I am a "let me help you get BC and let's talk openly and honestly about sex" type of parent. I want to know that my kids know how to say no and/or use bc, and I want it to be a free enough topic that they'll tell me about their issues rather than hide them from me.

 

[Anna114]

I have two sons 20 and 14. Both were very clear on the fact that they were or are not permitted to date until they are 16. I think kids are trying too hard to grow up too fast. My parents set the same rules for me and it worked great (my first kiss was on my 16th birthday) Both of my kids have said to me that they appreciate/d not having that pressure (but the little one has another year and a half to still feel that way). I shamefully admit that I almost threw up the night my older son came home with lip gloss on his lips

 

[KristineN]

We are very open in our house....and we have the same conversations with the girls as well as the guys. I feel no less worried about my sons than I do my daughters....the girls may have the babies, but the guys also have a lifelong moral and financial obligation.

I'm sure the college kid got tired of me reiterating this quite often. But so far so good!!