do you talk to your teens about making out? or what?

[Grumpy's Gal]

I know this is a crazy question. I've talked to both of my teens about the big topic........but now my DD has a bf for a bit and I know this sounds sexist but I never worried about my DS and his gf........now I am freaking out thinking my DD is going to be making out!!!!

Yes, the kids are growing up!!!!!

ok -- moms? amy book I should read? she is a great kid and he is a great guy. I'm just........freaking out!

Advice?

 

[Buckalew11]

I don't know why you'd worry about one and not the other.

 

[Tiana]

.

 

[ksumn1]

We've had the general "talk" since my DD started developing last year. She's 11 but could easily pass for 15 or 16. And the boys have noticed

So we had the big talk and also talked abuot how sometimes it's about getting carried away. We talked about waiting until you met someone special for everything. First kiss, etc. I also told her that for girls it can be more about emotions and being close to someone and expressing your feelings and for boys it is usually more about the physical sensations than the expression of emotion. To be mindful that it is important to ask me (or my aunt, or an adult she feels confortable with) if she has any questions, no matter how embarrassing, dumb, personal or uncomfortable it may be.

I don't have any book suggestions for you but just a common sense suggestion. Talk to your DD (and your son). even if they squirm, turn red, groan and act like you're an idiot. Just tell them what you want to say. They'll hear it. They may not want to hear it, and may even ignore your advice. But maybe, just maybe they'll take your advice to heart.

 

[Robinrs]

I don't know why you'd worry about one and not the other.

It's the double standard. It's real.

I have a boy and I honestly don't worry about him as much as I worried about the girls I raised. Why? Because girls are all about love, boys are more about... well, you know. It's hard to get a girl to realize that boys do not think the same way as they do... heck it's hard to tell WOMEN than men don't think the same way they do!

My son is 17 and we just had one of those talks today. He and his gf made a pact to remain virgins till marriage. He's having a bit of "trouble" holding onto this. I told him it was natural to have feelings, just hang in there. I could hardly BREATHE during the conversation but I'm glad I've always kept the option open, we talk about EVERYTHING, most of the time about things I wish I didn't hear!

 

[bananda]

my mum didn't talk to me or my sisters about making out. she didn't really need to anyway. we're 21, 19, 15 and 15 (twins) and i thin we all make pretty wise desicions about that kind of thing.

 

[golfgal]

I don't know why you'd worry about one and not the other.

Easy, girls get pregnant, boys don't. Yes, it is a double standard but in reality, if a girl gets pregnant most of the responsibility for decision making and upbringing if that is the case falls to the girl and her family.

We have 3 teenagers. Our oldest is very private and doesn't like to talk about "stuff" much. We have talked to him about being responsible and respectful but not specifically about "making out". Our other two really haven't "dated". They have had boyfriends/girlfriends but mostly they sit by each other at lunch type deal. I have talked to all of the kids about being respectful but we have talked more with DD about saying no and not being pressured and that if a boy won't go out with you because you won't do what he wants he isn't worth going out with. We have talked to the boys about not pressuring girls too.

We will be talking to DS17 more in depth this summer as he leaves for college too.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I have 2 girls who are 13 and 18. It has been talked about ad nauseum in my house and even my extended family have put in their 2 cents.
We are close like that and pretty open with conversation.

 

[eliza61]

I started talking to my kids when they were pretty young. They knew where puppies and babies came from around age 7 & 8. I did this because I didn't want the "sex" talk to be awkward when the time came.
Now that my sons are 16 & 19 it is very common place for us to talk about what my views are on teen sex, teen pregnancy etc. I also try to bring it up in normal every day conversations.
Some times we will be watching TV and a sexist rap video will come on. I will use that as an opening to how Dh & I feel about how women are portrayed.
Dh has shown both how to use condoms and various different types of birth control.

I'm one of those "knowledge is power" type gals.

 

[KerriSue]

I started talking to my kids when they were pretty young. They knew where puppies and babies came from around age 7 & 8. I did this because I didn't want the "sex" talk to be awkward when the time came.
Now that my sons are 16 & 19 it is very common place for us to talk about what my views are on teen sex, teen pregnancy etc. I also try to bring it up in normal every day conversations.
Some times we will be watching TV and a sexist rap video will come on. I will use that as an opening to how Dh & I feel about how women are portrayed.
Dh has shown both how to use condoms and various different types of birth control.

I'm one of those "knowledge is power" type gals.

This is exactly how we are at my house too!

You give your kids all the tools and hope that they can make the right decisions. It is the best we can do

 

[Shmily1]

I have been very open with DS20 and DD19 and always told them to ask anything. I also told them I would prefer if they waited, but if they just felt there was no way they could wait, then come tell me and I would help them get some bc. DS is the embarassed one and doesn't like to talk about anything. DD will tell everything. She was the one that came to me and said she wanted bc just in case. She tried one kind and it made her sick, then another kind and it made her loose weight.... she was down to 88 lbs so I told her to get another appt with the dr and they told her to quit taking it until she got to her appt. Well, the next appt was for them to tell her the due date. DGS is now 8 months old. We wouldn't trade him for anything, but in the two weeks she was off of them, we got him.

Good luck!

 

[marcyinPA]

I think it's important to talk about making out, because it easily leads to other things. Let's face it: they are hormonal and sometimes don't think clearly. Things happen. I'd just be matter of fact and tell your DD (and DS for that matter) what may come from "just making out".

My DS is 14 and hasn't had a serious girlfriend yet, but we do talk about this kind of stuff as it comes up. He knows he can talk to my DH and I about anything, and he has As one PP said, I could barely breathe rotfl but I held it together, listened, and answered the questions honestly and calmly!

