Do you punish for bad grades?

[MELSMICE]

I just read a few threads about punishment, etc. for different things, one being bad grades.

Do you (or did you) punish for bad grades? We never did. For our kids, the bad grade was just about punishment enough.

We expected a lot from DD's all throughout their school years (& still do when they're in college). They all did very well but one DD, specifically, could really bomb a test or a paper at times.

In the majority of cases (although not all) it was because she didn't understand the material & needed extra help. We would sit down with her & explain that it was her responsibility to get the extra help or the outcome would continue to be the same. If she chose not to get the help that was available then she would be the one to suffer the consequences of not getting the grade that she wanted.

If there was a bad grade because they just didn't try or care about it, there still wasn't a punishment, but there was a serious sit down about the importance of an education & how we do the things we "have to" first (& do them the right way) & then we play later.

We always told our kids if you stay on task, use good time management & stay on top of things that you'll have lots of time for fun & play.

Anyway, after all that, we never punished for a bad grade. They are all doing very well in college!

 

[punkin]

I just read a few threads about punishment, etc. for different things, one being bad grades.

Do you (or did you) punish for bad grades? We never did. For our kids, the bad grade was just about punishment enough.

We expected a lot from DD's all throughout their school years (& still do when they're in college). They all did very well but one DD, specifically, could really bomb a test or a paper at times.

In the majority of cases (although not all) it was because she didn't understand the material & needed extra help. We would sit down with her & explain that it was her responsibility to get the extra help or the outcome would continue to be the same. If she chose not to get the help that was available then she would be the one to suffer the consequences of not getting the grade that she wanted.

If there was a bad grade because they just didn't try or care about it, there still wasn't a punishment, but there was a serious sit down about the importance of an education & how we do the things we "have to" first (& do them the right way) & then we play later.

We always told our kids if you stay on task, use good time management & stay on top of things that you'll have lots of time for fun & play.

Anyway, after all that, we never punished for a bad grade. They are all doing very well in college!

I completely agree. The bad grade is it's own punishment. I have two very competitive girls. After they bomb a test (and it happens to everyone), I am too busy dealing with hysterics to punish them.

One is now in her first year in college, and she tells me she is doing well. We will see when the grades come in.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

We're not there yet, but my parents never punished us for the occasional screw-up. I think my brother and I punished ourselves enough.

However, if failing grades became a routine thing, then yes, some course of action (limiting extra-curriculars, phone/TV/internet time) would be in order. If it continued, there would need to be major discussions due to find out the root of the problem.

 

[Scurvy]

We punish for zeros. If our son doesn't do an assignment he's punished for that. Otherwise, we don't exactly punish for bad grades. We really reward for good grades. Our son earns things - extra game and TV time, later bedtimes, etc - with good grades. Normally his grades are very good so I'm sure all those extras do start to seem like the norm to him. If he brings home a bad report card he loses some of those extras until the grades come back up. I'm sure to him it probably seems like a punishment.

 

[punkin]

We're not there yet, but my parents never punished us for the occasional screw-up. I think my brother and I punished ourselves enough.

However, if failing grades became a routine thing, then yes, some course of action (limiting extra-curriculars, phone/TV/internet time) would be in order. If it continued, there would need to be major discussions due to find out the root of the problem.

I agree that this should be done, but I would not consider it a punishment. If my child was failing, I would think that my child obviously needs more time to study, so I would limit distractions and sit with her to help her until her grades improved.

I have a corollary question. What do you consider "bad" grades? I am perfectly happy with a mix of As and Bs with a few Cs thrown in. I know some parents who throw a fit over a B.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yes, we have punished for bad grades once but the expectations were set up ahead of time and the consequences were clearly spelled out.
Oldest dd went through a rebellion phase with middle school and I punished her for an entire quarter.

But it was not just "bad grades" she was not turning in her work or even doing her work to begin with. We policed her, I would not let her ride the bus, and she had to do homework afterschool whether she had homework or not. We tediously went through her homework, schedules, etc....

After the quarter was almost up she begged for forgiveness and agreed to become responsible for her homework and other stuff. Plus she wanted to RIDE the bus again. She was so mad about that. (Part of picking her up from school was daily locker checks and going through her homework BEFORE we left the school.)

