Do you sometimes meet a person

[Beauty]

who you think has absolutly no niceness in them whatsoever?

I've met a few or seen a few lately and I've got to tell you I feel really sorry for them. Are people born this way, taught this way? How do you treat them? Do you try to be nice and then just forget it? What if its people that you are going to be around quite a lot?

You know as hard as times are right now common human courtesy should be a given. If you disagree change the subject. But heck at least be nice.

Sorry Vent over!

 

[holycow]

I've been around quite a few of these people in my life time...some I've learned to "deal" with...depending on the personality...but a few I've just had to cut the tie and forget about them...life was definately better but then of course their feelings were hurt and the couldn't understand Why I didn't want to be their friend any more.

I know you have a kind heart so good luck to you!

HC

 

[Kitty 34]

Beauty, you just described my SIL! She just isn't a very nice person. She has no tack and can make others feel very unwanted or unwelcomed. All I can do is either still be nice to her and when I get tired of that, I avoid her like the plague!!!

 

[Beauty]

My mother in law is one of these people but I have long since given up on her. She won't even answer anyone without it being smarty or rude. It so so sad! I want so badly to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and I guess sometimes I try to hard to be nice when I should just "get over it" and move on.

Just rattling on...LOL! I've always heard that if something bothers you that writing about it helps and it actually does feel better to get it off my chest.

Thanks!

 

[crazymomof4]

I've met or know several of these kinds of people. I find it interesting that they share many of the same personality traits. It's like they are literally "cut from the same mold". They are quick to judge, very opinionated and always feel they are right. If you don't agree with them, you are wrong. They are born without that filter that most of us have called TACT and therefore they say what is on their mind no matter who it insults or whose feelings are hurt. At the same time, these people are often very sensitive and become insulted by little things. They do not see these traits as negative, feel no need to change, so they never will. Not surprisingly, another thing they have in common is that they have very few, if any, friends.

Like Kitty 34, my SIL is also one of these people. At first I thought she was just this way with us (my brother's family) but over the past 10 years I've had so many people meet her and say, "She is soooo nasty!" Fortunately for me, she lives 10 hours away!

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

I dated someone like that! We had a job-related, 3 1/2 month separation, and when we got back in the same city, I ended it within a week. I was so much happier without him in my life.

As a side note, about 3 years later, we ran into each other again (I was married by then), and I remember looking at him and thinking, "Now why did I break up with him again??" He was a cutie after all. Of course, less than 5 minutes into our conversation, I remembered EXACTLY why I had dumped him. He was still the same negative, depressing, not nice person. He was one of those types who refuses to acknowledge his fault in any "bad" things that happen to him in life. He is always blaming others, including me! Boy am I glad I got out of that relationship.

 

[Beauty]

I've met or know several of these kinds of people. I find it interesting that they share many of the same personality traits. It's like they are literally "cut from the same mold". They are quick to judge, very opinionated and always feel they are right. If you don't agree with them, you are wrong. They are born without that filter that most of us have called TACT and therefore they say what is on their mind no matter who it insults or whose feelings are hurt. At the same time, these people are often very sensitive and become insulted by little things. They do not see these traits as negative, feel no need to change, so they never will. Not surprisingly, another thing they have in common is that they have very few, if any, friends.

WOW! You said it better than I ever could!! You know sometimes I feel bad for them because I think "Okay Beth, maybe they are unhappy in their home life." Goodness knows that can definatly make someone act that way but when you try over and over again to be nice and it just doesn't seem to work do you just give it up?

One of my best friends is like this around some people too, she is VERY unhappy in her family life but she NEVER EVER thinks she is wrong about anything.....even when we were discussing her husband's drinking problem....Okay how simple is it to say.....DRINKING at least 24 beers a day is WRONG!! She defended him until the end.

I don't know....don't get me wrong I can be mean too but it takes a lot to get me there.....I have to be pushed and pushed before I start talking out of emotions...but the person I'm talking about it just seems natural. Maybe I need to just stay away...I have a really hard time doing that....I just think okay if I keep being nice maybe I'll grow on them...LOL! Yeah right...LOL!

 

[isyne4u]

These are the same people who go to a Disney park and complain about the heat, noise, cold, rain, children, prices, ques, money, and anything else they can think of. They will never be happy.

A girl I work with, at a middle school no less, has a sticker on her car that I just love and I think it says everything...Mean People Have Mean Little People!!

 

[Beauty]

LoL! I like that bumper sticker...

