do you take your grown children on vacation?

[wdw4us]

Our christmas present to our children (27 & 25)is the annual trip to Disney the week after Thanksgiving. We pay for Air, have DVC, passes and all their food. The last couple of years we have also taken my daughters BF and my son’s GF.

We always do something fun too. Last year the girls went to the Dolphin Spa and the boys did the Segway tour. We also had dinner at the Calif Grill. A LOT of money was spent.

On Christmas day they received a small box of lindt chocolate and a $25 gift card from Barnes & Noble but they know that going in, our “Christmas” celebration is that week in November.

This year my brother and his family will be joining us at the Grand Villa at the BW (they are paying their own expenses) although my daughters BF will not be invited as he has expressed that he’d had a lousy time with us last year – that is another whole story but suffice to say that since then we have not seen her BF and have no desire to do so.

Too bad since my daughter is pretty much a Disney Freak so that may be a vacation she continues with the family and without him.

My daughter has also come with us that same week while my son was away in College and my son was also in Disney with his school for FIRST years ago so there are times that each of them go on vacation to Disney and not all are invited.

I guess it’s up to the individual family. For us it is our tradition but if one was coming and I could afford the other, I’d probably take my daughter. I have a running bank account in my head and they pretty much get equal $$ from us.

denise

 

[belle&beast]

To me, it sounds like "tough love" is in order. My Dsis was very similar and until my mom and dad cut her off financially, she continued to expect everything to be given to her. I'm not saying she should starve, but maybe cut out the extras until she can appreciate what you are doing for her. This is easy for me to say- my kids are little- I'm know it is a lot more difficult to do. I watched my parents struggle with the same type of situation and it was very hard for both of them, but you know what? It paid off in the end! My sister is a responsible 29 year old with a degree, steady job and a happy life that she can support on her own. Now that she has learned her lesson, my parents do pay for her to join us on family trips that she could not otherwise afford. My DH and I pay for our trips with my parents, but they always do something special for us while we are there.

 

[SleepyMom]

Given the more info I guess what we would do would be to offer the invitation for her to go along on the trip, expenses paid for the trip itself (travel, lodging & food) and she would be responsible for any extras she might want.

Explain if she wants to go and can afford the time off from work she is welcome to go along, if she can't afford the time off... well then, that is a part of being an adult and being on your own.

What wouldn't happen is sending her alone later on... either she comes for the family trip or not. The point is to be together.

As for the question would we take our grown kids on vacation, I would LOVE to but DD 20 has decided not to go along on any trips since the day she moved out, just over 2 years ago. We have taken 5 big trips in that time and she was invited on each one and always told us she couldn't get away (school, work). I have promised her a WDW trip for just the two of us when she graduates college, but at this rate she probably won't be able to go then either.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

I'm 24 and my parents have always taken me and my 27 year old brother on vacation with them. They paid for our Disney trip last year. I used to live in Cincinnati with my fiance (now ex) last summer and my parents took us for a week to TN with them. I took some money to pay for food but they insisted on paying for pretty much everything. I've never assumed they were going to pay or just went because it was free. My parents are my best friends and I enjoy spending time with them. Honestly if they hadn't paid for the trip to TN, we probably wouldn't have been able to go. If my parents weren't financially stable I would never let them pay for us to go on vacation. On our upcoming trip to WDW I'm paying for everything for my boyfriend and I. But my mom's already trying to be sneaky about buying MVMCP tickets and other things. I hope one day to be in a financial position to take my parents to Disney or on vacation. My parents are the best!

 

[dnoyes]

I would take her along. As we all know life can change in a minute and I want to spend all the time I can with my daughters.

I have a DD19 that just like yours moved out a year ago to start her own life, she has a part time job and goes to college full time. I pay all school expenses and she pays her own rent. I don't agree with every aspect of the way she lives her life but I also believe 19 is still very young.

My daughters didn't always get along the greatest (that's the understatement of the day) but a year apart has done wonders for them. Maybe it has for your two as well?

