Do you let your adult son/daughter sleep with their bf/gf under your roof?

[chobie]

Of course I would. I lived with my husband for 2 years before we got married and both our parents let us sleep together in their houses. It's just not a big deal in our families. Now, If I really did not like the boyfriend or girlfriend that might be a different subject... Not to mention it would be hypocritical considering I have a gay brother and lesbian sister who both have slept in my house with their SO without a legal contract.

 

[LadyBears]

Yes, I would.


Now to throw a curve on the question:

What about a case of a 16 (girl) & 18 (boy) y/o unmarried couple who have a child together but mom & baby still live with her parents? Would that change any opinions or would you still insist on them being in separate rooms?? Just curious as this is the topic for a friend of mine who is thinking about going on vacation....

 

[darlak]

No...not on my watch. I believe that she's already having sex with him. The wedding is in September. He went to WDW with us last year and shared a room with my DS. DD has been on beach trips with DB and his family and I made it clear to his mother that I expected her not to allow it to happen on her watch either. Matters not that DD is 20. She still lives at home and her father and I still support her, which entitles us to still make the rules. Luckily, DB's parents feel the same way.

 

[Planogirl]

If DS is on his own and has a girlfriend I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't like it if he is still at home though because it would just feel strange.

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

I have been with my BF for over 5 years and we don't sleep in the same bed on the very few occassions he has slept over my house or my aunt's house. I respect what will make my mother feel comfortable.

I am against pre-committment sex, not necessarily premarital sex. It is a very sacred act to me, not a skill to be tested. There are couples who have been together for a very long time and are in a loving monogamous relationship. The committment doesn't happen at the wedding, it happens before that. Some people have to wait to marry for monetary reasons or for career reasons and in most states homosexuals cannot marry yet. So, I think that would be the deciding factor for me. I would not allow a teen's BF or GF to sleep in the same bed. Nor would I allow an adult to sleep with short term BF or GF under my roof. However, my child had been with someone for a long time and I knew he/she loved that person, I would be fine with it.

Look at Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. They're not married, but theirs certainly seems to be a more solid relationship than the 24 hour marriage of Britney Spears! I don't think marriage is the indicator I would check for, before allowing my child to share a bed under my roof. I'd be looking for love and committment. While ideally that comes along with marriage, there are many reasons I can see that shows that it's not always that black and white.

 

[barkley]

have to share-

my parents def. did not allow sharing of beds/room with any bf/gf until after marriage. i knew this, no problem-did'nt know though how EXTREEM my mother's stance was on it until my mid 20's when we had what still has to be one of the strangest conversations in my life.

mom got hooked on 'oprah' and 'phil donahue' and all those talk shows-and you could tell whatever the topic of the day was by what the topic of conversation was that night at dinner. one night she starts asking me questions about why i was'nt dating much, had'nt been in a steady relationship for awhile...then the conversation takes a wierd turn where she starts asking what i am attracted to in a 'partner' (her word not mine)-and slowly it dawns on me that she's trying to determine if i am attracted to women. turns out that phil or oprah had a topic on how a parent while not approving of a child's gay lifestyle could behave in an accepting and supportive manner. i told mom i was'nt attracted to women, was'nt gay-and her response was that was fine, so long as i was happy-but to remember although she could be accepting and support should i decide to 'become' gay-that since the state did not permit gay couples to marry it was a foregone conclusion that myself and my 'life partner' (she loved to use the buzz words she heard on those shows ) could never share a bed in her home 'cuz if you are'nt married it aint gonna happen here'.

i still give her a bad time about those 'heart to hearts' the talk shows fueled-recently when gay marriages became legal in some states i asked if that meant if i decided to ditch dh and marry another woman we could share a bed in mom's home. her response-'if my house were in one of those states where you were legaly married-yes, if not-one of you would be on the sofa' i guess dh is safe for the immediate future (my mother has a crappy sofa i would'nt subject anyone to ).

 

[darlak]

I have been with my BF for over 5 years and we don't sleep in the same bed on the very few occassions he has slept over my house or my aunt's house. I respect what will make my mother feel comfortable.

I am against pre-committment sex, not necessarily premarital sex. It is a very sacred act to me, not a skill to be tested. There are couples who have been together for a very long time and are in a loving monogamous relationship. The committment doesn't happen at the wedding, it happens before that. Some people have to wait to marry for monetary reasons or for career reasons and in most states homosexuals cannot marry yet. So, I think that would be the deciding factor for me. I would not allow a teen's BF or GF to sleep in the same bed. Nor would I allow an adult to sleep with short term BF or GF under my roof. However, my child had been with someone for a long time and I knew he/she loved that person, I would be fine with it.

Look at Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. They're not married, but theirs certainly seems to be a more solid relationship than the 24 hour marriage of Britney Spears! I don't think marriage is the indicator I would check for, before allowing my child to share a bed under my roof. I'd be looking for love and committment. While ideally that comes along with marriage, there are many reasons I can see that shows that it's not always that black and white.

Very well said. If you were my child, I would be willing to sit down with you and discuss this issue.