It was torture but it had to be done. Never had a problem again. That was the only time we "punished".

Most of the time we helped her, got her tutors, etc. However those were true issues with material.

 

[golfgal]

It depends on the reason for the bad grade, like if they didn't study for the test like they should have or it was habitual. Our oldest would go through waves where he wouldn't study at all, and his grades reflected it. He would then lose privileges until his grades were up. If they bombed a test because they just didn't do well on the test, no.

 

[golfgal]

I agree that this should be done, but I would not consider it a punishment. If my child was failing, I would think that my child obviously needs more time to study, so I would limit distractions and sit with her to help her until her grades improved.

I have a corollary question. What do you consider "bad" grades? I am perfectly happy with a mix of As and Bs with a few Cs thrown in. I know some parents who throw a fit over a B.

Good grades are what a child is capable of achieving. For some kids the best they can do is a C and if they get all C's, great. All three of our kids are capable, while little effort, of being straight A students so anything less then that isn't good. DS18 put in less then a little effort and his grades reflected that. The twins both have 3.9 GPA's because they care a little more about school then our oldest.

 

[daughtersrus]

I just read a few threads about punishment, etc. for different things, one being bad grades.

Do you (or did you) punish for bad grades? We never did. For our kids, the bad grade was just about punishment enough.

We expected a lot from DD's all throughout their school years (& still do when they're in college). They all did very well but one DD, specifically, could really bomb a test or a paper at times.

In the majority of cases (although not all) it was because she didn't understand the material & needed extra help. We would sit down with her & explain that it was her responsibility to get the extra help or the outcome would continue to be the same. If she chose not to get the help that was available then she would be the one to suffer the consequences of not getting the grade that she wanted.

If there was a bad grade because they just didn't try or care about it, there still wasn't a punishment, but there was a serious sit down about the importance of an education & how we do the things we "have to" first (& do them the right way) & then we play later.

We always told our kids if you stay on task, use good time management & stay on top of things that you'll have lots of time for fun & play.

Anyway, after all that, we never punished for a bad grade. They are all doing very well in college!

My kids are past this. One graduated college last Dec, the second one is a junior in college and my last one is a special needs student.


The older girls were very good students. The only time that they would have been punished would be if we knew that they didn't try their hardest. For example, if they had a project that was given out weeks ahead of time but they waited to the night before to start and got a bad grade (only happened once to each of them). As long as they tried their hardest, that was all that we could ask for.

For someone that has a student that isn't motivated by good grades or one that doesn't want to be in school, I can see where it could be an ongoing problem. DD#1 deals with that now that she's teaching.

 

[Molliday]

I only have, if I know it's because they didn't study, or forgot to bring home homework assignments, etc.

If it was something that they struggled with, then no... what's the point? We just work harder to master it.

 

[PrincessDana]

Yes, I would punish for bad "report card" grades.

My daughter (sophomore) is absolutely capable of getting 90% or above in each subject (even honors classes) as her overall 9-week or semester grade. She knows that if she brings home less than that (on a report card) she will be punished.

However, I don't micromanage her grades. If she bombs a test or doesn't give herself enough time to finish a project, she knows she has to do extra-well on other tests/quizes. And I let her manage that herself.

I only look at the overall 9-week report card grade. They had "progress reports" halfway during the initial 9-week grading period and she had a 79 average in honors geometry...by the time the actual "report card" grade rolled around, she had brought it up to a 93.

If I ever saw her actually struggling in a class then I would lower my standards...but so far, not too much struggling on her part. She has to study, but she's certainly not killing herself, lol.

 

[Pigeon]

My kids generally get very good grades. But, if we see that they've dumped a test or assignment, we make sure that they are spending an adequate amount of time on their work. That may mean that they can't participate in some social activities. It's not a punishment (although they may perceive it that way).

 

[happygirl]

If I feel my kids are trying their best, then no, If I feel they are slacking off and not doing what they are capable of then Yes I do

 

[punkin]

Yes, I would punish for bad "report card" grades.

My daughter (sophomore) is absolutely capable of getting 90% or above in each subject (even honors classes) as her overall 9-week or semester grade. She knows that if she brings home less than that (on a report card) she will be punished.