I'm not only taking DD19 to Disney in Sept I'm paying her rent that month and giving her some cash to spend. I got them their own room (DD17 and DD19) and they are very excited to be staying with each other. I look at all the extra expense as a rebuilding of their relationship. How can you put a price on that.

 

[Stitchfans]

My DD is 25 and we are taking her on our trip coming up. She lives pay check to pay check and her father, (my ex) never took us any where. I love having both of my DDs with me on vacation so we opt to pay so she can enjoy herself. Besides the fact she can/does go on rides we can't handle with our youngest DD.

 

[famofsix]

I guess to answer the original OP question I would say it depends on the circumstance now that I have read through the rest of the thread since I first posted here.
I seems like OP really doesn't want her daughter to go anyway since her daughter seems pretty irresponsible from what she posted about her saving habits. I don't know, I am all for family fun but vacations with a lot of tension between people are no fun.
Sounds like some tough love is in order here without being harsh to DD. Growing up is hard and so is parenting.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I'm going to purposely jump in without reading the replies. I don't think that you are obligated to bring an adult child on vacation with you. I think if you want to, that's fine, but I don't think it's an obligation. Our DD is 18yo and in college and she is not going on vacation with us this year, but was given the option. She chose not to go, so she is staying home and taking care of the animals. Once she is working there is no way that I will pay her way on vacation unless it is a special family vacation and we are paying for all the kids.

In your case, I can understand if you paid for her to go on the vacation, but I would not understand paying her lost wages. If she chooses to go, she would need to budget for the lost wages. If she can't afford to miss work, that's part of her decision. That's one reason our DD decided not to come with us. We would have paid for everything on the trip, but she wouldn't have been home earning money (and she's spent so much of her money this summer she really needs the money for college spending money this school year).

 

[NMAmy]

It's a really tough call in your situation. It sounds as though she needs a wake up call about responsibilities and perhaps this could be it.

DD is only 15 right now--she still likes to go on vacation with us and I really hope she still wants to go with us after she moves out. Yes, I'd take her with me--she's a lot of fun, most of the time.

Now that my mom's on a fixed income, I pay for her to go on vacations occasionally. I paid for her and my sister to go on a cruise and, as a Christmas gift, I paid for Mom and her cousin to go to a local casino for a weekend and stay in a nice hotel. My mom was always so generous to me when I was younger that I'm glad to have the chance to give her the gift of travelling now that she has more time to do it even though I can't go with her because I don't get that much vacation time.

Heck, Dh's family lives in England and even though we can certainly afford to fly over, his dad will still wire money to our bank account after every trip to cover the airfare.

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

I didn't take my oldest daughter (who's in college and works part-time) with us on our March trip. My youngest daughter really missed her being there, as did I.

We're taking her with us, when we return in June. She'll be 21 then, and she's responsible for her hopper and her portion of the dining plan. We're paying for an upgraded room that will sleep five.

She has to save $50 a month to make it happen, and she's all for it! She's always seen how I plan and save for our WDW trips, and I think it'll be good for her to participate in that.

 

[azgal81]

I'm 25 and no I do not expect my parents to pay for my vacations with them but then I do get paid vacation time so being out of paycheck money is not really a factor for me.

In two weeks I will by flying back to Chicago to go to a family event I am paying for airfare, my grandparents its their party are paying for hotel rooms for everyone and my parents will probably pay for some food but then so will I.

I think in the OP's case the daughter is just lazy I wouldn't cover for her lost wages if she decided to go nor would I pay for 100% of the trip cost. I would pay for a % of the cost to make it cheaper if you really wanted her to go with you but I would not pay for the whole thing. She is an adult she can't live on your hand outs forever. If she was going with her friends she would cover the whole cost so why should this be any different.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Honestly, the girl is basically lazy and is content to barely squeak by and let DH and I support her.

I think therein lies your problem. She squeaks by and let's you two pick up the slack. She is out on her own, let her take responsibility for herself. She lets you guys supprt her because she knows you will do it. My mom always said once I was out on my own, I was out on my own, and she has stuck to that.

Take some responsibility in this and let your daughter make her own mistakes.