 

[Acklander]

I agree with the "when in someone's house, you go by their rules" I would never want someone to feel uncomfortable in any way when I visit them. If it was important to me to sleep with the person I was traveling with, I'd just get a hotel room if it was going to make the other people uncomfortable. That being said, when my DS23 visits with his g/f and their baby I have no problem with them sleeping in the same room. When DS was 18 (1st year in college) and he invited his high school girlfriend along when we went on vacation (she was 16 or 17 at the time) I didn't have a problem with them sharing a room, but I double checked with her mom before the holiday to make sure she was OK with it first (she was fine with it, so we were fine with it) They had been dating for over a year and it wasn't a casual relationship for either one of them.

 

[Pop Daddy]

I would have to kill the poor boy

 

[mickeyfan2]

If you are 30 and went to sleep together than pay for a hotel room. In another person's home one must repect what they are comfortable with.

 

[salal]

OMG, what a bunch of prudes

The OP is nearly 30 and has a child and her Mommie won't let her BF sleep in same Bedroom with her?


We had a two bedroom beach house, both adult sons each had one of the queen beds in the second bedroom and one had his steady girlfriend in with him. I can't imagine them having a wild sex spree with brother in the bed 5 feet from them

 

[boomhauer]

My boys are still babies, but I don't think I'll be very strict when they turn 17 or 18 if they're still living at home. My mother used to give me a hard time about having my GF spend the night when I was 20 and still living at home. Who knows? I could turn into my mother in 18 years.

 

[auntpolly]

This is one of those questions that you can only say what the OP has asked -- what you would do. And if you have little ones or no kids at all, believe me, you don't know.

DD is in her early 20s and I would be fine with it but I'm pretty sure dh would not be. I think dd would probably know this ahead of time and not even try it, not wanting to upset him.

It's a personal decision and I wouldn't judge the personal decision of values of someone else.

 

[transparant]

Absolutely not. My oldest will turn 18 in one year. I still have small children and I do expect my older kids to set good examples for them. Thankfully they agree.

 

[RayaniFoxmur]

I probably will and my mom let me as well after I turned 18. But my mom lightened up a lot on me after I turned 18, even put condoms in my nightstand when a friend of mine spent the night (and not in the same room!).

But then again, I think that scared me at that point in my life.

 

[powellrj]

My DS came to me at Christmas time and asked if his DGF could spend the night at our house on Christmas Eve so they could be with us when we got up to open gifts and then go to her families house later.

I didn't have a problem with it, but my DM had a huge problem with it. They weren't even sleeping in the same bed, they were both going to be sleeping on our lazy boy sofa so they each had their own little lazy boy to sleep on. She wanted to come and get my 2 younger kids and save them from the corruption of their DB. I finally told her I really didn't think they were going to be too corrupted by the whole situation.

 

[SadieDog]

I would not have a probem with my adult children sharing a bed in my home or on vacation with their SO.

 

[Minnesota!]

Well my kids aren't adults yet, but I'm sure I won't have a problem with it when they are. I don't believe people need to wait to have sex until they are married, in fact, I'll probably encourage my kids to take the car for a test drive before buying it, so to speak. So no, this would not be a big deal for me.

OTOH, if someone is religious or strongly opposes premarital sex then I would respect their wishes in their home.

Agree 110%. My mom had a rule that dh (then bf) and I couldn't share a bed in her house (we started dating at 15 and she let him start staying over when we were 16). However, we could both sleep on the couch or the basement floor together. Just couldn't be in a BED. Um yeah - the lack of a mattress really stopped us

My kids significant others will be allowed to stay over.

 

[smartestnumber5]

Of course I would let them. But the real question is would I let my parents sleep in the same bed if they came to visit...because you know the thought of parents *aheming* .

My parents used to be squarely in the never category about this. My mom used to be against pre-marital sex and cohabitating before marriage when I was young. But she got much more liberal as she got older and as my brother and I pushed on her boundaries.

The first time GF and I ever stayed with them we'd been together a few months and I wasn't sure what they'd do about the sleeping arrangements. But they had set up an air mattress in the basement for us and expected us to sleep there together. Eventually they got a double bed for the basement so we didn't have to sleep on the air mattress. Unfortunately it's a really crappy bed and it hurts our backs to sleep on it; but we appreciated the gesture.

I guess it probably helped that we're a same-sex couple. I think they generally have taken a very hands off approach to our whole relationship--moving in together, finances, how serious it is. They pretty much never ask any questions about any of it which is very unlike Italian parents. I think they might be tip-toeing a little because they're afraid they'll offend us somehow (which they have in the past). And really, if we couldn't sleep in the same bed that would be a huge disincentive for going to visit them (which we already do only twice a year at most).

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yes, I would.


Now to throw a curve on the question:

What about a case of a 16 (girl) & 18 (boy) y/o unmarried couple who have a child together but mom & baby still live with her parents? Would that change any opinions or would you still insist on them being in separate rooms?? Just curious as this is the topic for a friend of mine who is thinking about going on vacation....

Even though the 16yo has a baby & baby daddy, she is a minor.
I would not take the 18yo baby daddy. If he wanted to come he needs to pay for his own room.
Anyway, that is jmho.