Do you punish for bad grades?

[sunlver]

Do you punish for bad grades? I mean if you know your child has had good grades in the past, and can handle school well..I know there are some children who do have learning problems and will never be A students. I am not talking about those children?

My oldest is 15, and a sophmore in highschool. He has always been a smart kid, not straigh A's, but a smart kid. His last report card he ended up with 2 D's. One was in Spanish 3 and the other in Honors English.. Is he capable of getting better? I do think he is capable of doing better, he has in the past. He chose these classes, but they require a little more work then in the past years. Part of it was my fault. He would come home and tell me he did his homework in school(He has studyhall each day)and then I would give him time to hangout with friends. Even during hangout times, he only was allowed two hours(on school days).

So for punsihment, he got his cell phone taken away as well as computer/internet. Now, he is allowed to use computer for school papers. We told him that when next report card comes in and if we see no D's then he will get those two things back. Of course he was mad when we took his lifeline away, his phone and texting power. He doesn't understand that other kids get D's and there is no consquences(that he sees).

I have noticed he is doing more homework and studying more since he is on restriction.

I dont think my punishment is horrible.
What do you other parents do when older kids get bad grades?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Well my 7th grader has her computer taken away right now.

You know, I provide my kids with everything they need and I expect honesty and respect. If you lie to me expect consequences.

My dd asked when she could have her computer back. My response is you have to get thru 3 quarter without a zero.

I have a freshman in college and her "punishment" right now is we are not allowing her to go to TX to visit BF or vice versa. I will spare you the laundry list.

 

[sunlver]

Well my 7th grader has her computer taken away right now.

You know, I provide my kids with everything they need and I expect honesty and respect. If you lie to me expect consequences.

My dd asked when she could have her computer back. My response is you have to get thru 3 quarter without a zero.

I have a freshman in college and her "punishment" right now is we are not allowing her to go to TX to visit BF or vice versa. I will spare you the laundry list.

Ok then..as long as Im not the only one

 

[MELISAZACK]

Oh YES! my DS 6th grade honor student - has ADHD badly but seems pretty controled w/meds... some issue still but nothing that he doesn' appear to be able to handle. at our school we have "live" online grades Parents can see them 24/7 and teachers update that same..
Well even though he gets stright A's if he chooses not to do a homework assignment or something you get a "f" for that grade... Well you get punished might be for 2 days might be longer.. he argues but I still have an A so why ..
my point you have homework you have to do it.. not doing it regardless if your grade doesn't fall doesn't make it ok..

 

[DISNEY1975]

I have a sophomore too who is not doing to swift in Spanish. He went from straight A's last year to a D his first quarter. What surprised me was that the comments were all decent. Nothing about missing homework or not enough effort. My son told me he is failing tests because the teacher is going to fast.

I spoke to the guidance counselor to see if there was a lower level he could do and was told several parents had called about the same thing. You may want to call and ask what could be done..changing classes, extra credit etc.. I dont think taking a phone or computer away will make them study harder. They will just find something else to do.

I have an every day rule in my house that from 6:30 - 8 is homework time. If you finish early, there are lots of chores to do around the house!!!

 

[java]

Ah yes I hear you. I too have a 15 year old son whose grades took a dive with the addition of a girlfriend this year.
His punishment has been loss of phone and internet(just like you did) and I won't drive them or give them $$$ to go out until the grades come back up.

He is doing fine on tests- it's handing the rest of the stuff in. So I am hoping with more time on his hands he'll be able to hand stuff in.

I put it all in his court by saying this is all a result of your grades. Get them up and I will start allowing you access to some of your things.

 

[Chelley00]

It depends on the reason for the grade. DS14 has a habit of doing the work, but not turning it in. If his grades slip for that reason, the cell phone, computer, XBOX will go for either a set amount of time, or until the grades go back up. If I see him geniunely trying and he's just having a hard time with something, we'll let him slide a little. I try to be fair, but I don't want him slacking either.

 

[NotUrsula]

I punish for zeroes. I don't expect him to be brilliant, but I do expect him to try. Getting a zero means that you blew off work, and yes, when that happens he pays big time.

 

[mla1977]

I think your response was appropriate, but maybe not for the whole quarter. I don't think it was your fault that his grades slipped. He's a sophomore, you don't need to be standing over him checking every assignment. You asked him if he completed him homework and he lied to you about it.

My boyfriend's 13 year old brother lives with us (his dad too, but his dad needs some serious parenting classes) and he was lying about homework, and putting whiteout over messages that his teachers had written in his homework book. Now his Xbox time is limited and he has to earn bonus time back with good grades. (I personally would have limited him years ago before he got into middle school but I'm not the parent!)