 

[KirstenB]

OT-how the devil can she pay rent on 15 hrs a week? Even making $10 an hour, that's $600 a month gross. OMG--if I were her I honestly couldn't afford the gas to drive to the library, let alone vacation!

Ick, I'm sorry for you all. Our daughters are young, so I haven't gotten to where you are yet. I can't imagine watching my kid making dumb decisions. I know it'll happen someday---everybody does stuff their parents don't agree with. She really can't afford to go with you, sorry, so she can't go. My answer would be SOO different if she was doing her best.

 

[DawnCt1]

We have four DSs, 28 down to 18. In two weeks all six of us leave together for Hawaii for 18 days. We vacation differently than if DH and I were just going. We get a condo on Kauai and Maui, we stay at the Hale Koa. I bring condiments, cereal, tuna, laundry detergent from home. We eat in cheaper restaurants when we eat out, they fly coach, DH and I will be in first class but when we get there, we will all be together. Some will go hiking with us, they will want to drive the Hana Hwy again and its great family time. I am sure that there will be a time they will totally have their own lives and won't want to go, but in the meantime, they are invited. They are responsible of course for any meal that they don't eat with us, and for any alcohol they chose to drink, etc. DS 28 will rent his own car. DS 25 invited a friend to join us on Maui for 6 days and he and his friend will chip in for DS 28's car rental. Five of us went to WDW last summer and again we had a great time.

 

[antmaril]

I would definitely take her. I wouldn't hesitate for a moment.

 

[Dina]

My boys will be welcome to come with us as long as they want. I suspect in their '20s they won't want to anymore (16 was the last time I was willing to take a trip with my parents)-- but if they want to come, they can.

 

[Jen_in_NH]

When I was in college, I lived at home and worked during the summer. I went on vacation with them every year, but we just went camping for a week. They paid for the campsite and the food, and any spending money was up to me.

As I've gotten older, they've gone on vacation with DH and I, and we just split the bills 50/50

Jen

 

[Snowysmom]

We just got back from vacation and my 20 year old son came along. It was a family vacation. We paid for everything except souvenirs he bought for his girlfriend. He did not get paid by his company for the week but we don't compensate him for that. I don't get paid vacation either! He is in college and lives at home in the summer. However, we plan on bringing them along as long as they want to come. I figure by the time he is in medical/grad school, he either won't want to come or won't have time to come. Younger DS is 16 and he will be treated the same as he gets older.

 

[Nancyg56]

a little more info to clarify:

yes, we would have to come up with her lost wages(which really wouldnt be that much, she was suppose to work full-time this summer but 'settled' for a job that only gives her about 15 hours a week, she didnt bother to try to find
a supplimental job). Honestly, the girl is basically lazy and is content to barely squeak by and let DH and I support her.

She and her brother dont get along and it would be one fight after another.

All foods/shopping would be on us as the girl saves NOTHING.

If she doesnt get to go, she EXPECTS us to buy her a plane ticket later to do the same trip. which would be $500 for a plane, PLUS we would have to give her some spending money.


Despite all this, we really would love for her to come along, its just her poor planning and laziness that puts us off. I am not sure she 'deserves' to go.

I think that this may make a difference. We love it when our kids can join us on vacation, it seemed like a long time that they went their own way, and now the circle has closed again. We are still trying to guilt my oldest DS to take a vacation in January withus, but he is a workaholic. They are all responsible though, and older that your DD.

I don't think any child should expect a parent to support them if they are not willing to work to support themselves, not should they be "compensated" if they cannot join the family. I think that you must determine how best to help your DD, and whether it would be a benefit to her or a detriment to her to join you. You know her best, and what will best best in the long run. This sounds like more than a discussion about a vacation.

 

[Bella the Ball 360]

Then I would definitely take her... not even a question for me.

Hope you have a great trip!!!

My 23 year old will not come with me and has not since he was 19(made him stay with his GM NOT home alone). My 19 year old is coming and looking forward to it this year ( he broke up with the gf so he is not tied down). I would take them as long as they wanted to come. If they moved out and were on a tight budget I might consider asking them to kick in a few dollars (more for self esteem purposes than for monitary purposes) but YES.