However, I don't micromanage her grades. If she bombs a test or doesn't give herself enough time to finish a project, she knows she has to do extra-well on other tests/quizes. And I let her manage that herself.

I only look at the overall 9-week report card grade. They had "progress reports" halfway during the initial 9-week grading period and she had a 79 average in honors geometry...by the time the actual "report card" grade rolled around, she had brought it up to a 93.

If I ever saw her actually struggling in a class then I would lower my standards...but so far, not too much struggling on her part. She has to study, but she's certainly not killing herself, lol.

See I find this strange (but I know a lot of parents who agree with you so maybe I'm the strange one). My kids are also capable of straight As, but I would never punish them for not achieving them consistently. There are always other factors.

 

[Christine]

I punish for bad grades due to lack of effort (or as another posted mentiong "for zeros). I can see if my son's grade is due to missed assignments, careless homework, etc. If that is the case, he will lose his weekend X-Box privledges (already doesn't play during the week) and I may cut his weeknight TV or computer priveledges until he takes his assignments more seriously.

 

[Mama-san]

My kids are still pretty young (9 & 11) and get mostly good grades. When they do bring home a lower grade paper, I make sure to do some extra studying with them. This is usually incentive enough for them study on their own."Do we need to study?" - "No, no, I'm good!".

As they get older with more and indepth studies, I can see restricting internet/tv, etc. usage for more study time if their grades aren't cutting it. I wouldn't classify this as punishment, either.

 

[MELSMICE]

I agree that this should be done, but I would not consider it a punishment. If my child was failing, I would think that my child obviously needs more time to study, so I would limit distractions and sit with her to help her until her grades improved.

I have a corollary question. What do you consider "bad" grades? I am perfectly happy with a mix of As and Bs with a few Cs thrown in. I know some parents who throw a fit over a B.

I am also happy with a mix of A's, B's & a few C's, although I would hope that the C's are few & far between.

See I find this strange (but I know a lot of parents who agree with you so maybe I'm the strange one). My kids are also capable of straight As, but I would never punish them for not achieving them consistently. There are always other factors.

Same here.

My DD's were all capable of A's, especially two of them, but occasionally they didn't get that A. I wouldn't punish for that. Maybe the didn't understand something completely, maybe they were not feeling well & just didn't do well on a test that day. There could be many factors.

We have said to our DD's many times that before they could go & do something (ie. socializing on the weekend) all homework had to be completed. I don't think that's considered punishment, but they knew that they couldn't do what they wanted until the homework was complete.

I guess, as with everything, nothing is every written in stone. Sometimes bad grades reflect other issues & there could be a punishment which encompasses a lot of things, including the grades.

 

[indimom]

In a manner of speaking, yes. My kids are old enough to manage their schoolwork on their own (for the most part), but if the grades start to slip, they will be warned that maybe mom and dad need to take a more active role in overseeing homework and studying for tests.
They would prefer to do it themselves, so this would be a "punishment" to some extent. Both of my children are fully capable of making As, so we are not pleased with grades less than a B. On occasion, they are going to make mistakes or misunderstand the directions, but repeated Bs would show they just are not putting the effort in. We would then take over monitoring how much effort is being expended.

 

[ameraumi]

We do punish for failing grades on the report card.

We have Powerschool available for us to see their daily grades. If we see missing assignments or incomplete assignments then we will have a talk with the kids about them. But they all know we want them to try their best and sometimes that is a C. DS has a habit of not turning in work and slacking off, so I warned him at midterm if he had any F's then he would lose his cell phone and will only be allowed to drive to school and back home. He had 2 F's and knew what was going to happen.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

I've tried very hard to let my girls know that I would NEVER punish them for a bad grade, as long as they did their best.

Both my girls are pretty self-motivated, and really want to succeed. A month ago, I asked my DD in 7th grade about a pre-algebra test that she got an 84% on (only to find out if there was anything I could help her with). She burst into tears and sobbed that she had run out of time, and had misunderstood a major question which was worth a few marks. I hate that she puts that much pressure on herself, and wish that she'd take her grades a little less seriously.

I'm sure I'd feel differently if my girls were not handing in assignments. I could see maybe punishing for zeros...but my priority would be to first try to figure out why they were happening in the first place.