 

[MerMom60_94]

I have mixed feelings on this. I guess, as Disney1975 said, sometimes it pays to look below the surface to see if there is something else going on. My DH tends to want to punish first and ask questions later. Last year, though, my DD struggled with an advanced level algebra class. She started off the year fine but lost ground as the year went on. On her last semester mid-term report she was down to a D-. My DH was off the wall about it. What he didn't step back to consider is that both our fathers had died recently and both deaths involved a few months of us spending time at the hospital and helping our mothers out. Not only were we grieving but she was as well, since she was close to both Grandfathers. When his father was sick, my DD was hesitant to ask for extra help or stay after school even though the teacher was making herself available because she knew DH wasn't available to pick her up because he was at the hospital. Algebra is progressive so once she became lost it was difficult for her to catch up with the class. I really think he needed to take a step back and understand what was behind the drop in grades and work at helping her to resolve the issues. I could see DD trying and so could the teacher and punishing her wasn't going to get at the root of the issue or solve what was going on. This isn't to say there aren't situations that call for punishment, but I would take a step back and look at the bigger picture, including the abilities of the teacher (is the whole class struggling?) and other environmental factors. It could well be that texting and the computer are the main issues, I would just not jump to that conclusion right away.

 

[Darcy03231]

I do as DS is finding out. I've been telling him for two years that if the grades don't come up, no drivers ed and no car. He turned 16 in October and has to have a full semester of decent grades (no D's or F's) before I'll pay for driver's ed and a full year of full grades before I buy a car for him. Last quarter he made the honor roll

 

[happygirl]

If my child is trying there hardest then NO. If they are just goofing off then yes

 

[dejr_8]

If my child is trying there hardest then NO. If they are just goofing off then yes

I agree. You don't punish for bad grades. You punish for poor effort.

 

[Mom21]

If my child is trying there hardest then NO. If they are just goofing off then yes

Ditto. Although we officially homeschool my dd takes classes at a place for Chemistry, Algebra 2, English this year. If she studies and does poorly I just try and get her extra help. If she doesn't study and makes poor grades then tough. She loses her phone. Simple. Although she is only 12, she wanted to take these classes and has the ability. So I tell her if I paid, then her job is to study (she never studies). As long as she has good grades I don't push it. Once she gets a bad grade if I know she hasn't studied then she better watch out for mommy. Basically my job is to pay; hers is to work.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I'm on the fence.I homeschool, so grades are not required. But my child gets in trouble for applying no effort if that makes sense.

I had 1 C in my high school career and while my parents were disappointed, they oddly did not punish me. But I was also extremely self-motivated to not have that class beat me. It was a Jr. English class and it kicked my butt on lit. analysis. My goal was to get an "A" on a paper.

A punishment would have defeated me--in ways that I cannot explain. But for some reason, I made it my own battle to win and I did. Paper by paper, I would improve by a half grade over the prior one. (It was like it went up 5 points every time.) My final paper, I did get an A and I avg'd a B in the second semester and I think a very low B, but a B for the entire year.

I probably did not get punished b/c I was trying although I'm sure that my mom made sure my step-dad did not have a say.

 

[lovin diz]

I have mixed feelings about this. I am in the boat of punish for no effort not necessarly the bad grades.

DD was very sick in elementary school. She missed so many days of school, you couldnt imagine. We held her back one year, but she missed so much. She skimmed by with all D's.

Now that she has overcome her illness, last year, she made C's and D's (which was an improvment)

This year, she is making mostly A's, and B's, and In math (the class she struggles most in is boarderline C/D.

I dont punish her for her grades, i can see a definate improvement; however, she has been punished for not trying, or wanting to talk on the phone before we get home, then at night complaining b/c she is "overwhelmed."

 

[VickiVM]

Yes - we do punish for bad grades because all 3 of our kids are capable of A/B performance. My 15 yr old is also struggling, but has poor time management skills and quite frankly, every year at this time of year grades slip. He has a birthday next Monday and holidays right around the corner, but I think in his mind, he is already on holiday.

Right now he has low C's in both Spanish II and Algebra II which may cost him his Drivers Ed next spring which prolongs his getting his license. You would think that in itself would be motivation enough.

Negative consequences are natural part of negative actions...They have to learn this (and believe me, they'll get through it and will be preaching the same thing to their kids when they are our age).

 

[luvmy3]

Yes

 

[pearlieq]

In most situations I don't think there's any excuse for a final semester grade of D or F, and so I think they are punishable. Unless the teacher is a total crackpot, a student who shows appropriate effort and turns in all homework should walk away with at least a C.

D or F grades (in a class with a reasonable distribution of weight between homework and tests--see note about crackpots above) are for student who don't give an acceptable effort. A kid who gets a D for the semester isn't turning homework, is spacing out in class, and/or is failing tests without making any effort to fix the problem.

If a kid fails the first test or two, it should be an alert for everyone to figure out what the problem is. They get the kid extra help, the kid studies more, and even if they just pull off a C on the rest of the tests, as long as they have turned all of their homework and participated in class they should still be able to pull of a C for the semester.

 

[NewCrew42]

I agree. You don't punish for bad grades. You punish for poor effort.

DS managed to make a 40% on a Biology exam last 9 weeks. Which brought his overall grade down. A lot.

His punishment has been very much like OPs punishment. The length is until his semester grade has been brought back up to an A, which meant the ENTIRE second 9 weeks.

He told me that I didn't love him. We are the only parents that punish for stuff like this. Other kids make bad grades, and don't get punished. And on and on.

So, I talked to other parents. Their kids get punished too. I asked the teacher how many grades of "F" she had on any exams in Honors Biology for the 9 weeks. The answer was 1, and it belonged to my DS. So I informed DS of my research.

He has a 97% this 9 weeks in Biology.

The punishment was all about the lack of effort!!!

To whom much is given, much is expected.