Do you talk about people behind their back?

[nwdisgal]

But honestly - thats kinda my point. Why have a circle of friends/peers whom are stupid/rude/mean or irritating? Seriously....

I truly keep people around me who I respect, admire, trust. Someone who is THAT irritating, wouldnt be worth your energy getting in a fuss over. And (lets say) it's an in-law, or someone you'd rather not have anything to do with, but are forced to. Again - not worth your energy. You should be the better person.... Again, all this is my opinion.

And youre right - I wouldnt / wont be talking about you.

I agree with you CathrynRose. Why waste the energy with it. My thought always is if they are talking about someone behind his or her back to me, they are probably talking about me to somebody else. Life is about enjoying time with friends, not stressing about what their next move or words are going to be.

I do vent when I'm frustrated to DH. He's my sounding board about everything. I think there is a difference through between venting, sharing mutual war stories amoung friends about life in general, versus singling out an individual and gossiping bout them. Usually gossip is meanspirited and has no beneficial outcome except to boost the deflated ego of the gossiper.

 

[Crankyshank]

Oh sure, doesn't everyone? I deal with people "outside of my circle" all of the time and find myself in the most maddening of situations with the most eye rolling inducing people. To save myself a concussion from banging my head against my desk, I share the experience with friends.

I'm very much a what you see is what you get person. I don't like namby pamby-ing or pussyfooting around people when they are obviously acting in an irritating manner. Especially if someone is repeatedly asking for advice that they ignore, get into a worse situation, and then ask for more advice to ignore. I say something. With a place like this, I cannot follow the rules of the board and be honest so I do my proverbial "AAARRRGGGGGH!!!!" elsewhere.

 

[In a hurry]

You betcha I do! If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me!! Actually, I've been known to vent, discuss or even gossip but only to very limited persons. For example, DSis and I have a co-worker neither of us is too fond of. We've been known to trash her to each other but we'd never dream of saying these things to other people.

As for having the "guts" to say what you think to a person's face, that's not always the smartest move. As some have said, it can get you banned from boards you really enjoy being a part of. And IRL sometimes the conflict isn't worth it. You should always make sure your brain is in gear before starting up your mouth.

Now, you are one smart cookie! You can sit by me anytime, and share, vent, discuss, and even defame, if you like!

 

[Wishing on a star]

I think there needs to be a distinction between being able to voice things and share things with one or two very close people, like a best friend, sister, husband, and what I call gossiping and trashtalking.

If I hear one co-worker trashtalking another, or one family member trashtalking another, to me, behind the persons back, then the whole time I am sitting there thinking, "She is doing the same thing trashtalking me when I am not present". You can bet I don't share any information with that person!!!

 

[CathrynRose]

Now, now! I seem to remember you posting a thread *venting* about an annoying Blackberry user at work awhile months ago...(I thought it was funny because my DH had similar issues with Blackberry users at his old job!) And, to paraphrase your words above, what was your point then?
!

And youre right - but again, the venting as opposed to "talking about people behind their back" - gossiping, are 2 different things.

I dont *talk about people* like that, and that was my impression of this thread was...

EDITED TO ADD - And to clarify - the annoying Blackberry user at work, wasnt a co-worker. Its a faceless-nameless person whom called in for tech support.

 

[Laurajean1014]

Everyone talks about people behind their backs.

 

[nwdisgal]

I think there needs to be a distinction between being able to voice things and share things with one or two very close people, like a best friend, sister, husband, and what I call gossiping and trashtalking.

If I hear one co-worker trashtalking another, or one family member trashtalking another, to me, behind the persons back, then the whole time I am sitting there thinking, "She is doing the same thing trashtalking me when I am not present". You can bet I don't share any information with that person!!!

Yes exactly.

 

[CathrynRose]

Am I the *only* one who finds all these "of course I do" answers, bothersome?

Im not talking about the cashier who couldnt make change, or the guy who cut you off on the expressway - Im talking about people whom you are close to, see daily, etc - you talk about these people behind their back?!?! Wow! Why!!!???

If this is the case - totally makes me happy and grateful for the people who I have around me.

 

[In a hurry]

Am I the *only* one who finds all these "of course I do" answers, bothersome?

