Do you let your adult son/daughter sleep with their bf/gf under your roof?

[poohandwendy]

That said, if DD is living with some guy (out of my house/over 18) and they come for a visit, they can share a room.

I think that is what makes the difference for me, whether or not the adult child is independent or not.

Flame me all you want, but there is a part of me that doesn't want it THAT comfy when they are at the point of leaving the nest, but still sucking off the umbilical cord. It leaves too much room for staying in a part kid/part adult limbo, IMO. If they are on their own, they have earned the right to make all of their own decisions and live however they want. I want them to want that sort of independence, so I don't make living at home something that comes with every freedom that being independent does. If that makes any sense.

 

[PghLybrt]

I’m sorry, but as parents if you are uncomfortable with your adult children sharing a room with their significant other than how are you ever going to visit them in there own home? What if they decide marriage is not for them and never get married they just live together? After 18 and financially independent it is their life.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

nope i won't allow it. My parents didn't either.
I agree with their house, their rules!

 

[minnieandme]

I've witnessed a similar situation this weekend. I went to my uncle's house and his step daughter had her boyfriend there and they was sleeping in the same room. I was very surprised and wondered have times changed that much in the last 10 years. When my DS's get older, they will sleep in separate rooms unless they're married.

 

[GeorgeG]

In my case, it would only be for visits and, in descending order:

Daughter #1 is 41 so not a problem
Daughter #2 is 39 a problem only because her boyfriend is scum
Son is 35 and is not a problem
Grandson #1 is 22 and not a problem since they are married
Granddaughter is 18 and would be a problem at this time
Grandson #2 is 6 and definitely not a problem

Other guests under, say 21, would have to sleep apart or get a room at a hotel.

I think that's fair.

 

[Keli]

I’m sorry, but as parents if you are uncomfortable with your adult children sharing a room with their significant other than how are you ever going to visit them in there own home? What if they decide marriage is not for them and never get married they just live together? After 18 and financially independent it is their life.

If I were uncomfortable staying at my dd's home, for any reason, then I would just get a nearby hotel room when I visited. Actually that is likely to be what I do anyway since I will want some space and privacy myself.

 

[Tybug]

I don't have a problem with it. Our college aged DD and her BF are living with us for the summer and they are sharing a room.

 

[Skywalker]

I wouldn't allow it.

When I was engaged to my husband we always stayed in separate rooms at my parents place. I would expect the same from my children until they are married. What they do on their own time, I can't control, but I can control what happens in my own house.

 

[nephthys43]

What if they decide marriage is not for them and never get married they just live together? After 18 and financially independent it is their life.

exactly. what if they can't get married (ie same sex partner)? why do they have to be married for it to be okay. if i'm with someone for years and years and years, it should count toward something.

 

[momof1princess]

i feel the same as skywalker. i can't control what my DD (she's 9 now) does outside my home, but while she's here, i would expect her to respect my wishes. my DH would be VERY uncomfortable w/ a young man, no matter how great we think he is, sleeping with our daughter under our roof if they weren't married.

 

[Hixski]

DH and I want to Florida when we were engaged. We were 25 at the time and out on our own. My mother was so worried because we were not getting 2 hotel rooms. Sure Mom, I would love to shell out the money for 2 hotel rooms just so YOU feel more comfortable. Needless to say we got 1 room and you know the answer about sleeping together at their home.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I do not have an issue with it, unless we are talking under 21.

After that...eh...not an issue unless it is a stranger off the street or someone I don't know well.
If my dd's are living together with someone then I think it is silly to expect them to sleep apart.
Anyway...that is...jmho.

Of course I am not against living together before marriage, so that may have something to do with it.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

No, I wouldn't. My house, my rules.

 

[PghLybrt]

exactly. what if they can't get married (ie same sex partner)? why do they have to be married for it to be okay. if i'm with someone for years and years and years, it should count toward something.

I am with you. What about when I am 60 and still not married? Can you imagine my girlfriend at 60 having to sleep on the couch when visiting my 79 year old mother?

 

[Lisa_M]

I’m sorry, but as parents if you are uncomfortable with your adult children sharing a room with their significant other than how are you ever going to visit them in there own home? What if they decide marriage is not for them and never get married they just live together? After 18 and financially independent it is their life.

That is exactly how my IL's were. DH and I were engaged and living together out of state. They never came to visit us in our apartment because we were "living in sin" and his mom had no qualms about telling me that. When we went there to visit, I had to sleep in a different room or the couch. Now that we are married we can sleep on the sofabed together.

Just because two people sleep in the same bed together doesn't mean they are going to have sex.

 

[Buckalew11]

No way, no how! My dd knows how her father and I feel about premarital sex and we would expect her to respect our wishes when she's living or visiting our home.
Although it sounds like your mom's vacation is altogether different situation. Actually it sounds like she doesn't have the room for the number of people she invites. If I went on that trip I'd be getting my own hotel room and just spending some time with them during the day.

agree. It would have never flown with my parents either.

 

[LisaNJ25]

At almost 30.. no problem at all.. As long as he wasnt someone you just picked up lol..


Now at 17... nope.. I dont want to end up a young grandma

 

[wvjules]

Sleeping together under mom and dad's roof doesn't automatically mean they're having sex that night. I'd be weirded out having sex in my parents house while they were home.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

exactly. what if they can't get married (ie same sex partner)? why do they have to be married for it to be okay. if i'm with someone for years and years and years, it should count toward something.

That would never be an issue. I wouldn't even be allowed in her house in that case.

She's very religious.

 

[SC Minnie]

When DH and I were dating I went on vacation with his family (we got engaged the next week). We slept in separate rooms. That Christmas while we were engaged I spent the holiday with his family and we stayed with his mother and father. We slept in separate rooms. It was never really discussed. When I got there I was told which room I would be staying in and Dh was shown his room. I was 23 and he was 37.

We didn't live together before getting married. If we had it may have been a different situation. Not sure.