 

[mjkacmom]

Easy, girls get pregnant, boys don't. Yes, it is a double standard but in reality, if a girl gets pregnant most of the responsibility for decision making and upbringing if that is the case falls to the girl and her family.
.

I think I worry about my boys more than my girls (only my oldest has gone through puberty). If my girls get pregnant (even after my endless discussions on waiting until you are an adult, but if not, birth control), I'll have some say. If my boys (even after my endless discussions - my boys with little impulse control) get a girl pregnant, my hands are pretty much tied (and we will be living the scenario of my endless discussions of child support until that child is 18).

 

[wdwfan16]

It's the double standard. It's real.

I have a boy and I honestly don't worry about him as much as I worried about the girls I raised. Why? Because girls are all about love, boys are more about... well, you know. It's hard to get a girl to realize that boys do not think the same way as they do... heck it's hard to tell WOMEN than men don't think the same way they do!

My son is 17 and we just had one of those talks today. He and his gf made a pact to remain virgins till marriage. He's having a bit of "trouble" holding onto this. I told him it was natural to have feelings, just hang in there. I could hardly BREATHE during the conversation but I'm glad I've always kept the option open, we talk about EVERYTHING, most of the time about things I wish I didn't hear!

I though you only had a son?

 

[Darsa]

My DD14 freaks me out daily, because she's so stinkin' beautiful. Her, um, sorta "friend who's a boy" (heh) is VERY protective of her, and he's an awesome, sweet, smart, amazing kid... but just the thought of it...

 

[MrsPete]

I have only girls, and of course biology has made it tougher for them /us . . . I talk to them 'til I'm blue in the face, and I think they have a good understanding of just what a baby at a young age would mean to their lives. I really do think I've convinced my oldest (15) that sex during high school is a bad idea, and she understands birth control.

But the boys don't really have it easy either. I remember a poster that the home ec teacher across the hall from me had a poster on her door about boys and pregnancy. Aimmed at boys' wallets, this poster said something like this: Your decision to have unprotected sex just made some significant decisions. You owe the mother of your child X% of your paycheck for the next 18 years, even if

- you never see the child.
- she has complete custody of the child.
- the two of you break up.
- she begins to date someone else.
- you wanted her to have an abortion.
- she told you she was on the pill.
- you used a condom and it broke.
- she doesn't spend the money wisely.
- she doesn't spend the money on the child.
- she makes more money than you do.
- she marries someone else, and he makes more money than you do.
- she has a baby with someone else.
- you provide diapers, clothing or other items for the child.
- you have additional children, and you need the money for their needs.
- you lose your job.

The list went on, and it listed about 50 things that boys THINK will negate their parental responsibilities. It was a good poster, and I overheard more than one group of boys asking one another on the sly whether that stuff was really true.

IF I had a son, I'd make sure he understood that IF he ever got a girl pregnant, he would have NO say-so in what decision she made about the baby, AND -- let's say he's 18 years old -- he'd be paying for that child until he was almost 40, even if he never wanted it and never saw it.

Of course, it might not be as true as it sounds. I'm thinking about a student of mine -- not the sharpest knife in the drawer -- who told me right before graduation that she was pregnant, and she just didn't know what she was going to do because the father "couldn't help her out". She had no inkling that "helping her out" was not optional. She probably voluntarily passed up any help she had coming to her.

 

[MrsPete]

I think I worry about my boys more than my girls (only my oldest has gone through puberty). If my girls get pregnant (even after my endless discussions on waiting until you are an adult, but if not, birth control), I'll have some say. If my boys (even after my endless discussions - my boys with little impulse control) get a girl pregnant, my hands are pretty much tied (and we will be living the scenario of my endless discussions of child support until that child is 18).

Makes sense to me. I really think my oldest understands firmly that it's better to avoid this particular problem than to deal with it!

 

[iwrbnd]

I would love to have that poster and put it in all 3 of my boy's room!

I talk to my son but honestly I end up talking to his gf more. She's pretty open about this stuff. She told me she wanted to remain a virgin until she's a senior in high school! I'm not really sure of her reasoning because I can't follow the thinking of an adolescant! All I know is I thought "Note to self: make sure my son has broken up with her before her senior year!"

Being her their child's grandma would be soooo hard! She's the exact opposite of me with religion and politics and is extremely verbal about it. I've kept my mouth shut this whole time but now she's started in on how Disney is racist, sexist and a bad influence on children! I jokingly told my husband she's crossed the line! You can put down my politics and my faith but don't touch my Disney!!!

 

[LuvOrlando]

My 2 are DD11 & DS12 and I speak with them about this sort of thing in a round about way. Such as, you know, there are certain girls who need a great deal of attention who will behave in ways that make them extremely popular with young boys for a few years and for those few years the good girls will get ignored. But then, something happens and all of a sudden the girls who were less fickle become more valuable. All I know is when DH and I got engaged 2 other guys I had dated briefly proposed so there must be something to saying no. As for my DS, I tell him to treat girls with respect whether they know they deserve it or not.

Now I don't know what making out means exactly to you. To me it strictly meant kissing and the only thing kids need to know is that certain STD's can be spread through kissing. So although I don't think kissing is taboo I think people need to be selective about who they go around kissing, its great but not worth Herpes.

Now if making out is more like the Meatloaf's "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" then a different conversation is probably needed. Just watching the song on You-Tube, love Meatloaf

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

I think I worry about my boys more than my girls (only my oldest has gone through puberty). If my girls get pregnant (even after my endless discussions on waiting until you are an adult, but if not, birth control), I'll have some say. If my boys (even after my endless discussions - my boys with little impulse control) get a girl pregnant, my hands are pretty much tied (and we will be living the scenario of my endless discussions of child support until that child is 18).

This is how I feel.