DH has one that says MEAN PEOPLE SUCK!

 

[browneyes]

I try to be nice to everyone. However, if I try to be nice and someone pushes my buttons in a wrong way, I'll be as polite as possible towards them, but they'll know I don't like them. As Mrs. Potatohead would say, I'll pack my angry eyes.

 

[Mishetta]

Hi Beth!

Nice to see you posting again! Anyway, I worked in Outpatient Physical Therapy at a local hospital & I had this one patient who was sooooooo rude all the time. No matter how nice I tried to be with her, she would always be very short with me & just plain rude. I still tried to "kill" her with kindness though because I wanted to win her over. Well, over the next few weeks (you know, when you need PT, you sometimes need to come 3 times per week for 4 weeks or so) I started to understand her misery. She was the sole caregiver to her elderly parents...one had cancer & the other was on dialysis for kidney problems. She had other siblings but all the responsibility was thrown on her since she was the only single one in the family. So...besides her own P.T. schedule, she had to juggle taking her one parent for chemo/radiation treatments & then her other parent to their dialysis appointments. She didn't know which end was up anymore. So...in this case, I'm so glad I wasn't rude back (which before I knew her situation, I wanted so bad to be rude back to her!)

Anyway, it's ironic but now I'm wearing her shoes! My mother now has cancer & needs me constantly. I have 2 small children & one is going one direction with sports & the other is 18 months old so you can imagine all the directions that one keeps me going in & then I have to juggle my mom's appointments around my family life....it's a real struggle. Not to mention the heartache of watching my mother die. There are so many times that I just want to "lose" it with different people who don't give a rat's behind that we're sitting in a doctor's office waiting for 2 hours, when I don't know how much time my mom has left & she could be out enjoying some beautiful fresh air, or her grandchild playing, or like tonight when we sat in Emergency for 2 hours since some unconcerned ding bat hospital employee didn't get the right message to the right person & who suffered, we did! But did I rip her hair out of her head (like I was envisioning myself doing) ~ NO! That's because I'm trying to be as polite to people as I can.

No one knows the darkness I carry in my heart right now because I feel it is important to be polite to people. Everyone has feelings. SO my dear, when you come up to one of those nasty people, perhaps you can find it in your heart to see that maybe their world is turned upside down over some personal tragedy & they're doing the best they can. If that's not the case, then punch them in the face (only in your imagination of course) & move on! Oh boy....thanks for letting me vent tonight girlfriend!

 

[Pop Daddy]

my wife married one

 

[crazymomof4]

Originally posted by Beauty
when you try over and over again to be nice and it just doesn't seem to work do you just give it up?

....I just think okay if I keep being nice maybe I'll grow on them...LOL! Yeah right...LOL!

I'm no psychologist but here's my take on it: All of the people that I know that are like this had disfunctional childhoods in one way or another. They have a lot of emotional "baggage". I think they put up a front of superiority to cover up deepseated feelings of inferiority. (Way back in HS, I did a psychology paper on "Superiority Complex vs Inferiority Complex".) All of their lives they put others down in an effort to feel better about themselves. Knowing (or thinking) this has helped me to tolerate these people in my life. To some extent, I feel sorry for them but I will not frustrate myself by constantly trying to get their approval. I tryed this w/ my SIL and it was always 1 step forward and 2 steps backward. The steps backward were hurtful and hard to take. I have plenty of good friends who like me and I like them and we accept each other and support one another, flaws and all, . So I surround myself with these people. The "nasty" people in my life need more therapy to get over their personality disorder, than I can give them. I just act myself around them and realize that if they disapprove of anything I say or do, it really is their problem. Since they disapprove of MOST people, I'm in good company!

If MOST people like you the way you are then just keep acting that way around "the nasties" and they can take it or leave it. Trying too hard will just frustrate you. I used to feel like I was walking on eggshells with my SIL. I still feel a little nervous around her but since I've come to the above conclusion, it's not as bad.
Hope this helps!

 

[crazymomof4]

Tried to delete a duplicate post, couldn't so I just deleted the text and replace it with this.
I'm tired and need to go to bed. Good night all!

 

[KathyTX]

The mean and nasty people I can ignore or confront.

It's the ones who whine and complain constantly who REALLY wear me down...

 

[Beauty]

Kathy do you know my son?

Uggh whine and complain all the time! I'm hoping its a stage hes going through and will get over soon.

Thankfully I don't know many adults who whine and complain....well my grandmother but at 87 she deserves to complain.