Im not talking about the cashier who couldnt make change, or the guy who cut you off on the expressway - Im talking about people whom you are close to, see daily, etc - you talk about these people behind their back?!?! Wow! Why!!!???

I don't know that I made that specification in the OP. I don't think I've ever said I will stab my best friend in the back...merely that I have no problem talking about the peripheral people in my life. Perhaps they are just answering my original question.

In fact, why would you even find such posts "bothersome?"

 

[Crankyshank]

I must be reading an entirely different thread. I thought the OP was just talking about people in general and not about people we were close to.

The Op asked if we talked about people behind their back. In other words, if someone wasn't present do you discuss them/their situation with others.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I will talk about others when they are not there, but I would also say the same thing if they were there.

 

[CathrynRose]

In fact, why would you even find such posts "bothersome?"

if I have to explain that - it's not even worth explaining.

Carry on...and have fun.

 

[Buckalew11]

I'm guilty of it.
I also agree that there is a difference between a vent and gossiping. I vent about my clients to my parents (so and so was late--AGAIN but never gossipy stuff about them).
I guess what surprises me is all these people talking to their DHs about these people they come across. DH hates gossip and he'd tune me out if I started it.

 

[zalansky]

Everyone talks about people behind their backs.

Yep, sorry but this is true. If you don't think anyone talks behind your back, think again!

 

[auntpolly]

Of course everyone talks behind everyone's back. That's human nature.

What I find weird is designating a place to do it for recreation. And then doing it as a competition. (Who can make fun of someone with the most use of vulgarity, for example). Of course everyone talks about people behind their backs. But what we are talking about is not really behind their backs. It's in an open internet furum. What we are talking about are people that bank on people seeing what they've written because they think they are so clever.

Clever, no. Entertaining, yes.

 

[rt2dz]

Sure, I'll talk about people behind their backs. BUT, only in specific contexts.

I'll vent to my girlfriends about my DH from time to time, but never anything horrible (or very personal)--more like the leaves his shoes all around the house thing or about being lazy about helping with the kids when I had a stomach virus type of thing. Likewise, I vent to my DH when my girlfriends or family are being "off" from time to time. It's never malicious, but working out frustration--and figuring out if maybe I'm over reacting. And it's never anything I wouldn't say to their face, even if I'm not going to go out of my way to do so (only if confronted).

Now I will be malicious from time to time about a stupid, nameless store clerk/telemarketer/server who wouldn't know me if they ever saw me again and vice versa.

And I love to listen to gossip, but I never repeat it to anyone. I wouldn't tell people the neighbor down the street is pregnant and her husband might not be the father. OK, maybe to my sister who lives in a different state, but not to anyone else--not even DH who might accidentally let it slip. I wouldn't talk about how co-workers are sleeping with our married boss and that is how she got the promotion. I'll listen, but I keep my mouth shut, especially to people who tell me that stuff!!

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Am I the *only* one who finds all these "of course I do" answers, bothersome?

Im not talking about the cashier who couldnt make change, or the guy who cut you off on the expressway - Im talking about people whom you are close to, see daily, etc - you talk about these people behind their back?!?! Wow! Why!!!???

If this is the case - totally makes me happy and grateful for the people who I have around me.

and a couple of weeks ago when you were talking about the Horrible Mom and her son and the air gun incident --- do you not count the things you said about her and her son as talking about somebody behind their backs? Are they here to defend themselves????

 

[BuckNaked]

And in my case, b/c of my dh taking over my persona here and writing a funny, albeit embarrassing thread, my relationship with my dh is being talked about on another board about how awful he is and how horrible our relationship must be - all of which is really false.

As is the claim that your DH was called "awful" or that your relationship was described as "horrible".

By using the other forum, there is no way to do so.

Really? Have you tried to respond?

 

[hydster]

EDITED TO ADD - And to clarify - the annoying Blackberry user at work, wasnt a co-worker. Its a faceless-nameless person

Hmmm much like an internet message board or two. We are all faceless-nameless people posting on this board. Is it only ok to talk about someone when it is work related?

 

[TDC Nala]

Sure...because it'd be mean to say some things to their face.